It’s County Fair time all over the nation. Batter-dipped bacon time, for many. But it also means rides. Specifically, theme rides.
So, if you could base a ride on an episode, what would it be?The “The-Incredibly-Strange-Creatures-Who-Stopped-Living-And-Became-Mixed-Up-Zombies Rollercoaster” is an obvious choice, but what about the “Wanda Saknussemm Fall to the Center of the Earth!” or, of course, “Torgo’s Shake Shack.”
How about: the Radar Secret Service ride, which you just drive straight and level for a while, then stop.
What’s your idea?
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The “Eight Miles High” Mighty Jack car in a net ride! Ride with the JFK look a like!
Ride the spinning Gamera! ’nuff said!
Face the horrors of riding in Santa’s Sleigh with those wind up haunted reindeer! You will be scarred for life!
Finally, ride the Night Train to Mundo Fine, while John Carradine insists the ride is called Red Zone Cuba!
The Wild, Wild Tilt-a-Whirl of Batwoman. It’ll leave you dizzy, sick and confused, just like the movie.
How about A Johnny Doesn’t care shooting gallery, featuring such targets as the red headed kid from pod people and the four eyed loser from teenage strangler
The “Sidehacker” ride starts above ground with motorcycles + sidecars on a track. It twists and turns, eventually disappears into an underground tunnel where someone is raped and killed, then emerges again, stops abruptly, and pitches everyone off the bikes and into a stone wall where everyone still alive is killed.
Ride the exciting Kobras ride in Pumaman World. Put on the magic belt and then get behind the wheel of your very own Aztec Mask from the gods! make sure you say “Wheeee!” as your platform slowly rises several feet in the air. Two feet, to be exact. Not responsible for any hair loss that may occur.
On a related note, you will also find yourself shouting “Wheee” as you careen through the sand on the Wild Ride of Mr. Eegah attraction strapped into your dune-buggy-like car. Watch out for snakes, and watch out for guest villains Deeny from “Mitchell,” Buzz from Girl in Gold Boots, and Prince from H.A.R.M., as they pilot their own amphibious go-karts in the sand.
You just had to have this topic just when I broke out my old copy of Rollercoaster Tycoon 3, didn’t you? :-)
My ideas:
-A go-kart track in which the cars include the Space Mutiny “floor polisher”, the Rowsdower Mobile, Megaweapon, and the dune buggies from Eegah!, Girl in Gold Boots, and Blood Waters of Dr. Z;
-A “Journey to the Center of the Earth” Mole People ride;
-A submarine ride inside Gamera (this actually happens in one of the non-MiSTied Gamera films);
-Stage shows featuring The Great Vorelli (with Hugo) and the “strippers” from The Incredibly Strange Creatures;
-The Hitler Building (a pavillion a la the various attractions at Epcot Center).
Ride the Lupita de Lupita. A ride filled with thrills! (Santa Claus)Chills! (Pitch) and fun! (A Mixican Christmas!!!)
Of course I meant Mexican.
Tunnel of Love variants based off any of the hygiene/relationship-based educational shorts:
The Tunnel of Keeping Neat and Clean
The Is This Love Tunnel
The Tunnel of Body Care & Grooming
The Are you Ready for Marriage Tunnel
And of course in the middle of this Johnny’s wandering around lost…
Ah, the MST3Karnival… Twirl and hurl on the Gamera Tilt-a-whirl! Get wet and woozie from bloodloss on the Giant Leech Waterslide! Lose inches off your waist, thighs, and buttocks on the Tor Johnson’s Belly Trampoline! Then it’s time to take a little break at the Jan-in-the-Pancakes consession stand – tell them “Daddy, I want a Coke!” and win a free Pepsi! Restrooms conveniently located in case you feel a Sinister Urge. Then it’s off to ride the Whip and win a free kitten! Rides’ gotcha feelin’ a little urpy? Ride the Stranded in SpaceMountain ride to the Ward E Infermary for a rainy-day epicac! Finally, ride the Creeping Terror Magical Flying Carpet as it ever-so-slowly returns you to the parking lot where one of our highly trained valet attendents, Dick Contino, Ben Murphy or Don Sullivan, will be happy to bring your car around. Y’all come back soon!
Sea World? Well we have Undersea World. Climb aboard the submarine SS Billy and visit the Undersea Kingdom: a world leagues below the sea complete with air and sunlight. See Unga-Khan’s castle, ride in a war tank, have your picture taken next to a walking water heater, or just stand on the Crash Corrigan Cliffs and enjoy the view of the ocean from beneath the… ocean.
Or try the Rocketship Simulator: experience blasting off into space and dodging popcorn–I mean asteroids.
There will be performances tonight at the Nirvana Pavilion at this amusement park
8:00 pm Stand up comedy Washout’s Dirty Dozen Prison Jokes (featuring #5)
8:45 pm Live Band featuring songs Idiot Control Now!!! by the Pods and I Will by the Femtones
9:30 pm Torgo’s Dance Party contest
10:30 pm Hamelt reenacted by the cast of Wild Rebels
Dark Future: The Robot Holocaust Meets The Terminator ride, only at Universal Studios.
The Dead Talk Back Murder Dinner Theater(audience participation)
The Pumaman, Angled Freefall Gravity Drop
we should visit the arcade the new San Francisco International flight simulator land successfully and it becomes a TV series
I think we need some more Puma-Man rides.
1) The Puma-Man flying coaster. You too can fly like PumaMan. The ride’s swivel seats help you point your butt in the air.
2) Always wanted a fake-looking head that resembles you? Just stop by Kobras’ head-shaping hut. It won’t cost much…just your will.
3) Want to get away from the kids? Leave them at “Vadinho Discover of the Gods” stage production, where your children will learn all about the Gods who travel in beachballs, and never come down lest Man not ‘stay free.’
4) Want to give the kids a workout? Send them into the ‘Kobras bounce-house,’ where everything is bouncy. You too can take flying leaps just like Puma-Man!
“Lazerblast” that is all..
The Incredible Melting Man POV Roller Skating Track. Put on your skates and pursue the rail-mounted nurse!
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