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Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Favorite Wimp“M Sipher” wrote in the comments for this week’s episode guide entry:
No, we haven’t, so let’s! Who’s your favorite wimp in an MST3K movie or short? I’m gonna have to go with Buzz from “Mr. B Natural.” Ineffectual and a little creepy, he’s really no better at the end of the short, except he can play an instrument. What’s yours? 119 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Favorite Wimp”Commenting at Satellite News
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Teenage Strangler is high on my wish list now. From the Sci/Fi years, though I haven’t seen them lately, no disrespect to Raul Julia but Aram Fingal from Overdrawn from the Memory Bank makes David Soul seem like he’s channeling Humphrey Bogart. Then there’s the hero from Jack Frost who looks like he’s wearing lipstick and mascara, amd finally there’s Critter from Girl with the Golden Boots. Oooooh, I am sad!
I think Mikey is the winner here. He may be a wimp, but after all it was HE who stole that bike. …neither.
I DIDN’T STEAL NO BIKE! Mikey is the best wimp of the series.
This should be decided by a fight to the death between Troy and Mikey. Loser is the biggest wimp. How long does it take to slap somebody to death?
So many to choose so little time. Along with Wimp Gods such as Mikey & Troy, I’d like to throw into the ring the hapless hero Jody from The Touch of Satan :twisted: ; and it would be pretty easy throw him seeing as he gets his ass served to him by Killer Grandma :mrgreen:
My 1st. runner up is Nick from time chasers. Just being that wimpy looking oughtto win him something. But for me 1st. place goes to “Roxanne” from Godzilla vs. Megalon. I have never laughed so hard at grown men telling a child to shut up.
Mikey is a bigger wimp than Troy – Troy shot a guy and found a lost civilization, Mikey delivered a note and just cried a lot…
\in your face, Mikey… :grin:
Where to start! Jody from The Touch of Satan. Mikey from Teenage Strangler. Arch from Eegah, Troy from Final Sacrifice. The Paper Chase Guy. Tommy Kirk from Village of the Giants or even Catalina Caper. David Ryder from Space Mutiny and the big chin guy from Time Chasers.
I agree with kt. Let’s have a death match with Troy and Mikey. Watch ’em slap each other.
Oh Yeah! Let’s add Mitchel to that list. He might as well been an action hero named mitten.
I’m going to have to go with Mick, the “hero” from the movie Squirm.
He likes egg creams and antiquing and just barely manages to survive an earthworm attack.
My vote goes for Cornjob (naturally). How could anyone not like a guy named Cornjob? And despite being a total spaz and dork he managed to become a police officer. Think of the hazing he had to endure at the academy.
He’s empathetic and good with kids, even willing to humor ones who seem psychotic. He works out. He seems like a nice guy. And he just has a certain likable Cornjob wackiness about him that I find endearing.
Eddie Deezen as “Froggy” from Laserblast. Even though he was playing a bully, he’s just so darn pencil necked not to be mentioned!
Kevin from Hobgoblins. He pretty much whines through the entire film and doesn’t do a single darn thing manly. And anyone is free to correct me, because I honestly don’t remember, but I don’t believe he actually kills a Hobgoblin, does he?
Is Troy McGregor really wimpy? Nerdy? Sure. Skinny? Yes? Wimpy? No. Right from the start he stands up to his Auntie and knocks out one of the Ziox henchmen. At the end of The Final Sacrifice he kills Sartoris. That’s not wimpy.
I think Mike from Manos: The Hands of Fate was a good wimpy character.
1. Mikey (“Stay way from the waterfront. And no more pretending you’re Lord Byron!”) from TEENAGE STRANGLER might be the wussiest wimp to ever grace the silver screen.
2. Jody (“What can I, a single puss, do?”) from THE TOUCH OF SATAN is mind-bendingly wimpy in his actions, though a little too physically virile to unseat sexless girl-man Mikey.
3. Troy (“HHHAAANNNGGHHHH”) McGreggor. Yes.
4. Tim (“You must be the one they call Tim.”) from BOGGY CREEK II is almost the opposite of Jody, in that he has the physique of the garden-variety wimp, but acts more or less non-wimpily (though he does give up the gun to Crenshaw without much of a fight).
5. Let’s not forget Danny Winslow from THE GIRL IN LOVER’S LANE. Big Stupid basically has to teach Danny how to chew his food.
