How about, for all who still have unedited tapes: Worst sponsor or commercial you had to sit through. Those Psychic Friends spots were TORCHA!
For me, one word suffices: o/` “APTIIIIIIIIVVVVVAAAAAAAAAA!” o/`
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Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst CommercialsAlert reader “darthlazy” suggested:
111 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst Commercials”Commenting at Satellite News
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A couple that I can think of from the Sci-Fi years was a very loooong commercial for a foot fungus medication. Can we change the subject already! Another one was a computer commercial with a guy taking apart a new computer to show us some doohickey then realizing he didn’t know how to put it back together again. I don’t remember who the computers were but there was a bunch of annoying ones for it. There was also a commercial for stereo system where the guy was setting up for a romantic dinner but his love mix CD turned out to thrash metal music. That was always a change station moment for me.
I used to use Duracell batteries until they started running those ads with that hatefull mechanical family. To this day I buy Energizer batteries instead. Even though the “Going and Going” bunny adds from Energizer wore thin after a remarkably short time.
@46
The man in question is Matthew Lesko, who was always hawking a book with methods to get “free money” from the government.
I was watching my copy of Puma Man from circa 2000 and it had a Ms. Cleo ad. I hated them at the time, but I find them really funny now.
Western Trucking Driving Institute or some such wording. The “Institute” seemed to be a mobile office set up near an interstate truck stop. The target audience appeared aimed at ex convicts. Nuff said aboout what kind of audience they thought MST3K attracted.
Those Psychic Friends commercials did help me in one respect. Most of the time, the longer-format commercials (Psychic Friends, Playboy, Stephen King Book Club, etc.) were run near the end of the commercial break. So, when I saw them, I knew I’d better be ready to start the VCR up again.
Don’t even remember what the commercial was for, but I have this upsetting recollection of this thing circa 1993-94 where you see what looks like a butt, and then it turns out it’s just two bald guys. With what I think was some wacky musical accompaniment. Wheeee.
I hated:
1. Miss Cleo Psychic Friends
2. Sketch and Doodle – Art tescht guy
3. The VW Jetta commercial with the hip-and-with-it 20-something computer game programmers
The talk of editing out commercials reminds me of one of the dumbest things I ever read in a newspaper. It was about 1985, when a television columnist for the Chicago Tribune sarcastically sniped about people who pause the VCR during commercials as they watch, “in the mistaken impression that, if they don’t record them, they didn’t watch them” (or some very similar wording). Apparently, it didn’t occur to the genius that the whole point of recording something is TO WATCH IT AGAIN, and to do so without having to fast-forward or watch the commercial breaks is nice. (Besides that it saves space on the tape.) It still amazes me that someone was paid money to write that, and someone else was paid money to read it over and okay it for publication.
Okay, that was off-topic, but hopefully amusing.
#51 – I quite liked that stereo ad myself. The couple headbanging at the table in their eveningwear always gave me a chuckle. I’m with you all the way on the feet, though. YUCK.
#12: Where can you find that version of the holiday special with the ads? I bought a VHS copy off of ebay a few years back that promised all the original ads, but actually only had a toy commercial at the beginning and none during the movie (it was a very, very clean copy, however).
I’ve always had an interest in vintage advertising, so I don’t really hate any of the ads so much as I get a kick out of them. The older the better, and I love anything from the 80’s (as proven by the boxes and boxes of VHS tapes in my basement). That said, the only MST3Ks I have with the ads are Sci-Fi era ones, and frankly, the only spots that spring to mind are the psychic ones (probably because I watched those tapes endlessly, and they played them a lot). I remember finding the Starburst ad they played during at least the first airing of Prince Of Space annoying, only because it was so flashy and brain dead IIRC.
Some of the old Dell commercials (not the stupid “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” ones, but the ones advertising their new PC’s I remember one that has some guy on roller blades in a wind tunnel or something. The announcer listed off the specs, which get funnier every time I hear them.
