Which got us to thinking: What if MST3K: The Movie had been released in 2,000 theaters instead of 50? What if, promoted properly, it had become the hit we all know it could have been? What if (as I like to think happened in some alternative universe) it became the first of a long-running series of MST3K movies. If that happened, what movie do you think they should have chosen to riff in “MST3K: The Movie 2”?
Remember the formula: It needs to be something where the rights won’t be break the budget, something that will be accessible to non-MSTies, it can’t be too terribly long or OVERLY painful, but wacky enough to inspire plenty of great riffs.
My pick: A*P*E* Color, horrible, short (and cuttable), big stupid monster, equally stupid humans. Perfect fodder.
What’s your pick? Show your work!
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
I’ve always been a fan of 80’s fantasy flicks and I think that the combination of color, 80’s style and really cheesy execution makes any of these winners…
“Wizards of the Lost Kingdom” (1985) – Not only do you have Thom Christopher of “Darkstalker and the Warriors From Hell” as a bad guy… again. But you also get a huge white wanna-be Chewbacca, lots of little people, really horrific costumes and a bat on a string. The downside is that this movie was probably made for kids and it seems wrong to pick on something that is supposed to be light and fluffy. Still there is a lot to work with in this one.
“Hercules” (1983 with Lou Ferrigno) – The 60’s versions of Hercules were always good for some laughs, but if you’ve seen these oh so painfully 80’s Hercules flicks with Ferrigno you’ll know that there is a lot to work with. You’ve got Herc fighting robots. You’ve got Herc throwing a bear into outer space. You’ve got a super synthy score that will rock your world. Not to mention eye candy for the guys (lots of girls in slinky half-outfits) and beefcake for the gals. It’s a win win situation in my book. And the sequal is even worse!
“Hawk the Slayer” (1980) – A fantasy adventure pitting Jack Palance (as the wicked knight) against, John Terry, one of the many actors who played Felix Leiter in the Bond movies. This movie is perfect. It has a low budget but they insist on having magic in it. So they use hula hoops, silly string and even an avalanche of ping pong balls. There’s horrid comic relief with a dwarf that will eat anything. The sets seem to wobble with the slightest provication. And the final battle includes nuns, swords, magic ping pong balls and just general chaos. A few recognizable British actors in this film make it more fun. Plus the story isn’t bad and it moves at a pretty good pace. Probably my top pick.
But I have to give a shout out to “Yor” “Ator” and “Gymkata”. All of those would be good picks, especially “Gymkata” since it’s right up there with Hi-keeba on the martial arts catch phrases the brains would use.
I think they should riff on the original Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie. Boy, would that be confusing. :)
As much as a LOVE it,Labyrynth would be the more mainstream Pod people.
ITs weird,has some not great acting,and scary puppets.
Or perhaps the Buttercream gang…its a kids staple at church,and while a good moral lesson..its..dull..it oozes of eighties sentimentality..kinda like the goonies
And for older movies,what about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny?thats the Manos of Holiday movies!
I would love to see
I saw Labyrinth in the theater. Someone should have hidden Jim Henson’s Pot. Is Hawk the Slayer the movie where Jack Palance wears a helmet covering half his face? It was a LotR knockoff. I remember in the mid80s CBS showed a lot of goofy movies on Fri or Sat night at 11:30. I remember seeing Q then too. Another new suggestion: Day of the Triffiads. Carniverous walking trees stalking a almost entirely blinded humanity in the aftermath of a passing comet. To make it weirder after filming someone added several scenes with a couple in a lighthouse who have nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
My choice?
The Phantom of the Paradise
“From Hell It Came” or Corman’s “Attack of the Crab Monsters”.
#154
About Day of the Triffids, I thought the ligghthouse scenes were importaqnt in adding to the sense of depth- all the world effected, everyone-even in an isolated lighthouse- threatened by the ents— Ah, I mean triffids.
#154
Yep that’s the one. Palance and Terry are supposed to brothers!?!? And the man that plays thier father looks to be about Palance’s age. And yes the helmet covers half his face.
I also for got to mention the use of sped up action to show great speed. There is an elf who talks like a robot(?) and shoots his bow really fast – which means it looks like he just snapped into the Benny Hill zone. You keep waiting for the Benny Hill chase music to start up. It’s great stuff.
I dig Labrynth too, I don’t know how well they’d do with all the musical moments. There are quite a few songs in there and MST3K was kinda hit and miss at riffing during songs.
In a musical vein:
1) The Fastest Guitar Alive, starring Roy Orbison. Roy can’t act, the gimmic is his guitar having a built in gun that goes off at the wrong time, “Indians” who make the Hakawi tribe from F-Troop look authentic. But wait – there’s more! It’s set at the end of the Civil War (Roy & his partner are Confederate spys) and all sorts of hilarity ensue.
