Movie (1993): In a future hellscape, robot transport pilots battle menacing bandits and deal with foreign spies while pursuing romance.
Host: Jonah.
Opening: Dr. Kabahl visits Kinga and Max from the future, and informs them they must find a second host.
Invention exchange: J&tB are discussing the concept of breathing. Their invention is the “meat cute,” rom com spices. The Mads unveil the Simulator of Love.
Segment 1: J&tB try some girl talk.
Segment 2: Jonah tries to sell the bots on 1990s Crystal Vista.
Segment 3: J&tB present “Stump Talks:” see the world seen through Stumpy’s eyes. GPC helps and Kinga and Max demonstrate.
Close: J&tB have some real robot wars and Synthia brings Emily on board the Simulator of Love.
Thoughts:
• A much stronger episode than the last one, with some very funny riffs and clever host segments. The ep also benefits from an incredibly stoopid movie.
• This episode was made available on April 1, 2022 to Kickstarter backers and on May 7, 2022 to Gizmoplex users.
• The earlier Kickstarter version did not include the credits for the show or a stinger. Other than that, the differences between the two versions are trivial. Both shows contained paid promotional content, promoting various companies that had sponsored the Kickstarter.
• This episode marks the first appearance of Emily Marsh as Emily Conner. It also includes the first appearance of Baron Vaughn as Dr. Kabahl, and I admit he comes off better than he did the first time I watched this ep.
• As several people noted in the comments for the previous entry, this season the pace of the theater riffs has been noticeably slowed down and I have not seen anybody complain about it. The failure to let the riffs “breathe” was definitely the most popular complaint about seasons 11 and 12.
• I’m getting a little worried about Kinga and Max. Is her saying “shut up, Max” and him looking crestfallen all they’re going to do?
• There are, I think, a number of video game references. I’m not sure, because I’m not a gamer, so shoom, right over my head.
• Stinger: Our hero gets spanked.
• Callback: “He’s pretty nice.” (Mac and Me); “Blast Hardcheese!” (Space Mutiny); “BANG!” (Cry Wilderness); “Say, Miss Interocitor!” (This Island Earth) not to mention old favorites “I’m not touching you” and “You look, I’m bitter.”
• Fave riff: “So, wait: the spanking line worked?”
• Honorable mention: “The redeeming line we needed.” and “Ooteenee!”
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The name and costume design for Dr. Kabahl come from the 1936 movie Things to Come.
Perhaps it’s just me, but the sets and costumes in the movie have a Babylon 5 look to them.
MST3K Connections: Director Albert Band was also co-director for the upcoming Doctor Mordrid. Don Michael Paul (Marion Drake) was also Robbie in Alien from L.A. Peter Haskell (Rooney) was also Doug Collins in Superdome. Producer Charles Band was producer for Robot Holocaust, Laserblast, The Day Time Ended, and Doctor Mordrid (in which he was also co-director) Effects supervisor and stop motion animator David Allen also did stop motion for Laserblast, The Day Time Ended, and Doctor Mordrid. Stop motion animator Jim Danforth also did stop motion animation for The Day Time Ended. Stunt coordinator Chino Binamo also did stunts in Doctor Mordrid. Stuntman Kenny Endosa also portrayed a beach thug in Angels’ Revenge. Stuntman Jeff Imada also portrayed a bodyguard in Master Ninja I.
Favorite riffs
Mummenschanz has gone aggro.
Round about now, Boss Hogg had them Duke Boys in a mess of trouble down by Toxic Tomb Creek.
“Your safety is completely assured.”
And by completely, we mean mostly.
There goes the entire practical effects budget.
Leslie Neilsen and Leslie Neilsen in The Parent Trap.
“Put a fork in me. I’m done.”
Use a spoon. It’ll hurt more.
“I have authorized for you to ride up front, behind the pilot in the cockpit.”
In a Big Boy seat.
“I hope he gets his balls shot off.”