Around the time the Aaaaaaaaaaptiiiiiiiiivaaaaaaaa ad was running, I had moved to a town without Comedy Central. So, while everyone was bemoaning it, I was safe, watching old tapes with all the grating stuff people have mentioned above:
BK TV: I looove this place! Or any Dan Cortese ads.
New Fall Season in July: Jake Johansen, Mo Gaffney, Mark S. Allen, AJ Jamal, you really annoyed me.
The Tom Selleck AT&T ads: Can you read a book … in a library in another continent? You will… (And where does Jazz come from? “Good Question” isn’t an answer!)
The most annoying commercial: Beck’s. SSSSAAAIL AWAY! (I’ll grant this one’s grown on my since they stopped beating me over the head with it. But not much.) I won’t begin to approach the oddness of the “Tap The Rockies” Beer of the Giants.
Stern’s Camera of Winnetka (local to Chicago). Bad music and a dumb pitch. (Went out of business about 10 years ago)
Bad commercials I loved:
The original (1991) Dreyfus ad. Sorry, Tennessee!
One of the Playboy ads, not the Santa one, only for the Playmate recounting, “That’d be a good idea!” in a deliciously vapid tone. Wish I had that clip on tape somewhere.
And yes, the AOL guy, “Why? I’ve got a computer.” AOL was where I tapped into MSTie fandom, so I just can’t hate.
The psychic solution… The WHAT?!
I still have a lot of the commercials above on old tapes, but I taped a few shows from syndication in Houston (Channel 39?) and the show ran late, something like 12:30am or so. Hence, all the commercials were for party lines like 1-900-FLOOZIE or for a strip club called La Chatte. One of my oldest CC tapes had an ad for Encyclopedia Brittanica with the kid with the glasses.
But those BKTV ads pushing both BK and “Last Action Hero”…boy, one hopes those ad folks are in a more suitable career now.
The thing that looked like a butt, incidentally, was for “Barqtoos” which came free (and who wouldn’t want those) in packages of Barq’s Root Beer. Makes me want to run out and get a Henry Weinhard’s right now, just to spite them.
One of my faves has already been mentioned, the Becks beer commercial; “Saaaaiiiiiilllllllll Away!!! You need to fly!”. That is an in joke amongst friends.
Also, do you guys remember all the call collect numbers 1-800-whatever, that had commercials with marginal celebrities, like Damon Wayans, Ed O’Neal, and Christopher Lloyd? How quaint and archaic, eh?
One of the worst for me was the Tampax commercial where the cheer squad is dancing on the football field to the song ” shake it baby, shake it right.”. Ugh….. sends shivers down my spine.
Speaking of Penn Jillette, y’all remember Joel’s The TV Wheel that had a Penn narrated comercial, “it’s a gyrating, rotating, rotundra…..”???? That commercial was irritating, even tho the TV Wheel itself is pretty funny. It had David Cross and Andy Kindler, amongst others. I think it aired right after Laserblast. We don’t talk about the TV Wheel enough. I cherish my VHS copy.
I remember hating those Mentos commercials EVERY break it seemed like. Now I have fond memories of them. At the second ConventioCon my family went to see Last of the Wild Horses. While they changed to the second reel the audience filled in the pause with a Mentos sing-a-long. Like it or not, I still have most of the words stuck in my head.
Totally would have to be the Becks beer commerical that would go Sail Awaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! Or the Encyclpedia Britannica with this completely goofy kid that I’d like to see in a cage match with Mikey from Teenage Stragler!!! He was touted how he is so smart now since his Ma and Pa bought him encyclpedias.
To save money on your long distance calls, just dial 10-10-220 then the number.
Larry (#61): “Where can you find that version of the holiday special with the ads?”
I got mine at a convention, either the San Diego Comic Con or Dragon*Con. It has a custom-made DVD sleeve with the company name “G.H.T.” I’m sure there are many, many other versions, but I do know that one has the ads, anyway.
