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Weekend Discussion Thread: The MST3K Justice LeagueOn Twitter this week, there was a great thread in which people were asked to create a Justice League of MSTed movie characters.
It was a good idea and so I’m stealing it. Let’s hear your picks for the MSTed movie Justice League (and what each member would bring to the table). Ambitious folks can also populate an opposing Legion of Doom or pick villain(s), solo, in pairs or whatever. Go for it! (And keep those WDT ideas coming!) 41 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: The MST3K Justice League”Commenting at Satellite News
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Pumaman is a must, he’d be the team’s “big gun”.
Batwoman brings a strong female character, nebulous quasi-mystical powers, and a large support group to the team.
Eegah – No a bad guy, just misguided, and kept in check by Batwoman
Trumpy – He does stupid things! (plus it gives the team that alien, Martian Manhunter type presence)
Prince of Space – their weapons will have no effect on him!
For the baddies, my “Legion of Doom” would include..
Fu Manchu, the founder of the team, though no one can really figure out his plots, so they tend to follow…
Rat Fink, the team’s gadgeteer and brains.
Madam Estrella, whose hypnotic powers would come in handy, especially on..
The Beast of Yucca Flats – the team’s muscle
Sardonas, brought onto the team because his quasi-mystical powers and cult of thugs are a good counter-balance to Batwoman
Dr Leopold “ZaAt” – Because all villain teams need a fish guy.
Lots to work with here, but was trying to balance out the teams a bit, so kept them small. Otherwise we could be here all day…
The Justice League MST3Knational
Rowsdower would be the Batman character, only…well, Canadian.
Dave Ryder would be Aquaman, only more useless. But he’d have a golf cart and scream like a woman, so there’s that.
Nick Miller would be Superman, because his chin butt is all-powerful and he would screw up time by flying around the sun too.
Melissa Strickland would be Wonder Woman, though she left Jody some time ago and is once again chaste. Her lasso would be made of walnuts.
Santa Claus [the one from “Santa Claus”] would be the Green Lantern character.
Lupita and Troy McGregor would be the Wonder Twins.
Kline would be Commissioner Gordon
The LEGION OF DOOM would be:
The Master, a version of The Joker
Dr. Z, a version of Black Manta
J.K. Robertson would be Lex Luther.
Gloria would be Cheetah.
Pitch would be Sinestro.
Torgo would be Bizarro.
Mine would be more of a “Justice League International” mash-up:
Dave Ryder – aka Big McLargehuge, Blast HardCheese, thwarter of space mutinies
Sinbad the Sailor – Actually a Russian Imposter, but what the hey!
Mr. B Natural – Spirited Sprite uses music to instill terror on her enemies
Tony Washington – Avenging Zombie of your Nightmares!
Yertle – Shelless Turtle Alien what lost his laserblaster…
Kid Sidekick – Arch Hall Jr. (Woopee!)
.
.
.
Their enemies, the Fearsome Fivesomething:
The Master – Priest of Manos, enslaves women and children
Jan in the Pan – mind control, uncomfortable laughter, horror matching
Charlie Benton – The Sort of Indestructable Man
Billy Duncan – Errant Laserblaster
MEGAWEAPON – Secret Lair, ultimate power
Torgo – he watches over the Megaweapon while the Master is away (almost always)
Michelle Wilson from “Angel’s Revenge” – Powers: Blinding, shining love
Jodi Lee Thompson from “Touch of Satan” – Powers: yelling “Zat” or “Zap” (or whatever) to distract and confuse
Buzz Nichols from “Girl in Good Boots” – Powers: Teleporation
Zap Rowsdower from “Final Sacrifice” – Powers: Shapeshifting, can shapeshift into Barbara Mandrell.
David Ryder from “Space Mutiny” – Powers: Senior Citizen Seduction
Lea Jansen from “Space Mutiny” – Powers: Trent Lott table dancing, causes nausea and disorientation
Johnny Randall (Robert Reed) from “Bloodlust” Powers: – Sucking in the gut, deflects bullets
Chase Winstead (Don Sullivan) from “Giant Gila Monster” – Powers: Putting a leg up, airs out the little sizzler
Diabolik (Jon Phillip Law) – Powers: Driving to the store to pick up bread, stopping by the post office and meeting Delores for lunch. :rotfl:
Team leader – Rocky Jones who is able to overcome numerous difficulties (besides it’s his birthday)
Weapons expert – Ator. He is only one I know who can handle both swords and nuclear weapons.
