List: Turkey Day episodes & bumpers

Jesse Lee Herndon created this comprehensive list of Turkey Day episodes and bumpers. All we can say is: wow!

1ST ANNUAL TURKEY DAY (November 28-29, 1991)

Midnight: Episode 206- Ring Of Terror. Dr. F. begins transmission to the people of Earth, announcing his plans of world domination by broadcasting 30 straight hours of his "low budget angst," MST3K experiments across the nation. Frank is just returning from the grocery store with some items to make for Thanksgiving dinner. He wants no real part in Dr. F.'s mad schemes, and is more worried about the guests to be arriving soon! Dr. F. doesn't let his assistant's lack of interest deter him from global conquest, he sends us our first experiment of the night, and then begins to recite memorable lines from it before Frank interrupts him requesting help with bringing stuff in from the mad scientist mobile.

2 a.m.: Episode 301- Cave Dwellers. Dr. F. sits at his terminal and awaits reports from his operatives in the field about the effects the first two hours have had on the nation. Frank continues to prepare for the Thanksgiving feast, criticizing Dr. F.'s attire, but he notes that when he's ruler of the world it won't matter what he's got on. Frank, unconvinced, goes to check on the bird.

4 a.m.: Episode 203- Jungle Goddess. Dr. F. finishes up playing a sinister tune on the keyboards, ready to have some fun by targeting "city of big shoulders" Chicago and San Francisco, and then slides into an extended Dennis Miller impression as Frank scuffles in the background locking up the cave and heading to bed. Frank kisses Dr. F. on his head, which prompts Dr. F. to act serious about sending us the next film in an attempt to brush it off, macho-like.

6 a.m.: Episode 202- The Sidehackers. Dr. F. practices his response for when the world asks him why he's beaming 30 hours of turkeys coast-to-coast, consisting of rants about being mad and really evil. Frank is not amused, complaining about having a cave to clean and a turkey to thaw all before their guests arrive. Dr. F. has bigger things to do, like force the country into submission by airing these cheesy movies all in a row! Frank rolls his eyes, unplugs Dr. F.'s terminal and begins vacuuming Deep 13. Dr. F. turns on a flashlight and prepares to destroy Kansas City with our next film.

8 a.m.: Episode 201- Rocketship X-M. Dr. F. is monitoring the terminal, expecting the plain states to experience intense pain and suffering any time now. Frank is busily dusting all over Dr. F's consol of evil, pondering whether or not to make giblet gravy. Which is more sick and twisted, Dr. F's talk of inflicting agony on Utah, or Frank deciding on making a meal of grinded up organ meat? Dr. F.--probably, though we can't be sure--misquotes Gertrude Stein ("Eat hot salty loads of lead death, you pasty faced morons!"), sends us the next movie and Frank sprays his arm and continues dusting.

10 a.m.: Episode 205- Rocket Attack USA. Sitting on the couch and away from the terminal for a change, Dr. F. is watching the Thanksgiving Day parade on TV. Frank is pleasantly surprised to see this, until Dr. F. pulls out a remote control device, pushes a button, and watches in delight ("Die, boy, die!") as the Underdog balloon explodes. This sends Frank into Hindenburg mode, devastated over the "humanity" of it. A cheerful Dr. F launches the next turkey for the public to endure.

Noon: Episode 306- Time Of The Apes. Into the 12th hour of the parade of pain, Frank gets his first guest of the day, affable A&E host Jack Perkins (or a reasonable facsimile)! Frank takes his coat and they hug in a warm embrace Jack wows Frank by mentioning he was at a wondrous Thanksgiving concert with Maya Angelou and others, but Dr. F. shuts him up. Jack lightens the mood by giving Dr. F. a dish Yams personally prepared by Karen Finley (ew!). As an appalled Dr. F. examines the concoction, Frank sends us something he thinks we'll really like!

2 p.m.: Episode 207- Wild Rebels. Jack helps Frank with the cooking, but also annoys him by not shutting up about everything, in "Time Machine" mode. Perkins goes to get the door, and compares the doorbell to the works of Beethoven. Coincidentally, Plant Guy (as seen reviewing classical music in show episode 309- The Amazing Colossal Man) arrives and the two hit it off. Dr. F., unimpressed, is ready to wipe out the Midwest with his next experiment.

