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Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Fight ScenesAlert reader Mike, aka “Rowsdower”, writes:
What immediately comes to mind is the “good-natured brawling” in “Hercules and the Captive Women.” Sheesh. What’s your pick? 112 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Fight Scenes”Commenting at Satellite News
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Not mst3k officially, but I’m nominating the last 10 minutes of The Film Crew’s ‘Killers from Space’ for:
The Coleman Francis-Peter Graves fight.
Graves knocks out the ever incompetent Francis with a girly “punch” (if you could call it a punch, more like a wave of wind). He probably just passed out from too much wild turkey before the shoot. That or his truss was too tight.
So many to choose from, but I’ll go with the Nightgown Wrestling in Manos followed closely by the Neptune Men fight…’Gooooooo Panthers!’
There were ALOT of cheesey fights…but I would say the worst of the bunch would be CAVE DWELLERS…where Ator “fights” with some invisable things….How hard would it have been to just have some guys in costumes come in to fight Ator?…Really?
I agree with Cabbage Patch Elvis. Blind people wouldn’t even believe that fight scene. It’s so lame. Couldn’t those “actresses” have been taught how to do it right?
Speaking of Peter Graves, his brother James Arness was the superior on-screen fighter. His punches in the fights on Gunsmoke always looked believable.
I second the Spider Island fight scene. “We’re gonna take this INSIDE!”
Any of Dave Ryder’s (or is it Beef Flanksteak, or Rock Hardpunch, or Bob Johnson) :laugh: fight scenes from Space Mutiny.
Godzilla and Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon and Gigan. It was so bad and took so long…
Just watching The Phantom Planet right now. The Combat Rod fight was pretty lame.
I like the post from #38 especially, having watched it a couple of days ago, there is some really “kids movie” like sounds added in whenever someone got punched…..(For instance, when the model Angel “taps” one of the two guards at the gate of the drug compound with the pair of brass knuckles she has. Pretty lame. Not to forget when all the Angels get into the minor rumble with the drug dealers from the boats on the beach.
That’s just Grade A cinema right there!
(One thing that also struck me as somewhat “copied”, was all the faces that the main character makes while fighting the cyborgs…..reminds me a lot of Jean Claude Van Damm in such movies as Bloodsport, Double Impact, Universal Soldier….or for that matter, all of the movies he has been in, being they are all fighting movies of some sort.
Bill Shtinkwadder
I love the full-on uppercuts to the crouch on “Racket Girls” as well. Not to mention in one of the matches, one opponent gets the other in a headlock, gets the headlockie to bend back a little, and then does some sort of “club” or punch if you may call it that to the headlockie’s stomach region, collapsing her to the mat.
Great stuff!!
Probably the scene with the multiple Rat Finks in Wild Wild World of Batwoman. Or ANYTHING from Space Mutiny.
Conversely, my FAVORITE fight scenes are the rake fight from Hobgoblins and the brief altercation Paul has with a random passerby in Werewolf (“Oh, great, a random citizen that can kick a werewolf’s ass!”)
I’m watching Sinbad right now, and I forgot about the fight with the bear! All the guy does is basically bear-hug the bear, and then trip him and get him on the ground, and the bear’s owner is like, “Stop! You’ll kill him!!!” Great stuff.
#57 Robot Halocaust, specifically Godzilla’s fiying kicks.
Any of the “wonderfully choreographed” fighting in Santa Claus vs. The Martians. Yes, that movie. I think I’m just a sucker for people fighting with the camera. (“I LOOOOVE YOU!” “It’ll NEVER WOOOOOORK!”)
@ 39 (hollyhox):
If Time Chasers is a “cult hit”, then the cult in question must be dedicated to the Elder God Whatthehell’huh.
Without peeking at anyone else’s replies, the first one that came to mind was “Here, let me throw a gay man at you” from “Horror at Party Beach.”
I just watched “Danger Deathray!” the other day for the first time in a long time, and I don’t know if I would say it has the worst fighting of all MST movies, but it’s fresh in my mind and I couldn’t help but noticing how awful some of the fighting was in the movie. There is one part in particular where Bart Fargo (BartFargoBartFargoBartFargoBartFargoBartFargo!) “punches” a guy except he does it not only with an open hand, but also with a totally limp wrist. Yet it’s not a slap, he totally makes the motions of a punch (and of course obviously misses by a mile).
