Movie: (1968) A girl from a rural truck stop goes to Los Angeles to work as a go-go dancer, but soon gets involved with drug dealers.
First shown: April 18, 1999
Opening: Crow explains his WWBSMD bracelet; Pearl has evil plans
Intro: More bracelets; Pearl, seeking board certification from the Institute of Mad Scientists, impresses the visiting inspector
Host segment 1: Crow exacts petty, childish revenge on Mike
Host segment 2: Crow is shakin’ his moneymaker, much to Mike’s dismay
Host segment 3: Mike sings in the rain, causing much havoc
End: The movie has caused M&TB dress like the ugly thug in the movie and chuckle; this fails to impress the inspector — but Brain Guy does!
Stinger: “Oh, God, I wish I had that pretty mind back!”
(330 votes, average: 4.70 out of 5)
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• I have to put this one in the “good-not-great” category–despite some excellent riffing and host segments that are more funny than not–and the reason is the movie. This was our only real foray into the grimy, nasty world of director Ted V. Mikels, and once was enough. There are no real protagonists in this greasy little flick. Even Critter, who comes to despise the world he’s landed in, doesn’t seem to be trying very hard to break away. Even the dark and polluted world of “Manos” seems cheerful after this thing. Bleah.
• Paul’s thoughts are here.
• This episode is included in Rhino’s The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 4.
• Despite Paul’s concerns about the mad science story arc, this episode’s opening salvo is actually pretty funny. That’s Paul, of course, as the inspector.
• I love the “I want to give you a hump” bit. Bill plays it perfectly.
• Segment 1 works for me, entirely because of Servo, hand over mouth, going “Ohh!”
• It’s amusing (to me, at least) that beer afficianado Mike is drinking Coors. Maybe he thinks it’s only good for pouring onto bicycle seats?
• Host segment callback: “I didn’t mean to turn you on.”
• This print is chopped to shreds, so much so that it actually starts creating riff material, such as when Buz bilocates into a scene. “I’m back!”
• As a longtime fan of lileks.com, he’s taught me to notice when a movie suddenly becomes an unintentional documentary, as this one does when our trio arrives in 1967 L.A. and they drive around seeing the nighttime sights. I don’t know L.A. well, but I bet folks who do find it fascinating.
• I particularly like Servo’s lyrics about L.A. of that era: “Charles Manson is walkin’ the streets…”
• Speaking of that scene, I’m a collector of weird Christmas songs, and this movie has one: Larry Cartell’s “I’m a Lonely Cowboy Santa.”
• This is another movie that shows a night club with a GIANT space for the floor show. I assure you, real night clubs jammed every table onto the floor they could manage.
• You know that guy who plays Leo? He was married to Judy Garland for two years. I am not kidding.
• I do not want to know what sort of moneymaker Crow is shaking in segment 2.
• I really enjoy Crow’s exuberant dancing in the theater. Note that his arms move a bit!
• The musician who talks to Critter is Chris Howard, the composer of most of the songs in the movie. He seems embarrassed and he should be.
• Segment 3, with Mike singing “Oh, I Am Sad” (music by Mike, lyrics by Paul) as the ship catches fire, is hilarious. And by the way it’s only the first of several fires on the ship this season.
• Whoa! Slam on Lea Thompson outta nowhere!
• There’s a nice moment in the theater when Joanie yells “Get out!” and Crow promptly gets up and leaves.
• The bit in the theater where Mike produces a pool cue and begins playing pool is cute and kinda Joel-esque. Then he says he’s been saving the sight gag eight years. Hmm. Comments like that used to make the a certain faction of this show’s viewers very upset.
• Cast and crew roundup: Director Ted Mikels was also cinematographer for 1967’s “Catalina Caper.” (Makes sense, right?) Sound guy Sam Kopetsky also worked on “Eegah.” (Also follows.) In front of the camera: Jody Daniels was also in “Attack of the the Eye Creatures.”
• CreditsWatch: Directed by Kevin. Intern Nick Prueher returns for one more episode. Additional photography (whatever that means): Kevin Galligan. Prop assistant: Julia Pratt (in just this one episode–either she didn’t work out or she owned a very special prop).
• Fave riff: “Honey! Way to play the harmonica with your ass!” Honorable mention: “Suddenly I like the Allman Brothers!”
