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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Get a Character in a MSTed Movie for Christmas?An alert emailer who does not give his or her name suggests, following up on the recent thred in which we asked which MST3K character would you invite for Thanksgiving dinner…
Okay, a LITTLE harsh (but only a little). I was thinking something more along the lines of my choice: I would get Kenny some long pants. What would be your pick? Money is no object! 140 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Get a Character in a MSTed Movie for Christmas?”Commenting at Satellite News
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A glasses cleaning kit for the commander in Riding with Death.
To all of the kids on “Prince of Space” I would give some regular size shorts to replace the obscene tiny ones they are always wearing, plus plenty of good, quality running shoes, since running seems to be main form of transportation in Japan.
Batteries for the queen in Outlaw. HEHEHEEEEEE dirty!!
A round of coffee for everyone in Skydivers.
For the kid in Mad Monster, some psychological counseling.
In the (surprise!) dream of 90% of the movie he kills off
his sister, replaces her with his mom as his sister, and
has his mom/sister romping in the hay with her boyfriend
before marrying her off. Hmm.
– I would get the female scientist on Rocketship X-M the respect she deserves so they use her fuel consumption calculations instead of “that other guy’s” that gets them all killed.
– Torgo could use some a gift certificate to a laundromat. Those clothes look like they need a good wash. Or perhaps a free trial at a video dating service because he’s clearly very lonely for a gal.
– Amazing Colossal Man, Glen Manning, could use something to wear other than an expandable brief. Maybe a shirt and some slacks.
– The crew of the spacecraft in Marooned (Space Travelers) could use some oxygen and a larger rescue ship.
– Dave in Attack Of The Giant Leeches needs a divorce from his “hot” but cheating wife.
– Killer Shrews characters need a month’s supply of rat poison or the like and a membership in Alcoholics Anonymous.
– Robot in Robot Vs. Aztec Mummy needs a sturdiness and armor upgrade before being sent into combat with Aztec Mummy.
– Kenny in Gamera needs some friends, some nice, real human friends.
– Little Richard needs a better showing for his talent than he got in Catalina Caper.
– Characters in Starfighters need some character, badly.
– Ro-man in Robot Monster needs a 4 wheel drive vehicle to get around Bronson Canyon.
1. The Kester family from “Giant Spider Invasion”: A much needed appearance on the reality TV show “Intervention”.
2. Five years mandatory dancing lessons for the solo dancer in “The Mole People”.
3. Professionally designed and sewn patches for the gang in the short “What About Juvenile Delinquency?”
4. A huge R&D grant for the “Big Chin” in “Time Chasers” so he doesn’t pursue a contract with Bob Evil.
5. A year’s supply of milk for the dad in “I Was A Teenage Werewolf”- man, that kid goes through that product!
6. For the gypsy hypnotist of “TISCWSLABMUZ”, a “feelthy peeg”.
7. Finally, as a gift to the world, an all pupose sports building, where we could feature such events as:
A. Slow Motion Races, e.g. The Crawling Eye vs. The Crawling Hand vs. The Creeping Terror.
B. International Gladiators, featuring Ator the Iron Eagle, Hercules, El Santo and The Prince of Space.
C. Severed Head Bowling, featuring Jan in the Pan, the English satanist from “The Thing That Couldn’t Die”, and The
Screaming Skull.
D. Battle of the Giants, e.g. Godzilla vs. Gorgo, The Giant Gila Monster vs. King Dinosaur, etc.
Thanks again for all the laughs, and Merry Christmas (if thats ok).
I would give Nick Miller from ‘Time Chasers’ a gift certificate for a chin tuck and a high-end ten-speed, and buy his intrepid reporter girlfriend Lisa a non-plaid wardrobe and a nicer vehicle than a K-Car.
Rich Kid from SANTA CLAUS: A record player and a copy of Darlene Love’s ‘All Alone On Christmas’ so at least he’ll know he’s not the only one
Voldar from SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS: Mustache wax
Shim from SCCTM: A little coiled spring, so he can fool around with it.
Doctor Z from BLOOD WATERS OF SAME: A day-planner so he won’t have to spend all that time and money making giant wheel-charts. He’ll save a fortune on huge sheets of paper…
Gamera: A ticket to a disco so he can dance go-go
#107 – Nice, but I think Lisa would probably just return the non-plaids and use the money to buy some plaid appliques for Nick’s plane.
I’d give Jane Dobson from Pumaman some air. She’ll think it’s the prettiest gift she’s ever received.
And no one remembered to get a copy of “How to Hide a Murder Weapon” for the Touch of Satan family? Shame …
I’d get Leonard Driscoll from RIDING WITH DEATH (episode 814) some laser eye surgery so he wouldn’t have to waste all that time cleaning his glasses.
In honor of the imminent release of Master Ninja, for Max Keller, ESL classes. Definitely. Atlas from TISCWSLABMUZ could use them too.
Acting lessons for Arch Hall Jr. Also music lessons, diction classes…
A functional robot to The Bat for fighting the Aztec Mummy.
