Bit: JOEL IS TURNED INTO ARCH HALL JR.
Episode: 506-Eegah!
(At open, Joel is in a device
with tiny plungers and hoses around his face. The bots are
dressed as surgeons)
Joel: Okay, guys.
I'm all set up in this thing. What was it for, agian? (Bots
sigh)
Tom: If you MUST
know, Joel, we're going to surgically alter your face so you
look just like Arch Hall Jr.
Joel
(confused): Wait a minute!
Who's Arch Hall Jr.?
Crow: You know!
Arch Hall Jr. The butt-ugly teen star from today's movie.
(Realizing who that is, Joel panics and tries to get out of
the device, with no success) Now this might hurt a bit.
Tom (calling
offstage): Oh, Dr. Gypsy!
The patient needs gas.
Gypsy (enters
wearing mask. In flowery voice): And how are we
today? Oh, what a nice big boy you are! (Joel falls asleep.
In regular voice) He's toast. See you guys post-op.
(exits)
Crow (looking
after her, lustfully): Grrrrrr!
Tom
(impatient): Ahem.
Crow: Ah, yes.
Let's get cracking Dr. Tom! Once the gas wears off, I don't
know how long those restraints'll hold.
Tom: Don't give
it another thought, Dr. Crow. By the time Joel comes to,
he'll have no recourse but to take up a career as a wimpy,
B-movie actor. (The bots laugh maniacally)
Tom: You know,
doctor, I have a mad posh to start with the Arch hair.
Crow: Switching
on Arch hair! (A blonde wigs plops onto Joel's head) Ah, and
it smells bad, too! Now, quickly, Dr. Tom, let's smoosh his
face up to look like a sunburnt baby! (plungers push Joel's
face)
Tom: Smooshed,
sunburnt baby, Arch Hall Jr. face coming up.
Crow: Hmm,
looking good, Dr. Tom, but he needs that inhuman-Play-Doh
color skin, but how?
Tom: Don't fret,
Dr. Crow! The pigment's on it's way. Watch! (colored liquid
drips down onto Joel's face)
Bots: (Yes,
Excellent, etc.)
Crow: The sleeper
awakens! (Joel starts to wake up) Hurry, he's almost
complete. I'll give him the Arch Hall nose and let's get the
hell outta here!
Tom: Yes, yes,
yes, yes. (A piece of glass on a stick comes down to smoosh
Joel's nose.)
Joel
(mumbling): I don't wanna
look like Arch Hall Jr.
Tom: Alas,
Babylon! Quick, Gypsy, hit him with the fixative! It's
almost...
Crow: It
is...
Tom: MOVIE
SIGN!!!
Crow: MALPRACTICE
SIGN!!!
(cut)
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