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Johnny Ride, #30:
“Why does Harry Blatz need the drug dealer’s help? All he has to do is take the stuff and them jump out the way that the “kid” jumped in…”
– While Harry can get the drugs, he still needs to unload them and that’s where the Oily Guy and Buzz come in. He wants cash for the drugs so that he can retire.
““Can he pony?” Okay, I checked urbandictionary and still have no idea what that means. Do I want to know the answer?”
– It was a style of dance, which I think Bill starts to do as he takes the money from the Mad Scientist.
Now, as for the movie:
I give this one 5 stars. I have a fondness for The Girl in Gold Boots episode. It’s one of those movies that depicts a sleazy underbelly of society. I like to think this movie exists in the same universe as Red Zone Cuba, The Skydivers and The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies. I’m glad The Girl in Gold Boots exists.
The movie also makes for good riffing and complimentary host segments. This episode begins the “Mad Scientist Accreditation” storyline. While there were complaints about this at the time, it was not without precedent. Joel’s final episode featured the Mads going through something similar, the audit that was being done by Mike Nelson. Even if one doesn’t like it, Paul Chaplin’s performance alone, as the “Mad Scientist,” justifies the storyline’s existence.
Crow explains his bracelet. I like the end of the sketch where he mentions “Wade Wilson”. Is that a reference to the Marvel comics character, better known as Deadpool?
This is the first of two movies in Season 10 that misrepresent a character’s age. (The other one is Crenshaw in Boggy Creek II.) Is Buzz really that young? He is considerably younger than Harry Blatz, but he hardly qualifies being called a “kid.”
Some favorite riffs:
“My father passed away . . . I stuck is head in the deep fryer.”
“One, ah, ah. Two, ah, ah.”
“Now I can go to parties dressed as margarine!”
“Do the ‘wounded turkey’.”
#49 Cabbage Patch Elvis…
The “Tacos” line is pretty much exactly the kind of gag folks have been talking about showing a big different in humor styles over the years… diffusing the sleaze, not getting “offended” by it.
It helps that Dad is so over-the-top loathsome in his short appearance. The whole scene as it plays out is so ridiculously silly that acting offended by the slap would just feel… “all butthurt” as the kids say. But diffuse it with a weird line that makes a bizarre connection to something in the background of the movie, and it ends up damn funny.
(For the record, I do think the “booo” when women get hit was overdone. Especially in light of how whenever a woman hits another woman, it’s all YAY!… but at least the latter is funny.)
Pearl was definately channeling Dr. Forrester with her minion abuse bit lol
I forgot to mention my favorite bit in the opening segment. Pearl wants to give Brain Guy a hump. I especially like this part, Pearl: “A latex hump,” Brain Guy: “Now see here!”
The best episode of Season Ten, and ranks amongst my favorites. Unlike Sampo I think greasy little films like these bring out the best in The Brains. This was hilarious from start to finish, including the host episodes where Pearl is trying to become accredited as a mad scientist. Sadly for me, this was the high water mark of Season Ten, as they start to slowly go downhill after his. Not that they’re all bad, of course, but it just seemed to me that as this season progressed and The Brains knew this was their final season that their hearts just didn’t seem into it as much anymore. Probably just me but that’s how it feels. Fortunately “Girl in Gold Boots” stands as a reminder of just how great these guys can be. Five out of Five. A wonderful episode!
You know, after seeing Racket Girls, this one really isn’t all that bad.
Movie:
* I’ve mentioned a few times that I used to show a weekly episode to my friends in college. While Quest of the Delta Knights was the first full episode I showed, the very first experience came from Critter’s folk song and the “I am Sad” host segment. Those two moments sealed the deal that showing the weekly episodes would be a huge success. Though I couldn’t show the whole movie because I went to a fairly religious school.
* Yet another movie that (at least partially) takes place in New Mexico. I’m proud of my see-nothing desert heritage. Though there are no landmark EAT restaurants that I could remember as a kid.
* The time
* Did anyone else have absolutely no idea that Critter had been in the Peace Corps until he mentions it right before his song?
* Favorite Riffs:
“I call it ‘Lousy.'” – Mike
“I can’t go out with you because I’m considerably bigger than you.” – Crow
“Batman!” – Servo
Host Segments:
* The opening is the most painful segment, IMO, because it isn’t funny. Sure the dancing Crow and Observer ones are also painful, but at least we can laugh.