4 p.m.: Episode 309- The Amazing Colossal Man. Dr. F. has his nose to the grindstone, working tirelessly to take over the world, but has to take a moment out to get the door. Gerry and Sylvia, the Mole People, arrive with a bucket of dirt.. Dr. F attempts some small talk, but Frank greets them warmly. Jack gives Clay a taste of his latest dish, but rambles off into his rich and illustrious life. Dr. F. shoves him into the kitchen and offers us a taste of his next movie.

6 p.m.: Episode 213- Godzilla Vs The Sea Monster. Dinnertime has arrived, and as Frank and his guests eat away, Jack and Plant Guy discuss Yo Yo Ma. Frank tries to tempt Dr. F. to the table and eat with them, but he declares that the marathon is at a critical hour. Frank makes him a plate of food anyway, as Dr. F. serves us "simpering fish-lipped halfwits" a slice of our next film

8 p.m.: Episode 303- Pod People. The Mole People and Plant Guy are in front of the TV ready to watch NBC's annual showing of "ET: The Extra Terrestrial." Dr. F. ruins their fun by changing the channel to Comedy Central, where they're showing the next movie in the his Turkey Day Marathon. Jack is planning on reading from Dylan Thomas' "A Child's Christmas In Wales" in the kitchen, and forced to choose, everyone rushes in to listen to him. Dr. F. then suggests that we spoil things for our friends and families by telling them that at the end of the movie, ET goes home (and in an aside to Steven Spielberg, he reveals that he's dating Amy Irving "and she's hot!"

10 p.m.: Episode 310- Fugitive Alien. Once again, Jack Perkins and Plant Guy are engaged in a tenuous chat about the works of upper class society, as Jack downs the sherries. Clayton tells Perkins to shut his fat gob or he'll cauterize his adenoids. Frank brings out the large selection of pies, as well as yogurt made by the Mole People out of mealworms and dirt. A tipsy Perkins wanders over to the camera and offers a few choice words to Linda Ellerbee until Dr. F takes him down with the cattle prod, and tells Frank to get rid of the guests before he does.

Midnight: Episode 204- Catalina Caper. The guests are finally piling out, Frank gives well wrapped food packed care packages to all. He then heads over to Dr. F.'s terminal, pleased about how the dinner went, but Dr. F. wants not thing more than to get back to the marathon! Frank tells Dr. F to relax and he'll send the next movie.

2 a.m.: Episode 307- Daddy-O. A weary Dr. F. slouches at his terminal, with Frank cleaning dishes nearby very happy about how wonderful the day was. But Dr. F. can't understand why he's beamed 26 hours of turkeys and not even Atlanta is burning by now. Frank offers his pal an apple, with the familiar question: "Want some?" Dr. F. smacks it out of his hand, inspiring him as to what next film to use!

4 a.m.: Episode 311- It Conquered The World. Frank, dusting the cave, notices Dr. F. has fallen asleep at his terminal. Frank takes pity on him and sends the final experiment, passionately hitting Dr. F. in the head while making his speech, waking him, right before Frank notices how stiff his hair is and begins playing with it ("He's an angel! He's a pixie!"). Mayhem ensues.

6 a.m. Closing bumper: Frank offers Dr. F. some leftovers, but the he's depressed over failing to rule Earth by airing 30 hours of his most diabolical experiments. Frank cheers him up, and Dr. F. gives in at last to the holiday mood, asking for some pumpkin pie. Frank has already turned that into a sandwich, but no matter, Dr. F will have mincemeat pie...but Frank made that into a shake. Dr. F. tells Frank to start running.

6 p.m.: Episode 415- The Beatniks. Dr. F. has Frank restrained in a high chair and forcing him to eat one whole turkey for every experiment we see. First up, a goatee & bowl cut haired turkey.

8 p.m.: Episode 322- Master Ninja I. This time it's a turkey in a ninja outfit.

10 p.m.: Episode 401- Space Travelers. Frank's next meal consists of space food bags, featuring freeze dried tang, cranberry sauce and giblets.

Midnight: Episode 208- Lost Continent. Frank thought the turkey was to be themed on plate tectonics, but instead gets a side dish of Caesar Romero Salad. What Frank thinks is an anchovy is actually a mustache.

2 a.m.: Episode 403- City Limits. The next turkey on Frank's plate is that of a "City Limits" motif, with switchblade through it, and packed with the star power flavor of Kim Cattrall, Robby Benson and James Earl Jones.