And for Commando Cody, some elementary Astronomy lessons.
Celebrate the holidays. Invite William Shatner and George W. Bush for Christmas Dinner – because it’s always nice to have ham and turkey…
I would get the walnut ranchers from Touch of Satan some nice pot holders.
How about if we give Pitch from Santa Claus a membership in the ice cream of the month club?
How about some anger management lessons for the Indestructible Man?
I’d also buy a new Jeep for Cheroke Jack, so I could present it to him on Christmas day and follow him around all day repeating “Here’s your new Jeep Cheroke… Jack! Here’s your new Jeep Cheroke… Jack!” until he’s slowly driven insane…
I just realized my picture wasn’t showing up on my posts. OH, and I’d convert the Willis Tower in Chicago into a giant bug zapper in case those big grasshoppers show up again.
“How about some anger management lessons for the Indestructible Man?”
And Yuri (Uri?) from Werewolf.
Along with Natalie’s ESL lessons.
I would give Crenshaw from Boggy Creek 2 indoor plumbing so he could take a shower…
For Rommel, a summer internship at the U.S.
Military War College in Carlisle, Pa.
Among other things, he’ll learn not to
bring only knives (and jousting lances)
to a gun fight.
I would donate lots of park benches to the people of Giant Gila Monster so they could put their knee up wherever they wanted.
I would give everyone some “french fried potaters,mmmm!”
I would give Lemonkinan that Sampo he’s after.
And for Hercules and Prince Darik (Daris?) in “Hercules vs. the Moonmen” I would get some PANTS!
I would give TV’s Frank a subscription to imdbpro, so he can finally find out who Merritt Stone is.
I would get that one Japenese kid from “Prince of Space” a boot blacking kit, because he would like it VERY MUCH!
i’d get Droppo a nice big box of dignity.
Get the polar bear in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
a suit with a decent hidden zipper in the back.
Get Lupita the Barbie Doll franchise in Mexico.
Ortega would get an Axe body wash gift set. So would the oily dress-wearing guy from ‘Attack of the the Eye Creatures’.
Lupita would get a doll, of course.
Everyone gets coal!!
And Crow gets the Road House board game.
For Troy MacGreggor: a year’s supply of protein shakes.
For Johnny Longbow: a set of blank books so he can stop talking at people all the damn time.
For El Santo: a more dignified-looking car.
For Paul and Natalie from Wharwulf: a home manscaping kit.
For Senator Peter Graves from Clonus: a videotape bulk eraser.
For Sister Prostitute from Future War: a box of greeting cards that say “Thank you for not killing me,” “Thank you for not robbing me and leaving me in a ditch,” “Thank you for not setting fire to my house,” etc.
For all the Soultakers: Under-eye concealer makeup.
For Lupita: the right to decide who lives and who dies (well, I don’t think I’d trust Crow with it, and Lupita already has a doll.)
Pogo stick for Torgo;
After-shave for Eegah;
All-you-can eat Arby’s gift certificate for Mitchell.
I’d like to give Kim Cattral and Crow T. Robot to each other.
It looks like a lot of people from Japanese kids to Hypnotist’s assistants to Hercules will be getting pants. And Glen Manning a pair of Amazing Collosal Pants.
All child actors in an mst3000 movie (including the whole
child slave labor horde in Santa Claus) get to choose between
Ernest Borgnine’s children’s stories. Either:
“Fluffy Bunny’s New Blue Suit.”
“Dr. Blood’s Orgy of Gore!”
or “Santa’s Workshop of Shimmering Delights.”
Well, that seems like an easy enough choice,
although keep in mind that that Borgnine is dark.
And while we know that two bots have a “thing” for Richard
Basehart and Kim Cattrall, how about getting Tom a date with
Creepy Girl. But Magic Voice seems determined
to concentrate on her career (Men!). Any voiceovers in
mst3000 movies that might interest her?
@132 How about voice of the 1948 Olympics, Ted Husing!? Oh wait, he has a boyfriend already. Never mind.
I’d give Aram Fingal a box of cashews, so he can open his present and exclaim, “My nuts!”
Tim from BOGGY CREEK II could use a shirt. Actually, I think the entire cast from the movie could use some new clothes (actual shorts that have not been cut from jeans, a bra for Tanya, etc.).
I would make a donation in Nick’s name to his alma mater, Castleton. FOR CASTLETON!
If I could have anything MST-related, I still SO want Joel’s Manos-robe (the one from the sketch with the feet on it)in my size. That’s just for starters, of course, ha ha.
I would get all the characters from “The Beast of Yucca Flats” the ability to speak on camera. Those poor, poor characters. How dare you, Coleman?!
All the women in Space mutiny deserve a good pair of pants, or at least something slightly less bathing suit like.
And Eddie from Beatniks needs : Leather coat, duck billed hair, a crazy chick and sideburns, so that he can sing that song with confidence
Teenage Strangler’s Mikey would get a therapist and Blast Hardcheese’s “Get Out There and…” weightlifting set.