Master of disguise – The undercover cop from Sinister Urge. His only weakness – getting hit in the head by porn directors.
Science expert – John Agar. He knows everything.
Spiritual advisor – Nun-hooker from Future War. Also acts as go between with street gangs.
Comic relief – Mayor Polk from Gunslinger. Always bragging what a tough fighter he is, and then runs away when the fighting starts.
Justice League:
Mitchell…he’s a tough, well, a slob, well…Can crush enemies like empty beer cans (after ingesting liquids in same). Supervillains think they
can take him. Go ahead on.
Lisa Henson (Time Chasers) a hard bitten cynical reporter with the Shopping News. Her superpower consists of blinding (and shocking)
evil villains by wearing two kinds of plaid
Goosio. Beloved Maltese icon. Revived when bitten by two Maltese hookers. He’s looking for 2 troublemaking robots, and this time
it’s personal!
Appalonia James. Superpower (caused by dating successively with Aram Fingol and the Chairman) the ability to appear out of thin air
as erotic art (with naughty bits tastefully covered)
One of the “Seven” (Does it really matter which)? All possess a frightening power to “Shine…shine…shine Their Love”. Well balanced
supervillains flee in terror at the sound.
League of Supervillains
The cook in Girl in Gold Boots.
The top bad guy in GiGB.
The assistant in the club in GiGB.
Harry Blatz in GiGB.
Buz (even though he’s just a child) in GiGB.
(Okay, not so super villains, but they are evil.
More of a “Final Justice League”:
Joe Don Baker as Sheriff Geronimo from “Final Justice” — Powers: drinking Alfredo sauce
Joe Don Baker as Mitchell from “Mitchell” — Powers: insulting little boys and slo-mo chase scenes
Mike Pipper from “The Final Sacrifice” — Powers: drawing lines with a ruler and channeling Yosemite Sam
The elderly couple from “Parts: The Clonus Horror” — Powers: baking cookies and getting blown up
The woman with the dark curly hair from “Space Mutiny” — Powers: reincarnation
Molly Mokembe from “Zombie Nightmare” — Powers: reincarnation, the back-up plan
I’ll just be reading everybody elses. :)
I’ve never been so excited for a WDT!
Gamera–I envision him as leader, because he’s both the toughest and most experienced of all the episodes’ heroes. Plus, rather than use conventional transportation, he could transport the entire team on his back! (If it works for Discworld…)
Silver/Penny Lowe (Mamie van Doren)–Tuuuuuffff! I bet homegirl could throw down–I know I certainly wouldn’t want her to hit me. She’s certainly got a lot of chutzpa, and I bet she’d be the first into the fray with or without feminite bracelets.
Ator! (and Thong)–Every team needs a guy in animal skins, but Ator doubles as the learned, wiser than the rest character. Plus, Thong could tag along as his trusty sidekick (and fisherman).
Mr. B. Natural! What can’t she? do–teleportation, transmutation, omniscience… He?’s practically the Guy Gardener Green Lantern!
Sybil (Estelle Winwood)–The token magic user.
The Daughter of the Ocean King–Talks to fish. Is there more to Aquaman? (dodges rotten tomatoes)
Coiley–He can alter the fabric of reality!!! Plus, like the Atom, he’s small.
Prince of Space–Yeah, he doesn’t use an arrow with a boxing glove on it, but he’s my choice for debonaire marksman.
honorable mentions–Keiko Umaro from Angel’s Revenge, Exeter, and of course, KLINE!
here’s my thoughts:
Big Stupid-the world weary loner who knows the streets and isn’t afraid to fight for a $50.
Commando Cody-master of the skies with his super jet pack. Has the superhuman ability to shoot his gun in mid flight without suffering the effects of reality.
Sinbad-master of the seas. has the ability to mooch off others and repel enemy and ally alike with his singing.
Hercules-superhuman strongman. can crush his enemies with ease….when awake.
Leah-geriatric dynamo. grit, determination and spunk all wrapped up in a uncomfortably tight jazzercise suit. Don’t tease her about her knowledge of modern dentistry.