So say we all.
Stumpy, put your shirt on. We’re rolling.
The search for Walt Disney’s head continues.
Hello, New Cleveland!
“How the hell do you hide a mega-robot?”
In the DVD Easter eggs?
Daphne and Velma: The Early Years. Tonight on Fox.
“Look at this.”
You look. I’m bitter.
Fifty-four Puppetmaster movies? No wonder they all died off.
Tonight on Riverdale: Betty’s Ultimatum.
Pink Ranger, retreat!
“He’s about to take over North Hemi.”
And after that, Broadway!
I have to bring my own wardrobe, this is non-union, and now I have tetanus.
Who are we rooting for?
Whoever makes the kill shot that ends this movie.
Wow, they hacked into a Dig Dug machine.
Somebody confiscate Stumpy’s Hannibal Lector Quote of the Day Calendar.
It didn’t save my Frogger High Score. Lame!
It’s probably Mynocks chewing on the power cables.
“Stumpy, join the robot force,” they said. “See the world,” they said. Drop some metaphors. Co-pilot a killer scorpion. Always defer to your better-looking captain. Nurse him when he’s hungover. Don’t get the girl. Why I oughta…
I got the numbers of all the hot lady passengers, just like you asked, Captain. Oh, hi Leda. Anyway, you want those numbers alphabetical or by height or shoe size, you weirdo?
This is the music they play when you get kicked out of Medieval Times.
Technovisual and Ultravision in the battle for lens supremacy.
If you want a review of this “MST3K” episode or others, look up “Faith’s Take” on Youtube.
She reviews Rifftrax, as well.
Wow, I didn’t think there could be a dystopian sci-fi hero more unlikeable than the ‘Paper Chase’ guy from “Warrior of the Lost World” but they managed to find one! I recently watched ‘Robot Jox’ and was fairly impressed at what it acheived with the budget they had. This knock-off of a knock-off, on the other hand, was a great follow up to the season opener. The 1990’s host segment got the biggest laugh from me with that perfect finish. Jonah really seems to be giving it his all with the costumes and characters. Though, I do hope they start giving Max more to do. You’ve got Patton Oswalt, don’t waste his talent!
Fave riffs:
So this is first class. They must have paid extra for the little hats!
“Did you miss me?”
Define ‘miss’.
As for the movie, say what you will about Full Moon, but the big difference between them and the Asylum is that Full Moon actually produced entertaining movies. Compare this to the previous season’s “Atlantic Rim” and “Robot Wars” is much better (repellent “hero” aside).
I thought the episode turned out fine. Once again, the riffs were funny and well-paced, and I thought the host segments were good, though I oddly have better memories of the 70s than the 90s, so Crystal Vista was a bit lost on me.
Not mentioned in the entry was the opening of the backer’s preview of this episode. Viewers were welcomed to the preview, and we saw… WHITE DOT! Followed by, “April Fool!”. I know I rolled my eyes and said, “Not again!”
Full Moon and the early VHS-era Empire Pictures knew how to do B-movies right. (Of course, Empire of the Re-Animator/Troll/Ghoulies era was still trying to get them into theaters, which is why late-70’s/early-80’s B-movies tried harder.)
I remember seeing Stuart Gordon’s then-buried Empire Pictures “Robot Jox” at a sci-fi festival, and that was actually pretty fun with an audience–Outside of “Wars will be fought with stop-motion robots”, I don’t recall that movie’s plot specifics too clearly, but I’m assuming the whole plot of “Robot tourism cruises” was directly sequelizing the “War” plot from Jox, and speculating what happened to the robots years after the wars ended. Which would explain why Evil Generically Asian Country is trying to get them started again.
(And I wasn’t paying attention, so I assume we got at least one symbolically represented riff about General WaaAAAaaa-Leee, and his aide, Lt. EEEE-vaa?)