I’d like to vote for antique maven Mick from SQUIRM, one of my favorite SciFi era episodes, but you have to admit he did act rather heroically throughout most of the movie. I will grant that pretty much all of the women in the film are more masculine than he.
So many superb choices listed!
I would like to include
1) Coily from “Case of Spring Fever.” He backs down so quickly after a a whiny apology from the oh so patient household genius in the short.
2) The cheater in the Cheating short – he makes Troy MacGregor seem as manly as Mitchell.
#62
Kevin from Hobgoblins (no relation, thankfully) did manage kill the hobgoblin that tried to kill Kyle by taking him “all the way.” He also bludgeoned one with a tire-iron, throttled one under a table at Club Scum, and tried to kill one with a forklift (Just kidding about the last one). Is he a wimp? Absolutely, but no one can deny that he can hold his own (if just barely) against some green-furred plush toys that aren’t worthy of being called puppets.
Jody was a huge wimp but he did get some lovin’. He had to sell his soul to lock that down but he had a lady and a nice car. Mikey just had emotional problems and a stolen bike.
J.C. from Sidehackers will never exactly be mistaken for Stone Cold Steve Austin, either. The J.C. strategy seems to be:
1) Get drunk
2) Lose your temper
3) Get in over your head
4) Hide behind a few thugs
5) Repeat until Rommel kicks you right in the jimmies and you shoot him in the back
This discussion brings up an interesting point for me. Was the antagonist in Cave Dwellers a puss, or actually sort of bad-ass? He dressed and talked like a puss, but then proceeded to stage-fight with what was clearly meant to be skill. And he was a treacherous back-stabber who could really brow-beat his subordinates.
So: puss or bad-ass? I’m stumped.
#66-
Thanks for the clarification. I thought he had, but I couldn’t remember. Clearly, I was mesmerized by his whiny delivery of every single line he had.
Cheers.
I think the doting father from Starfighters should be up there. With his weird, cringing voice and over-protective nature, he always brings a smile to my face.
Another one: Mr. Bettini, the Eddie Deezen-esque Docker-clad photographer from The Dead Talk Back.
I actually wouldn’t include Eddie Deezen himself (from Laserblast), because, nerd though he may be, he’s really kind of bad@$$ (in a toady, sidekick kind of way).
As for the death match between Troy and Mikey, I agree that Troy would mop the floor with Mikey. In truth, one slap would throw Mikey to the floor in a crumpled, weeping heap.
Geez, we’re being pretty rough on poor Mikey. After all, he didn’t steal no bike neither…
Lots of obscure and great nominations. I just wanted to nominate another couple who I would have expected to see.
Micky from the Screaming Skull or as I call him Snagglepuss Mick, not Squirmy Mick. He was either tripping, dropping, stumbling, mumbling throughout the flick.
I am floored no one has nominated John Agar! He appeared in three seperate episodes, playing the same character, who does nothing but spout pretentious, useless claptrap to avoid taking any action. When you watch these episodes note that if there is any action it is usually the sidekick who does all the butt kicking while John stands around pontificating on vaguely related scientific minutia or waving flash lights around.
New category-Group Wimps-Who is wimpier? The Chicken Men of Krankor or the Mole Men ‘royal’ guards?
Indeed all of them are brilliant and hard to pick a five.
Mikey,
Troy,
Tim,
Jimmy Wilson,
Pumaman,
Nick from Time Chasers,
All truly kings of lame…
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the heroic ‘Grimalt
Warrior’ prince from Viking Women and the Sea Serpent.
He is certainly loser enough for the list.
Mick the antiquing fan from “Squirm”. You’ve reached a new level of pathetic, uncomfortable noodliness when you make the rest of the hicktastic cast look pleasant and when earthworms can almost kick your ass.
Come to think of it, the Sci-Fi Era was full of wimps: Mick, “Screaming Skull” Mick, the guy from “Time Chasers”, Kevin, Troy, Shirtless Tim, John Agar… lousy with wussies.