League of semi competent evil people:
Diabolik-intensely skinny master thief possessing insanely, unrealistic good luck.
Dr. Z- former Nazi scientist and master of small inland bodies of water. Obsessed with fish. very obsessed.
Ro-man-alien invader and lover of bubbles. able to strangle kids and can, with some help, carry a woman around.
The Master-leader of Torgo and his undead wives, master of the dark arts and apparently owner of a small B&B in el paso Texas.
Taylor-greedy and conniving ’49er. Quick with a gun and master of poisons. hates kids and dogs.
Just give me Peaches from “Racket Girls” and Babs from “Horrors of Spider Island”. They can kick anybody’s ass.
This is why we love, “Satellite News”. Thank you Sampo.
Anybody except for Babs arch enemy Researching Researcher :shock:
Prince of Space, Batwoman, Pumaman and El Santo are the obvious big guns of the MST universe, so let’s bring in some second stringers:
Merlin – mystical expert on evil toys
Jet Jaguar – size changing robot with a permanent grin
Trumpy – alien vacuum cleaner
Hercules – somnambulist demigod
And refugee from the riff-trax dimension: Guardiana, aka Safety Woman
One night over drinks, Mexican Santa Claus and his buddy Santo (Code Name: Samson) hatch a plan to form a team of extraordinary heroes to protect the universe. Operating out of Santa’s weird observatory, they assemble a team including Ken from Fugitive Alien, Jet Jaguar, Batwoman, Pumaman, Zap Rowsdower, and the team’s wild card Diabolik. Trumpy is the team mascot, serving the same purpose as Doop from X-FORCE. Nick Miller is their “Q”, and with his technology they can travel to different times, planets, and alternate dimensions, fighting all sorts of evil. They could go to Gor (Outlaw), Terra (Stranded in Space), Atlantis (Alien From L.A.), Nirvana Village, the lost city of Ziox, Time of the Apes world, Russo-Finish World, various dystopian futures… In one issue they team up with Mighty Jack, and in another Rocky Jones and the Space Rangers… The premise is limitless!
Eventually Fu Manchu organizes a bunch of evil types fight our heroes: Kobras from Pumaman, The Phantom of Krankor, Robot Monster, Livia from The Undead, The Master & Torgo, and, inexplicably, Griffin from Red Zone Cuba. Their “Q” is Dr. Zorka from Phantom Creeps and their “mascot” is Bounce Bounce from Hobgoblins.
I’d read this comic book- er, sorry, graphic novel.
Most posters, I assume, will be concentrating on The MSTie League so my lineup for the Ensemble of Naughtiness…
1. Pearl Forrester: Well, obviously. Clayton would want it, of course, but Pearl would grab it away from him because he’d obviously just mess it up anyway, and he’d limp off to form a rival team with Frank, Mikey, and one of the masked guys from FINAL SACRIFICE, who’d go around stealing bikes, then denying it
2. Professor Bobo: Because he comes with Pearl and they do need an evil gorilla
3. Brain Guy: Again, comes with Pearl, and can serve as the Brainiac-like underutilized guy who obviously is trying to avoid getting too involved with this because it’s just too lame even for him
4. Bela Lugosi: Because they of course need a mad scientist to whip up the death rays and stuff
5. Pitch; The Devil’s minion, using his fiendish plotting, dreary slapstick, and terrifying dance skills to enslave the children of the world
6. Phantom From Kankor: To supply the evil laugh
7. Valeria from ROBOT HOLOCAUST: Because Pearl would want her fashion savvy
8. Tor Johnson: To lumber around mindlessly and wave his cane at little kids
9. Cleolanta of Offecious: Rocky Jones’ arch nemesis, who’d supply high tech but would come up with stupid plans because she’s only a woman and ruled by her heart
10. Torgo: To take care of the place while everyone else is away
11. One of The Groovy Space Chicks from GAMERA VS. GAOS: To supply giant stupid monsters
12. Kobras from PUMAMAN: Because he’s Donald Pleasence and he is funky
13. Crow: Because he’d insist on turning up there eventually
No Justice League would be complete without ROWSDOWER! In fact, he would be his own Justice League.
Too many to list.
