Bit: How Many Times a Woman? Episode 1004- Future War Transcribed by Chris Franzino [SOL] (Gypsy, Tom, and Mike are gathered around a computer as they watch Crow type.) Crow: (typing) Okay, 26 columns, enter... Mike: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the SOL. Uh, lately, Gypsy's been wondering if she's once, uh twice, maybe even three times a lady. Gypsy: As a woman, I'm naturally curious! Mike: Right. So Crow here came up with a spreadsheet program that will answer that very question. Crow: Okay, uh, using centered Diane Feinstein as a baseline... Tom: Since she is exactly one time a lady. Crow: Right. We enter Gypsy there... and... the answer is, you're 2.7 times a lady. Gypsy: Aww! Crow: Oh no, that's not bad! Sure, Winona is 3.3 times a lady. Tom: Woo-hoo! Crow: But Nina Totenberg is only 2 and a half! Tom: Yup. Crow: And Melissa Ethridge is... well,... pretty low. Gillian Anderson herself is only a 2.9! Gypsy: Wow! Crow: Yes say, look at this... It says that Mike here is eight times a lady! Tom: Wow! Mike: What? What am I even doing in there?! Tom: Wow! Crow: Let me take a look at you there, Mike. Ooh, yeah. I see it. I see it. Mike: Cut it out. We'll be right back. I'm no times a lady! Tom: Hey, what are you doing with your fine self on Saturday? Mike: I am not a lady. Not at all. Not even a little. {Commercials] (Crow, Mike, and Tom are standing behind the counter.) Tom: Mike, relax. Even being a hundred times a lady isn't a bad thing! Crow: You should know, you big woman. Tom: What's that supposed to mean, you giant lady? Crow: Why, I oughtta... [transcription ends here] .