Rather than go the obvious route (apart from the movie stinking it up with its own self-aware “Puppet Master 54, directed by Max Spielberg” joke), Jn&tB get it out of the way with one riff of “Barbara Crampton? She’d better Re-Animate a Castle Freak in this one…
Oh, good, at least, after the mess of “The Day Time Ended”, we don’t have to explain the glories of early Charles Band to them, like some kind of troll-subspecies puppet master from beyond.
(“Soundtrack on Moonstone Records!…Moontrack on Soundstone Records!”)
And as we now move into a FOUR-way debate of Joel v. Mike v. Jonah v. Emily, I’ll say Jonah still “gets” the show, and Hampton’s Crow is still funny–Even if Producer Joel insisted he “follow canon” and imitate Bill Corbett’s hyperactively self-amused Crow, and Hamp doesn’t sound so much like Corbett, so much as what would happen if Eddie Deezen took up riffing.
As for Emily & Kelly’s Crow….oyyy. Let’s save that argument for “Beyond Atlantis”, there’s a LOT to unpack there.
Oh hey, there’s the block button. It’s the “x” right next to his name.
We open up with Max pretending to read “Battle Pugs” which is the creator owned property for which newly minted MST artist Mike Norton is best known. Fans of the podcast Comic Geek Speak have known about him for years we are all proudly “supportin’ Norton” in his latest paid project. I’m very happy to see his signature creation get a few seconds of screen time on MST.
Then we move into episode 2’s new introduction. We have Dr. Kabal from the future. He is the financier of the Gizmoplex which suffered a meteor strike induced fire at the end of episode 1. Here we thought now that MST is free of any type of network we’d finally be free of notes. Not so. They are being mandated a second host. Two things. First off: I find it very odd this is introduced pre-experiment within this episode. I would have saved that for the post movie segment. Second: a second host?!?!?! Doesn’t he mean second test subject? There’s a note that was missed by Dr. Kabal. Oh that’s right. It’s just a show. I should really just relax.
Invention exchange. Jonah and the Bots give us Meat Cute. Is it just me or did they steal their Meg Ryan word play from Bucky Kat of Get Fuzzy. Meanwhile the Mads give us the Simulator of Love. They don’t spell out it will give us Emily in the next episode. They do mention its Bot are actually animatronic. I guess that explains the different voices they will have. But doesn’t that also mean they arent sentient like the Satellite of Love’s Bots. Oh that’s right I keep forgetting. It’s just a show and I should really just relax.
Host segment 1: While they completely hit the nail on the head about Drake, the premise of the sketch really fell flat for me.
Hots segment 2: There’s some cute stuff there, but as a child of the 80’s this just falls flat for me. I sure do remember dial up modems though. I live in rural area and had one deep into the 2000’s. Your mileage may vary.
Host Segment 3: There is much truth in what they were saying about sidekicks. It applies to Stumpy, it applies to The Load, etc…
Post movie segment. Jonah returns in his Mean Gene costume (sans AWA jacket patch) but instead seems to be doing Michael Buffer.
And we get the arrival of Emily Connor. I wonder what will happen to her…
Drake: There is a classic Bill Corbet as Crow riff that sums up how I feel about Drake. I simply refuse to accept him as this movie’s hero. Don Michael Paul simply cannot act. He lurches around in that cockpit more than William Shatner in the original series Star Trek. I think he tries to be egotistical but is too low rent to pull that off. He’s too plain to be smug. He’s too dimwitted to pull off cocksure. He’s too laconic to be edgy. It took no time at all for me to actively hate him. Then I still had 80% of the movie to go. Even the riffing had a rough time taking my mind off of how much I couldn’t stand him. Tom summed it up best in host segment 1. “You know how there are people who are so close to being hot but there’s that one thing that ruins it? Aha. Drakes is that one thing.”
Stumpy: This guy really wants to be a low rent version of Nestor “The Load” Paiva. Tom said it best in a riff: “Ah swift and stealthy and graceful as a marionette. ‘Nuff said.
