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Weekend Discussion Thread: “MST3K The Movie 2”–What Movie Would You Choose?

The MSTies have spoken and the next item in the episode guide, next Thursday, will be “MST3K: The Movie.”

Which got us to thinking: What if MST3K: The Movie had been released in 2,000 theaters instead of 50? What if, promoted properly, it had become the hit we all know it could have been? What if (as I like to think happened in some alternative universe) it became the first of a long-running series of MST3K movies. If that happened, what movie do you think they should have chosen to riff in “MST3K: The Movie 2”?

Remember the formula: It needs to be something where the rights won’t be break the budget, something that will be accessible to non-MSTies, it can’t be too terribly long or OVERLY painful, but wacky enough to inspire plenty of great riffs.

My pick: A*P*E* Color, horrible, short (and cuttable), big stupid monster, equally stupid humans. Perfect fodder.

What’s your pick? Show your work!

173 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: “MST3K The Movie 2”–What Movie Would You Choose?”

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  1. Pat says:

    they did zombie nightmare with jon mikl thor but id give anything to watch the guys riff rock n roll nightmare, though that movie is only watchable if you like beefy canadians singing about how they live to rock.

    second choice would probably be the valley of gwangi, where cowboys and dinosaurs fight for some odd reason. the special effects in that movie are great but the acting is…well, you know.

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  2. Pat says:

    and ryan moody, if they did winterbeast there should be a special oscar the win for the amount of times theyd have to sit through that movie. dreadful!

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  3. sean_c says:

    String a couple of “Manimal” episodes together.

    Colin…dude I forgot about “Day of the Animals”!!! Great choice”

    “Night of the Lepus” is a good one too.

    Here’s one…

    “Humanoids From the Deep” Roger Corman was an uncredited director. Starts Doug McClure and Vic Morrow. If I remember it has gratuitous boobage. One of the first movies I remember seeing on HBO. Started my love for cheesy horror flicks.

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  4. courteous martian says:

    Three movies I love and always thought would be perfect for the MST3K treatment are Attack Of The Mushroom People(aka Matango), Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things and Monstroid(aka Monster). The final line from Mushroom People(“And then… I ate them!), the guy in Dead Things who keeps repeating “I peed my pants” and the numerous unexplained screams in the distance in Monstroid would have made great material for MST3K.

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  5. rockyjones says:

    #74 – Hey! How cool to see RAD post here! :smile:

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  6. Matthew Redwine says:

    Rock ‘N Roll Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Ape

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  7. Dennis (Mpls.) says:

    “Gone with the wind”

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  8. Ken says:

    Feeders….it has it all, horrible looking aliens, made from paper mache, bad acting and incompetant directing.

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  9. NHCrypto says:

    Like to also put a vote in for Yor: The Hunter From the Future. Reb Brown, purple cavemen, and an old man in a loincloth. I’ve riffed this one by myself for years, just imagine what the “professionals” could do with it!

    Also would like to throw in a vote for Empire of the Ants. Joan Collins and giant ants is riffing gold!

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  10. rockyjones says:

    #107 – OMG! It never occurred to me, but I’d LOVE to see “Gone With The Wind” get the skewering it’s long deserved! It’s perfect riffing fodder…over-hyped…overly serious…full of itself… (not to mention overly long!)
    The stereotypical hollywood “southern-ness” alone is a goldmine. It might possibly even out-southern “Squirm” for the most loathesome charicatures EVER of people from the south.

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  11. LDG says:

    The Navy vs The Night Monsters. Bad plot, terrible dialog, man-eating tree stumps and Mamie Van Doren. This movie was made for riffing.

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  12. Disney’s The Black Hole. ’nuff said.

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  13. Gary Bowden says:

    Has anyone ever heard of MIGHTY GORGA?? There’s a giant ape and all you can see is the head piece and that’s it.Plus,he battles a dinosaur,which resembles a schoolyard fight by a couple of 3rd graders..really bad..

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  14. The Bolem says:

    HEARD OF “The Mighty Gorga”? I read an article listing every dinosaur movie made up to “Jurassic Park”, which took less than a sentence to describe it as, “…no-budget crap involving dinosaurs and a 40 ton gorilla”. The author was clearly biased towards Willis O’Brien over Ray Harryhausen (i.e. smokin’ somethin’), but I’ve never seen any opinion on Mighty Gorga to conatradict his.

    I’ve never come across the movie either, for that matter. Did you find it in one of those 50 movie DVD packs?

    Audience interaction idea #4:

    They riff “P.O.V.”, the movie where the audience, via a continuous P.O.V. shot, is actually the main character. I’ve never seen it, but I’m pretty sure the endless string of dialogue directed at the camera but left unanswered would mean softball after softball pitched right to the ‘bots.

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  15. Jerkzilla says:

    Barberella. That is all.

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  16. happy says:

    Here is a list I complied some have been mentioned, some havent..
    APE , Forbidden Planet , Gamera SuperMonster
    Reptilicus, The Mighty Gorga, The Monster That Challenged The World, The Monster from Piedras Blancas, The Giant Claw, Zontar the thing from Venus, Its Alive (Buchanan)
    Konga, Yongary, The Ape, etc

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  17. Well, the movie I’d love to see them do would be the Exorcist blaxploitation rip-off, ABBY… but I doubt given the legal tangle that movie wound up in that it’d be possible.

