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Weekend Discussion Thread: Stupidest Character in a MSTed MovieKeep those suggestions coming. But in the meantime this one is from me, and it’s spinning off of Thursday’s episode guide. As was noted, Jimmy in “I Accuse My Parents” is, well, kinda stupid. But is he the stupidest character of any MSTed movie? If not, who do you nominate? Me, I’m going to go with John Forsythe’s character in “Kitten with a Whip,” who is so crushingly stupid every time I see that episode I just want to leap through the screen and strangle him. But hey, that’s just me.
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Wow…where to begin…The above choices are very worthy. Let me try to find other cnadidates not mentioned.
Cabot’s sidekick from Outlaw seems like a real muttonhead.
The “hi-keeba” guy from Women of the Prehistoric Planet or the Fabian guy from WOTPP.
Most of the locals Attack of the Giant Leeches would score low on the Wonderlic Test.
The no-goodniks from “Zombie Nightmare” are classic teenage dolts.
Laserblast aliens were mentioned but how about the main character? Another teenage dolt that decided to find alien technology and not report it – but rather pick it up and play with it???
Johnny from “Time of the Apes.” Being youthful is fun but to be apathetic during an earthquake is not smart (from one who has experienced a couple of earthquakes.)
Lee Van Cleef from “It Conquered the World” deserves a nod for working with the aliens.
Both Sam and Buffalo in Riding with Death. They’re equally moronic, so together the level of stupidity is exponential.
Really, just most of those annoying Japanese kids in those Godzilla and Gamera films. Kelton in Bride of the Monster was pretty dumb too.
Police Chief Gebar from Time of the Apes. He was rock stupid- never could figure out that Godo didn’t kill his kid.
The lady scientist from Time of the Apes is pretty dumb, IMO. There’s an Earthquake, and you head for the hibernation chambers?
Beverly Garland’s character in It Conquered the World qualifies as stupid for taking on the title character, but I’d never fault her for it.
And, to everyone picking out Robot Monster, it’s the kid WHO DREAMED THE WHOLE THING that’s the supreme idiot there.
But, for now (I’m up to Gamera vs. Zigra in my watch/re-watch right now) the winner is Kathy Ireland. And I thought she was hot before I saw Alien From L.A. on CC. :pain:
Has anyone mention ed the hoodlums in The Violent Years who respond to the police interrupting their mild vandalism by opening fire with their handguns? Way to go from juvenile hall to death row in less than a minute.
There’s also the law officers in Coleman Francis films who respond to any situation by getting in a light aircraft and shooting at anything on the ground that moves. Where is this procedure?
There truly is an embarrassment of riches in this topic.
i had referenced ‘Winky!’ in my post earlier this week and their was peace in my village for a while then ‘Outlaw of Gor’s’ Whatley strod in and hunkered down to several choruses of ‘Cabot!’ and thus my brain was crushed.
@ #96: Schilling just wrote the screenplay. The director was Michael Rissi.
Nick from “Hobgoblins”.
I always thought Grandpa-Is-He-Missing-A-Finger-Or-Is-He-Flipping-Me-Off from Teenager From Outer Space was a wonderful intersection of stupidity and naivete. Also, the teacher\mastermind and trampoline super-model from Angel’s Revenge had a combined IQ of 2, making them possibly the two stupidest people in film ever.
Track of the Moon Beast: the cops at the end who blindly fire their guns into the dark at the sounds of a woman’s screams!
Estrella, the mole-faced gyspsy woman in The Incredibly Strange, Etc.: “You feelthy peeg!”
I almost forgot the 12 year old in San Francisco International who decides to steal an airplane to get his bickering parents attention. Mission accomplished. Too bad he didn’t know how to fly. Maybe he just had a death wish and didn’t know it.
Madame Estrella could arguably be either stupid, lazy about long-range planning, or a hoarder. I mean, if you throw acid in the face of everyone who annoys you and lock them all up in a closet, they’re bound to pile up.
Only folks I haven’t seen mentioned are from CODENAME: DIAMONDHEAD. Okay, the female operative’s cover is blown. Diamondhead tells her to lock herself in her apartment because the bad guys are looking for her. She does so, then changes into a bikini and GOES OUT ON THE TERRACE TO SUNBATHE. She’s clearly visible from the beach. It’d be a cinch for the bad guys to pick her off. So what do THEY do? They go into her apartment building so they can break through the locked door. Brilliant.
The one stupid Doctor in ‘Monster-a-Go-Go,’ who had found the mutated spaceman, and KEPT HIM IN HIS LAB SECRETLY FOR WEEKS GIVING HIM THE ANTIDOTE WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE!!!!
I hate his excuses for why he didn’t tell anyone:
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“Blame it on my state of shock.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“I could only think to log what I had witnessed.”
