Movie: (1967) A pair of CIA agents try to stop a supervillainess’ plans to take over the world.
Host: Jonah.
Opening: In the cold open: A grumpy Dr. Kabalah is brainstorming market penetration ideas.
After the show open: The bots have just discovered the Jonah is tall.
Invention exchange: The Mads have the Mug of Doom, which presents coffee drinkers with horrific images at the bottom of their mug. J&tB have invented Business Skittles.
Segment 1: Tom and Crow are teaching Jonah spy acronyms.
Segment 2: Jonah instructs the bots how to be swingin’ spies. After intermission: The three hosts have a secret rhyming meeting. Joel reveals he has reconnected Magic Voice.
Segment 3: Jonah warns of a coming ion storm. Or does he?
Close: Kinga sings “Supervillainesses.”
Stinger: “President Boong?” “The real one.”
Thoughts:
• This episode premiered on Sept 2, 2022.
• This movie was originally riffed on May 7, 1989, when the KTMA version of the show was in its final weeks.
• Oops, I had a brain fart and forgot about K03- STAR FORCE: FUGITIVE ALIEN 2, K04- GAMERA VS. BARUGON, K05- GAMERA, K06- GAMERA VS. GAOS, K07- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA, K08- GAMERA VS. GUIRON, K12- FUGITIVE ALIEN, K14- MIGHTY JACK and K17- TIME OF THE APES. Sorry.
• So, this is NOT the only movie that was riffed twice on MST3K. (RiffTrax has also re-riffed several MST3K movies.) Ardy makes a brief observation about it.
• The jocular spies get a little tiresome after a while, but there were a lot of laugh-out-loud moments. Not to mention another gem from Paul and Storm: “Supervillainesses.”
• Nice reference to Eric Von Zipper.
• GPC gets off a good one: “And I was homeschooled.”
• Fave riff: “Please let us stop! It’s been four days.”
• Honorable mentions: “You’re out of dolly track!” “Kids, the Holy Ghost doesn’t need that much room, okay?” “Beach blanket boyoyung!” “What knockers!” “Statue likey!” “Use the American Express. I want the points.”
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For a review of this “MST3K” episode and others go to “Faith’s Take” on YouTube.com.
She reviews Rifftrax as well.
Wait, how is the only movie riffed twice on MST3K? Several KTMA movies got re-done once they moved to cable. Time of the Apes, for example.
Technicolor AND Techniscope? Well, la-di-da!
This was a big step up from the last two episodes and what I’d hoped The Batwoman would be, a big slice of cheesy 60s smarm, with the WTF moment of Klaus Kinski’s scenes being the standout. The ‘acronym’ host segment was laugh-out-loud funny too. I’ve never seen the KTMA version; it would be interesting to do so, just to compare.
Fave riffs
Just a band called the Quarrymen, pay them no mind.
Hey, I know Annette Funicello!! You impressed??
He’s got five o’clock face!
Hong Kong. Come for the leering, stay for the ogling.
[whipping scene comes on]
If any kids are watching, it’s past all your bedtimes.
If you need socks that high, just wear pants!
You are right.
Season 3 also had the “Gamera” movies, “Mighty Jack”, and “Fugitive Alien” reriffed, as well.
Cold Open: Dr. Kabahl is right. It is all about the merchandising. And how could My Space not make a comeback?
Opening: I’ve noticed Jonah is tall. What took the Bots so long? I wasn’t aware Manute Bol was dead though. My belated condolences to his family. But on the plus side, now that it has been mentioned in a host segment, he can be forever immortalized in this day in MSTory so the world will never again forget.
Invention Exchange: The mug of doom. They sure hit the nail on the head. Why do people love something that tastes so awful that it must be altered beyond recognition with milk and sugar? Clearly this invention isn’t for me but it does have a huge readymade market non the less.
Business Skittles: Ah MST enters the world of Dilbert. All very poignant office realities done in a candy.
Host Segment 1: I kind of liked it. I describe this as the spy acronym version of Who’s on First.
Host Segment 2: This movie’s characters are inept and dumber than a comic relief sidekick. Common sense was clearly optional. I’m pretty sure Nick West and Tommy Carter would remember attending this actual briefing.
Intermission Segment: All three hosts interacting and the return of Magic Voice. Sign me up.
Host Segment 3: Is Jonah brilliant or the Bots dim? All he has to do is wear a Cher wig and that puts the Bots in an Ion Storm panic.