2) Wild Guitar, with everyone’s favorite Cabbage Patch Elvis – Arch Hall Jr. This time Jr. is a hick from Spearfish South Dakota who comes to Hollywood and gets acidentally discovered on a local TV show. He gets taken in by an unscrupulous record producer (played by Arch Hall Sr., of course) and the mummies from Eegah make an apperance. Ray Dennis Steckler directed and co-stars in this one.
And three dramas (for lack of a better word):
1) The Norseman, directed by Charles B. Pierce (Boggy Creek) and starring Lee Majors as a Viking Prince looking for his father who has been kidnapped by Native Americans. Jimmy Clem (Crenshaw in Boggy Creek) is also in this one.
2) Framed, starring Joe Don Baker. Much like Mitchell there’s no real plot. JDB wasn’t framed, his character serves jail time for killing a sherrif. There is a prison shower sceen that rivals the Baby Oil sceen in Mitchell, and an annoying girlfriend who’s a nightclub singer.
3) Impulse, starring a post Star Trek, pre TJ Hooker William Shatner as a homicidal giggalo. The ShatMan is real “acting” mode in this one. Plus it has an obnoxious kid central to the plot.
I like John Hanna’s idea, “Kiss and the Phantom of the Park” super cheesy effects, bad dialog just plain silly. Cinematic Titanic take note. It would be awesome.
Reptilicus. Bad puppet monster. Bad acting. European setting.
# 170 – DantesRing
Wow! Great choices! I always loved it when a 70s movie or TV pilot was skewered, so those would be great! Especially Airport 75. It IS almost as funny as Airplane! It came on cable when I was on vacation a few months ago and I could not turn away. So cheesy and serious!
From the guys who made Girls Town: Sex Kittens go to College. I don’t know anything about it, but look at the cast: Mamie Van Doren, Tuesday Weld, Louis Nye, Martin Milner, Conway Twitty, Jackie Coogan, John Carradine and Vampira! Has to be great fodder for misting.
Also from the same people, The Beat Generation. With Mamie Van Doren, Louis Armstrong, Jackie Coogan, James Mitchum (Robert Mitchum’s son), Ray Anthony, Dick Contino as a singing beatnik!, Vampira and Max ‘Slapsie Maxie’ Rosenbloom. Just reading this cast makes me miss MST3K so much!
How about The Brainiac? Dopiest monster since The Crawling Terror (with its gliding carpet)! Lots of WTF science to describe a photograph of a comet being pulled across the screen by a stagehand! And they cast a guy who looks like a Mexican Larry Tate (El Stevens!). How can you reject a movie with ready-made riffs?
Completely off topic –
Someone above mentioned that a movie, What was it, Blood Freak? had a biker named Herschel.
Well, speaking of people named Herschel, heres a bit of trivia.
The real name of funnyman Bobby Bittman is Herschel Slansky.
Once again proving that there’s no reason not to live my life half way between fantasy & reality.
Great suggestions. Here are a couple more ideas:
The Prophesy- the 70’s environmental horror movie, not the 90’s theoligical horror movie.
The Exorcist II: The Heretic- a profoundly awful movie, Richard Burton’s presence could give monsterous riff opportunities, particularly with Trace’s awesome impression of him.
If going the black and white route, Plan 9 is probably the way to go. It has an audience of its own and would have novelty value for non-MSTies.
Another vote for Plan 9. I get why they didn’t do it on TV, but Plan 9 wold bring in a lot of newbies. Another I would LOVE to see them do is “Billy the Kid vs. Dracula”, but I don’t see that one pulling in new viewers. Maybe CT could pick it up?
I can’t think of a better one than A*P*E. When the guy in the gorilla suit throws boulders, you can see the strings attached to the boulders as they hit the toy vehicles. Perfect.
Well, maybe Hobgoblins 2, or Girlfriend from Hell (but they’d have to do a bit of editing on that one if they wanted a PG rating).
Ditto on that god awful Kiss movie.
Something nostalgic enough to be cross generational is best IMO.
Another option: Thrashin
Billy Jack.
As Stated By Brandon on June 23, 2009:
——————————————-
THE JETSONS MOVIE!
I can just imagine the “Tiffany” jokes.
——————————————-
Are You Crazy? 1. I liked that movie and 2. I think having Mike and the bots do Tiffany jokes would be too much of a risk to take and to me, even if they did, most of them would be insulting—- especially since I met her last summer in person.
I don’t know if anyone mentioned this one, but it seemed to be purposely made for MST3K.
Prison Planet it was also titled Badlanders
It is horrible yet hilarious.