Say you were starting a MST3K music label… what would it be called, and who would you sign and/or what albums would you produce?
I’d probably go with the obviously named It Stinks! Records, starting off with Winky’s Songs For My Totally Hot Girlfriend (You Don’t Know Her), the power-trio of Ken, Ken, and Kenny, and the hit single, Burning Ring of Filth, by the man in black himself… Digger Smolken.
Alert reader “NHCrypto” had a similar idea, and volunteered:
…Dave Ryder and the Railings perform their hit song “Screamin’ and Dreamin'”, which would naturally be some sort of futuristic disco music. Though death metal would allow Reb Brown to scream a lot…
Let’s hear ’em!
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I’d sign Music From Some Guys In Space, I’ve heard mood music is a great way to make a lot of money without a big initial investment.
The Master Records, featuring metal act Manos & The Vampire Wives, whose smash hits include “Torgo’s Knees Are Crushing My Soul,” “Sacrificial Satyrs,” “Interstate to Purgatory,” and “Wandering Cops.”
Longbone Records presents “Tracks of the Moon Beasts” Featurng the Band that Played California Lady’s mega hit California Lady. Also the Band that Played California Lady’s melodic masterpiece Rhode Island Lady. And a special live recording of the Band that Played California Lady’s acoustic jam session of California Lady, California Lady (special dance mix) and California Lady Redux.
My label would be called Danger! Disco!
Primarily, the albums would feature today’s top artists (or whoever we could afford) performing their own interpretations of the best disco tracks that MST3K films could offer, including such unforgettable tunes as the main theme from Riding With Death, the Hero’s Anthem and Do the Hustle from Puma Man, the title theme from Moon Zero Two, Shine Your Love from Angels Revenge, Keep Your Eye on the Sammitch from Mitchell, and presumably more!
There would also be disco-themed takes on such MST3K film song staples as Idiot Control Now from Pod People, Rock Candy Baby from Daddy-O, Night Train to Mundo Fine from Red Zone Cuba, Sideburns Don’t Need Your Sympathy from The Beatniks, Forgetting You from Manos, Deep Deep Down from Diabolik, and others!
For the sake of variety, there would be the occasional spoken word album by Mr. B Natural and The Dead Talk Back’s Doctor Krasker. And don’t miss “What Sin Could a Man Commit”, an emotional collection of hymns from the Amazing Colossal Man!
Boggy Creek 2 Electric Boogaloo Records presents the death metal band “Touch of Satan” performing such hits as The Dead Talk Back, The Screaming Skull, The Horrors of Spider Island, Parts, The Clonus Horror, Tormented, Bloodlust, and Creeping Terror. Also their brand new power ballad The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (I love you Jan in the Pan)
Solid Gone Jasper Records presents Eddie (Not Cochran) Crane singing his hit song, “Shut Up, Iris!” With special guests, Dick Contino and the High-Waisters.
my label ‘Back-alley Beating Music’just signed ‘Big Stupid and the Sex Poodles’ with their top 40 songs ‘Big Stupid to the Rescue!,’ ‘Now, Sadie Girl…”50 Dollars,’ ‘Glass Jaw Danny’ and the soulful ballad ‘Here’s yer Damn Rings.’
I would have a country western label called Gunslinger Records.
It would feature the Rose Hood Singers doing “I Shot My Boyfriend, Because he Shot My Deputy, the Mayor, and the Mayor’s Wife”. Pilot Pete would do his gospel song “God Forgives – But Lassie Doesn’t”. Remedy and the Wild Horse singers would do their ballad “Death Rides a Wheelchair”.
Insidious Earworm Music
All instrumentals. All torture. TORCHAAH!!
Torgo’s Theme
Secret Agent, Super Dragon Theme
Both released on extra LONG PLAY vinyl.
Seems to be a similar thread so I’ll go with essentially what I said then.
Label Buzz Records
Mr B and the Naturals
Fun, fun, FUNNNN!
Clean Your Horn Boy
Knew Your Father I Did
My label, Candy Counter Records, will launch with the debut album of William Sturdivant, discovered in an airport terminal. With a look that speaks to today’s made-for-TV-generation, this dirty, long-haired creep is destined for stardom! Even bald, bespectacled squares will be unable to resist his shimmering 12-string sound, and the melodic crossover appeal of tunes like “There’s Plain’ It, Then There’s Playin’ It,” “He’s Gotta Be Flipped Out,” “Nothin’ About Nothin,” and the album’s first can’t-miss single, “Blow It Out Your Ass.”
Since most record companies are owned directly or are a subsidiary of a larger corporation, I present Untamed Youth/GenCorp music company.
We have an all-girl Indy group the Racket Girls
A club remix of the 70’s party anthem “Shine Your Love.”
Joseph Javorsky, AKA Jj the Beast with “Straight Outta Yucca Flats.”
Hardcore metal band Tormented with their new thrashing single “Tom Stewart Killed Me.”