* Segment 1 has got to be the only one I can think of lately where Mike finally one-ups the bots, or at least Crow. I don’t think he’ll ever be able to get back at them for The Projected Man though.
* Favorite Line: “Prepare for my maddest madness yet. Ha ha hahahaha…”
Things I Learned From This Episode:
* This is really a Christmas movie. Just like Mitchell.
* Teleportation powers are granted only by the editor.
* To plant one’s feet and pretend to almost fall over is good enough to become a star dancer.
* There’s no need to dance to any kind of beat or rhythm to become a star dancer.
* EAT has tacos.
Did anyone else notice that Bill’s head or cap can be seen in the host segment where Crow wants Mike to pour beer in that stein and then on him?? I wonder how come they couldn’t see that?? Just asking..Not a bad episode for me.Has some good/excellent riffs and the host segments are pretty good.
The actor who played Critter went on to a long and successful career as Paul Rudd.
Rarely watch this one but busted it out a week ago. Not as bad as I remember it, but way too many oily people. Even the hot lead actress is a bit oily.
Women do go to strip clubs, when its men taking off their clothes. They seem to be having a wild time too. The only time I ever frequented a strip club (for a freind’s bachelor party), it was a sullen affair. The place was full of sad, middle-aged men who were watching the girls like lions watching a herd of gazelle. No one seemed like they were having fun. Plus the drinks were criminally overpriced.
Women totally go to strip clubs.
Just not the kind of women we tend to see in films like this and Incredibly Strange Creatures.
I enjoy this one. The movie’s a lot of fun, lots of riffing opportunities. The host segments are good too.
59: That’s exactly why I don’t go to strip clubs. It’s not so hard to see a pair of boobs in our culture that I’d need to go somewhere that depressing for it.
This is one of my favs. Only Kitten with a whip is better for creepy people as the leads.
This episode is a classic. One of those where it seems like they have the perfect riff for everything.
One of the riffs that I’ve laughed at more than any is in this episode: when they’re on the beach, Michelle says “I’m here to be a dancer!” in a raspy voice, and Crow says “And I’m going to get voice work too!” in an even more raspy voice. Obviously you have to hear it to get the effect, but I probably rewound that part about 20 times.
Anyone else confused how the movie goes from Christmas carols to the drug delivery on the “second a’ May” to “he just blew in last night from out east?” I guess the implication is that the protagonists were under the greasy pusher’s employ for not just a few days but for about four months, and that said greasy pusher is willing and able to lie through his teeth at the drop of a pin.
“I don’t know what inspired them to add the “ship catches on fire” aspect to the skit,”
Well, there’s no rain in space, so I’m guessing that after the need for water was established, one idea led to another and . . . voila.
Regarding the whole strip club and women thing. I don’t think The Haunted House is a strip club. It’s just music and a weak chorus-line of dancing girls. It’s not even close to being the shoddy burlesque show we saw in The Incredibly Strange Creatures. The Haunted House is more of a sleazy night club, so it is conceivable that some women, going along with their men, would be in the audience.
Regarding the people at Leo’s party. The people there are the kind that were liberal in their beliefs and behavior, but too old to be hippies. Such people can also be seen at the sex show party in the movie “Sweet Sweetback’s Badasssss Song.”
I thought possibly Mike’s “sight gag / eight years” comment reflected how long the “real” Michael Nelson had been a writer on MST3K at the time?
touches no one’s life, then leaves says:
April 29, 2010 at 4:38 pm
“I thought possibly Mike’s “sight gag / eight years” comment reflected how long the “real” Michael Nelson had been a writer on MST3K at the time?” #67.
That seems like the best explanation for that comment. He certainly wasn’t host for eight years. The pool cue gag does look like one those ideas that just pops in your head and gets jotted down. Girl in Gold Boots finally provided a chance to use the gag.
touches no one’s & mikek:
I speculated on the “eight years” in #36, above.
#68: Wait, you used a gag on a girl in gold boots?!? That is late-night!