#68 The kid was annoying, but for some reason he really seemed to piss off the never-funny-why-the-hell-does-he-still-get-work David Spade, so I’ll give that one a pass. Seriously, Spade couldn’t do one segment of SNL without saying how much he wanted to fight the kid (which is ironic since I don’t think Spade would last five minutes with Lupita).
But I REALLY hated those ads with the almost-as-unfunny Tom Rhodes.
all the 10 10 220 ads with alf,terry bradshaw,tony danza and the biggest mook of all time dennis chi chi miller!! at least the 1800 cllect had alyssa milano in leather!!!
@68 – The annoying “I’m Not Ferris Bueller” Encyclopedia kid was actually Donovan Freberg, and as his daddy Stan had directed the ads, I’ll not say a word against them. :mrgreen:
@38 – But I do remember being annoyed by the Burger King “I Love This Place!”
“…And I”m GOING TO SEE THE MOVIE!” (proudly shows ticket, walks into “Last Action Hero”)
@18 – I personally liked those Psychic Friends commercials with Dionne Warwick or that Caribbean voodoo lady,
Ah, yes: Seemed like every one of the other phone-psychics ran through the same loop of “predictions” (“Congratulations on that new job”…”So how’s that new baby?”…”He’s cheatin’ on you, honey!”)
But Voodoo Lady loved to push the envelope for creativity: When she did “He’s cheatin’ on you”, it came out as “He’s wanted in six states, hon, call the police!”
—–
As for my choice for worst ad (apart from the Mentos “How to Break Security, For Stalkers” ads), and as reffed by J&tB occasionally, the immortal 80’s “Not Necessarily the News” said it much better than I ever could:
“So, I’m trying to dial Phoenix, Arizona, and I get Fiji…I try re-dialing Phoenix, and I get Fiji again…Then when I talk to the operator, she said I wasn’t using AT&T–Then I dropped all quarters on the floor, and I banged my head on the phone trying to pick it up–How stupid was that?…And then I locked myself in the phone booth!–Geez, what an idiot!…” :razz:
(I was actually driven to the point of calling up an AT&T operator, saying “Look: Phoenix, AZ; area code 623; Fiji international code 679-32…IT CAN’T BE DONE!! :twisted: “)
On one of my VHS copies (possibly Puma Man), there’s this commercial for FOX’s NFL coverage. Everyone was animated, though, and at one point Terry Bradshaw’s face gets ripped off or something. I think it was supposed to be funny, but it really creeped me out.
Miss Cleo ads were pretty funny.
Many of my still working VHS tapes are copies with commercials edited out (all CC era). However most have the Penn Gilette (yes I purposely misspelled his name for a reason) “coming up next it’s Saturday Night Live”! during the end drowning out the MST3K theme.
I do have some original tapes left unedited and they all seem to have most of the above mentioned. One I don’t think that has been mentioned is the pilot training school where at the end a phone-in voice asks: “shouldn’t you join the military for that?” and the reply is “only if you want a haircut”.
One amusing edit error I made on an episode where kids are dancing (I think it’s #313 “Earth Vs The Spider”) at the one commercial break without bumpers (usually around the 50 min mark of an edited show), I caught the last second of the “Burger King guy” shouting “BOOM!” while kicking his foot up. The result was – teens dancing – Burger King Guy “BOOM!” – back to teens dancing. I thought it was a cool so I left it as is.
I don’t have any bootlegs w/ commercials on them (in fact, I only have 2 bootlegs) and I’m a new generation MSTie so I was never able to watch the show on TV so I don’t have any commercial memories. Old commercials are always fun to watch, though (even if they are stupid)
After all I said above, I’m so glad that all my VHS tapings of the Sci-Fi era as well as a couple of CC shows were all taped in full. So, I had my own marathon of watching eps (that are not on DVD yet) with all the mentioned commercials! It was fun!
it seems all my surviving scifi era tapes have ads for Blousant(sp?) a breast enhancing (boob enlarging)cream. since no one has mentioned these im guessing they were placed by my sat. provider dishnetwork.
