This week’s episode guide got me to thinking about the movies that I think could have been good with a better budget/actor/script. “Leech Woman” has an interesting premise, but it’s pretty much squashed by all the mediocrity around it.
So that brings me to my suggestion: What movie could conceivably be remade into a competent film (“The Island”/Parts: The Clonus Horror” excluded, of course).
My pick would be “City Limits.” It’s got all the ingredients: post-apocalyptic setting, motorcycle gangs who are into comic books, shadowy government conspiracy. It could work!
What’s your pick?
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You know, a decent “Bay of Pigs” movie might be interesting, so I’ll go with Red Zone Cuba. I always thought Parts: The Clonus Horror had a darn good premise that talented filmmakers could have a field day with, though the disaster that was The Island certainly ruined any chances that someone will dust off that concept any time soon.
I agree with tim_servo about “The Crawling Eye.” There’s the material there for a tense medium-budget horror film. There’s even the walking dead, and as you know, zombies are hot hot hot.
I’ve always been fascinated by Coleman Francis’s films, the way that (it appears) his efforts to work in popular genres collided with train-crash force into his natural nihilism and sense of life’s futility. So what I’m saying is, put me down for a competently made remake of “Red Zone Cuba,” a movie in some ways decades ahead of its time.
Speaking of nihilistic films that some modern filmmaker could get his teeth into, how about “The Side Hackers”? Especially one who had a feeling for the underclass. I mean, even J.C. is just kind of the tallest midget in the film’s socioeconomic circus.
“Phase IV” already isn’t a bad movie, and it could be improved on. It might make a good TV movie in a universe where SyFy wasn’t making deliberate crap in that department.
But since they are, why not remake “The Amazing Colossal Man”? Or even “The Creeping Terror”?
“Kitten With a Whip” or “Racket Girls.”
“Kitten” would actually star Mark Sanford.
And “Racket Girls?” Who cares! Bring on the butch babes!
Kitten with a Whip. If the bland John Forsythe wasn’t putting us to sleep, and the teens had been even a little menacing this would be a good movie. Here’s my pitch: Denzel Washington plays a would-be presidential candidate, who finds Megan Fox in his house. The rest writes itself!
Second choice: Amazing Colossal Man. I think this could be done now that CGI is so good. A giant man trashing Vegas? Good summer fun.
#43–You took the words right out of my mouth, or chacters out of my keyboard (as it where). Touch of Satan creeps me out a bit as well.
I agree with the “Tormented” posts, but after reading them I remembered Harrison Ford in “What Lies Beneath”, which has a very similar plot, told from a different point-of-view.
I’ve always thought “Manos” could be remade well; either really creepy or if done in that Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino “Grindhouse”-style.
“The Brain that Wouldn’t Die” springs to mind for me, probably redone in the same Tarantinoesque fashion as would work for “”Manos””.
John Waters remaking “Skydivers” would be a hoot.
I’d like to see a Coen Brothers take on “The Sinister Urge” or “The Violent Years”. I just think Ed Wood’s quirkiness filtered through the Coen Brothers’ quirkiness would make for a truly unique experience.
I’ve actually posted on my blog rough outlines for a big-budget remake of “Manos”:
http://fraggmented.blogspot.com/2006/04/under-hood-manos_114587840576263597.html
And “Quest of the Delta Knights”:
http://fraggmented.blogspot.com/2005/09/under-hood-quest-of-delta-knights.html
And “Time Chasers”:
http://fraggmented.blogspot.com/2005/08/under-hood-time-chasers.html
But I’d also suggest “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”. The basic premise, “There’s no Santa Claus on Mars so the Martians kidnap him,” is actually really good for a kid’s movie…it’s just let down at every step of the way by terrible acting and unbelievably abysmal production values. Think what Pixar could do with the same concept, and you’ll see my point.
I thought Girl In Lover’s Lane was a good movie, but I don’t think it would work very well if it was remade.
And just because the ending was sad doesn’t mean it ruined the movie.
I went ahead and did this without reading anyone else’s first (it keeps my mind clear).
This was a lot harder than I expected. So many of the flicks are really trapped in the time they were made, aren’t they? And a lot of the plots would be impossible to carry off with any trace of believability on the part of the audience. But this is what I got:
CRAWLING EYE, with a neutral title so you don’t know what the hassle is all about until you get there.
MOON ZERO TWO, which I like a lot as is, just get the datedness out of it.
HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT would work, just jigger it up a little.
DEVIL DOLL has practically been redone already, but you could work with the existing framework and it would still be unique. Gotta change that puppet act, though. Yeesh!
HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND – can you imagine how impossibly FUN this flick would be with fresh babe-age?
Any movie can be remade if you’re clever enough. If the plot is too bizarre you can make it a Ken Russel acid-trip kind of movie where logic going out the window is just part of the premise. Failing that, you can make a Lost Skeleton of Cadavra sort of satirical homage.
Except The Screaming Skull. A guy trying to scare his wife to death using only a skull and peacocks just wouldn’t fly.
Catalina Caper with better writing and acting (and less musical numbers) could have been a good lighthearted romp.
rowsdower, #50
I believe Volume 8 is available at Borders, online if you’re not near one.
Off topic: Yes, in yet another goof on Rhino’s part, Vol 8 has been discontinued. Word of advice, when a box set comes out, don’t delay – buy it!
I’d love to see a Heisei Era Kamen Rider/Ultraman-style remake of “Prince of Space”. Ramp up the epicness, redesign the characters with some merchandisable weapons and vehicles, and get rid of some of the kids, and it might just work.
The thing is most of these movies actually has a sound premise at the core. It’s the execution of that premise which earned them the MST3K treatment.
So basically, ANY MST3Ked movie could be reworked into a good movie, even TISCWSLABMUZ. But you’d have to make Ortega the star.
Randy
I think what might actually work the best would be combining plot elements from a few different MST movies, like blending Rebel Set with Beatniks and High School Big Shot. Or The Brain That Wouldn’t Die with Catalina Caper and Gunslinger. Or Santa Claus Vs. The Martians with I Accuse My Parents and Tormented and Mr. B Natural. I really believe mixing and compositing bits and pieces from multiple MST film sources would result in at least one very good film…but it would take some time to wade through the muck and mire of the MST library.
Underneath every bad movie is a good movie waiting to be stolen, homaged, or coincidentally came close.
Oh, and I say redo Rebel Set, with an even cooler train scene.
I still think that “The Rebel Set” is a pretty solid little movie that’s probably the only MSTied flick I wouldn’t mind watching by itself. Snazz up the heist a little and get a hip director and cast and it could probably do alright for itself.
Gotta disagree with you there, Sampo.
“Post-Apocalyptic” immediately translates to “Bad Movie” in my world.
City Limits was so awful and boring that not even the riffing was able to make it watchable for me.
Dark movies are not for me. Turn some freaking lights on, will you?! What is this, the depression era?! Get a light bulb!
I thought Manos always had possibilities. Be a good chance to see if Wes Craven still has any bite left. Make it feel even more claustrophobic and leave the creepy kid/wife angle in.
Or give it a different feel with Pegg and Frost, though they may have already used their horror movie jokes. No matter what, though, I can’t picture casting.
Also totally agree with Lohan in Kitten with a Whip. Might be a trick getting her to act crazy on cue though, but that’s just a matter of editing. Maybe Peter Gallagher as the politician.
The more I look at it, the more it feels like a lot of them were awfully close to being good movies. The stories weren’t terrible and, to be honest, more creative than what we see now. They were just hampered by incompetence, no money and the like. Not making excuses, just something to think about.
“Manos: The Hands Of Fate”, I think, could be remade one of three ways:
1. As a straight horror movie. It already has elements of “The Hills Have Eyes” in it. Add some actual suspense, frights and some blood and you might have a good scary film.
2. As a comedy spoof of the original. MST3K showed us there were laughs to be mined from it, so why not go for broke?
3. As a movie about the making of “Manos”. A dramatized documentory if you will. Show how Harold Warren and his cast of nobodies set out and, through trial and tribulation, made the worst film in the world. It could be played simutaniously for laughs and pathos.
A new Sidehackers would rival The Fast and The Furious franchise in terms of profits and popularity.
“Manos”??? Are you people SERIOUS??? To quote Barney Frank, “On what planet do you spend most of your time?”
Strangely enough, I thought the Soultaker had a bit of promise. Remake it with reworked script and better cast and you’d have a competent little horror/chase movie
First: I think next weekend’s discussion should be, “Movies that would be WORSE if they were remade today.” That’s already kind of happened with Hobgoblins, but imagine how much stupider a movie might be if it were run through the machine of modern day Hollywood.