I love the “I’m sad” song and way Brain guy dances. I notice Brian guy dance a lot in strange outfits (flashdance, this one, ect.) Maybe Bill just like to dance and shake his money maker,
regarding the 8-year sight gag and which beer would Mike drink as oppsoed to which beer Mike would drink… MST has always been kind of flexible with the 4th wall.
Recall early in the Mike era that Mike knew things from the show’s past that he shouldn’t know, but he does, cuz he’s Mike.
( After all, they have to “know” internal to the show that they are on TV… otherwise why would they have commercial sign and a fan club ? but sometimes they are not suppsoed to know it… some might call it sloppy, but I prefer flexible :)
Re: mikek #51
I’ve wondered the same thing about the Wade Wilson reference. But Wikipedia informs me that:
“Wade Wilson is a former American football quarterback who played for the Minnesota Vikings, Atlanta Falcons, New Orleans Saints, Dallas Cowboys, and Oakland Raiders in a seventeen year career from 1981 to 1998 in the NFL. He is currently the Quarterbacks Coach for the Dallas Cowboys.”
Bah, I’ll still go on believing Crow was named-dropping Deadpool anyway.
I really enjoy this episode, but rarely watch it. It’s a little like MONSTER A GO-GO for me–the movie is slow and painful, the riffing is utterly brilliant and redeeming, but watching the episode is still somewhat of an ordeal. I save THE GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS and MONSTER A GO-GO for really special occasions, like when I’m sick in bed, or depressed or something.
All in all I have to admit that the movie itself is pretty enjoyable, if you can convince yourself to hang with it. So bizarre, so warped and sweaty and grimy and skeevy, like the crew scraped the bottoms of every dumpster in LA in the middle of July and slathered the cast and sets in it. It’s almost irresistible. There is a certain unintentional aesthetic in films like this that you really can’t find anywhere else.
With this episode and SOULTAKER, season 10 was off to a great start. In fact, as time goes on I’m more and more convinced that season 10 was one of the best in the show’s run. All of the Sci-Fi era episodes that make my top 15 are in season 10. Makes me kind of sad that the show had to end when it was going this strong, but also kind of glad that it didn’t suffer the slow-death indignity that most other shows do in their final years.
“Recall early in the Mike era that Mike knew things from the show’s past that he shouldn’t know, but he does, cuz he’s Mike.”
‘Course, in Mike’s first full episode, the ‘bots are training him in the arts of riffing by taking him through former experiments (e.g., Mike learns, and successfully answers a question, about “Little Monkey Boy” – from Lost Continent. Among others).
I always assumed they at least told him about a lot of their prior experiences, as well as prepping him with some of the worse trials they survived. A nice gesture on their part, regarding Mike’s long-term sanity.
Actually, let me revise that statement–THE TOUCH OF SATAN and WEREWOLF definitely make my top 15. The rest of the best from Sci-Fi are all from season 10 (MERLIN’S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS, BOGGY CREEK II, SQUIRM).
Excellent episode.
Great riffing, a non-science fiction movie (which is great to see after the last two seasons), and some of the best host segments of the Sci-Fi era.
I saw this after 9-11 and “John Taliban Nelson” really suprised me!
Greasy guys with giant mustaches, funky white girls flailing and one Regis-looking icky elf make this a surprisingly enjoyable episode.
I was really apprehensive about watching this the first time, but it’s become a favorite thanks to Crow’s declaration through dancing, proving that he is a “Sexual Creature/Being”. I’ve never really gotten a laugh out of Mike’s Critter song parody, though. Crow’s updates on the fire are good for a chuckle, but the song itself just doesn’t work for me.
The riff that sticks out most for me is:
Critter: “I’ll take ten Hershey bars.”
M&TB: Tin Hershey bars? Those are hard to eat.
Not terribly funny, I just don’t think Critter’s pronunciation was that terrible to warrant the riff.
77: It surprised me too, since his name is Mike.
Actually RatTal (75) in the theater, Mike makes a reference that evidences knowledge of the before time, and the bots express surprise at that ( How did you know that !? ). He’s breaking the 4th wall, but the bots aren’t.
Smoothie 56. He mentions it in one of the early restaurant scenes. Either Eat or Pillow Mint, I forget which.
This movie is awful, but i do like the “CINERAMA” geodesic dome they pass by when entering the city (it still exists too). The crazy devil-fish looking stage with giant mouth and steaming nostrils is awesomely kitschy too.