    So I’d cast a vote for one movie I’ve never seen… THE TWONKY. (look it up if you don’t know it.)

    And a couple I think would be awesome–

    CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS

    and

    THE BAD SEED.

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  18. Faster Pussycat Kill Kill also gets a vote.

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  19. The terrible Godzilla re-make from a few years ago, or any of the Fast and Furious movies. Star Wars Phantom Menace, The Hulk movie by Ang Lee. I know, they are all out of the question rights-wise. OK, how about Wild Guitar with not only Arch Hall Jr. but also Ray Dennis Steckler (TISCTSLABMUZ) and Arch Hall Sr!

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  20. cinemaodyssey says:

    “The Wizard of Mars” (1965) is one of the all-time bad movie classics. And yes, John Carradine plays the “wizard.”. Its cheap, boring, and stupid which would add up to a golden riffing opportunity.

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  21. ck says:

    I agree with riffing the really dated Gone With the Wind. A paean (sp.?) to the Confederate Lost Cause. Of course, they should then go to b/w films and do the REALLY racist Birth of a Nation. (Hey, they wouldn’t even need to talk over the dialogue :smile: ).

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  22. Manny Sanguillen says:

    No doubt about it, it would be “NIGHT oF THE LEPUS”.

    I have been begging for them to do this since the early days of the show. Back in episode 513, Mike’s first episode as host, Servo & Crow said in the opening segment that Mike did dry runs of “Beast of Yucca Flats” & “Night of The Lepus” as training for his first real appearance in “The Brain That Wouldn’t Die”.

    This was just fantasy, but as you can see the movie is already highly revered among the crew.

    For those young ones who don’t know, Night of the Lepus was released in 1972 by MGM and is a stupid movie about giant rabbits, using the old Bert I. Gordon stand by, Forced Perspective.

    It’s main stars were Janet Leigh, Rory Calhoun, and most importantly, DeForest Kelley – Dr. Bones McCoy from Star Trek.

    Check it out on IMDB. Read the people’s comments and you will see why this movie is perfect fodder for MST3K.
    I can see that the thing keeping it from being done is that it’s an MGM movie.
    Otherwise it would have been done long ago.

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  23. Timothy Wallace says:

    Let’s face it: MST3K The Movie SUCKED. There shouldn’t even be talk of a sequel (even as a imaginary exercise) because Best Brains already proved to everyone that they simply weren’t up the challenge (and yes, I’ve read all the excuses that were made, claiming that Hollywood had run them over. What should have been a no-brainer comes off as EXTREMELY forced and frankly, in places, too dirty.) Speaking of too dirty…Rifftrax? No thanks. Give me classic MST3K anytime. And don’t forget to forward past the host segments!

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  24. mmg816 says:

    Well i’m not done yet. In #55 I suggested Message From Space(1978). I’m changing my vote to Star Crash. I was wrong about Sonny Chiba in the make-up, it was the bad guys. They are way overdressed in MFS. I found a clip on youtube. Vic Morrow looks like he’s wearing a 8-piece suit. I had never even heard of Star Crash before this thread but i’m won over sight unseen. See #123, this isn’t a exercise in futility after all

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  25. The Professor says:

    I’ve got to go with ‘Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!’ as well. The combination of MST and Russ Meyer would be incredible. I would love to hear the riffs they would make on his tradmark dialogue.

    But if you couldn’t do that, there’s always ‘Mad Foxes’. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTJbEsjg2pk

    Well…maybe not.

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  26. bla421 says:

    1. winners take all.
    2. any life time movie or any sci fi original movie.
    3. the thomas jane punisher movie, not often does a remake need to be remade.
    4. war of the worlds with tom cruise.
    5. either version of death race 2000.

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  27. Zaat says:

    Cinematic dumpster diving, what fun!

    How about this kung-fooey:

    CLONES OF BRUCE LEE – gold paint and diapers!

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075859/

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  28. Fart Bargo says:

    Dracula vs. Frankenstein, definitely — A highlight of the Al Adamson canon. Servo could supply poor ol’ Lon Chaney, Jr.’s interior ‘dialogue’ or the whole team could riff on the trashing of the classic monster enterprise. Regina Carrol (Mrs. Adamson) sings and dances; there are clueless cops, random mayhem, even Russ Tamblyn! — The boys could blame the entire decade of the ’70s on this one film. What else do you need, sports fans?

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  29. Tim says:

    Since 3-D is back big time and A*P*E* was originally shot in 3-D it would be fun to see them do it in 3-D. I’d love to see the satellite of love floating over the audience’s heads.

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  30. Graboidz says:

    Someone already mentioned “Killdozer”, but I would love to second that choice.

    If going for a PG-13 rating, with a little trimming, you could always throw Jon Mikl Thor’s 1980’s hair-metal cheese-fest “Rock n’ Roll Nightmare” into the mix. Great bad music and demonic sock puppets. Or along the same lines “Hard Rock Zombies”.