4 a.m.: Episode 317- Viking Women And The Sea Serpent. In honor of the next Roger Corman flick, Dr. F. presents Frank with a turkey flambe via viking ship. Frank asks what would happen if you yelled "Turkey" in a crowded theater.

6 a.m.: Episode 402- The Giant Gila Monster. Time for Frank to swallow a turkey ala gila, based on the next film. It's minty and tastes like chicken.

8 a.m.: Episode 210- King Dinosaur. It's breakfast time in Deep 13, but the marathon continues as Dr. F. gives Frank a well balanced meal of Turkey covered in milk.

10 a.m. Episode 321- Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Because he's been such a good sport so far, Dr. F. gives Frank a present all gift wrapped and everything. Of course, there's a turkey inside, much to Frank's dismay.

Noon: Episode 411- The Magic Sword. Dr. F. pulls a butcher knife out of the next turkey, Excalibur-esque and dubs Frank "Sir Eats-A-Lot."

2 p.m.: Episode 404- Teenagers From Outer Space. Hyped up on adrenaline, a punchy Frank does his boxer impression, ready to take on the next turkey.

4 p.m.: Episode 408- Hercules Unchained. Just starting to doze off from all the L-tryptophane, Frank is treated to a loincloth-clad turkey. Unfortunately, he'll have to eat even under it.

6 p.m.: Episode 320- The Unearthly. Frank's fast asleep, but that doesn't stop Dr. F. In his best Cool Hand Luke impression, he force feeds the snoozing subject, calling this a "failure to masticate."

8 p.m.: Episode 312- Gamera Vs Guiron. Wide awake, Frank is greeted with a Gamera-shell covered turkey. We're reminded Gamera has good meat and is friend of children.

10 p.m.: Episode 416- Fire Maidens Of Outer Space. Frank is already into eating the next bird, and Dr. F. hoped there would be some leftover, but Frank smacks his hand away.

Midnight: "This Is MST3K" SPECIAL. After eating 15 solid turkeys, Frank is finally released from his restraints. Not hitting the sack yet, "This Is MST3K" is coming on. Both Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank laugh at the notion of them only being characters on a low budget cable TV show. Or Are They?

(Unable to reach an agreement with Best Brains to produce Turkey Day bumpers, Comedy Central learned of a MST3K-themed Halloween costume party, being attended by fans from around the country, at the home of Edina, MN-based MST3K fan Debbie Tobin. They asked permission to send a film crew to the event to create Turkey Day bumpers. She agreed. Listed here are only the preshow bumpers, which included an introduction by one or more party-goers, followed a by very brief snippet from the show. We apologize if we've misspelled anybody's name!)

6 p.m.: Episode 505- The Magic Voyage Of Sinbad. Wendy Fissle, in red jumpsuit and Gizmonics hardhat, introduces the first film of the day. Snippet: "Take it to the bridge, Sinbad. Throw it in the water..."

8 p.m.: Episode 423- Bride Of The Monster. Generic segment (which would be shown countless times during the rest of the marathon) of Debbie Tobin welcoming us to her big turkey day party.

10 p.m.: Episode 424- Manos, The Hands Of Fate. Kevin Kovelant and Steve Colby, dressed in "Master" outfits, try to describe the horror that is Manos.

Midnight: Episode 422- The Day The Earth Froze. Chris "Sampo" Cornell introduces the next film, and assures us if we pay attention, we'll figure out what SAMPO really is.

2 a.m.: Episode 318- Starforce: Fugitive Alien 2. Way to rub it in, the heavily-used generic segment of Susan Schneider reminding us she won the 'pick the wisecrack' contest (the prize was a massive projection TV) and we didn't, airs.

4 a.m.: Episode 308- Gamera Vs Gaos. Another Susan Schneider segment, explaining her strategy of sending in 90 postcards trying to win the contest.

6 a.m.: Episode 313- Earth Vs. The Spider. Wendy Fissle generic spot, wishing us a happy turkey day.

8. a.m.: Episode 319- War Of The Colossal Beast. Generics? You're soaking in it!

10 a.m : Episode 507- I Accuse My Parents. Larry Trujillo, dressed as Michael Feinstein, explains the deal with the film.

Midnight: Episode 417- Crash Of The Moons. Brian "Erhardt" Henry and Veronica Hogan, dressed as John Banner's Bavaro character and wife from the movie, talk about this Rocky Jones adventure.

