Cyber Monday

Yes, it’s that time of year, that time when you may be looking to part with a small portion of your hard-earned samolians. If you are, we have a few humble suggestions on ways you can spend it.

Before we get into our own offerings, may we recommend the witty and wonderful artwork of one Jean Jackson. Check it out here.

Okay, now briefly into PBS pledge drive mode. Reminder: This site is not supported by anybody except our readers. We are not subsidized by mst3k.com, RiffTrax, Shout Factory or anybody else. We’re not in any danger of going away, but we do have ongoing costs, and your support is greatly appreciated.

With the guilt trip out of the way, here’s what we got:

At our regular Cafepress.com store, there’s the usual assortment of shirts, hats, backpacks, bags, coffee mugs mousepads, and bumper stickers.

And, as we have done every year for a while now, we have another edition of our “Shorts Calendar.”

And then there is our “MST3K Catchphrases” store, where you can get white shirts, black shirts, women’s shirts and hoodies featuring many well-loved catchphrases from the show.

As a reminder, the Christmas-themed catchphrases are:
Merry Christmas…if that’s okay
Santa’s tendrils reach far and wide. There is no hiding from the Claus Organization.
Let’s have a Patrick Swayze Christmas!
Ah, Mr. Claus. You have a nasty habit of survival.
Santa Claus: Killed in Vietnam
What’s in the pipe, Santa?
Santa’s laughter mocks the poor.
I’m here to eat candy canes and kick ass. And I’m all out of candy canes!
Big John Call IS Santa Claus.
I want Santa’s elves DEAD!I want his house burned to the ground!
Y’know, elf tastes just like chicken!

And then there are the regular phrases…
Rock ‘n’ roll Martian
Railing kill!
Then I ram my ovipositor down your throat and lay my eggs in your chest…But I’m not an alien!
MRxL!
Master Ninja theme song!
Joike
I’m a Grimault warrior!
Joel vs. Mike flamewar veteran
Dish of ice cream? Don’t tempt me!
You’re a stupid, smelly little dummy, who will never have any ham
Now, when you seek pink, you’re gonna think: We’re doomed!
Abzolootly fazinating!
Your agonizer, please
I’m not going back, Jim!
Bad touch!
It is balloon!
I’m sending you a Banner-gram
Can’t we get BEYOND Thunderdome?
Brought to you by the Booze Council. Because booze really satifies.
Brain has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.
Bring me a sampo!
Does this bug you? I’m not touching you.
BUZZ OFF, KID!!
I’m Cherokee Jack!
Chili peppers burn my gut.
As we left the clam flowage that day…
Will there still be a clown in the sky for me?
Coffee? I LIKE coffee.
Turn your crank to Frank.
You’re weird, which results in creativity.
I saw the little creature!
What’s that girl? Dad’s hurt? Down in Deadrock Canyon?
It’s a Daktari stool!
I thought you were Dale!
I’m danger to myself and others!
As elusive as Robert Denby.
The dog’s meat, have you seen it?
Droppo, you’re the laziest man on Mars!
Dull surprise!
Earth vs. Soup
I killed that fat barkeep!
This is where the fish lives.
Flag on the moon…how did it get there?
Ah! Flying elves are back!
Oh, for fun
Focusing my attention on the good and beautiful.
Gentle pressue.
Glenn was fifty feet tall!
A small gold man was reading to me from a dirty book.
Well! That could’ve gone better.
He’s got a tree! That’s not the Godzilla we know!
Go to bed, old man!
Yeah, here I go! Vroom!
He learned too late that man is a feeling creature
“Hello!” “Thank you!”
He tampered in God’s domain…
HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT
Hooray for socks!
HOTCHKA!
Hum didda hee-hee hua-hua …
Oh, sure, I can see how…HUH?
You do it. I’m bitter.
I sing whenever I sing whenever sing…
It’s fun when there are things!
I had Jell-O today…
“Jiminy,” says Johnny, “if only I could get a ride in one of those.”
Why doesn’t Johnny care?
It’s just a show, you should really just relax!
It is so klandinktu!
Knew your father, I did!
Leave the Bronx!
Lemback is staying!
If you’re like me, and I know I am…
Plenty of lip and tongue action.
To love like the hu-man…
Only love pads the film.
No, no, you got it all wrong: Love should be musty and hurtful.
Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?
Love wears a mask…a tight leather mask.
By this time, my lungs were aching for air.
No, Lupita!
Mars, extending us a welcome!
tHe MaStEr WoUlDn’T aPpRoVe!
Chief? McCloud!
Whoooo iiiiiiss Merritt Stoooooone??
Mom… ‘m I nuts?
We can’t have nice things.
And he didn’t steal no bike, neither!
No dancing. Not allowed.
There WAS no monster!
This is no place for convertible!
Normal view, normal view, NORMAL VIEEEEEEW!
That nosewheel feels mushy!
He’s not Merritt Stone!
I call no way!
That’s one unstable octopus.
Sam, my patent papers are at a slight angle!
I sure hope he said peanuts!
Potatoes are what we eat!
I wish I had that pretty mind back!
Puma? Puma!
On life-long quest like Sinbad. Shot myself out airlock. Never returning. Ham in fridge. -Crow
Rex Dart, eskimo spy!
Extreme rice!
The right people will get it.
Rock climbing, Joel.
Saaaaaandstorrrrrrm!
Sargassum! Weed of deceit!
What about scarecrow’s brain?
Shakin’ the bushes, boss.
Shine your love!
Oh, I hate to shoot a butt like that!
Shtemlo!
Shut up, Iris! I tell ya, shut up!
SLEEEEEEP!
Dern smoochers on my property!
Well! There it is. Spankings all around, then!
No springs!
STAAAAAAAY!
Stay pink, soft and oily!
Bite me, I’m a toaster strudel!
You’re stuck here!
Thank you, won’t you?
That square bugs me! He really bugs me!
…the hell?
Been hittin’ the Thighmaster, Torgo?
Whaddaya think, sirs?
This seemplifies everything.
Tickle Me Carlo Lombardi doesn’t like to be disappointed!
Time for go to bed!
The high court may well sentence you to TORCHA!
Everything you touch you destroy.
Worship the truck farmer where you work or bank.
Trumpy! You can do stupid things!
Turn down your lights (where applicable)
Today is dedicated to Uranus.
Watch out for snakes!
Weird. Yeah, I guess that is the word for it.
What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime?
I wanna decide who lives and who dies.
Why don’t they look?
It’s yer move. Go ahead on.
Your weapons are useless against me!

One last offer: If there is a MST3K catchphrase you REALLY want on a shirt, and it’s not on this list (and it’s not one of the phrases that appears on MST3K.com official products, send me an email at msampo at aol dot com and I MAY put it up on the cafepress site for purchase in a day or two (I will email you back and let you know when it is there). I do NOT promise to put every suggestion up, but I will try to honor every reasonable request.

Happy shopping!