My favorite wimp is, without question, Troy McGreggor. Early on, he can barely pick up a phone, yet he eludes a killer cult for most of the film, outruns primer black Gran Torinos on his Huffy ten-speed(although the cheap Canadian gas was a factor), learns how to drive what appears to be a three-on-the-tree Chevy, finds the secret Ziox tunnel and map room, stumbles across Mike Pipper, ills Satoris, saves Rowsdower, destroys the idol, and restores the lost city to its former glory. All in time to get back and sell candy for band! Not a bad few days’ work.
On the other hand, the most hated wimp is that whining maggot lead character from ‘Hobgoblins’. I was praying the other idiot would take his head off with the rake or that the Matlock-lookalike guard would run him over with the golf cart. What a puss!
Trash from Escape 2000. As Crow observes he subcontracts out the hard jobs to others! Here’s his resume: arrives too late to save his parents from being burned alive (I guess he was too busy riding his motorcycle through apartment buildings), let’s the courageous reporter get shot, can’t even kill the evil president of the company, the Henry Silva wannabe does that, hires a kid to booby trap the sewers with bombs.
I’ll go with Kevin from Hobgoblins. He’s hilariously inept when it comes to, well…anything, really. And, even when he overcomes his fears and beats up the stock character in the leather jacket, he goes back to being the same ineffectual puss he was at the beginning of the movie, once he sees a gun. The best part? It was all an illusion from one of the puppets/hobgoblins. He only barely won a fight against an imaginary bad guy! :lol:
Yet another: the noodly school principal from the short “What About Juvenile Delinquency” who tries to weasel out of taking responsibility for disciplining the rowdy high school delinquents at that city council meeting.
“No, no! I can’t! That’s why I asked these kids to come here…”
Lotsa good wimps to choose from, but I have a soft spot for Arch Hall Jr. True, he does look like a Cabbage Patch Elvis, but his dune buggy was a cool ride. Plus he didn’t have an oven in his living room. “Sorry about my face!”
My least favorite wimp is the guy from Time Chasers. Just crash the plane and put us ALL out of our misery, will ya? For being such a spaz he deserves to have his invention stolen, his books dumped, and given a double jock lock!
Paul the Warwilf. Random bystanders can kick his ass.
For group wimps how about Sergeants Gladys Peggy and the rest from the Japanese clown tree in Invasion of the Neptune Men. I wasn’t shot but I’m gonna die anyway.
My nomination of the father from Starfighters was already taken, but I have a few others.
1) Winky from Manhunt in Space and Crash of the Moons. More whiny than wimpy, mainly about his non-existent love life, but his ever present fighting skills need some work. He does sing a killer lullaby, though. And to think Scotty Beckett was once a king!
2) Etienne LaFarge (Load Load) from Mole People. Once underground he does nothing but whine and run from any danger. His death was a relief, and an instant increase in manliness, in spite of the presence of both John Agar (nominated previously) and the guards(?).
3) The angel from the short “X Marks the Spot”. His defense (whine) about all of the things he had to do to keep Joe (not a very good driver) McDoakes alive is priceless and definitely in the wimpy category.
4) The husband from Once Upon a Honeymoon. He has scheduled a vacation, but cancels it at the last minute because the whiny prima donna doesn’t like the tune he gave her. What a wimp!
I think these criticisms of Arch Hall Jr. in
Eegah! are ill-founded. He was probably preoccupied
protecting Roxy by watching out for snakes.
All the obvious great ones have been mentioned, so I’ll throw my vote in for Dr. Leopold in “The Blood Waters Of Dr. Z.” Really, this just applies to when he’s a shlubby middle-aged guy puttering around in his lab. Balding, with a bit of a gut and no muscle tone whatsoever. He’s definitely not a Posture Pat either.
Mikey from Teenage Strangler was the first to pop into my mind, but the other votes for Troy in Final Sacrifice and Kevin from Hobgoblins seem well-founded. A special honorable mention should go to Jonathan Haze from Viking Women and the Sea Serpent, though. (“But you don’t understand – I’m a prince!” is one of my fav stingers of all time).
I would have to say “Mikey” from Teenage Strangler.
#73- Mole men, all the way. The chicken men can’t be brought to their knees by a flashlight and they could peck your eyes out for trying (not your eyes, specifically, you could be the Prince of Space and I’d hate to insult you. You might not like that very much).
Hows about Wilbur, the Montclair-moment angel from “Once Upon a Honeymoon.” (Although maybe he qualifies under “gayest character”instead.)