JUSTICE LEAGUE
Vadinho
Pumaman
Prince of Space
Gamera
Godzilla
Jet Jaguar
Ator
Bart Fargo
Master Ninja John Peter McAllister
Hercules (first Steve Reeves film)
The seven ladies from ANGELS REVENGE
Deathstalker
Gemini Man Sam Casey
Dave Ryder
Zap Rowsdower
Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III from FINAL JUSTICE
Samson
Gabot
Batwoman
Dr. Neil Connery from OPERATION DOUBLE 007
LEGION OF DOOM
Megalon
Dr. Kobras from PUMAMAN
Phantom of Krankor
Flight Commander Elijah Kalgan
The Projected Man
Satoris
The She Creature
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Devil from THE UNDEAD
Floyd Wangler from ESCAPE 2000
Dr. Albert Balleau from BLOODLUST
Lara from OUTLAW
Torgo
The Master from MANOS
Indestructible Man
Dr. Kurt Leopold/ZAAT from BLOOD WATERS OF DR. Z
NEUTRAL
Billy from LASERBLAST
Paul from WEREWOLF
The Soultakers
Diabolik
My Legion of Doom would be all female, because as we all know, the female of the species is more deadly than the male…
It would be headed by…
THE LEAD BRIDE OF MANOS- she’d not actually do much except announce to the Justice League Super Heroes “You see how your power fails you” during fight scenes.
Assisted by her loyal sidekick VALERIA from Robot Holocaust, who’d stand by her side announcing how “You and such’nsuch are DWOOOMED!”
Big, Busty SHE CREATURE would do a lot of the heavy lifting…
ESTELLE WINWOOD from The Magic Sword and BABA YAGA from Jack Frost – well, they can do magic things – in fact, their hideout could be her odd, walking house in the forest.
The Justice League…
BLAST HARDCHEESE uh, I mean DAVE RYDER from Space Mutiny would be Superman,
The HUSBAND FROM “THE BAT PEOPLE” would be our Batman character,
DEVIL DOLL would play the roll of his sidekick Robin (just keep an eye on him and hide the sharp objects),
BEVERLY GARLAND is Wonder Woman, because of course she is,
MR. B NATURAL is The Green Lantern,
BUZ from Girl in Gold Boots is The Flash – he’s proven he can teleport, and that’s fast enough for me,
DR. Z is Aquaman – now using his weeds of deceit for good instead of evil…
and finally, PRINCE OF SPACE can be Martian Manhunter.
I’ve always preferred Avengers to Justice League. Just saying.
But I guess Justice League makes for a more interesting game.
Replace Superman with Pumaman, of course. And then Batwoman in place of Batman. Prince of Space can cover for Green Lantern, since he’s a space hero. Dr. Z or Creature from the Black Lagoon for Aquaman. Now Wonder Woman and Flash are hard. I don’t really have good picks for them. But if anyone is to cover for Martian Manhunter, can it be anyone other than Kimar?
Having established my good guy team above, it’s time for the baddies.
Team Leader – Bob Evil from Time Chasers. Industrialists seem to be fashionable as villains these days.
Sabotage expert – Suzie the acid queen from Skydivers.
Science expert – Professor Neon from Batwoman. If nothing else, he resembles Dr. Clayton Forrester.
Master (or rather mistress) of disguise – Mutant lady from the year 5000. Have face, will travel.
Spiritual adviser – Priest from Mole People. That beard alone says that he is evil.
Comic relief – KGB agents from Beast of Yucca Flats. Can’t hit a target the size of Tor Johnson? No wonder they lost the Cold War.
Sorry for my ignorance, but who is Sardonas again?
From Final Sacrifice; Canada’s answer to Jim Jones.
It’s actually Satoris. Sorry to sound so picky. I’m constantly misspelling it myself as Sartoris.
Nice to see all the love for The Final Sacrifice.
John Peter McCallister, the only Occidental American to become Ms. Japan leads this crew with his stealth-like reflexes and amazing ability to hide his gut when wearing his ninja outfit.
He’s joined, of course, by Max Keller – because, these two were the Riggs and Murtaugh of their day.
Mitchell is a part of the squad because he’s really, really good at parking outside of bad guys’ houses.
Merlin (from Merlin’s Mystical Shop of Wonders) uses his wonderful, funderful magic to strike fear into the hearts of men by sicking evil monkeys on evildoers.