Second: There are some good choices that have already been made. How about “Red Zone Cuba” directed by Quentin Tarantino? I’m believe that Coleman Francis was trying to do something more with his movies “RZC” and “The Skydivers” than he was able to do.
“I Accuse My Parents” could be a serious drama about modern day life and the disconnect that is created between parent and child.
I would like to note to the owner of this website that:
A) K00 is no longer lost
B) Phase IV parts 1 & 2 are now lost.
I’m sure someone else has already said this but weren’t some MSTied movies remade? I remember watching 2 movies on sci-fi. One was callled Earth VS. the Spider the other was The She Creature. Were these remakes or coincidences?
I think The Wild Wild World of Batwoman could be remade a la Austin Powers. As to whether that would be a better movie…..
Snackula (#67) – That’s a variation on the old “million monkeys with a million typewriters” theory. But see how much bad material you have to cut out to get your one good movie?
I thought Manos was a decent concept for like a Twilight Zone-esque weird-ass 70’s style horror film, or at least some kind of grindhouse deal. But of course a significant amount would have to be reworked extensively. So much so that perhaps the remake would hardly even resemble the source material.
I understand the logic that says “The Island” killed any chance of the “parts” concept getting remade, but since Bay also started the trend of toy franchise stories hitting the big screen, we might see that sooner than you think if Hollywood tackles Micronauts. I just started reading the old Marvel comic, and it could almost be seen as the aftermath of a Clonus type situation, with Baron Karza creating a world where he and those rich and powerful enough to be of use to him get immortality through his biotechnology, and everyone else is the underclass that provides raw material for the Body-Banks.
And speaking of toy franchise comics, #44, D.C.’s 4th issue of M.A.S.K., released in late 1985, depicted The Challenger space shuttle exploding several months before it actually happened. Weird? I know I’d call it more than that, considering the injustice that Transformers, Thundercats, and Robotech never get to affect the real world…
Oh, right, my suggestion…well it’s appropriate that Leech Woman inspired this thread, since a MSTie I knew in college had a theory that it could have been a classic if they’d just made one little change: stay away from Africa, youth syrum, murder, etc, and just make the entire movie like the first 5 minutes. The concept of the condescending a**hole doctor and his lush wife incessantly bitching at each other was executed so well that if that establishing scene had been extended to feature length, it could’ve eclipsed “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”.
Hey, that’d still keep it closer to its source material than “I, Robot”.
‘“Movies that would be WORSE if they were remade today.”
============================
The list of remakes by Hollywood is already depressingly negative, just look at the remake of a ’50s classic “The Thing From Another World”, featuring Matt Dillon as the Thing :mrgreen: remade as a gore fest.
Girls Town
I’d go so far as to say that the original Girls Town is a “decent”, if note “GOOD” movie already.
But for the remake….play up the car racing / “Fast and the Furious” -esque theme that was in the original, replace the main character with Megan Fox, swap out Paul Anka with Justin Timberlake, and have Miley Cyrus play the role of the main character’s little sister….and you have a massive massive hit on your hands. I know a lot of you are saying “Ick, Justin Timberlake. Yuck, Miley Cyrus” but keep in mind the original was a teen movie for the teens of the 1950s.
The first time I saw Girls Town, I was amazed at just how relevant that story still is….and just how easy it would be to update it for a modern audience.
I’m going to echo Teenagers From Outer Space from waaay earlier. Expanding space empire, Earth a lost colony (or the mythical human homeworld, lost, re-colonized, then lost again), giant land lobsters terrorizing a small town, outcast/deserter alien who befriends a nice young woman, etc. Also, upgrade the Focusing Disintigrating Beam; nice effect for the time, really.
I mean, there’s a good movie in there. The subplot with the dog “a metal inscription” is sad but well done. Oh, and make sure the TOT-CHA! line stays. Keep the best parts.
May I note that the short What About Juvenile Delinquency is already the first two reels of a good movie?
mitchell, the amazing colossial man, phase IV and final justice could work as remakes. although most remakes suck and 1 for colossial man just wouldn’t be the same
I actually did find Space Travlers’ original version (Marooned) to be a well done, engrossing drama, so that one is out of the running for me.
Parts: The Clonus Horror is probably my number one candidate for a good remake. I agree with the majority on this one—The Island was dreck.
The Brain That Wouldn’t Die was more or less remade as Frankenhooker, which was definitely a better movie, but sadly not a good one.
