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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Has MST3K Taught You?Alert reader Stacy writes:
For me, it’s that meteors roam around space in swarms. What about you? 162 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Has MST3K Taught You?”Commenting at Satellite News
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All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2024 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2024 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
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Biker film lessons:
Only love pads the film.
The best reason to do anything is “for the kicks.”
Citrus-based economies are swimming in cash.
And always watch the movie first before riffing it!
I’ve learned that WWIII will look a lot like the Blitz.
I’ve learned that the best way to survive a nuclear war is to live in the suburbs, not in the city.
I’ve learned that you can carpet bomb today, and entertain guests tonight!
I’ve learned that the U.S. government has trouble finding manufacturers willing to make tanks.
I learned that, in less than a fortnight, I will be signing up to Netflix.
Thanks to MST, I really did learn to make an egg cream & they’re yummy & delicious.
Hold the carnivorous worm however.
MST3K taught me that I can make fun of anything and relax more.
It also taught me that I can enjoy milk in pieces (The Giant Spider Invasion) and
that there is a Prince of (in?) Space…
I’ve learned that Japan once had a Hitler building.
I learned, that no matter how good the prices, you should not vacation at Valley Lodge.
I learned that you can shriek and roast a disabled guy and still be considered the hero
I learned that the inability to dance does not stop you from getting a gig at a nightclub and becoming the number one attraction in Los Angeles.
I learned that there was no monster.
Avoid wearing red jumpsuits, green jumpsuits, teal jumpsuits, blue jumpsuits… pretty much avoid wearing any jumpsuit – even if it is gray and covered in Braille dots.
Do not wear one.
Else you could find yourself being shot up into space.
I’ve learned a lot of “alternative” science facts. For instance:
I’ve learned that the heart is a single cell. (“Amazing Colossal Man”)
I’ve learned that the most vicious and bloodthirsty creature on Earth is either the shrew or the praying mantis, depending on who you ask.
I’ve learned that a simple change of atmosphere can cause a person to shrink down to a few inches tall, or revert back to full size.
I’ve learned that being hickory smoked in a giant bong will prevent a human from being crushed by the pressure of an alien planet.
I’ve learned that a piece of moon rock can turn a man into a murderous were-lizard.
I’ve learned that exposure to a nuclear blast can cause humans, reptiles, insects, and arachnids to grow to enormous size.
I’ve learned that being extremely large automatically makes anything virtually indestructible.
I’ve learned that there is life on the Moon, as well as on nearly every planet.
I learned that I am grateful that you specified WOMEN in that post.
I’ve learned that rampaging giant creatures can destroy buildings and kill numerous people and still be considered “good”.
I’ve learned that strip mall reviews can level entire cities.
From the preview screening of 1101, I learned that every [REDACTED] has a [REDACTED] to call its very own.
I learned from “Horrors of Spider Island” that if I’m on a plane of dancers going to Singapore that I can find myself with them on a deserted island even after my plane is on fire and crashes into the ocean.
I might be passing out like Tom though if they start fighting……
I learned it would take 11,550 turkeys to fill the bridge of the Satellite of Love.
I learned that, if I’m ever given a choice between walnut ranching and pecan ranching, I should go with the pecans.
I learned that no matter how many ships you blow up, there will always be three.
I just learned that Paramount Studios has announced plans for a second Mystery Science Theater: The Movie starring the new cast. It will be done using a segue format along the lines of That used for Star Trek, The Next Generation. Rumor has it this will be generously budgeted with a multinational distribution. No word on a title yet, but an anonymous source says they are leaning away from Roman numerals.
Re: #118 –
April Fools!
I learned that post-war Japan is tranquil.
Ahhhh hahaha! – I know what day TODAY is :^)
I learned to sing whenever I sing. Which seems pretty obvious, in hindsight.
I learned that whether you’re an Italian mobster fleeing a Texas Ranger, a faux beatnik on a heist, or the agent of an international crime syndicate kidnapping a young woman, your “go to” disguise is either a priest or nun.
What, Paramount NOT trying to force a film to tie into their Hasbro/Transformers-verse? Recognizing Trek:TNG’s existence instead of the JJ Abrams reboot-verse?
…Obvious April 1. ;)
I learned that when you are on a scientific expedition you should always bring along an atom bomb in case there is a miraculous beautiful discovery you need to vaporize.
Never hit Big Jake.
I learned that there are a lot of railings in spaceships.
I learned that reporters and anthropologists sometimes pull pointless pranks on friends in the New Mexico desert.
I learned that in the Old West, guests sometimes stayed in the halls of hotels.
I learned that there is a race of aliens where Ken is a very common name.
I learned that Peter Graves had a fascinating education at the University of Minnesota.
I also learned there was an American Civil War of which nothing is known now. Really, it was on a documentary produced by a C. T. Robot.
I’ve learned that sometimes common sense does prevail, and that good things sometimes do come to those who wait!
Plus, what an amazing community this group of fans is. :)
I learned how to tell Merritt Stone and Gene Roth apart.
I’ve learned that chili peppers burn some people’s guts.
I’ve learned that even doughy, boozy, unappealing slobs and drifters can be action heroes.
I’ve learned that Canadian movies are required to have at least one character with a ridiculous cartoon voice.
If MST3K has taught me anything, it’s that the Star Trek Enterprise episode Strange New World is only the second-worst story ever told about humanity taking their first steps on an alien world. (Thank you, “King Dinosaur” – it’s actually eerie how similar they are to one another in establishing that “first-ever scientific exploration of an entirely new planet” means acting more like unprepared tourists wandering around through suspiciously Earth-like forested areas.)
I’ve learned that all men are free, and, all men are Gods.
And pumas can fly!
i learned:
Trumpy can do stupid things!
I learned that although Saturn should be avoided since looking at the rings can make you melt, the moons of Jupiter are populated with nubile scantily clad sorority girls that like to playfully tie each other up for slumber parties and human sacrifices. Great place to visit.
I have learned that the Master would not approve.
I learned that if you are young, naive, wimpy, and not too bright, the best place to get mugged is in a railroad freight yard. Because there’s a good chance you’ll be taken in by a kindly hobo who will teach you important lessons about self-defense, women, and life.
I’ve learned that everyone deserves a second chance — even if they’re dead.
I’ve learned that Satan’s arch nemesis is Santa Claus.
#139: But Master Ninja might.
I’ve learned that God has a spring.
I’ve learned to stop having lunch in the gas expulsion tank.
Who Merritt Stone is.
Do Not set your head on fire, unless you have an ample supply of them on hand…
Never order from Torgo’s Pizza.
HE’S NOT MERR–oh, wait, I guess he is.
Aside from working on the gym floor and knowing a little about rubber and plastics used in sports equipment, I can’t say I learned much from MST3K.