The movie: I love Kinga’s introduction. How dare a movie treat a woman trying to take over the world as the bad guy? The only thing this intro lacks is an appearance by Pearl for her spin on that concept. So this movie also includes Frankie Avalon and Comedy Central era stalwart George Nader? I’m not sure I ever realized that from my 18th generation digitized tape trade edition of the KTMA episode. The truth is while I heard the movie before from that Cheapnis DVD, was the first time I seen it. (And it was a nice touch how Ardy remarks this seems familiar.) As for the inept lead characters of this film. See host segment 2. It sums things up as well as I ever could. While Nader’s character actually came within a thousand miles of competence in Human Duplicators, in this film he isn’t even that close. But at least the Sumuru agents were often armed with Han Solo style pistols.
Closing Segment: I’m not sure why Jonah and the Bots are hating on Sumuru. She was the most competent one in the movie. Yes I’m damning her with faint praise here. It was a good song by Felicia. Loved the Jonah and Bots reaction shots. But again. I’d really have liked Pearl to weigh in.
Favorite Riffs:
Sumuru: “This is the funeral of the richest man in the world.” Crow “Ah. Scrooge McDuck.” Sumuru “And these are his 17 sons.” Tom “That he knows of.”
Crow remarking on the early action of the movie “Four murders and a car chase. This movie slows down for no one.”
Nick read the ambulance sign by pointing at the words. Crow “Mr. Bean’s Roman holiday.”
Woman wearing an off yellow dress with small off brown spots walks in. Crow “She dressed like a two day old banana.”
Sumura “Get up.” Tom sings to the tune of James Brown’s Sex Machine “Get on up.”
Sumuru “Keep joking Mr. West.” Jonah & the Bots in unison “Please don’t.” Sumuru “You’ll be finished with jokes before the night is up.” Jonah & the Bots in unison “Us too.” Nick “I was beginning to run out of material.” Jonah & the Bots in unison “Agreed.”
Jonah referencing a soldier crouched low in a firing position in a landing boat. “That guy’s going to shoot out their tires.”
Tom during the climactic battle “I love it when a plan kind of happens.”
Even by the standards of the genre this is a stupid movie. See host segment 2. Decent riffing. A somewhat middling episode. I liked the existential dread of the mug of doom.
Usually, when Jonah&tB do something with an obviously familiar actor or association, like Jane Russell from “Loves of Hercules” or Peter Cushing/Star Wars from “At the Earth’s Core”, they try NOT to beat it into the ground, do one yeah-everybody’s-thinking-it riff to nod the fact and get it out of the way and move on.
Here, the movie was so hard to follow and Frankie seemed to be such a good goofy sport about it, Beach Blanket Bingo refs seem to be all they had. I don’t expect them to remember How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, but, y’know, he did do other ones.
(I mean, could be worse for Avalon, he could be hunting Dr. Goldfoot’s Bikini Machine…)
I confess I haven’t made it to the end yet (what happened to Sampo’s weekly reviews?), so I don’t know if we get the twist where Su-Muru actually IS a man, bay-bee.
My mistake. Sorry.
(what happened to Sampo’s weekly reviews?)
It seems I had you blocked. :::raises wand::: expecto unblockum!
Honestly, I’m not following what Sumuru’s endgame is. There are vague proclamations for some sort of femmy utopia, but otherwise nothing to go on regarding her machinations or how they will accomplish this.
When you get down to it, the movie is simply one of those Civilization of Women movies from the 1950s updated to the aesthetics of the Swingin’ Sixties. And of course you’ve got to have a smug chauvinist to subdue them with his libido, in this case portrayed by George Nader. I guess John Agar was unavailable.
The biggest surprise regarding host segments was the one concerning the acronyms. That one had been in real danger of doing the job too well. In this case, the point of illustrating how grating the self-conscious use of acronyms in the movie was could have resulted in the sketch becoming grating in its own right. But somehow it crosses an event horizon into something absurd.
Favorite riffs
Frankie Avalon in Beach Blanket Murder.
I now call to order the Joyless Luckless Club.
It’s just some band called The Quarreymen. Pay them no mind.
Hello, viewer. There were five mistakes in that scene. Can you name them all?
Four murders and a car chase. This movie slows down for no one.
Mr. Bean’s Roman Holiday.
“I mean she’s a real nurse and this is a real hospital.”
And you will have a real bill.
The secret villa could use a good pressure washing.
Tammy, it’s Thursday. On Thursdays we wear blue. How hard is this?
You can’t kill me. I quit!
“I’m going to give him a call right now.”