Santa (from the Mexican Santa Claus movie) has defeated Satan and he’s tight with an alternate universe version of Merlin.
Finally, Jim Conrad takes a break running San Francisco International to do his job, his way.
Simple,
Of course
1: first would be the duo of Prince of Space AND Krankor!! yes it is the Tony (Iron Man) Stark and Bruce (Hulk) Banner of all time. Discord and Harmony !!! “Discharge the Caustic Vapors!!”, and “YOUR WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST ME!!!”
The raw passion and antimony between these two major characters would rival that of ANY so called superheroes!!
“HULK SMASH”” errr, wait. ,maybe not …. “KRANKOR GAS!!!” then: … ” no one move or else we will kill some differens!!!
well maybe no…
then:
of Course PUMAMAN! “he flies like a moron..” .
well maybe not..
Sampson!! (as in verses the Vampire Women), yes!!!! wait if the guy is slightly stronger and looks like a werewolf then its hats off!
no wait,
Space Chief!!!.. wait that isn’t his real name.. we NEVER DID learn his real name… was it Wally? no that was POS…
GOLLY, its JUST like the real problem of trying to find CREDIBLE D.C. SUPEROES! ? which is IMPOSSIBLE!(THEY DON~T EXIST!!!!! LONG LIVE MARVEL!!!)
Just so long as it’s not Droppo.
Justice League
PumaMan – the Superman of the League (Kind of.)
Ator – The mysterious warrior with book learning. He can fly, blow doors off their hinges, serve as a healer, fight and, if necessary, call upon the power of the Geometric Nucleus.
Sam Casey (Riding with Death) – His invisibility, naturally.
Prince of Space – The Adam Strange/Hawkman of the group.
Kako (Angels Revenge) – The swordswoman.
Klyton (robot Holocaust) – Every team needs a robot. (Red Tornado, the Vision)
Hercules – Super strength, obviously.
El Santo (Samson vs The Vampire Women) – A wrestler seems pretty handy in a fight.
Gumby – The shapeshifter.
Godzilla – When things are really tough, the call in the big guy,
Wanda (Alien from LA) – The sidekick who constantly gets kidnapped.
Legion of Doom
The Dark One (Robot Holocaust) – The real mastermind of the team.
Kobras (Pumaman) – The Lex Luthor of the team. He’s already got the bald part down.
Krankor – Evil counterpart to Prince of Space.
Lara (Outlaw) – The femme fatale.
Lord Vultare (Quest of the Delta Knights) – The evil sorcerer.
Scrotor – The mindless henchbeing.
megalon – Evil counterpart to Godzilla
Hey!
So who comes off as more effete, Droppo, Mister B Natural, or the Devil in the Mexican Santa Claus movie?
And what would Tom Servo or Crow say if Mister B Natural dated Caitlin Jenner?
My picks:
Rowsdower! Powers include guzzling cheap booze by the gallon, making grappling hooks appear out of nowhere, and his hair is an elaborate network of nerves constantly sensing danger.
Mitchell – Powers include guzzling cheap booze by the gallon, eating everything in sight, and being too slippery to hold thanks to his thick coating of baby oil.
Sheriff Geronimo – Powers include drinking milk, failing at everything, threatening women with coat hangers.
Torgo – Powers include his smooth way with the ladies.
Ortega – Powers limited to his overpowering odor, and boosting the egos of the rest of the group. Even Torgo can say, “At least I’m not that guy.”
It’s not really a Justice League, it’s more like a “just us” league.
How about an MST Justice League for giant monsters?
-Godzilla is the team leader, as he’s the smartest and most powerful.
-Gamera is second-in-command, as he’s pretty strong, himself. Also, since he’s more sentimental, he balances out the more serious Godzilla.
-Jet Jaguar, being a robot, provides the expertise with gadgets, as well as having new superpowers whenever they’re needed.
-One of the “dinosaurs” from “Lost Continent” provides knowledge of prehistoric Earth, as well as some added muscle.
-Glen from “Amazing Colossal Man” provides the needed and now-traditional team member with a tragic past and grim outlook.
-And Kenny from “Gamera” is the insufferably cute team mascot who constantly needs rescuing.
-And they all take their orders from Keith from “Space Travelers”, simply because he’s played by Gregory Peck and, thus, is universally respected and obeyed.