“Yes…BUT WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ANYONE!?”
“”What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent? I don’t have a precision mind like yours!”
That guy would be shown the door asap in my book. Him and that assistant logging information who didn’t give a coherent answer either.
And speaking of stupid, the gods and every other human being in ‘The Pumaman.’ The gods weren’t trying to make man free, they just got lazy, left that goofy mask behind and hoped noone with world-takeover issues would find it. Lazy @$$e$!!!
Oh, and speaking of stupid, or clueless, the guy who got raped in ‘The Violent Years.’ I bet he still looked clueless when she started to undress in front of him. It would have been funny if all his friends ask him questions, and all he can say is, ‘I don’t understand what they were trying to do to me. It felt so terrible.’
Btw, that one guy in Yucca Flats who just started shooting at the first guy he sees on the plateau, without reason. Then again, there’s plenty of stupid people in Coleman’s films:
the two drifters in ‘Red Zone Cuba.’ Why do they stick with Griffin? What’s he going to do to help them? Plus, they stay with him after he whips the one guy for his ring?
the entire town coming out for ‘NIGHT PARACHUTE JUMPING!?’ How would you see anything!?
Wow, you could really do a whole “stupidest character in EACH movie and short” discussion! You all have definitely given me something to look for on my future MST viewings: who is the stupidest character in this episode? Because they’ll always be one.
The scientists and staff who allow the lobotomized Richard escape from Clonus with damning information, but then ultimately Richard for choosing to go back to Clonus because he feels out of place and wants to be with Leena. An admirable decision of the heart, but realistically not a smart move. And Richard’s clone daddy for believing that raft of crap as to why Clonus is a good thing.
I’ve always thought Mike, the dad from Manos was dumb also. Wanting to stay at the house despite his wife and Torgo not wanting them to stay there, and being a jerk at the same time. Then when his lazy wife doesn’t want to walk to safety, he decides to go back to The Master’s abode. Maybe the Master and his wives wouldn’t go back to their own home…
CORNJOB @ 113:
Nailed it. I completely forgot him.
Any character who got outsmarted by a child should be on this list.
As long as Clonus has been brought up, how about Peter Graves? He gives that terrible speech at the beginning of the movie and immediately blows his cover with his brother when asked about Clonus. If his brother wasn’t such a dolt, most of his lines would’ve been exposed for their stupidity.
While he wasn’t as rock stupid as most, Diamond Head deserves mention for making the extremely conspicuous Zulu tail Tree’s henchman. A blind person would’ve noticed him.
And while people have mentioned Rommel in Sidehackers, no one’s mentioned the stupidest thing he did: He went out of his way to antagonize Paisley when he rejected her. He had a perfectly good reason, a much more obvious one, that wouldn’t have required insulting her, (that is, that he was engaged to Rita) and he didn’t use it. Instead, it was “insult and reject the emotionally unstable girlfriend of the homicidal psychotic”. Great idea there, chief.
And the insult was bizarre anyway, since it was the first time he’d given any indication that he didn’t respect Paisley and thought she was a silly little girl. Plus, that he wasn’t picking up on her interest before then was a little thick of him, especially since he didn’t use his engagement to Rita as an excuse.
The rock star guy from “Pod People”. First, he cheats on his girlfriend RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND. If that’s not bad enough, he then decides to take his new fling, his girlfriend and his band (ostensibly- do we ever really know for sure who those other people with him are?) deep into the woods for a vacation and does nothing while everyone around him gets picked off by the least-threatening film monster EVER except anger the only person with access to a weapon.
Dirk Squarejaw from rocketship x-m I believe he is the guy from texas if not I think the guy from Texas is the stupidest character ever!!! :skywalker:
We might as well mention Buzz Turner, too: “Oh, I wish I could fit in at school. I know! I’ll take the advice of the sexually confused shrieking elf who inexplicably apported in my bedroom!”.
Then again, all the mental hygiene shorts are decidedly questionable. Who knows how things would have turned out if kids weren’t urged in the Forties and Fifties to take advice from hallucinations and disembodied voices…
Re#119
Thanks for the props. And really kid, there is a difference between a cry for attention and a suicide attempt, and you’ve crossed the line. I never would have even tried to drive a car when I was 11. And if I’d stolen an airplane and flown it without dying, my Father would still be yelling about it.
Roxy in EEGAH! if only for this dialouge:
MILLER: It looks like a footprint.
ROXY: It is a footprint! There’s the heel and there’s the toe.
Everyone has so many great suggestions, I’d like to call a tie. But I’ll nominate Vadinho the Aztec from “Pumaman” for persisting in his belief system despite repeated evidence that his Messiah is a absolute moron.
The cops in Wild Rebels who put up a road block but left the turnoff 10 feet in front of them wide open.