Got some almost painful belly laughs first time i saw this one, but on repeated viewings the badness of the movie almost overwhelms the riffing. Mike’s song during the fire is classic as well as the riffs about icky elf kid-man!
I generally agree about above comments on Season 10 being
among the best, except for the last two (Squirm and Diabolique,
but even with them the non-movie bits make the shows watchable,
especially now that The Crawling Eye is on dvd. Might be interesting
if some day Mike, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy reriff The Crawling Eye.
What do you think, sirs?
Oh and this movies cast has the greasiest faces of any mstied movie i can think of!
Question to anyone that has seen the uncut version. Do we ever find out more about Harry Blatz ? Blatz seems ashamed or embarrased to admit who he is, and Oily Henchman seems to recognize him.
If I remember correctly, wasn’t this episode actually the third one to air when Season 10 started? I remember reading about some sort of trouble getting this episode on the air. The Sci-Fi Channel put on episode 1003, Merlin’s Shop Mystical Wonders instead. Girl in Gold Boots aired the next week.
Raptorial Talon, I mistyped RatTal instead of RapTal, it was a typo, I did not mean it as an insult.
The ‘blew in here last night’ line is just Mr Big blowing smoke up Blatz’s a** in an attempt to establish plausability deniability.
@85
I was wondering the same thing. Also there must be some explanation for the random jump to dune-buggy riding.
Totally Useless Trivia: Two actors in two of the movies featured in this Rhino set were also in the movie Billy Jack. One was the dad in Girl in Gold Boots, who played a doctor in BJ (snort) and was a pretty good guy, and the other was Cissy (Colpitts) Cameron who played Grandma Daughter in Space Mutiny, and got her bra cut off by Bernard the Baddy in BJ.
I tend to agree with Spector in comment 55. As season ten went on I felt the amount of full on laugh fits from the riffing diminished. This one however is a gem and has stood up to repeated viewings better than my other favorite from season ten – Blood Waters of Dr. Z. I particularly enjoyed the Count Chocula looking goon. “The Mount Rushmore of ugly”
To this film’s credit it is at least a good historical document of the majesty that is EAT
“Well, he’s just lost his ‘conscientious objector’ status!”
Great episode. Some thoughts:
-Loved the “Bill Clinton” bikers. (“Hell’s Pusses!” “You are a delight,” and “Why don’t I have any friends?”)
-Also loved all the times when M&TB would imitate the voice of the “Icky Elf.”
-Has “What’s your favorite song in a MSTed movie?” ever been a weekend topic? I feel like it has; but if it hasn’t, it should. I really like the song the band plays during Michelle’s debut dance, when Buzz and Critter keep shooting each other looks. It goes something like “I just want to rest at ease…”
-I died laughing at Observer’s special “cameo” at the end. Glad I’m not the only one who found it hilarious/disturbing!
-I also love many of the riffs mentioned above, including the “Charles Manson” song. Other favorites include when Joanie goes, “Ta- DAWHHH!”, “Do the Wounded Turkey!” and many others.
-Also loved “Fun for the whole family!,” “Fur-lined bra,” “We’re thinking of adopting,” “And what if she touches GOLD?”, and many others.
Four out of Five Critters for me.
I gotta say, I LOVE this one. Everything works, plus the main girl is easy on the eyes. Crow shaking his moneymaker brings back memories of Mike in his tiny speedo back in “Horror of Party Beach”, therefore it is hilarious.
Love this episode, especially the biker scenes. The music from the whole film gets stuck in my head, though.
My favorite riffs were the imitations of Icky Elf’s voice. I believe the one line goes something like “I hope my shishter shtill shwings at that shpot on shunshet.” Cracks me up every time.