2 p.m.: Episode 412- Hercules And The Captive Women. Lorrie Matheson, dressed as Antinea, introduces the movie. Snippet: Guy battering rams a door and fails, Joel does female voice "Ohh Forget it, I'll do it!"

4 p.m.: Episode 420- Human Duplicators. Two fans dressed as Frank (Sherry Gorse and the late Julian Weiss) and two fans dressed as Dr. F (Mike Slusher and Andy Eggert) introduce the movie. Snippet: Duplicate breaks head, Crow mentions they have "a slight design flaw."

6 p.m.: Episode 512- Mitchell. Susan Schneider introduces this one. Scene: Mitchell radios in, Crow riffs "Speaking of 'loggin' in' I better find a bush around here."

8 p.m.: Episode 513- The Brain That Wouldn't Die. Ellen Cotter, dressed as a Killer Shrew, intoducses Mike's first show, which she hadn't actually seen yet, since it debuted later on the day these bumpers were filmed.

10 p.m.: Episode 517- Beginning Of The End. A leather jacket-clad fan introduces the episode. Snippet: "They got Jiminy, GET 'EM!"

Midnight: Episode 514- Teen-age Strangler. Dressed in a jungle goddess costume, Leanne Gellar screws up a take. No "Turkey Day Poopie" needed, they keep it in and like a champ she gets through it on the second take.

8 p.m.: Episode 615- Kitten With A Whip. Adam West starts things off by introducing himself as our "King of Fromage," and the first film.

10 p.m.: Episode 512- Mitchell. West brings us a bittersweet turkey lemon drop (not to be confused with the KTMA Melon Drops) of Joel's final episode. Adam's mantra is mind over matter, he feels no pain, but the taste of a lemon even gets to him.

Midnight: Episode 402- The Giant Gila Monster. Yum Yum! Time for the hard up host to dish out fried gila. He informs us gila tastes just like turkey, and pets a plastic lizard.

2 a.m.: Episode 407- The Killer Shrews. Adam serves up turkey ala man's best friend, pulling out of the oven a collar and chain covered dish.

4 a.m.: Episode 422- The Day The Earth Froze. After a long lingering shot of shameless product placement, Adam makes a shameless plug about the final movie he'll air he'll also star in. Now it's time for a frozen delight of "show 424" (wrong number, West!).

6 a.m.: Episode 306- Time Of The Apes. Our cheesy gourmet finally serves up what we all wanted, a big heaping serving of Sandy Frank.

8 a.m.: Episode 321- Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Celebrate the holidays with this Yuletide turkey.

10 a.m.: Episode 315- Teenage Caveman. Via satellite from his Connecticut home, Robert Vaughn appears in the oven before Adam West! Before he was the man from U. N. C. L. E., he was the adolescent from bedrock. Robert provides a well-paid lead-in to his early performance in this Roger Corman "classic."

12 a.m.: Episode 311- It Conquered The World. Speaking of Roger Corman, what better way to start the "Beverly Garland Trilogy" than for the beloved actress to appear? As he waits for her to arrive, Adam shows off a veggie covered dish, in honor of the carrot looking monster of the film.

2 p.m.: Episode 506- Swamp Diamonds. Adam gets revenge on the carrot, as Beverly finally shows up. She brings with her a bag with breadcrumbs, cranberries, spanish moss, jewelry and handcuffs. This means only one thing, one of her favorite turkeys is up next, of which the memory of she can never outrun.

4 p.m.: Episode 511- Gunslinger. The "Beverly Garland Trilogy" concludes with yet another Corman epic. The ever charming and good sport Beverly announces the next flick, as Adam displays the meal with the sheriff's badge on it.

6 p.m.: Episode 601- Girls Town. Adam is hyped about the next turkey, and gives us a recipe for Girls Town. 3 Cups of Paul Anka, 7 strict nuns, handful of the self rising Maime Van Doren, and a smidgen of Mel Torme. Bake at 250 degrees for one hour, thirty-two minutes and fourteen seconds.

8 p.m.: Episode 316- Gamera Vs Zigra. Adam is horribly crooning out the Girls Town song when Mamie Van Doren shuts him up by pulling out a switchblade. He's already got an electric ginsu and the two compare knives. The still breasticaboobular Mamie introduces the next film, and then breaks into the Girls Town song with Adam.

10 p.m.: Episode 604- Zombie Nightmare. West wraps up his tenure as the host of Turkey Day by introducing the episode starring himself. He spares no words in describing how desperate he was to take the role in this flick, but serves up this cheesecake dessert with pride.

9 a.m.: Episode 106- The Crawling Hand. Dr. F. is at it again, planning to rule the world using his collection of MST3K experiments. His mother is stopping by later, and he wants to have the world under his thumb before she gets there to impress her. Suddenly, the doorbell to Deep 13 rings and he answers it to find our old pal Jack Perkins. It seems TV's Frank invited a bunch of guests for Thanksgiving dinner months before he was assumed into second banana heaven. Dr. F. reluctantly accepts this doom from beyond, and a Mexican three layer dip. Now he rushes out to the Piggily Wiggly to pick up some food items for the occasion as per a list prepared for Jack by Burt Wolfe. Jack is left with the task of introducing the first movie of the day, and, reading from Dr. F.'s index cards, calls us "brainless monkeys."

11:30 a.m.: Episode 424- Manos, The Hands Of Fate. Dr. F. returns from the store, having bought cheap substitutes for the fancy items on the list. Mr. B Natural pops up, also bearing a Mexican three layer dip. Dr. F tells him/her to make itself at home. Mr. B and Jack hang out, and the two hit it off as Clay sends us the next movie.

1:30 p.m.: Episode 512- Mitchell. Jack has prepared cornbread stuffing, and stuffs it into Dr. F.'s mouth. Dr. F. hopes there are no more guests when, speak of the devil, Pitch appears. He brings along a Mexican three layer dip, and hangs out with Mr. B and Jack as Dr. F. presents us the experiment where he loses one subject only to gain another.

3:30 p.m.: Episode 519- Outlaw Of Gor. Dr. F. claims defeat on several major cities, while Pitch tries to get Jack to guess his name, and the nature of his game. The next Mexican three layer dip-carrying guest arrives, the Kitten With The Whip! He also has a kitty-litter box, form which he asks Dr. F. to scoop his clumps.

5:30 p.m.: Episode 609- The Skydivers. Jack continues to down the sherry, playfully teasing the Kitten with a toy mouse, which leads to him getting mauled. Mr. B wants to awaken the music in everyone, which sends Clayton over the edge and decides to throw everyone out. But before he can, the spirit of music is indeed awaken in Dr. F., as he hears piano stylings of Michael Feinstein. As he listens, Jack drunkenly stumbles over to the terminal to salute Coleman Francis by sending us the next movie.

7:30 p.m.: Episode 612: The Starfighters. Pitch is scratching the Kitten With The Whip, as a thoroughly liquored up Jack hits on Mr. B. Dr. F suggests Feinstein play "Let's Fall In Love," and everyone joins in on a singalong. This masks out the sound of Pearl, banging at the door, none too happy at being left outside!

9:30 p.m.: SPECIAL: "Poopie Parade Of Values" Best Brains Infomercial, hosted by Mike, Kevin and Trace, and filmed in the kitchen area of BBI's studio, features our three hosts promoting the 'MST Scrapbook' and 'MST Poopie' tapes in a special combo deal. They're dressed in matching garb, spoofing the "Amazing Discoveries" infomercials constantly. Check out Trace's odd accent.

10 p.m.: Episode 701(TD)- Night Of The Blood Beast. Jack Perkins, totally hammered and wearing his tie around his head, has taken over the piano and is singing dirty songs. Dr. F. is passing out beers when he bumps into his very peeved Mother! She's mostly disappointed Frank is gone from this plane of reality, and really doesn't give a damn about her son's attempts to take over the world to impress her. But she IS impressed by how great Jack looks, and recognizes Pitch, the devil she knows. The whole gang joins in on singing 'Crocodile Rock', and the fun continues in the made-to-be-shown-one-time-only-but-aired-a-few-times 7th season premiere!

7:30 a.m.: SPECIAL "The Making Of MST3K"

8 a.m.: Episode 801- Revenge Of The Creature

10 a.m.: Episode 807- Terror From The Year 5000

Noon: Episode 808- She Demon

2 p.m.: Episode 809- I Was A Teenage Werewolf

4 p.m.: Episode 810- The Giant Spider Invasion

[Break in marathon]

Midnight: Episode 811- Parts: The Clonus Horror

2 a.m.: Episode 812- The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed Up Zombies

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