Bit: AUNTIE MCFRANK'S TANGLEBERRY INN

Episode: 623- The Amazing Transparent Man 

Transcription by SERVO55@aol.com

[Deep 13]

 (Dr. F. stands above a bed where Barb [Mary Jo Pehl] and Ted [Kevin Murphy] are sleeping.)

 Dr. F: Well, our bed and breakfast seems to be taking off. As you can see the bed is completely filled. (Frank enters, wearing a dress.)

Auntie McFrank: Ted! Barb! Rrrrrrise and shine, time to get up. Come on, come on, come on! (After his calling doesn't work, slaps Ted in the face, who wakes in sudden surprise.)

Ted: AGGHH!

Barb: AGGHH!

Dr. F: Well, well, well, good morning, and welcome to Auntie McFrank's Tangleberry Inn.

Ted (bleary, sitting up in bed): Oh, Auntie McFrank, you gave me quite a start.

Barb (same): What a cheery wake up call.

Dr. F: I trust you'll be joining us for breakfast.

Ted: Oh, may we?

Barb: Yes, according to the brochure, the Tangleberry breakfasts are to die for.

Dr. F: Well put. Auntie McFrank, why don't you fetch one of your scrumptious breakfasts for Barb and Ted. (Frank leaves to get the food.)

Ted: Now, what are we having?

Barb: Oh, don't ask. I want it to be a surprise.

Ted (affectionately, to Barb): Right, sweets. (Turns to Dr. F. with more businesslike expression). Now Clay, you and Auntie McFrank, do you um...Are you...um?

Dr. F (quickly): Partners...yes...we're...(Frank comes back with the breakfast, a tray with a pile of lo mein and two R.C. colas)...ah, here it is.

Ted (trying to make sense of what he's seeing): Ah, now what exactly is this?

Auntie McFrank: Lo mein.

Barb: Oh, lo mein.

Auntie McFrank: I'll heat it up for you, if you like. Some like it warm.

Ted: No, no, no ,no, please, no, don't bother.

Barb: Yeah, you know what, I tell you, we're actually more interested in maybe taking a look around, getting to know the area.

Ted: Soaking in a little of the local color

Dr. F (looking disappointed and annoyed): Oh, the local color?

Barb: Yes, we understand you have a llama.

Dr. F (looking even more annoyed): Ah, the llama.

Barb: We'd love to pet the llama

Dr. F: Yes (Walks over to talk to mike in the SOL) Did you guys put on the stuff I sent you? It's time for the local color.

[SOL]

(Tom has a straw hat on and a bandana around his neck. Crow is dressed as the llama, and Mike stares, unblinking at the camera, wearing overalls and no shirt)

Tom: Oh, so you folks wanna touch the llama huh? That's right, huh? You wanna touch this old llama? Well, you just go right ahead. You can touch that old llama all you want. You can touch that llama all night until hell freezes over, ha ha ha. But not me, though, uh uh, nosireebob. I wouldn't touch that old thing. Llama hasn't been feeling so good. Whooo! Smells funny too. Smells really kinda rank, you know. But you can touch it if you want. Ain't no law says you can't. Ain't that right, Mikey? Ain't there no law that says these folks can't touch this smelly old llama if they want? Huh, Mikey, huh? Huh?

Mikey (in a deranged monotone): You people bring matches for Mikey?

Tom (flying into a rage): You shut up, Mikey! You shut up! YOU FOLKS DON'T GIVE NO MATCHES TO MIKEY!
(Mike starts to claw at Crow's llama suit and hits himself in the head, while Crow shrieks louder and louder)
YOU HEAR ME!? YOU HEAR ME!? I DON'T CARE WHAT MIKEY SAY OR MIKEY DO, DON'T GIVE HIM NO MATCHES! I DON'T CARE IF MIKEY COME CRAWLING IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, STARK NAKED WITH A BIG OLD KNIFE! DON'T YOU GIVE NO MATCHES TO MIKEY! DON'T YOU GIVE NO MATCHES! SHUT UP, MIKEY! SHUT UP, LLAMA! JUST SHUT UP! DON'T GIVE HIM NO MATCHES! NO MATCHES TO MIKEY! SHUT UP, MIKEY!

[Deep 13]

(Barb and Ted frantically pack their bags and run out. Frank and Dr. F chase after them.)

Auntie McFrank: Ted? Barb? Aren't you going to sign the guestbook? Please, I want you to write something cute and nice and enchanting...(starts crying)

[Cut]

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