So, alert reader Mark writes:
Have you thought about a short list of movies that deserved MST treatment but never got it? I was thinking about this over the weekend since I caught part of the 1973 stinker “The Neptune Factor.” The discussion would include a short list (3 to 5), and why it would make a good episode.
Give me time and I could list 50, but I’ll just pick the first three that come to mind.
I would pick:
A*P*E — a big stupid Korean monster movie.
Blood Freak — rivals Red Zone Cuba as the worst movie ever made. I almost hate to inflict it on them. Almost.
And, just to pick one bigger budget title: Mysterious Island, a weird and wonderful of tale of giant bugs and chickens and on a desert isle.
What would you pick?
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The 2nd to last sentence should read ” It has a prefect made on the weekend low budget feel to it.”
How about:
Ice Pirates: I know it’s supposed to be cheesy–and the movie is somehow likable–but who could pass up the Bruce Vilanch jokes?
Heartbeeps: Loved it as a kid, amused by it as an adult, could have been floored by the bots riffing on Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters in creepy robot makeup (very like the equally unnerving Duracell family in some commercials a few years back)
Caltiki reminded me of the original The Blob which could have used a few jokes to speed the action a bit
For some reason, I always thought that it would be great to see the gang take on one of the old Sherlock Holmes flicks
BIGFOOT..starring John Carradine and Joi Lansing.Made in 1970.
Oh yeah, Basil Rathebone didn’t get enough punishment for “The Magic Sword” lol. How about the Kevin Sorbo epic, Kull the Conqueror. For that matter anything he ever appeared in.
How about some of ol’ Bert I. Gordon’s they never got around to, like “Attack of the Puppett People” with John Agar, or “The Cyclops” with Lon Chaney Jr.
How about some love for another made for tv movie, The Death of Ocean View Park. Martin Landau at the low point of his career. They destroyed a real park for this movie. The favor should be returned.
#139: I disagree with I Married a Monster from Outer Space. The exploitative title aside, it’s actually a fairly well-made alien invasion film. Danny Peary even wrote about it in one of his Cult Movies books. If you’ve never seen it because of the title, I recommend giving it a shot.
There’s The Dark, featuring William Devane (the actor who always acts the same), Richard Jaeckel, Keenan Wynn, Cathy Lee Crosby and an alien monster that is sort of a green werewolf greaser that shoots laser bolts out of it’s eyes. It’s not as much fun as it sounds but I’m sure M&tBs could have worked with the slow spots. I mean it’s William Devane. He’s ridiculous!
Slithis (70’s rubber-suit atomic sea-monster movie), Horror High (high school science geek as Jekyll and Hyde story that is complety stupid and idiotic and yet isn’t actually that bad), The Uncanny (Peter Cushing and an all-star cast vs. evil killer kittys), C.H.U.D.. It’s amazing when you realize how many movies MST3K didn’t do that would have been perfect. I wonder how many of these they previewed but had to pass on for one reason or another. I don’t suppose they kept a list.
Slithis!: The Roast Beef Monster!!!!!
Creation of the Humanoids. Picture “Ed Wood’s ‘Blade Runner'” and you’re close. Amazingly clunky dialog, wooden acting, metaphors for racism, discussion of the nature of the soul. And Dudley Manlove.
Oh what an endless list of possibilities one could come up with.
Here’s my 10:
10.) KILLDOZER – Without a doubt, should have been a must.
9.) Robo Vampire – A Japanese film about a Robocop rip off that fights ancient Chinese hopping vampires and drug dealers. Also turns into a bail of hay wrapped in tinfoil when tried to be exploded.
8.) Garden of the Damned – A prison camp where the inmates get turned into zombies from huffing formaldehyde.
7.) Vampires VS Zombies – Possibly one of the poorly conceived film titles in that it fails to deliver what it’s offering. Namely vampires fighting zombies.
6.) Sucker: The Vampire – A very weak rock and roll vampire movie that borrows loosely from Bram Stoker’s Dracula (IE: characters are descendants of the main characters in Dracula) It’s about an LA rock musician who is really a vampire. It takes a weird turn when he contacts AIDS and is looked after by his familiar. Think Philadelphia meets BAD vampire movie.