I gotta go with Schooner Beer’s “Sail Away” and the “1-800-Collect” ads.
Vagasil.
One thing I remembered about some of those old ads. There was one Candice Bergen Sprint ad, where she gets into a cab and the cabbie won’t shut up about the Dime-A-Minute rate. That cabbie is now the Principal on Glee. (Now that’s something Sue Sylvester could probably blackmail him over.)
My old tapes used to run over a minute or so. On one, I had this infomercial for Mark Wilson Magic – hosted by Dick Van Patten. The recording stops before the magic demo starts, but instead I get Dick Van Patten showing me some dramatizations of situations in his life where magic would come in handy – apartment parties with their own disco balls, getting past the receptionist on sales calls, and dealing with grandkids who just don’t get Dick’s generation. It’s magically delicious.
EricJ @73: That’s really interesting about the Frebergs and Encyclopedia Britannica. I always kinda liked them myself.
Bit of a stretch, but I’ve just got to mention the Rhino self-promos that they put on the first round of commercially released tapes (CAVE DWELERS, AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, POD PEOPLE, etc.) “Oh, Sweet Rhino! Oh, Virtuous Rhino!” – it was funny the first time, but it got old pretty quick.
While there are a lot on the CC year tapes I could mention. The main one that comes to mind was the late night Playboy magazine subscription commericals that were played when I taped “Santa Claus.”, Yeah that was always fun to fashforward through those during family viewings of the episode during the holiday season.
On the upside, commercials in (what was then) Sci-Fi’s local feed in L.A. introduced me to two restaurants I ended up liking: Chan Dara and the Pig. (That sounds kind of like a late-’60s psychedelic blues group, doesn’t it?) So it wasn’t ALL Penn singing about SNL, or Alf and Terry Madden talking about whichever 10-10 service that was.
I mean Terry Bradshaw. With what I said, I’m imagining John Madden with long hair leading down from a smooth pate, and it’s not a pretty picture.
@Jane Dobson
Terry Bradshaw with his face ripped off?? Man that sounds real creepy. Almost as creepy as Bradshaw WITH a face!
Zing!
I thought of some more: I used to set my VCR to record MST at 8 in the morning on Sat or Sun or whatever day, and at the beginnig there’d always be bits of an infomercial for a CD collection of rockin’ 50’s hits or some whack-ass Sci-Fi channel (that’s how they used to spell it, and I refuse to type it any other way) tech program. And they’d always have those exclusive offers from Playboy and those ads for Star Trek: TNG collections on VHS. “This Farpoint station will make an excellent…..” whatever it is that Q says after that. I’m not a Trekkie, I don’t have that **** memorized. But I do remember that the first episode offered is “Encounter at Farpoint” so that’s how I (half) remember the line about the Farpoint station. How I remember the characters name as Q is another question…….
Also, I hate any commercial where somebody looks at the camera and yells “SEGA!!”. I hated those commercials.
Final Also: I think the Beck’s beer “Saaaiillll Away” commercial is the consensus winner of this comment thread. What a strange thing to collectively share amongst the memories of MSTies.
One that I most dreaded was the Austin Powers Heineken commercial where the girl wants to see his “heiney”. This was shown on almost every commercial break. Funny at first, but becomes sooooo annoying after the 6th time.
(By the way, I am so honored that my suggestion was picked for this thread! Thanks to all!)
I remember the Star Trek: Next Generation collection ads that were run ad nauseum. I’m a moderate Star Trek fan, but I found the way the voice over was hyping it was a bit over done. Especially the line about “every” scene being “a masterpiece of science fiction”. I mean wow! EVERY scene! That is quality.
Oh, and “Sail Awaaaaaaay”
The Beck’s commercial and Candace Bergen were the ones I came to mention. But you all have brought back so many (questionable) memories of MST watching. I usually managed to edit out commercials but a few tapes remain with them in. The one that annlys me most for some reason is for the Dodge Neo. A cutesy ad for a “girls car.” It’s just so sugary, like their showing you a new puppy.
