During “Beast of Hollow Mountain,” Tom and Crow discussed the sort of monster movies they’d like to make. I’d like to pose the same question to you folks. I think I’ll take the same tack as Crow and go for a comedy. I give you: “Gamera House,” a tale of a fraternity of misfit kaiju at Chiba University, who constantly flout the authority of Dean Cornjob. We’re currently in negotiations with Toho to get them to lend us Jet Jaguar for the Stephen Furst role.
What’s your project?
I believe he’s referring to Tarantino’s supposed foot fetish (take a drink every time you see Uma Thurman’s bare feet in any of his movies she’s in). I only say “supposed” because I read it on the internet, and therefore, it gets automatic scare quotes.
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“Doppelganger”-A man is stalked by mysterious stranger that looks exactly like him. The Doppelganger starts to get acting jobs instead of our protagonist leading to his insanity. Starring Gene Roth as the actor and Merritt Stone as the Doppelganger
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And “Dopplerganger 2: The Estevev-ing”
Gare
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He was already planning the third one while making the second one. And for all I (and, far more to the point, you) know, he had both the second and the third planned while he was making the first.
In the well-over-a-century-long history of the film/television industry, is there anyone other than Joel that you do like?
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(himself)
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The Wild World of Gill Man –
The Gill Man is returned to the Amazon’s Black Lagoon with no apologies for the mistreatment he received while a “guest” at the Oceanarium. After a period of convolescense he becomes aware of a plot by mega corporation ConGypsCo to use the Black Lagoon as a water supply for a new rotenone factory. Sending out a very low frequency radio signal on the Lagoon’s secret transmitter (don’t ask, they just have one) the Gill Man contacts Jacques Cousteau aboard the Calypso and requests backup. The crewmen arrive wearing their jaunty red diver’s caps and proceed to taunt the factory construction workers calling them pig-dogs that smell of elderberries and threatening to taunt them a second time if they do not leave the Lagoon. Overwhelmed, the construction team packs up and leaves allowing the finally victorious Gill Man to return to his quiet life in The Lagoon with his blushing (and gurgling) bride Lori Nelson.
Note – No tropical fish were harmed during this production. Not even the French ones.
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My film would be the Universal Classic Monsters in a police drama.
Dracula would be the cynical, multiple divorced, Jerry Orbach-esqe cop.
Frankenstein’s monster would be the desk boss “DAMMIT, THE HIGHER UPS ARE BREATHING DOWN MY NECKBOLTS OVER THIS MESS!”
Werewolf would be the idealistic, rookie cop who refuses to have his job destroy his belief in the kindness of his fellow monster.
Creature from the Black Lagoon would be the medical examiner who would make weird borderline-inappropriate jokes while explaining the cause of death.
Mummy would be the forensics expert.
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What about the Invisible Man?
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He’d work undercover, of course.
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But there was no Invisible Man. At least, I didn’t see him.
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Cousteau voice over at the end: And as we left the Clam Flowage that day…
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An improved version of Mac & Me: The film opens with the alien family landing in the desert and the Beast of Hollow Mountain shows up early (for a change) and eats them.
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I forgot him. Maybe he’s the police snitch?
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