Bit: THE HORROR OF MIKE'S BATHING SUIT

Episode: 817- Horror Of Party Beach

Transcribed by Daniel Newton

[SOL]

(Crow and Servo are wearing short sleeve beach shirts. They are waiting for Mike to get changed.)

Tom: Wheeeeee!
Crow: (humming) Bom ba bom, bom bom.
Tom: Ha ha ha! (calling) Say, Mike, you ready for our manly beach dance?
Crow: Manly beach dance time, Mike! Heh heh!
Mike: (offstage) Uh yeah, well, these trunks you made me seem kind of small.
Tom: Oh, I'm sure they're fine!
Crow: Yeah!
Mike: No, they seem really small. Hold on, let me show ya. I'll just come out here.
Tom: Just be comfortable with your body.

(Mike enters, back to Cambot, in front of the bridge. He is shirtless;. We, of course, only see him from he waist up. The 'bots immediately avert their eyes.)

Crow and Tom: horrified) Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Crow: Well well well, then!
Mike: (indicating his suit): What do ya think, these are kind of small, then?
Tom: Mike, you're nude!
Crow: All nude! Yup!
Mike: No, no, I got 'em on, I just think they're really small. Especially when I dance. (He starts doing the twist. The 'bots look away in horror, again.)
Crow and Tom: (desperately) No no no, Mike! No!
Tom: Mike, are you sure you put 'em on?
Mike: No, they're on, they're just. . .
Crow: He is SO nude!
Tom: The tag's in back, and everything?
Mike: Oh, that's probably it. Hold on, let me look. (reaches behind his back, feeling for tag)
Tom: (embarrassed) Jeez!
Mike: (grunting) Unh, yep, there, the tag's in back. But I don't know, maybe it's the dancing. . . (twists again)
Crow and Tom: (repulsed): No! No! No!
Tom: Why don't you, why don't you just try a size up? We got some right here.
Crow: Yeah.
Mike: (picking one up): Oh, OK, why don't I just try these on. Maybe that's the problem.

(Mike turns to Cambot, holding up the "bigger" suit, about postage stamp-sized. The 'bots turn away again, viewing Mike's rear-view.)

Crow: Ohhhhh!
Tom: (nervously) Ah, ha ha ha ha!
Mike: Yeah, I think these are gonna be better. These are gonna work.
Crow: (begging him): Go! Go! Go!
Tom: (in anguish) No, no!
Mike: (turning back, facing the 'bots): Do you think the dancing. . . (twists again)
Crow: (looking away, pleading): Go a size up, Mike! Please!
Tom: Yes, we'll all feel more comfortable, Mike.
Crow: Jeez!
Mike: OK, I'll slip on these, and I'll show you these. (Mike leaves. 'Bots look after him, disgusted.)
Crow: And we'll be able to keep down our lunch!
Tom: Oh yes. Take it easy, Crow. (to Cambot) We'll be right back, everybody.
Crow: (shaking head): Part of me will never be back. Part of me is gone forever! Ohhhhh! (Servo laughs nervously.)

(Commercial sign.)

.