5.) Zombie Death House – Death row inmates being turned into zombies, a guy framed for a murder he didn’t commit (moral of the story, never have an affair with a crime bosses woman) John Saxon and a kid on a skateboard which brings me to my next one…
4.) Skateboard Kid – This is a wholesome family film about a kid who moves to a new town and can’t make any friends. So he spends an evening customizing his own skateboard and it’s struck by lightning, bringing it to life (of course), the skateboard is voiced by Don DeLuise.
3.) The Werewolf of Washington – Dean Stockwell as a werewolf. Shag carpets in the White House mens room. Nuff said.
2.) Terror of Tiny Town – All. Midget. Western.
1.) Abraxis – A really bad sci-fi epic that rips off plot points from Terminator that stars Jessie the Body Ventura.
“Grizzly”, a 1976 ripoff of Jaws. Or the Timothy Bottoms / George Segal epic “Rollercoaster”, featuring Keenan Wynn, Henry Fonda, and a teenaged Helen Hunt.
How about MILLENNIUM? Cheryl Ladd, Kris Kristofferson, goofy plot, effects, dialogue, and acting; endless riffing possibilities.
After flipping through channels recently and seeing them several years after their release, I have to go with a couple of bigger budget action movies. COMMANDO with Arnold Schwartzenegger and DELTA FORCE. These two have not aged well, and I found myself thinking of riffs while I was watching them.
ducksoup says:
Just for the title alone, the 1958 film: I Married a Monster from Outer Space
[see also #156]
Actually pretty good, Tom Tryon (the star) did a lot of good movies. I’d prefer the ‘remake’ they had a few years back.
ThorneSherman says:
THIS network here the other day…..so was The Screaming Skull, which CT already trashed. They’ve also had Sleepaway Camp, Blackula, and Frogs all on recently. The THIS network was made for MST3K and it’s successors.
Agreed, one of the local stations’ .2 is THIS, and I could leave the channel there for 99% of the time.
Nick-0
3.) The Werewolf of Washington – Dean Stockwell as a werewolf. Shag carpets in the White House mens room. Nuff said.
2.) Terror of Tiny Town – All. Midget. Western.
Don’t forget that it was a SINGING western!
WW of Wash would be riffable, though it’s actually a comedy.
Another one I thought of was The Cape Canaveral Monsters
Rare, can’t find a copy anywhere.. aliens land near Cape Canaveral (duh!) and are going to take over the world. The aliens look like balls of light that live in a dry ice bath, unless they’re ‘possessing’ people, but I don’t remember much else.
1. “Jaws of Satan:” Fritz Weaver plays a priest who defends a tiny Alabama town from the devil in the form of a cobra. Gretchen Corbett and a ten-year-old Christina Applegate, plus old men in frocks trying to shuffle away from snakes.
2. “Reptilicus.” I can’t believe that MST3K–and everyone else–has passed this up. What would REALLY kill would be restoring the missing footage from the Danish original, in which Reppy flies and oafish handyman Petersen SINGS while chasing little girls. Ew.
2a. “Konga.” Equally squicky, as mentioned by others, for the Michael Gough attempted-rape scene alone. SO irredeemably stupid, with a climax that involves a giant ape standing in place while troops shoot him for several minutes.
3. “Golden Rendezvous:” Richard Harris, Ann Turkel, John Carradine, David Jannsen, and Burgess Meredith shootin’ and stabbin’ their way around a cruise ship with a nuke on board in some outlandish heist scheme. Alastair MacLean nonsense with a superfunky Jeff Wayne score.
4. “Meteorites!” is possibly the stupidest meteorite movie ever made, and yes, I HAVE seen “Armageddon,” “Meteor: Path to Destruction,” and Syfy’s “Meteor Storm.” Tom Wopat saves some dink desert town from a recurring and highly-target-specific meteor shower.
5. “It!” Roddy McDowall does Anthony Perkins doing Norman Bates, only with a particularly ugly golem instead of Mother’s dress. Fun fact: you can outrace a nuclear detonation on a ’60s motorbike with sidecar. I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
(Hint: Cinemageddon.)
all movies suggested so far are great so how about The California Kid a tv movie staring a young Martin Sheen as a LA hot rodder battling a hick sheriff who forces drivers over a cliff and dungen master staring Richard Moll of night court so bad only watched ten minuets before walking out of the theater one more Open Water worst movie ever made
From the high rent movie neighborhood (with so many posts I may be repeating previous suggestions)
–> WATERWORLD
–> ISHTAR
So many possible riffs, so little time!