Eddy with very long awaited single “Leather Coat.”
And for the tween dance pop set, Emi Ito and Yumi Ito with “Mahara Mothra.”
Untamed Youth/GenCorp Music. Remember, radio plays what they want you to hear…
Great WDT! I’ve found that my stock answer to everything MST3K would work well here, as my music label would be called Beer on the Sun. It would launch with that Canadian classic, “Know Him? He Was Delicious!” and follow up with the brooding French ballad, “Je Suis Mort.” Beer on the Sun would also have a sub-genre for children and would include that classic song to sing on long car trips, “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, Eh?” along with “Pick a Peck of Pickled Pippers” and “Rowsdower, Rowsdower, Bippity Boppity Bowsdower.”
Party Beach Records!
Featuring all those kooky middleagers pretending to be teenagers.
Featuring Phil from Daddy-O singing today’s menu.
The World’s Oldest Teenagers from Earth vs. the Spider, playing in the gym!
The Zombie Stomp from Chip Douglas and his all skinny band.
Teenagers from Outer Space singing about TORCHAAAAAA!
And not to be forgotten: Yipe Stripes: And he didn’t steal no bike, either!
SIPP (Sessions in Space Presents) Love ballads:
When Loving Lovers Love, by the Brainiacs
Me and Mr. Be Natural, by Satan (or Stan)
Songs with piano accompaniement for Lovers, by Michael Feinstein
and so much more…
PROFESSOR GUNTHER is out of retirement, and he’s sassier than ever. Be sure to check out his first single in twenty years, “What Are You Doing Tonight, Sweet Cheeks?” It’s the first of a number of limited-edition releases by Wooly Mammoth Records.
Also, following the runaway success of Bus Drivers in Love, THE DEADLY MANTISES will be releasing their second CD, On Washington Monument, a collection of protest songs. “Meeting My Privates” will be the first single.
#13: “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, Eh?” is Pure Gold. My wife and I will be singing it on our next road trip to Calgary (which is actually where we’re from). :)
Thanks. Calgary is a great city. On your road trip, I and a ton of other MSTies would love it if you could find and take pictures of some of “The Final Sacrifice” locations!
#19: Will do! I’m sure someone has mentioned this on this site somewhere, but we’ve always thought an MST3K Movie-Related Calendar would be a good idea. The Final Sacrifice’s Alberta, Time Chaser’s Vermont, Horror of Party Beach’s Connecticut, Boggy Creek’s Arkansas Boggy Creek, that kind of thing.
And while this is completely random, and I don’t want to clutter this thread, I feel compelled to mention that while watching SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL last night we realized that Russ Conway (the Reverend Snow) plays the guy who checks for — and does not find any indication of — the “mushy” nose wheel. So far it has gone uncredited.
Gor Records presents the latest album by Cabot and the Outlaws, “Hey, Cabot”, featuring the new hit single, “The Moment I Saw Your Buffalo”.
Also be sure to check out the latest album from the Lost World Warriors, “Please Pleasence Me”.
Clown In The Sky Records presents the Best Background Music From The Thirties, Forties, Fifties, Sixties, Seventies, Eighties, and Nineties, all on one twelve-CD collection!
Featuring, ‘Are You Happy In Your Work,’ ‘Hideous Control Now,’ ‘Hooray For Santy Claus,’ ‘Hike Your Pants Up,’ and Steve Alaimo’s ‘Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying.’ Some of these songs have never been available in stores.
Band Who Played ‘California Lady’: “We, um, we got these and they’re pretty good, I guess…”
If you order within the next fourteen minutes, you’ll also receive this tote bag, perfect for toting! A twelve dollar value, for only fifty-nine-ninety-five!
Operators are standing by! Well, Ortega, anyway…
Megaweapon Records, an old fashioned vinyl record label with many albums out there – direct to dollar bins releases. Including:
A recording of original music – music in its very origin – made by Mr. B Natural in his/her/its inimitable style, called, of course, Music To Shoot Your Record Player By.
A kiddie record with songs by beloved children’s personality Petey the Plane. One favorite tune “Flag On the Moon, Beer On the Sun”, became a single.
An oddity, the album called Torgo’s Theme, which is different jazz, ambient, lounge, rock and R&B versions of the same haunting tune. A number of them use the theme as the backing track for hip-hop jams.
Gotta sign John Carradine. They didn’t call him “The Voice” for nothing, you know!
“Sessions Presents — TORMENTED TUNES! All the songs and artists mentioned in MST3K show 414 in a multi-record set! And every thousandth caller for this incredible album gets, absolutely free, models of the singers to pretend to plummet to their doom! Call now! Here’s how to order…”
Hobgoblin Records and their newest discovery The Club Scum Band.
Dance to their latest hits ‘Pig Sticker’,’Pig Liquor’, ‘Kid Snickers’, ‘Iced Chicken’, ‘Swiss Knickers’, ‘Lint Kicker’ and ‘Fish Picker’.
I’d go to a Digger Smolken concert. The man had a way with tunes. He was the Frank Sinatra of the middle ages. Digger Smolken live at the Tower of London.
I always wanted to start a band called Sex Factory (after Mike’s band, alluded to in Time Chasers).
New from SRA Records (think username):
Arch Hall Jr. & The Millers’ latest album “Caveman”, featuring the swingin’ “My Tires Are Filled With Water”, the 70s-tinged country ballad “Sorry About My Face”, and, of course, the classic “Vicky”
Folk duo Critter & Michelle offer their new release “Yak Boy”, including “Mop”, “Buzz Teleported”, and Michelle’s ode to her old place of employment, “EAT”
And the Sandy Frank Kids’ Choir, rocketing to the top of the charts with the always-enjoyable “Gamera Theme”
New on the Ziox Label!
Zap & Troy (with their band, The Non-Musical Mooks) perform the hit single ROWSDOWER SAVES US & SAVES ALL THE WORLD! by Danny Elfman (he’s the dad of Jenna Elfman [she’s the daughter of Danny Elfman]).
Special guest appearance by Mike Pipper on drums (what else?).
Buy it! This is important to me, dammit!
MSTie, I think the record label should be called Rowsdower Records.
Have to include the bongo players from The Dead Talk Back, as well as the jazz band (A Child’s Introduction To Jazz AKA “Toot toot-toot Toot”)
A-Tor and the Cavedwellers, featuring Thong on tambourine!
My new label Gorgo Mormo of the Thousand Faced Moon will soon be releasing Signed Copy of the Necronomicon: the first record by it’s flagship band Witch Revenge. Features the songs “Crispy Sister”, “The Fish Lives in Hell”, “We do this Every Week! (Burn me at the Stake)”, “Walnut Ranch of the Damned”, “Homicidal Gramma”, “Deputy on a Stick”, “ZAAAAAH!!”, “You can Trust the Devil”, and “I’ll Never Die Unless I get Laid”. Pre-Order your copy today.
The sad thing is this sounds a lot like a lot of the music I own.
Minneapolis! Are you ready to rock and roll?
Then please welcome – Arachnid records recording artists:
SPYDOR!!!!!!!!!
Next up, rising up the charts with a bullet, it’s Rex Dart and the Eskimo Spies, with their haunting melody, ‘Torgo’s Waltz.’
Now playing at the Valley Lodge, it’s Torgo’s Knees!
Next up, it’s Rocky and Ken performing their fameous duet, “He Tried to Kill Me with a Forklift”. Ole!
GIZMONIC RECORDS presents “SUMMER GOLD” (chart bottoming hits performed by various people:
The band “Phase IV,” doing their spectacular cover of the Dave Matthews Band’s “Ants Marching.”
“Lover’s Lane Girl” by The Big Stupids.
“Bird Is The Word,” performed by that weird new California band, “The Crawling Hand.”
Timothy Van Patten belts out the “Master Ninja Theme Song.”
The Fire Maidens, that awesome female band/dance troupe, (re)interpreting the Polivetsian (spelling?) Dance No. Two by Foriday (spelling?).
Speaking of Spelling, how about all-girl band “Angels Revenge,” performing their original composition “We Can Only Wish We Worked For Aaron Spelling.”
Merlin Olsen covering the Hoyt Axton song, “My My My My Mitchell,” but in lounge lizard style.
The Atomic Brains with their only song of renown: “She’s Old.”
Critter from “The Girl In Gold Boots” accompanies himself on his acoustic guitar “Traveller,” and performs “Do You Want To Laugh Or Cry,” plus a special bonus track, his never-before-released version of “Leaving On A Jet Plane.”
Florida’s own “Sargasm Fish” with their signature tune, “Doctor Z.”
Cathy from “The Bat People” with her haunting version of “Take Me Out To The Ball Game.”
Coily sings “Everyone Knows It’s Slinky.”
…AND MANY MORE!
Cornjob @34
I like to suggest “I Hope He Said Peanuts!” for your song list.
Wild Rebel Records present:
The Femtones rendition of “My lunch goes BLEAH”.
Steve Lame-o singing “I know what I like”.
GenCorp Records presents Time Transport, the new, ahead-of-its-time album by Vermont pop sensation Nick Miller. Produced entirely on a Commodore 64 inside a small, one-engine plane belonging to his grandmother, Time Transport features such hits as “Drop Shorts On the Runway”, “If You Love Me You’ll Let My Chin Butt Engulf Your Face”, “No, YOU Read It”, and “Rockin!”. Miller’s career is sure to take off when this one hits the runway – or we hope so anyway. Check it out at that hangar over there. No, the other one.
I’d sign Spy-Dor (the glam-rock trio) and Hee-La (the other glam-rock trio).
off topic (and not being political)
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/3-year-old-minnesota-town-youngest-mayor-article-1.2321879
James what do you think of the free trade agreement? I have to go horsies.
must be something in the water there in Minnesota.