The Sinbad commercials where he’s promoting the talking Poloroid camera at Christmas. “Yo, Scrooge, bah-humbug baby!”
SAILLLLL AWAYYYYY!!! You can fly!
Those psychic commercials.
Shiek Condom commercials with that stupidguy who keeps getting beat up.
Aptivaaaaaaa. New, from Radio Shack! Get the latest in digital…BLAH!
Introducing AOL! “It even tells me when I have mail!”
I came to dread those “Zima” ads during the Comedy Central years.
“Zima? Is it a wine cooler?”
“No, not Zo Zweet.”
“Ah, it has a refreZhing Zpice!”
:shock:
To this day I’m still not sure what the commercial was for, but I remember back in the CC days a commercial where a kid pops on a radio and Joe Satriani’s “Summer Song” began playing, and then we get a bunch of cut-scenes of people doing stuff to the tune. I know it wasn’t plugging the album, but cannot remember if it was a soda, auto or jeans commercial?? Anywho, I loved that tune…but the commercial grew old pretty quickly as it seemed to appear during EVERY break.
Since I only got to actively watch/tape while MST3k was on the Sci-Fi Channel, I’m limited to that era for my annoying ads. My bottom three ads:
3. The screaming “free money” guy in The Riddler’s Goodwill rejects. They aired this every morning before the Saturday reruns of MST3k right before it went off the air for good, and as a result, he was the first thing I saw every weekend. Strangely, I don’t hate him.
2. The “Brown Sugar” Kahlua ad. Besides the fact that I don’t like Kahlua, it looks less like a mudslide and more like a diarrhea tsunami wiping out the joyous club kids. Which, far as I’m concerned, is really the best fate for most club kids.
1. Mentos ads, every last one. EVERY. LAST. ONE. These were so ubiquitous and so thoroughly unlikable by anyone with a brainpan larger than that of a gecko and parodied to hell & back. But the cheesy music, the ****-eating grins of all involved, and just the whole forced-fun feel make me want to hurt something, even to this day.
The local cable ads were usually bad, but they blanked out ads for whatever pseudo-movie Sci-Fi was forcing on the unsuspecting that week AND I found my current awesome local comic shop through one. So I’ll give them a pass.
Damn, I forgot one; bump everything on my first list up a number, because this obnoxious sale-killer slammed me with every morning rerun on Sci-Fi and made me swear off a product for life.
Real #1. Progresso’s Soup for Condescending Asshats. You know, the one where some poor schmuck (usually male) gets belittled by a snide, rude douchebag (usually female) for eating Campbell’s soup. Yes, surely you’re more righteous and down-to-earth for wanting an oversalted soup that’s ready to eat and impossible to customize because you’re just that lazy and uncreative… I mean superior! They ran it so much that I have sworn off ever buying Progresso’s, even if they were the only company to offer Pasta e Fagioli for years; I now associate consumption of Progresso’s with people who feel the need to mock & belittle their coworkers’ lunches, and dammit, I will not be that guy.
*95 That would be for Sony CD players. VERY annoying commercials.
See it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_rWVPRP0nQ
There was a commercial for Jackie “The Jokeman” Martlings new CD. I think it was done by his wife with an annoying voice but very sexy look.
@97 – I didn’t mention that one since I didn’t know whether it had ever aired on MST3K, but I’m with you, fellow soup warrior:
The Progresso ads took “corporate rivalry” too far out of the boardrooms and into our living rooms, and made the company look like a snide-spirited puppy-kicker…Yes, Ilsa, Queen of the SS, I deserve to be called a first-grader and ground under a stiletto heel because I choose to make condensed Campbell’s soup with skim milk, instead of the artery-clogging cholesterol-laden cream of a “real” clam chowder–I deserve never to know the touch of a real woman! :roll: