How about a discussion on the old “date, marry, kill” theme. Which MST3K character, in a film or a host segment, would you chose for each one.
For date, Natalie of Wurwilf. I think it would be absolutely fascinating.
Marry, Betty from Teenagers from Outer Space. She could do housework wearing that black bathing suit. Hubba hubba!
Kill, Melissa Strickland from The Touch of Satan. A mercy killing really, to get her out of the clutches of Satan.
Me: Date: Talena from “Outlaw of Gor”
Marry: Kitty from “I Accuse My Parents”
Kill: That guy from “Ring of Terror.” (Was I supposed to pick a woman? I just hate him so much.)
You?
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Date: the brunette villainess from Operation Double 007. Arguably the sexiest woman in all MSTiedom. (CK @14 – I think the Dutch gal you’re thinking of is in Secret Agent Super Dragon. Which is another great choice.)
Marry: Mary Beth Hughes is an excellent choice, but I have to join the chorus choosing Beverly Garland. Whether battling Venusian pickles, sweating after swamp diamonds or gunning down outlaws, she does everything with style and grace.
Kill: I really struggled with this one, so I’m going to bend the rules a bit and choose Adam West from Zombie Nightmare. I’ll kill him just as he’s being pulled into hell, just like he begged his partner to do. About as merciful as a mercy killing can get.
Reconsidering, I think I’d kill that fat barkeep.
I’m confused. I thought the point of a channel like BBC America was to show British programming. Then again, when was the last time MTV ran a music video? Even so, Blake’s 7 would have been more appropriate.
Date: Wanda from “Alien from LA”. (Though I wouldn’t say no to any of the gals from “Angels Revenge”.
Marry: Thena from “Quest for the Delta Knights”. Oh, that “balcony”. (Honorable mention: Deeja from “Robot Holocaust”. She’s as brilliant as her father.)
Kill: The Queen from “Outlaw”. She wouldn’t have time to kill me a disgusting worm.
Well, i’m late to this party, so none of my answers will be original, but here goes:
Date: Mamie van Doren, cause, well, just look at her.
Marry: Beverly Garland, smart, tough, gorgeous, could a man ask for a better partner in life?
Kill: Gloria Henderson, makes Larry Flynt look like a champion for women’s issues.
#52
Partially. The first year of Blake’s 7 was great. The second sort of sucked, especially the final episode. All fall down in about 3 seconds.
Btw, how about serial dating the girls of Spider Island? And if any giant spiders try to interfere just send for Babs and
watch them skitter away.
#56
There was a fat barkeep in Blake’s 7? And you want to partially kill the fat barkeep? Is the fat barkeep what makes you think S2 sort of and S3 totally sucked?
Latter seasons didn’t Totally suck. Just sucked. Sort of like they should have stopped The Godfather flicks after II. And for that matter after Aliens (2nd in the series). :)
You people want dark!? I’ll give you DARK!!
Date: Mamie Van Doren
Marry: Mamie Van Doren
Kill: Mamie Van Doren
What can I say, I’m complicated.
(but also consistent)
Date: John Agar. The smugness would get annoying after a while but he is nice to look at.
Marry: Hugh Beaumont. I don’t like to be the only smart man in a relationship and apparently I have a thing for the 50’s men.
Kill: That spaghetti throwing creep from Zombie Nightmare. Just can’t stand little punks like that.
Options for straight women are limited. Fortunately I’m not completely straight.
DATE/SLEEP WITH: Man, Bart Fargo from Danger! Death Ray. He’s pretty. Woman, Batwoman from The Wild Wild World of. She’s pretty.
MARRY/HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH: Not many of the men in these movies are really husband/partner material. (I’m not counting Mike Nelson and Kevin Murphy because they’re already married.) Maybe Arch Hall Jr’s character from EEGAH and Eegah himself. They’re both protective of Roxy, bring flowers, like her dad, and are willing to fight for her. And Arch has a job. Eegah looks a little better after his shaving.
I’ll agree that Beverly Garland would be a very good wife/partner to have by one’s side. Smart, strong, brave, and probably a firecracker in bed.
KILL/SMACK THE CRAP OUT OF: Man where do I start… The teacher in HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT, the dad in MANOS, Alexander Phipps and Judy’s brother in the “Young Man’s Fancy” short, John Agar on principle…Oh, and John Forsyth. If you’re not going to turn Ann-Margaret in, at least KISS her, you big dummy!!
As for women I’d smack, Jody from KITTEN WITH A WHIP. Honey, you’re more mixed-up than pancake batter. Get some help.
Sorry, but I hate the idea of killing anyone :) So I’ll call it marry, date, wish to the cornfield.
Marry: Erica Page (Allison Hayes) from Gunfighter. So she murdered a few people and tried to take over the town, today she would be like Beyonce! (minus the awful music)
Date: Jodie (Ann Magaret) from Kitten with a Whip. Granted, she’s a little wild, not marriage material, but buy her a nice dress and the world is your oyster! When you break up with her you better fake your own death, otherwise Jodie would stalk you and some kind of ‘Burning Bed’ scenario would result.
Wish to the Cornfield: Queen Lar, the treacherous, but still smoking hot Queen from Outlaw of Gor. No doubt she would call me a ‘Disgusting worm’, which would get old fast. But still, she is hot… Maybe date then wish to the cornfield? Can we do that? XD
And to those that want to kill Gloria from Sinister Urge, I almost out put her in the ‘Date; section! Something about her does it for me… (Oh, man, I may have said too much about myself!)
Date: Diabolik. It’s be great for a month or two, just to ride around in all those cool cars and help with capers and such.
Marry: Chase from Giant Gila Monster. He was cute, nice to his Mom, little sister and girlfriend, he had a job and a cool car and a good working knowledge of explosives. Good Daddy material.
Kill: Eric in The Screaming Skull. What an a-hole!
Oh, and as a postscript to who I would Smack the Crap out of: All the men in OUTLAW OF GOR, especially the author of those stupid books, John Norman. Only the 50 Shades of Gray books have given BDSM a worse name.
I think The Brain That Wouldn’t Die features women of all different spectrums who would fit the criteria.
Date Jodie
Marry Tundra
Kill Gloria.
Date: Fart Bargo- I mean, Bart Fargo “Bot-badot-badadaaaah!”
Marry: Critter
Kill: I have to agree with Sampo about the guy from Ring of Terror. KILL HIM!!!
now if I were straight it would be:
Date: Allison Hayes in pretty much any role, especially Livia
Marry: Beverly Garland in pretty much any role
Kill: The Fire Maidens of Outer Space, the Master’s Wives(put ’em out of their misery), the Whores of Spider Island… and finally Aunt Flavia “TRAY-SURE!!!”
For Me as I am:
Date: Betty from Teenagers From Outer Space-Nice girl, and her grandpa seemed nice too, might not work as a long time commitment as she seems like a dog person and I am more a cat person but I’d give it a whirl.
Marry: Carrie from The Girl in Lovers Lane-Nice woman who knows how to cook. I’d get her out of that godforsaken town before that jerk Jesse had a chance to harm her.
Kill: A four way tie. Estrella from Incredibly Strange Creatures…- Nasty woman who creates monsters that kill people. Betty from Teenage Big Shot-Money hungry shrew who destroys the decent Marvin. Amy from Hobgoblins-Unappreciative ice queen who is pretty nasty to the nice Kevin. Paula Perkins from The Violent Years-Another unappreciative jerk who destroys not only her life with her reckless and criminal acts but also her loving parents’ lives.
If I were attracted to men:
Date: Chase from The Giant Gila Monster- A nice guy who cares for mom and little sister and is handy with cars. i don’t know if I could live with Chase always having to do the sheriff’s work for him. I’d eventually tell him to run, but Chase seems to nice for that,
Marry: Jimmy from Teenage strangler: He’s protective of Betty and Mikey and he seems like a decent man. Plus, he didn’t steal no bike neither.
Kill: Another four way tie. Judge Clara from The violent Years: I wanted to beat that sanctimonious creep with his own gavel as he laid into the decent and kindly Perkins. Yuri from Werewolf: A mentally unbalanced jerk who attacks workers, is nasty to Natalie and attacks Paul who might’ve been able to get the dig some funding. Jesse from The Girl in Lovers Lane: Town creep and ne’er do well who attacks and harasses Carrie. Finally, Jerry from Incredibly Strange Creatures….I realize he’s not responsible for his actions after Estrella gets to him but he was a total putz before then too, ignoring his girlfriend to go to a dumb show and just acting like a dang creep.
#68 What do you have against the Fire Maidens? Even if barefoot dancing and light hearted bondage games aren’t your thing, why kill them?
Actually, if you were to date Diabolik, it might be a good thing for you in the long run. There’s no one else out there who would do so much to keep your love. You get a sudden desire for diamonds — or even a real Philly cheese sandwich — there’s a man who will kill to get them. That’s devotion…
Terry #68, If I was gay; Marry Troy. Date Rozdower, Kill Secret Agent Super Dragon. The Roz more as a drinking buddy.
This one’s just for the ladies (but I like it too!):
Date: Max Keller. He’s an unintelligible do-gooder but hey if he begins to annoy you at least it won’t be long before he heads out of town.
Marry: Chase Winstead from Giant Gila Monster. He has a solid job as a mechanic, he’s good with kids and you’ll have gila meat for a year or so. Just make him promise to stop singing.
Kill: That POS Inflated Kris Kristofferson/Micky Dolenz/Bastard Lou Reed from Devilfish. I’m gonna let my overwhelming hetero-ness take over but this clown killed at least three beautiful women that we know of. For what? A wad of cash? CREEP!
Date: Ev Kester from “Giant Spider Invasion”. She doesn’t really seem like the faithful type. She dis hit on her sister’s boyfriend and was willing to trade sex for booze…but I thought she was kinda hot.
Marry: Toss up between Thena from “Delta Knights” and Jessica from “The Thing That Couldn’t Die” Why not….I would be proud to have either of these ladies in my life!
Kill: Ross Allen from the short “Catching Trouble” What a dickbag!!!!
You know what? You’re right! I’ll change my “Kill” to the incredibly obnoxious astronauts instead.
DATE: Either Silver, from “Girls Town” (Mamie Van Doren), or else Natalie, from “Werewolf” (Adrianna Miles). HOTCHA!!!
MARRY: Vida, from “Girls Town” (Elinor Donahue): pretty, fast with a quip or a wisecrack, and (as seen in GT) can and will beat up anybody who tries to kidnap you — always a big plus.
KILL: Liz, the aging Romulan scold, from the “Is This Love?” short. Make her spend an entire weekend manacled to Eric Roberts’ sex chair!