I’m digging a lot of these suggestions! Ones I haven’t seen mentioned:
WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS- a biker gang turns into werewolves after a satanic ritual, and they terrorize the countryside.
SAMURAI COP- Would need to be edited for tv, but horrible in a fun way. It stars Robert “catcher’s mit with eyes” Zdar. (you can watch it on youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3spFk-YiHWg)
THE SADIST- Arch Hall Jr. as the bad guy!
THE WEREWOLF OF WASHINGTON-Dean Stockwell turns into a werewolf after an affair with the President’s daughter
GAS-S-S-S – A Corman hippy dramedy with Ben Vereen, Cindy Williams, Talia Shire and a pink Edsel
“Day of the Animals”. Kind of a “Birds” rip-off. Some solar flare or whatever makes all of God’s creatures go a little cuckoo.
“Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster”. Actually my favorite G-Man movie. It would have been fun to see how the guys would have treated it. I still remember the song “Save the Earth” and the cheesy 70’s disco music.
“Humanoids From the Deep”. Horny lizard looking creatures kill the men impregnate women in a small northwestern town. It’s got Doug McClure and Vic Morrow.
“Pearl Harbor”. I was excited when I saw the previews. Turned out to be mostly a chick flick!!! Riff it because of that.
“KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park” Definitely!!
“The Thing With Two Heads”
“They Saved Hitler’s Brain”
“Terror of Tiny Town”
“Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter”
“The Lemon Grove Kids Meet the Monsters” (you get Ray Dennis Steckler AND Coleman Francis!)
Hey John Paradox (#165) I have Cape Canaveral Monsters on DVD, taped off a local channel a few years ago. I’d be happy to dub a copy for ya. Email me at donington93@yahoo.com
Lotta posts, haven’t read ’em all, but I did not notice one of the most self-important piece of garbage films eve made. I’ll cast a vote for “Battlefield Earth.” If there was ever a movie begging to be riffed mercilessly…. of course prying away the rights to riff it would probably be impossible.
I would also second the vote above for “Street Fighter,” to give M&TB a second shot at Raul Julia, not to mention Van Damme himself, as opposed Gosh Darn.
“I, Monster” would be my obvious choice.
It was a cheap Hammer Horror knock-off of “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”, starring horror legends Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, but that’s where this movie’s clout ends.
It was originally supposed to be filmed in 3D, but they ran out of money for the process half-way through, leaving behind a strange movie where characters appear to thrust mice and bunsen burners towards the camera for no particular reason!
Unusually, for a Hammer knock-off there’s not that much blood, and no nudity at all. There are also plenty of scenes of Lee shooting up himself and animals with his distilled evil serum (we all know Joel does a wicked drug-crazed rat voice), plenty of Mannix-style camera jumps, some very unconvincing chase sequences through what is obviously a 1950’s hydroelectric plant, and oh yes… the dead cat.
Lee’s character kills his pet cat (off screen) with a fire poker after it freaks out on evil juice and attacks him. He puts a towel over the poor dead creature and is about to clean up when he gets interrupted by somebody at the door. At no point does he ever return to complete this task… though several people end up walking through the exact same spot, apparently oblivious to the dead feline that they’re standing on.
Here’s another giant monster stinker from the ’50s- The Monster that Challenged the World. 1957 movie where an earth quake wakes up a bunch of giant, carnivorous, prehistoric SNAILS! Even though the premise is the usual grade of giant monster cheese from the 50s, the giant snails are actually a little creepy, with their human skull-like heads and proclivity to bite off the heads of clueless watchmen. The movie also has Mimi Gibson as a sweet little girl who likes rabbits!
170 Yeah, Day of the Animals is another Girdler (Asylum of Satan, Grizzly, The Manitou)opus and don’t forget an evil Leslie Nielsen’s deadly melee with a guy in a grizzly bear suit. And DotA makes me think of Food of the Gods but that could be spoiled by an embarrassed Ida Lupino and Ralph (Mike Hammer) Meeker and a lot of rats getting shot and drowned.