TV Tropes has a nice page on this movie. Certainly, our two leads in this horrific assemblage of still frames could be the poster kids (although they’re clearly 30 or so) for one trope: Informed Ability. That’s when the story keeps insisting, in defiance of all evidence, that a character has some great talent or skill. As Crow put it “[Michele] makes Elaine Benes look like a good dancer!” This movie is basically the progenitor of Showgirls: an allegedly talented and attractive dancer goes from the sticks to make her way in the big city and is almost brought down by the corrupt and sleazy underworld, but she ultimately escapes. So of course it makes perfect sense that our heroine’s dance moves basically consist of simulating severe Tourette syndrome (sort of, at least–any random TS patient would almost certainly have a better sense of rhythm.) One of the biggest problems The Girl in 5-inch Eyelashes has is that her dancing seems to have precisely SFA to do with the music. Even in those brief moments when her spastic jerking matches the music’s rhythm, like those times when your turn signal is temporarily almost synchronized with the signal of the car in front of you, she exhibits only random movements that match the musical style about as well as anchovies match chocolate. I know that Leo hires her as a lead dancer mainly just because he wants to bang her, but that doesn’t justify this. Critter, meanwhile, is touted as an undiscovered talent in songwriting, but most of his songs are just proto-emo bull**** that wouldn’t fly in a community-college poetry class.
Another trope heavily exhibited here is Dawson Casting–trying to pass off actors as much younger characters. Or at least it seems to be on display. For most of the movie, we have no real statements about how old the main characters are, except that they can apparently drive. That Larry Blatz, the crummy brewer, must be a millennia-old vampire, because nobody else would call middle-aged Buz a “boy.”
Anyway… this episode is a classic in my book. I think restricting the genres of movies they could use was Sci-Fi Channel’s second-dumbest move on MST3K (the dumbest, of course, was canceling the show), so it was great to see them break free of it. There’s one riff that I can scarcely even think of without laughing aloud: Tom singing “Oh… oh… bitter dregs.” Mike’s song is made of win, and the opening segment really is a delight, especially the guys’ over-the-top reaction after Pearl’s under-the-top movie intro.
Some bullet points:
* I’m not sure whether Crow’s riff “Because I excrete oil!?” is an error for “secrete oil” or intentional. I kind of hope it’s a mistake, because it’d be a hell of a lot more disgusting the other way.
* Whenever Pearl goes into “whiny, sulky teenager” mode, it’s both disturbing and hilarious.
* There must have been a lot more drug use than we saw at Leo’s party if the guests were enjoying that bongo music. Wow, an endless, unvarying series of sixteenth notes! They could have just gotten a drum machine or a jackhammer. Naturally, despite the staggeringly simple rhythm, Michele can’t dance to it.
* In the same vein as “40 Dollar Robbery; No One Hurt” making the front page of the L.A. Times, we have Critter’s assertion that dodging the draft in the late 60s will make him one of the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted. Maybe he was also a serial killer, but forgot to mention it.
* Even though we only see his legs, Crow seems to be a better dancer than Michele.
* When referring to “our pantheon of oily guys,” I can’t believe Paul forgot to mention Michele’s dad. He looks like a vat of vegetable oil that took on human form and opened an unbelievably depressing restaurant.
“When sexy becomes annoying!”
@77- what do you expect? The Brains were always spot on- even in 1999.
I found it interesting as they’re cruising down Sunset (where shish really shwings), the camera catches a sky shot of a just-launched Vandenberg AFB test missile from up the coast in Lompoc (generally headed 4,800 miles to the west to the Marshall Islands). The jagged-y gaseous trail is kind of rare but familiar to us So Cal folks. Generally, the trail slowly expands and dominates the sky for many miles with a beautiful mixture of unusual colors.
Enjoyed the funny lines:
*Leo: “QUIET!!!”
Crow (as Leo): “I’m talkin’ to ‘Sweetheart’!!”
*Servo making a request to Preston Epps, the Bongo Player: “Hey do you know, “boggadee-gobbada-boggada-boggadee-gobbada-boggadee…?”
I’m an icky elf!
My friend Travis and I have actually, in homage to this film, begun to, amongst ourselves, call our friend Brian “Yak-Boy.”
Well what can you expect? He’s just a child!
Question about this movie:
When the old guy reveals his name to be Larry Blatz, the film acts like we should know who that is. Who the hell is it?
This one is definitely one of my favorites. Maybe Sampo’s new nickname should be “Good-not-great” Sampo, just like Leonard “two-and-a-half stars” Maltin. ;-)
@mikek
Girl in Gold Boots aired right after Soultaker. Merlin’s Shop did not air until September, after the last filmed episode (and a real nice treat for all of us who weren’t quite over the breakup).
I cracked up at the “They sell tacos” riff. Idiotic callousness nearly always makes me laugh in a riff.