What is the deal with the graphics on the monitors during this movie? This movie is allegedly from 1993 but those graphics scream mid 80’s. The remind me very much of Escape from New York.
This all adds up to a movie that even with Jonah and the Bots was very hard to get through. It would have impossible without. It was crap. But hey, the was made in my home state of Wisconsin.
Favorite Riffs:
The Mega-robot is fired on. Crow as Merle Haggard narrating the Dukes of Hazzard “Long about now Boss Hog had those Duke boys in a mess of trouble down by Toxic Tomb Creek.”
“See Stumpy? This woman cannot live without me. I think you need to be, you know, spanked.” Jonah as Drake “Well I’m pretty sure that won her over.” Leda punches Drake. Jonah “Woah, OK, I was wrong.”
Stumpy “Wow she’s got some pair of sweater puppies underneath those coveralls.” Jonah “The redeeming line we needed.”
Drake “Take a real long look in these eyes and tell me what you see. Crow “Okay, binge drinking, nagging game theory and personal space violations.”
Drake “How do you sleep at night Rooney?” Crow “Oh, with a CPAP machine and hemorrhoid girdle.”
Stumpy peeks around a rock formation. Crow “Utini”
Jonah on Drake’s attire “Is he wearing a sleeveless snuggy?”
During a gun battle: Crow “So who are we rooting for?” Jonah “Whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie.
Drake bounces about while launching the mega-robot. Crow “Ah want some fries with that shake Drake?”
Drake attempts to have a post battle moment with Leda. Crow as Stumpy “I got the numbers of all the hot lady passengers just like you asked Captain. Oh hi Leda. Any way you want those numbers alphabetical or by height or by shoe size you weirdo?”
Crow “The end credit blooper better feature Dom DeLuise.”
Thanks to whoever told me to more persistent getting episodes on demand from Pluto. I don’t understand why they bury they’re best feature. I’ve seen episode one and will start on this one when I can get to it. It’s nice being in the loop again. I’ve been a fan since the early 90’s during Joel’s heyday as host. I’d still like some DVD’s.
For those not on the Gizmoplex, the next episode Beyond Atlantis will be streaming on the Shout Factory MST3K Channel today at 0900 Eastern/0600 Pacific. Meanwhile currently featured episode Robot Wars will be shown today at 1500 Eastern/1200 Pacific.
https://shoutfactorytvlive.com/mst3k
You know, I don’t get the appeal of these giant, lumbering robots. I mean, what the hell is “futuristic” about ’em? Seems like pretty primitive technology to me. Why would you prefer them to supersonic warplanes, or tanks, or whatever? . . . They also always appear in movies that are purposely made to be bad. For that reason, I was very apprehensive about this episode. Season 12’s Atlantic Rim is the most unwatchable of MST3K Unwatchables (along with Mac & Me), after all. So, I was very pleasantly surprised by this ep. While I agree with everything you all have said about the “hero” and his sidekick (and everything else), I saw Robot Wars as perfect MST fodder, and I thought the crew had a lot of fun with it.
You’re welcome. :)
Barbara Crampton is so effortlessly charming that it annoys me Lena and Drake get together simply because they’re the leads.
I coincidentally watched Robot Wars for the first time a few years ago before it was announced for the new season. I missed it then but this time around I caught that it’s kinda wild that Danny Kamekona and Yuji Okumoto are together in this movie years after being uncle and nephew in Karate Kid Part II.
We’ll get into this with Doctor Mordrid but if there’s any major thing I would recommend, I wish the new show had more “cast and crew watchers”, the original run had several earned and recurring shots at Corman, Bert I, Ray Kellogg, etc. Charlie Band has to qualify for that treatment right? Tho I wouldn’t be surprised if getting the rights for the movies meant being careful
For sure, we’re seeing some good improvements from where I thought they’d already improved in season 12, and that Jonah crew definitely has real chemistry after 3 years now