On the other hand I also watched “Kitten With a Whip” recently and I have to say the fight near the end of that movie is excellent, especially the direction and camerawork. It’s very visceral and energetic, and genuinely exciting. I hadn’t seen that episode in a VERY long time, but now I have to add “Kitten With a Whip” to the list of genuinely good movies that were done on MST3000. It has some pretty good performances in it, a solid and interesting story, and pretty good directing and production values. The only place it slumps a little is in the very end. But I think I could watch “Kitten With a Whip” on it’s own and genuinely enjoy it.
10 worst:
10 – Rumble between Eddie Crane and Moon in ‘The Beatniks’.
9 – The ‘going for the ‘Quiet Man’ fight record from ‘Skydivers’.
8 – The unexplained dancehall fight in ‘The Creeping Terror’
7 – The fight scenes in the Rocky Jones movies.
6 – All the fight scenes in ‘Angel’s Revenge’.
5 – The ‘fight’ scene at the end of ‘Wild World Of Batwoman’
4 – The Master’s wives fight in ‘Manos: The Hands Of Fate’.
3 – The fight between Deathstalker and Troxartes
2 – The Rake fight in ‘Hobgoblins’.
1 – The ‘invisible warriors’ fight in ‘Cave Dwellers’.
Just thought of another: it’s short on actual fighting but the scene of Paul Anka’s baseball-bat wielding (and pathetic attempt at a tough-guy facial expression) at the end of Girls Town deserves a mention.
You know, this topic is TOO easy. ALL the fights in MSTied movies are horrible, embarrassing, or laughable, or some combination of all three. Can’t argue with the rake showdown in Hobgoblins, the wrestling with Eddie Deezen in Laserblast, or the tail-sliding Godzilla vs. Megalon rumble.
A really HARD discussion thread would be, “what fights in MSTied movies are actually GOOD?”
Off the top of my head, the answer: None.
Kimar and Voldar’s fistfight in SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS is pretty hilarious; it looks like the camera-man couldn’t figure out where to stand to get a good view. Plus, it’s two grown men in green tights and hoods with antennae on them, one with a goofy mustache, trying to kill one another. That’s always fun to watch.
The PRINCE OF SPACE fights are classic too; “Hey, that guy just fell down!”
One I don’t think anyone’s mentioned yet is Lobo Versus Tony McCoy in BRIDE OF THE MONSTER, followed by Lobo Versus Funky Bela Lugosi (“I gots platforms! Bleh!”).
the fight between Bela’s stand-in and tor in “Bride of the Monster”
Hard to decide which is the lamest….Kimar vs. Voldar or Space Chief vs. the Neptune Men B-Team.
But may I mention the “fight” between Rommel and JC at the end of “The Side Hackers”? More rolling around in the mud than actual fighting…ending with the rapist-murderer shooting the good guy in the back…
After looking back at Red Zone Cuba again I think that is the worst of the bunch. Curly is about to give a beat down to at least one of the two other loathsome characters with either a chain, or his belt, or something very gray when they do a jump cut that almost breaks Mike’s neck. More of a threat and implying a fight. What makes it the worst is that it is the first part of that movie which would have been watchable. But it is Coleman Francis so he has to hurt us in every possible way doesn’t he? It is worst, because it is the fight that should have been.
Nick Miller getting the total crap kicked out of him but some how winning against Bob Evil’s random hanger thug. I just love the fall over the wing part. I also go with Pumaman just leap around like a pussy (see what I did) while the greatest sidekick/mentor in history does all the work.
I’ll go with the rake fight scene in “Hobgoblins”. To this day I can usually end a fight with my wife by suddenly shouting, “Okay, Grab a Rake!” We crack up every time.
Just from recently watched episodes:
• Women of the Prehistoric Planet – mutiny on the Cosmos 3 by the Centaurian-Asians (“You will take us back to Centaurus”/”You stupid fools” )
• Sidehackers – final conflict between J.C. and Rommel’s gangs – ineptly staged, filmed, and planned by our “heroes.”
• Robot v. Aztec Mummy – totally anti-climactic battle
• Moon Zero Two – slo-mo barfight. Not a bad idea, but so poorly executed
But Hobgoblins rake fight wins for most pathetic ever.
“Look at that! A random citizen who can kick a werewolf’s ass!” ’nuff said.
Even though I agree with everything mentioned above,I’m going to go with the so-called “fight” in HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND between the 2 guys who arrive with supplies for the professor..
I’ve got to go with the disco fighting scenes in Pumaman. Pretty lame … and “Do the Hustle!” cracks me up every time.
Coming in a very close second are the rake fight and the Club Scum fight scenes in Hobgoblins. Love how the same table keeps flipping over :)
From Invasion of the Neptune Men:
“That guy just FELL down!”
