Bit: NOH THEATER Episode: 819- Invasion of the Neptune Men Transcription by Matthew Haught (mhaught@cei.net) with an assist by VinylBoy20@aol.com [SOL] Tom: Hello and... Crow and Tom: Konichiwa. Tom: Tonight we present a traditional Japanese Kabuki play. Translated to English, this ancient work is entitled, "Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys." Crow: Now, how many of you are familiar with Japanese theater? Anyone wanna... Tom: Anybody at all. Crow: ...field this one? Err uh... (Mike raises hand. Crow looks at Mike) Ah, yes sir! And do you enjoy Kabuki theater? Mike: Ah, actually I prefer Noh theater. Tom: Well, then why did you raise your hand? Mike: Because I like Noh theater. Noh plays are my favorite. Tom: So you don't like any theater at all? Mike (chuckles): No, let me explain. Noh theater is classic Japanese drama. Noh plays have been produced since the 13th century and Noh actors are revered, even today. Crow: But why are you dissing Japanese theater? What's your deal man? Mike: No, no wait a minute. Noh theater started in Japan. Tom: Ah, so now you tell us Japan doesn't have any theater whatsoever. Mike: They have lots of theater including Noh theater. Crow: So they have lots of theater and they have no theater. Mike: Exactly. Tom: What? Crow: No theater? Mike: Yes. Crow and Tom: What?! Mike: Noh theater. N-O-H. Tom: N-O-H huh? Crow: Geez. Tom: Well, there you just gone and shown what an idiot you are! Crow: Well, hey, I'll handle this Tom, calm down. Mike, I'm going to ask you a series of simple questions which even a cretin like you could answer yes or no. Now, is there a theater in Japan? Mike: Yes. Crow: Good! And do you have a particular favorite type of Japanese theater? Mike: Yes. Crow: Well good now we're gettin' somewhere. Mike, will you tell me the name of your favorite form of Japanese theater? Mike: Noh. Crow: Why not? Mike: Why not what? Crow: Why won't you tell me your favorite Japanese theater?! Mike: I just did! Crow: Did what?! Mike (exasperated): Told you my favorite form of Japanese theater. Crow: You did? Mike: Yes. Crow (angry): Well will you tell me again? Mike: Yes: Noh. Tom: Oh, come on! Crow: Mike, I'm gonna grab a stepladder so you can jump up my butt! Tom: May we do our little Kabuki play now? Crow: (Breathes "yeah") Mike: Go ahead, but remember- I like Noh theater more than I like Kabuki theater. Crow: I thought you didn't like Kabuki! Mike: I don't! Crow and Tom (crying): Aaah! Crow: Oh god! (Crow and Servo become apoplectic) Mike (to Cambot): You gotta mess with them every now and then. We'll be right back. Gypsy (who has been watching the whole thing, quietly): I get it Mike. [Cut] .