How’s that?
The Heroes:
Jack Frost – He makes Mr. Freeze look like a pantywaist.
Father Mushroom – He can turn a guy into a bear head, plus he has a built in cloaking device.
The Blacksmith from The Day the Earth Froze – Every super team needs a techno guy who can make stuff.
The North Wind from TDtEF – He can make the boogers in your nose freeze! Now that’s a superpower!
The Villians:
The Step Mother from Jack Frost – The woman packs more evil per square foot of face than anybody else.
The City Councilmen from Sinbad – I hold them squarely responsible for Duck Dynasty. Now that’s evil!
The Catfish from Sinbad – I gotta feeling he was raised in a Chinese sewage pond filled with steroids.
Old Timer Billy Slater – The only one not in a Russo-Finish movie and he likes kids maybe just a little toooo much.
I believe you mean “Satoris”.
I’m not a big super hero fan, but I’ll give it a shot here.
The villian from “Devilfish”, for being able to kill people with his face.
Nick from “Time Chasers”, for being able to kill people with his chin.
And the whole “Angels Revenge” team. for being able to control men with their breasts.
THE JUSTICE LEAK:
• “Super” Don Quixote from Super Don Quixote – Having traveled the world, rescuing princesses and battling evil witches & undead threats (plus having the word “Super” in his name), he’s the natural choice as the leader of the team. (Thankfully, in his “Super” form, he fights threats which actually exist in reality.)
• Ninja Hayate from Ninja Hayate – Provides the team with valuable ninja fighting skills. Also shares Ator the Invincible’s ability to produce hang gliders out of nowhere when needed. Is occasionally ribbed by his teammates for the “skirt” he wears. (“True ninjas have no need of pants!”)
• Rock Knight from The Space Adventure: Cobra, The Legendary Bandit – “Fancy a joust? OF ROCK?!” Fights evil via electric guitar sonic attack, while wearing a full suit of medieval armor. (Presumably, one of his super powers is that he can do this without collapsing from exhaustion or sweating to death.) Often has his trusty sidekick Parrot Grass to add “witty” parrot-style commentary to events.
• King Graham from King’s Quest V – While easily distracted, he fulfills the “talking to animals” requirement of the group. Also provides valuable insight to the team by learning from his various deaths in alternate timelines. (Accompanied by Cedric the Owl, who provides the mandatory “annoying unfunny comic-relief sidekick who doesn’t do anything useful” requirement.)
• Silver the Hedgehog from Sonic ’06 – Covers the need for a brooding, angsty hero on the team. Plus, he’s from THE FUTURE™. (Accompanied by his sidekick Blaze the Cat, who may or may not be a figment of his imagination, as nobody else ever interacts with her or acknowledges her presence.)
• Burns Byford from T.R.A.G.: Mission of Mercy (aka Hard Edge) – The bomb “expert” of the group, providing “Byford Bombs with anchovies and extra cheese!” Regularly punches his fists together enthusiastically to get the group pumped up, particularly if he needs to distract from his occasional failed attempts to defuse the bombs they encounter.
• Time Gal from Time Gal – Can briefly stop time during battles, and is actually able to travel thru time at will. (Strangely enough, though, she only does so when the plot needs her to.)
• BillyMC and The Lime Popsicle – Local kids who provide valuable help, by asking simple questions which the Justice Leak can use to provide exposition to the audience.
THE LEGION OF DUMB (ensconced in their Unregistered Hypercam 2 Fortress):
• MAM from Deep Freeze – Leader of the Legion. Confined to a high-tech wheelchair, she nevertheless successfully keeps everyone under control and focused on their latest evil scheme. Accompanied by her sons, Phobos (whose calm, brooding demeanor covers his recurring attempts to subvert MAM’s plans for his own ends) and Deimos (an insane loudmouth with sudden mood swings who doesn’t think twice about using rocket launchers in confined areas).
• Crystal Boy from The Space Adventure: Cobra, The Legendary Bandit – The calculating mastermind behind many of the Legion’s plans, whose body is made entirely of transparent crystal (to the point where you can see his metallic skeletal structure). Secretly regrets his choice of villain name.