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  31. badger1970 says:

    I remember “Night of the Lepus” on a TJ and the A.N.T. episode from the 70s. I came to be more appreciative when I saw the killer rabbit scene in MP:ATHG.

    If they were going to do MST3k:TM2, an uncut made for TV movie from the 70s would be perfect.

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  32. klisch says:

    Battlefield Earth with John Travolta, that was sheer cheese.

    Or the movie Troll, bad acting, bad monster, bad director, and a bad script, oh wait, I’m still talking about Battlefield Earth, my bad.

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  33. diskojoe says:

    I remember seeing Q in the theatre back in the day & it would have been good fodder for the Brains.

    As for myself, I’ve always wished that the Brains took on one of the cheesy Elvis movies made between his release from the Army to the ’68 Comeback.

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  34. 1 adam 12 says:

    What, nobody’s mentioned C.H.U.D.?

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  35. Christopher Eckart says:

    They’ve GOT to do Ed Wood’s Glen or Glenda! Pull da string!! :twisted:

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  36. Steve T. says:

    How’s about:

    Giant from the Unknown (a living-dead conquistador)

    The Monster That Challenged the World (giant sea-caterpillars)

    The Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes (even as a kid I knew this was a crappy movie)

    The Monster From Green Hell (more giant bugs)

    The Cape Canaveral Monsters (except there are no monsters)

    Godzilla’s Revenge ( a boy and his giant mutated lizard)

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  37. Miss Mary says:

    “Blood Freak”, a low-budget early 70s piece of cheese about a biker who eats contaminated turkey and turns into a turkey-headed monster. Funded by a Baptist church, and why would a biker be named Herschel ???

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  38. Gary Bowden says:

    #123..I know MST3K:The Movie wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea,but they had to deal with lawyers and there wasn’t much to choose from as far what movie to do,so they had to make do with what they had.The lawyers had to go through every joke before they got approved.For me,and as Paul Chaplin once said,that they should’ve just released “Manos” instead..Plus,they had that test audience who didn’t like the some scenes,which got cut.I bet none of those people in that test audience were MSTies either..I like the movie,but I prefer the series a lot more,but still,they tried with what they had to deal with.

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  39. DantesRing says:

    I would go in a differnt direction:
    How about one of the disaster flicks from the 70’s.

    Earthquake – OMG it would be amazing to see them tear into this (Walter Matthau as a drunk pimp, Heston overacting as usual, Lorne Greene ’nuff said, and Marjoe Gortner)

    Airport ’75 – Funnier than the ‘Airplane’ movies combined and Heston yet again.

    Beyond the Posidon Adventure – Michael Caine and Sally Field as treasure hunters in an upside down world. Q: How can we make Posidon Adventure more exciting? A: Add guns!!!

    or in the 3-D vein:

    Jaws 3-D

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  40. Kali says:

    Got a great little-seen movie that I’d love to see riffed. It’s called “The Maze” and stars Richard Carlson and a giant man-sized frog! But it’s directed by William Cameron Menzies so it can’t help but look interesting at the very least. The frog stays in the background too much and you never really get a good look at it. We’re talking about a GIANT FROG, here!

    And if we’re talking color, you can’t go wrong with any Adam Sandler movie. And Will Ferrell obviously made “Land of the Lost” for future MSTie consumption…

       0 likes

  41. FordPrefect says:

    #123 – I for one am glad MST3K: TM exists, aside from my personal enjoyment of it, because it was able to go places where the series couldn’t. Heck, they still occasionally play it on premium cable. Episodes of the show haven’t aired on TV for years. To each his own though.

    I think it’s interesting that Mr. Wallace isn’t interested in Rifftrax AND doesn’t like the MST3K host segments since Rifftrax, by it’s very nature, lacks host segments of any kind. I wonder what he thinks of Cinematic Titanic?

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  42. mmg816 says:

    Well, somebody suggested Airport 75 and someone else suggested a 70s TV movie. How about we combine ’em and get Horror at 37,000 Feet starring Shatner.

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  43. The the Eye Creatures says:

    My last comment was #33, I thought of one more movie that deserves it. Super Mario Bros.

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  44. The the Eye Creatures says:

    sorry I meant #34

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  45. mmg816 says:

    For a short how about one of those old 60s adventure cartoons like the Mighty Hercules, or Galaxy Trio, or the original Teen Titans, or Aqua Man. I know that Adult Swim has been making fun of these for years but i’m throwing it out anyway.

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  46. Dixie Teacups says:

    Beethoven’s 2nd.

    Enough said.

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  47. Ryan says:

    I like Paul Chaplin’s idea. Have manos the Hands of Fate episode as a movie and see what happens.

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  48. Brandon says:

    THE JETSONS MOVIE!

    I can just imagine the “Tiffany” jokes.

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  49. MPSh says:

    Here’s another I just thought of:

    Astro-Zombies!

    Ted V. Mikels, John Carradine doing sciencey stuff in real time, spies, zombies, a voluptuous female villain, etc.

       0 likes

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