He won’t answer us. Coronation Street is on.
All of this is why Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like regular Dr. Pepper.
In an embarrassing scheduling error, the same start time was given to all three rhythmic gymnastic finalists.
I could have been in Shen Yun.
Wearing a wedding dress on a first date? Red flag!
The new fall line from Pepto Bismal.
Say hello to my novelty pen!
Everyone just act natural! If anyone asks, the toilet in the room was like that when we got there, okay?
We paid for these Tao Te Ching posters and now we’re gonna use ’em.
Land shark!
“I wonder if this is where I’m supposed to sing.”
What? He’s riffing himself!
Beach Blanket Ba-oooga!
If you need socks that high, just wear pants.
“Before you are disposed of, I’m going to convince you of something.”
Hot dogs are sandwiches.
All these policemen are three days away from retirement.
Aww, the baby boats are approaching to suckle.
Disney’s live action Mulan is super different from the original.
He should be more nervous. He’s literally a red shirt.
I love it when a plan kind of happens.
Even Nick West knows handrail safety is important.
This movie, even riffed, makes my brain scream in pain. It seems to think it’s cute, clever and fun, but it is none of that. Just an absolutely torturous exercise beginning to end. The riffing is solid, so I bless them for trying. But it just is not enough for me personally, so for as many times as I’ve rewatched the season, I skip this one.
This one was tough. Way worse than Catalina Caper – I mean, is it a comedy, a spy thriller, a sex romp? Does Frankie Avalon all grown up, with a gun and all, make him a box office idol? Is this a peek into a scary world where women think they can run an organization? There were a few good riffs but I don’t feel that J&tBots could save this turkey. I will watch in rotation but don’t especially look forward to it.
The acronym host segment reminded me of when I did crisis/I&R volunteer work for a local hotline. If I remember right we had a printout on the wall of all the acronyms of the agencies and organizations we dealt with. It was quite the alphabet soup.
The plot suggests they were trying to go for a mix of Ms. Galore’s girls from “Goldfinger” (qv. the Dr. Goldfoot reference, when all comedy/spy-spoof/sex-romp villains had to have some nod-pun to Goldfinger in their name), and the title suggests they were trying for a modern Bond-era spin on Fu Manchu conquering the world.
And those old-school MSTies who still bear the scars of “Castle of Fu Manchu” will know the general plots of that one.
(And I don’t mean to harp on appearances, but Su-Muru looks SO much like what the 60’s naively considered passable drag, I kid you not, I actually did think Dirk Squarejaw was going to be exposed as a dubbed male who was only using the women as pawns to betray them for his own secret world-conquest agenda. That, at least would have been a satisfying twist ending, or, indeed, any ending.)
And if you want to be really sexist, consider that most civilization-of-women scripts date back to a 40’s story Ben Hecht once penned for a comedy version of what later became “Queen of Outer Space”: “What if there was a planet of women who set out to conquer the earth….But they forgot their purse, and had to go back?”
(Okay, “Mansfield”. Darn spellcheck.)
I have a problem with this movie. On the one hand, the villains are cold-blooded killers out to destroy civilization (I guess), but they’re also strong, (mostly) independent, highly-attractive women. Meanwhile, the heroes, who are fighting for truth, justice & the American way, are a couple of smarmy, chunk-headed incompetents who (I can’t imagine how) wield instantaneous seduction powers over said strong females. And the side characters include a British civil servant who knowingly puts his people into dangerous situations without much help, and Klaus Kinski. Who exactly am I supposed to root for? Plus, the final battle scene leaving the corpses of said strong women was unsettling. Yes, I know it’s kinda sorta a spoof, but I had a problem with it.
Fortunately, the riffing was very good. I was surprised that they didn’t seem to notice the guy getting thigh-murdered was pretty much Gen. Burkhalter’s twin, or that Su Maru was played by a non-gilded Shirley Eaton. But I did particularly like Crow’s Hepburn-esque British stereotype dialogue. The host segments were good, with Patton doing a great job with the Invention Exchange. The song at the end was also good. In the post-show segment on the Gizmoplex premiere, Felicia mentioned how this was the first time she’d seen the finished product, since it was all done on green screen and added later.
Lousy movie, good show. And next time it’s the return of Jack “Missed Call” Palance.
I think a penalty also needs to be called on this movie for criminal underuse of Klaus Kinski. He’s the creepiest man I’ve ever seen filmed who wasn’t a convicted murderer. And they had him do absolutely nothing except have a body double get killed.