I, Monster is actually my second-favorite Jekyll and Hyde adaptation. The 3D hijinks aren’t actually that distracting and Lee is a perfect Jekyll/Hyde (although, oddly, those weren’t the names used in the movie).
I would have loved to see their treatment of the Jack Arnold movie “Monster on the Campus.” It scared the living daylights out of me as a child. :shock: When I saw it recently, I was amazed that such an obviously fake monster could scare me so much. I think I need to see them do this to put some more childhood demons to rest. ;-)
I second NHCrypto’s suggestion of “Megaforce.” I saw that on a double bill with “Yor–Hunter of the Future.” The ending with the flying motorcycle scene is classic. It made the entire plot of the movie preceding it unnecessary. I remember my friends and I saying, “If they could have flown away on their motorcycles at any time, why did they drive across the desert to escape?” This is one of the few movies that I gave the MST treatment in the theater and no one complained about my comments.” :smile:
YOR: THE HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE…
This is your answer. I don’t think I could say more that anyone else here hasn’t already said. It’s tailor made for the show.
I did a fairly comprehensive list of the really bad movies I had seen over the years that MST3K hadn’t done.
The Astro-Zombies (1969)
The Black Klansman (1966)
The Bride and the Beast (1958)
Cape Canaveral Monsters (1960)
Castle of the Creeping Flesh (1968)
The Corpse Grinders (1971)
Curse of the Stone Hand (1964)
Curse of the Faceless Man (1958)
Death Curse of Tartu (1967)
Flesh Feast (1970)
Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster (1965)
From Hell it Came (1957)
Giant From the Unknown (1958)
The Glory Stompers (1967)
Gruesome Twosome (1967)
Invasion of the Animal People (1962)
Invisible Invaders (1959)
Manitou (1978)
The Man Who Turned to Stone (1957)
Mars Needs Women (1966)
The Monster of Piedras Blancas (1961)
The Navy vs. the Night Monsters (1966)
Plan 9 From Outer Space (1956)
Rat Pfink a Boo-Boo (1966)
Sincerely Yours (1955)
The Snow Creature (1954)
Something Weird (1967)
Sting of Death (1966)
The Terror of Tiny Town (1938)
They Came From Beyond Space (1967)
They Saved Hitler’s Brain (1964)
Thrill Killers (1965)
Trog (1970)
Vampire Men of the Lost Planet (1970)
Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory (1961)
The Wild Guitar (1962)
The Wizard of Mars (1964)
Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Ape (1962)
Zontar, the Thing From Venus (1966)
I would also suggest the whole series of Edgar Allan Poe adaptations in the early 60’s made by Roger Corman and usually starring Vincent Price. If I had to pitck just one of them, “Tales of Terror” would probably get the booby prize.
Another – “The Klansmen,” starring Cameron Mitchell and O.J. Simpson. There is some excellent forewshadowing in this one as O.J. is on the lam for a crime he didn’t commit. In the movie, though, he actually was innocent.
@171Steve Laughery
Coleman Francis AND Ray Dennis Steckler????? Must….see….this.
How about:
Ssssss! A weird snake movie from 1973. It stars Dirk Benedict and Strother Martin. Reb “Blast Hardcheese” Brown is also in the movie.
Mighty Peking Man – my favorite late 70’s crappy giant ape movie, with a bleach-blonde jungle girl cavorting in slo-mo with a leopard to a terrible hong kong disco ballad. Brilliant!
#170
Absolutely right about Pearl Harbor. Not only a lackluster
chick flick but absurd liberties with history takem: Doolittle’s
Raid not 2-3 minutes after Pearl Harbor, FDR suddenly cured ala Dr.
Strangelove (and I’m a BIG FDR fan, I rate him the second best President
[after Washington- Linclon’s third, TR fourth,probably Tom J. fifth} ),
over the top airplane heroics by the heroes, etc.
And did anyone NOT think (Ben Affleck or Josh Hartnell?)would survive when
his plane crashed in the English Channel? :roll:
Speaking of Josh Hatnett….how about 40 Days of Night? One of the stupidest vampire flicks of all time, and that’s no mean feat.
The Adult Swim guys should buy the concept from the different rights holders. They might actually have that kind of money. Of course they’d probably recast the show and I don’t know when or where they would show it. I know, it would never be the same and it’ll never happen but if I were them I’d jump at the idea.