No one mentioned Dick Craig, the wussy cop who couldn’t keep his shirt in Bride of the Monster.
Definitely Mikey from “Teenage Strangler” – first one to come to mind.
“Incredible sexless girl-man tells all in crying jag!”
Runner-up: Winky from the Rocky Jones flicks. If only for Mike’s AWESOME portrayal of him living in his mom’s basement during one of the host segments!
#78
I agree, but give the wimp the benefit that he should rightly be afraid if someone pulls a gun on him.
By the way, this is the best discussion topic we’ve had in awhile.
Thanks Sampo :razz:
The schoolteacher from ANGELS REVENGE…
ohhh…ohhhh…
Sooooooooooooooo wimpy. Also, what about Sam from POD PEOPLE….”Hey, sounds like Norm Abhrams getting killed by a giant chicken!” really anyone from that movie…the monster walks slowly at you, and no one can just RUN!!!!!!?!?!
Troy = Best Wimp Ever.
If only because, against all odds, he overcame his inherent wimpiness and became an ass-kicking hero by the end. An inspiration to us all.
The gender-bending technician that Kalgon sends over the railing in “Space Mutiny.” He had to call to check on his gender, for Pete’s sake.
Slab Grunt-thrust is the wimpiest muscle-guy in the series though. Screams like a little girl, roasts a disabled guy, ducks like a scared chicken under fire…
i wanna see a caged death match between Teenage Sstrangler’s Mikey and Final Sacrifice’s Troy.
I have to go with the wimpy guy who get’s murdered by the other members of the “Secret Mutiny Society” in Space Mutiny.
He’s terrified at the thought of mutiny and so adamant that it would be “…against the laws of the universe!”. Then he puts up absolutely no fight as the other guys manhandle him and stab him to death with with a sprinkler key.
This is a man’s mutiny, wimps need not apply!
It figures that the one weekend I inspire a Weekend Discussion is the one I’m out of town and netless for.
Part of me really wants to nominate Henry Krasker from The Dead Talk Back, but he’s just an insufferably smug, posturing nerd, who never really does anything wimpy. Just obnoxious.
I really think my favorite MST wimp may be “Sex Poodle” Danny from The Girl in Lover’s Lane, at least as far as being a likable character goes. There’s something genuinely charming about his utter obliviousness, and let’s be fair, he does get to take down a very scary Jack Elam bare-handed, quite a feat. And… well. C’mon. Admit it, he’s kinda cute in that 50’s sorta way.
Our other 50’s wimp, Jimmy Wilson… good grief, man. Yeah, he’s just as stupidly oblivious as Danny, but Jimmy clearly doesn’t learn a damn thing throughout the movie. There’s no redemption here… and his “reward” is to get the girl who FORGOT TO MENTION SHE’S THE MAIN SQUEEZE OF THE LOCAL MOB BOSS GOOD GOD WOMAN THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
(No, really. Jimmy had a chance of turning things around like fifteen minutes into the movie if it weren’t for Kitty.)
As for pure hilarity magnets, though, it’s hard to choose between Final Sacrifice Troy and Teenage Strangler Mikey. Those two are just… wow. They’re both such over-the-top wieners. You can tell the Brains just loved having those two to heap on.
Another good one to list by season:
1. Paul from the Crawling Hand – Not nearly as wimpy as others in the list, but he doesn’t actually do anything to free him from the control of the virus.
2. Rod “Steve Lame-o” Tillman from Wild Rebels – “All he did was signal the cops who were then both killed!”
3. Kon-chan a.k.a. “Cornjob” from Gamera vs. Guiron – They even compare Mikey to him!
4. Tom Stewart from Tormented – His lesson to us: Never hold a rendezvous at the top of a rickety lighthouse and let your mistress fall to her death.
5. Mikey, no contest.
6. Pete a.k.a. “Indiana Nerd” from Bloodlust – Everything I needed to know about scouting I learned from Pete.
7. Johnny a.k.a. “Steve” from Night of the Blood Beast – Giving something a chance is one thing, but after it’s horribly murdered a friend?
8. Richard from parts: the Clonus Horror – Probably the bravest wimp in the series, really.
9. Leonardo daWetpants from Quest of the Delta Knights – He was a moron who stole all of his ideas.
10. Tim! – “No way!” is his instant catchphrase.