Long Weekend Discussion Thread: “Death Rat”

Our topic this weekend is “Death Rat,” the 2003 novel by Michael J. Nelson. It’s the story of one Pontius Feeb, a down-on-his-luck Minnesotan author of obscure history books who, desperate for cash, writes a ripping man-against-the-wilderness yarn that could sell millions, only to be told he cannot sell it because he doesn’t look the part of the dashing adventure author. His harebrained solution to this problem causes unforeseen reprecussions for a hapless actor/fast-food restaurant employee, the 38 inhabitants of a tiny Minnesota hamlet, a mellow-voiced author of books about smalltown Minnesota life, an excitable funk music superstar, a quartet of snooty Danes and the state’s gruff, two-fisted governor.

Fans of Nelson’s caustic sense of humor (and I’m assuming 95 percent of those reading this are) will, I think, find his way of telling a tale charming and almost immediately hilarious. We’re used to seeing Mike in two- or three-minute snippets, so it’s a revelation to see him set out a longform story and see it through with his inimitable style.

I present this sample, which, when I was reading it this time, had me literally shaking with laughter.

He was sneaking his way over to Ponty’s cabin when voice from above made his spine stiffen and his arms shoot out at his sides.
“Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack,” said the voice.
Jack scanned the sky around him and saw King Leo perched on the low branch of a medium-size white pine, his back resting against a branch above it. Jack made a conscious effort to quiet his aroused nervous system before speaking.
“King Leo,” Jack observed.
“It’s nice up here,” he said.
“I’ll bet,” said Jack. “Um … whatcha doin’ up there?”
“I couldn’t do my meringue bath this morning so I came up here for a little peace and reflection. Communing with whatever I could find.”
Jack’s concentration was so absorbed with slowing his breathing that he let King Leo’s sentence slip by him without even attempting to comprehend it.
“Uh-huh.”
“We belong here, Jack. Are you feeling it?”
“Sort of.”
“Just a moment ago, as I sat here in this tree listening to the birds, watching the hamsters scamper across the damp forest floor, I felt a profound sense of peace. And apprehension, too.”
Jack put his hands in his pockets and looked down while trying to find the handle on what King Leo had just said. Though he recognized immediately some deep problems with it — among them, how one could simultaneously feel a sense of profound peace and apprehension (and, because they were standing among sparse trees, he might also have quibbled about the term “damp forest floor”) — he asked for clarification on one particular point.
“Hamsters?”
“Yes. They have been very active this morning. Putting on quite a show for me,” King Leo said with a bucolic smile.
“There are hamsters running around in the woods?”
“Oh yes. If you wait with me, you’ll probably see one come out of that little stand of brush over there,” said King Leo, pointing.
Though Jack felt he’d be wise to let it pass, he pressed on out morbid curiosity.
“What do they look like?”
“You’ve never seen a hamster? Oooohhh, Jack, Jack, Jack, this place is going to be good for you,” King Leo said with tender condescension. “Hamsters look like smaller squirrels, only with playful little stripes on their backs and little white spots,” he said as though he were passing on a treasured family secret.
Jack blinked at him. “King Leo? Those are squirrels. Ground squirrels. I don’t think we have hamsters here in Minnesota.”
“Jack, you’ve been in the city way, way, way too long.” He dismounted the tree nimbly. “Walk with me, Jack. Let us talk of many things.”

The story behind the novel, which Mike has told a few times, is unfortunate: The book lost its biggest supporter at the publishing company when he left the firm, and nobody else seemed much interested in championing it, so it was released with little fanfare or support and faded away quietly in bookstores. But I do really like it (and not just because it’s Mike who wrote it) and I think it deserves a larger audience.

So let’s talk about it. What do you think of it? What are your favorite moments? The best characters?

Also, I wanted to discuss the big-budget movie I think could be made from the book. I’d love to see the Coen Brothers get hold of this. I was thinking about it recently and I wondered if maybe the best way to do a movie would be to do the whole thing in flashback. That way you could work in some of Mike’s hilarious narration.
What Hollywood actors would you like to see in the main roles? Here are the actors I personally picture when I am reading the book:
Ponty: The man who I think was born to play the part, Michael Jeter sadly died in 2003. Somebody on Twitter suggested Paul Giamatti and that might work. Any other suggestions?
Bromstad: Well, of course I always picture Garrison Keillor. Think he’d do it? Otherwise we need somebody who can do a scary Keillor impression. Thoughts?
Herzog: Similarly, I always picture Jesse Ventura. Wouldn’t it be awesome if he’d do it?
Jack: Patrick Warbuton is who I picture, but he is getting a little long in the tooth. Do we know a young Patrick Warburton?
Sandi Knutson: Kathy Bates is still my first choice.
Ralph: Paul Dooley would be great.
King Leo: Chris Tucker is who I imagine. Other suggestions?
Stig Stou-Thorup: Ed Begley Jr. would be great. Also Martin Short.