Oh, and Blood of Dracula’s Castle!
Anyone mention Christopher Lee’s OTHER Fu Manchu films? “Castle of …” was his last and he did three or four before that.
I just was at 109 and they had a clip for a Japenese 70s hero who looked like Bugman but the villians are nazis lead by Starfish Hitler!! Laser riding crop included. Despite all the lame kung fu, just like Commando Cody, he never losses his Hitler hat. This was so trippy on its own I cant imagine what riffing fruit it would bear?
Krull: Even as a kid watching it on the novelty of cable TV in the 80’s i had so many “WTF?!?” moments I can’t even count ’em all.
I did five earlier, but there are so many possibilities, that a second look is warranted.
The Giant Behemoth (1959) A British sci-fi flick reminiscent of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953) (actually they should do that one also), but with British pretentiousness. Radioactive prehistoric monster sinks ships and invades London. Good for a few laughs and plenty of riffs.
The Giant Claw (1957) With Jeff Morrow. One of the goofiest monsters ever.
Island of Terror (1966) Peter Cushing stars in this movie featuring giant turtle-like monsters that suck the bones out of people, leaving the body intact, but formless. Actually a good horror flick for the time, but with riffing could be better.
The Magnetic Monster (1953) This has a piece of magnetized metal that grows geometrically over time by creating matter out of energy. How lame can a movie about a lump of metal get?
Target Earth (1954) Invasion of the Earth by invincible (aren’t they always) robot monsters. Features the required batch of survivors including the required psychotic killer. Lame ending, could use some spicing up. Otherwise a pretty decent flick that the treatment would make better.
And speaking of Herman Cohen, I would add Horrors of the Black Museum (1959) starring Michael Gough as a mad curator who uses grizzly implements to off his enemies and other random people.
Ooh, how about The Sword and the Sorcerer? Or is the projectile-firing, triple-bladed sword too over the top? Seriously, has Richard Lynch ever been in a good film?
We seem to be forgetting The Beastmaster, too. Any movie where the lead character’s name is “Dar”… “Marc Singer walks out in a loincloth, whadda ya say?!” “Uh, uh, now I know why the show was called ‘V’.” :)
#192:
The reason Giant Behemoth is reminiscent of The Beast From 20,000 Fathom might be because Eugene Lourie worked on both as well as Gorgo. One rumor as why the Rhedosaurus and the Paeleosaurus die and the Gorgos live is because Lourie’s daughter wanted her father to let one of those nice dinosaurs to live at the end of the movie. He also did the film, The Colossus of New York, which could have used the Mstie treatment.
@183 ThorneSherman
Yup! And quite a duo they make!
I had heard of “Lemon Grove Kids” before, but didn’t know “Cole-y” (as Mr. Steckler refers to him in the commentary) was in it until I broke down and rented the DVD from Netflix a few months ago. The “movie” itself is actually a couple of short films sorta glued together into a Poor Man’s “Bowery Boys” feature.
Island of Dr. Moreau (1996). Marlon Brando in a muumuu! Val Kilmer clearly high throughout! It’s perfect!
Fart Bargo: You might be thinking of the live action tv show “Kamen Rider.” That had a hero with a bug like mask/helmet, and rode around on a super cool motorcycle. There’s also another live action Japanese show called “Johnny Soko and His Flying Robot” which featured a henchman who wore an Nazis like uniform AND the main villain was a octopus headed monster named Emperor Guillotine. You might be thinking of both of them, but then again I haven’t seen any episodes of Kamen Rider, so there might be a Nazis dressed guy and a head bad guy who is a giant starfish.
I may have missed it, but it looks like no one has directly suggested the original “The Blob” with Steve McQueen!
C’mon folks, stay frosty!
I once was married to a woman from the Caribbean island of Trinidad, and during one visit with her family, “The Blob” came on television and I excitedly urged all present to sit down and enjoy. But it really isn’t much fun, is it?
When the Blob invades the movie theater, and all the kids run screaming, the friendly cop runs in, and emerges, warning the unfriendly cop, “Don’t go in there — it’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen.”
At which point my sister-in-law, her patience run out, turned to me and said, “This MOVIE is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3SzmfZ6F24