• Ridley from Metroid – A formidable dragon-like alien creature with a screechy Joisey voice. Also provides the Legion with some evil comic relief. Occasionally accompanied by the disgraced Commander Adam Malkovich, whose cold, controlling nature and “perfect military mind” somehow fail to provide any plans of value to the Legion.
• Gasshu from T.R.A.G.: Mission of Mercy (aka Hard Edge) – Big, tough and mean, his plans always seem to involve installing bombs in buildings with really long timers, giving the Justice Leak plenty of time to defuse them via increasingly improbable plans. Can also somehow shoot laser beams from his eyes, though this weapon apparently also prevents him from seeing well enough to aim it properly.
• Mordack from King’s Quest V – An evil wizard belonging to the Society of the Black Cloak, who can shape-shift and cast spells at will. His abilities are serially underutilized by the Legion, and he often ends up grudgingly allowing them to meet in his castle whenever the Unregistered Hypercam 2 Fortress is being cleaned or renovated. Accompanied by his brother Manannan, who’s stuck in the form of a talking cat because… continuity.
• Iblis from Sonic ‘06 – A magma-creature somehow responsible for the creation of a post-apocalyptic world in the near future… until a complicated time-travel plot prevented that future from happening. Nowadays he tends to be a bit of an exhibitionist, shaking his man-boobs at his opponents to fire flaming rocks at them. Generally uses very slow long-distance attacks with patterns his opponents can observe and learn to avoid.
• The Evil King of the Poachers (aka “The Zookeeper”) from Growl – An evil robotic hunchback clown. With a rocket launcher built into his hump. And claws which double as machine guns. And a green alien worm living inside him and controlling him. He splits his time between working for the Legion, and masterminding an animal-poaching empire on the side… because, why not? (SHBROOM!)
"Dead to rights?"
"Dead to rights."
…okay okay, sorry for drawing from the wrong fandom for this post, but most of the MST3K ideas I could think of were already taken!
On the plus side, the fandom I’m drawing from here is a spiritual descendant of MST3K, so I’m hoping someone here is already familiar enough with them to appreciate this.
I see the Master and Torgo as part of the Legion of Doom. But when Torgo is ordered to kill the child of the woman he loves as part of a ritual sacrifice to open a portal to a Netherworld Torgo betrays the Master and stabs him with the ritual dagger instead. In the ensuing melee with the Justice League Torgo is mortally wounded and dies redeemed in the arms of the woman he loves (which is an enormous relief to her since she finds him disgusting).
I want The Guy From Harlem in my Justice League. He’s from Harlem, but not in Harlem. He can gather precise intel about things no one has ever seen. He can always call for help from the kids in the video arcade that follows him around. And when a lady needs to be treated in an extra special way he can call someone who can do it in an instant.
For a Legion of Doomer: The Boy in the Plastic Bubble could have his bubble fortified with armor and fitted with appendages and armaments by a malignant cult. He could terrorize his opponents with his awful music and readings of Dianetics. Plus, anyone who attacked him and punctured his armor would make him die and they would feel bad about it.
Just going off the template for the founding members of the Justice League, I’d like to submit the following MST3K’d roster:
Superman – Big McLargeHuge aka Dave Rider (Space Mutiny)
Batman – Ator (Cave Dwellers)
Wonder Woman – Greta (Jungle Goddess)
Green Lantern – Coily (A Case Of Spring Fever ~ short)
The Flash – Torgo (Manos: The Hands Of Fate) “Here I go! Vroom!”
Aquaman – Ross (Catching Trouble ~ short)
Martian Manhunter – Ben Murphy (Riding With Death)
Everyone fits nicely once you think about it.
Dave Rider is a sculpted invulnerable do-gooder; Greta lives in a jungle and is royalty; Coily is magic; Torgo, of course, is the only logical choice for The Flash; Ross bends animals to his will (even underwater bear cubs!); Ben Murphy comes from space (after a fashion), fights crime, and also turns invisible.
The kicker, though, is Ator. Ator really is darn near Batman once you start digging in to his attributes (an orphan, a hideout in a cave, plenty of gadgets, a sidekick, a love interest he ignores for the sake of his mission, and a sweet hang glider/Batwing). It’s uncanny (X-Men pun unintentional, of course).
Dang it. Dave RYDER not Rider.
And it is heartening to see that Gristle McThornbody and Ator (and even Coily!) were pretty high up there on a lot of people’s lists.