The catfight scene from Manos.
Going quickly through the threads, I noticed that nobody mentioned the fight scene in “Teenage Crime Wave” between cigarette-fiend Mike and “Mr. Vocabulary”, Ben. Whenever Mike “hits” Ben in the face, Ben’s head does this “boing!” thing where it shakes violently, as if the hit were coming from a Mack truck. It completely ruined any drama the scene was hoping to create.
Completely off subject. While i was thinking about the lab fights, i received a message from the Moon Men. Besides complaining they cannot get a small amount of money they have instructed me to change my name. Since they have such nice hats i must obey.
From this day to all tomorrows Jim Hardcheese will be know as Warrior Mu Mu! So let it be written, so let it be done.
Mitchell’s fight with the little boy in Mitchell. “Buzz off!” “No, you buzz off!” :-)
Hobgoblins and Robot Holocaust lame,slow stupid. :cry:
Yeah, definitely Space Chief’s “battle” with the Neptune Men. Who really lost the fight? My suspension of disbelief.
The weird beating scene in the alley in The Girl in Lover’s Lane. Got change for a $50?
Invasion of the Neptune Men-one of those bulletheads really did ‘just fall down’.
Devil Doll-especially the bit that became the stinger.
Cave Dwellers-they weren’t just invisible, the background music/sound wasn’t scary, it merely inspired 3 Stooges imitations.
Cave Dwellers. Anytime Ator and his sidekick were throwing down was worth it’s weight in gold.
I know this isn’t a MST3K episode but,do you guys remember the fight scenes from Hawk the Slayer?? holy hell!!,i just rewatched it and almost passed out from a laugh induced hallucination.
Just a quick look over all of these and I guess no one had any problems with the girl fights in “Swamp Diamonds”….
;)
I had forgotten about the invisible opponents in Cave Dwellers. The main issue there is that, while the concept of invisible opponents sounds kind of neat on paper, it can’t help but look pathetic when presented in a visual medium like film or TV.
One line: “He tried to kill me with a forklift.” Lame. Or the moon buggy fight scene from Moon Zero Two.” With all of the talk about fighting invisible forces, nobody has yet mentioned Gary Lockwood (Sir George) and his fight with the ghosts in “Magic Sword”. Or his “epic” battle with the dragon.
And, speaking of cat fights, the lamest is probably the one in “The Brain (Head) that Wouldn’t Die”. “Nobody tells me to blow, if I don’t want to.”
Oh, yeah, as someone pointed out the climactic fight scene in Robot Vs. Aztec Mummy is one of the most anti-climactic fight scenes ever. The “robot” falls apart in about 30 seconds! All movie we wait for the big monster mash and it ends up being over before it starts. If that fight was in a Toho Studios movie it would have gone on for at least 20 minutes!
As Mike says… “The drum solo of movie fights”. The underwater fight scenes in DEVIL FISH!
#70 Watch-out-for-Snakes says: A really HARD discussion thread would be, “what fights in MSTied movies are actually GOOD?” Off the top of my head, the answer: None.
How about Jack Frost? As movie fight scenes go, it’s not realistic, but it is very entertaining and contextually fits with the strange tone of the film.
A lot of ‘best/worst’ thread ideas make me think for a while, but for this one I instantly thought of Deathstalker vs. Troxartas. It takes itself so seriously with that epic background music (“Conquistador, your stallion stands …” ) when it really is just two guys filming a walkthrough. The best is when Troxartas has a free hand with a sword in it, but he forgets to stab D. Stalker, so Death S. Talker has to reach up and help stab himself for him and then block Troxartas from his own thrust.
My runner-up is the random smut fight from The Sinister Urge that devolves into ‘Ride the wild guy!’
Two votes here. The fight between Kimar and Voldar in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Someone actually turned this into a novel where they tried to explain why they were so pathetic here. Something about how Martians are programmed to not harm their superiors and Voldar was trying to break the programming, or … something. Someone has way too much time on their hands.
Then we have the infamous catfight in Manos. Girls, if you’re going to do this, you have to be prettier. And get some mud.
:-)
Honorable Mention: The battle between Tor and Bela in Bride of the Monster, but Tor won and Bela got his superstrength, so it all works out, doesn’t it?
I gotta go with Angel’s revenge. If you have to add wacky sound efffects to your fight, it’s gonna be lame.
@95 Green Switch: – Well played, sir. Well played.
Any and all of the fights in Riding with Death. I’ve got a lacerated kidney!