Maybe not a movie, but a TV series version of Angel’s Revenge would have been awesome to the 12-year old kid i was back then; a combo of Charlie’s Angels and the A-team? Sadly it would only have worked if it were actually made back then; everyone would think of it with great nostalgia when they got the DVDs and hate the inevitable movie remake.
Jerry Bruckheimer presents…MITCHEL! – starring Joe Don Baker(irreplacable!), featuring Paul Giamatti as John Saxon, Lindsey Lohan as Linda Evans, with Sam Rockwell as Mastretta (or Galanno) and Dennis Rodman as the Father Murphy bodyguard!
Underwoc –
It’s not so much the “million monkeys” idea as it is that, with rare exception, most MST movies feel like incomplete thoughts. Meaning that the premises are only half baked. So by combining one half baked premise (Code Name Diamond Head) with another half baked premise (Agent From H.A.R.M.), you might end up with a more cohesive sum. Or, you could end up with the goofiest piece of crap ever. :mrgreen:
I agree with those who suggested The Rebel Set. I think it has an interesting premise: 3 well known losers-about-town who actually have some redeeming talent are recruited by a criminal mastermind. Lose the beatnik scene, give Mr. T a new name, make the heist more complicated/compelling, and instead of the lame “disguise” have Mr. T sneak aboard the train and begin killing his co-conspirators in secret.
Also, I may be biased, but I like Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. Lose the whole looking for lost brother premise, and have a bunch of shipwreck survivors (one of whom is a crook) wind up on an island controlled by a rogue military organization. Their only choice is to sabotage the organization’s plans if they want to escape. Actually now that I think about it, the premise could work without Godzilla. Ah what the heck, throw Godzilla into the mix as well. (btw, please don’t bring up the horrible ’98 Hollywood “remake” of Godzilla. Its a painful subject).
Remaking Racket Girls would be like remaking Citizen Kane. It needs no improvement.
I’d say that most of MST3K’s movies could be remade into semi-decent entertainments, although some would work best as (say) one-hour TV episodes than as full-length movies. But not many are totally unsalvageable.
Some of the monster movies would make OK “monster of the week” X Files installments, e.g. Attack of the Killer Shrews, if the goofier aspects were written out and the claustrophobia pumped up. Leave in the alcoholism. Zombie Nightmare might also be turned into an X Files episode. Have “The Ace of Spades” playing on someone’s radio sometime during the episode, as an in-joke.
The Rebel Set could be improved if “Mr. T” were changed. Instead of being an unpleasant jerkass right from the start, he ought to be more ingratiating, building up his crew by stroking the egos of these second-rate bohemians and maybe even promising that he can help them get ahead as artists. His treachery would be revealed gradually.
I actually think that Operation Double 007 is more good than bad–certainly it’s the most entertaining of the secret-agent-man cheapies in MST3K. I don’t think that improving it would take much work; as it stands, it’s no goofier than some of the supposedly respectable Bond movies–no way that Operation Double 007 is worse than (say) The Man with the Golden Gun.
I excluded The Island because it’s a recent “remake” that’s already been much discussed here. It’s also a crappy remake, so remaking it again would only garner comparisons to Michael “Boom Crash Pow” Bay’s version. That’s a shame, because I’ve always thought Parts, Leech Woman, and maybe even The Undead would make good movies.
And Apollo 13 could be seen as a remake of Marooned.
At some future point I was going to suggest the topic of MST3K movies that are actually pretty good, but it seems as though this discussion has already turned into that. I’m gratified to see that my top choices have already been mentioned: Parts: The Clonus Horror, The Rebel Set, The Girl in Lover’s Lane and Tormented. I think these are the best movies the MST crew ever did, and while hardly Oscar-worthy, each is a decent film. If I had to choose the absolute best, it would probably be Tormented, because the acting is very good and it succeeds in being thoroughly creepy and dark in the final stretch.
Strangely, with the exception of Clonus, I’m not sure these would work well as remakes though. For me, the 1950’s/60’s charm would be lost. While it would be possible to make a very good film with a similar premise, it wouldn’t quite be the same as these originals. Perhaps that’s often why remakes are often so unenjoyable.
I would vote for the Russian trio of movies (Sampo, Sadko, and Ilya Murometz, the original titles) Already pretty good films but made goofy by American dubbing and likely lots of editing. But even re-made today would be pretty good.
Moon Zero Two is already almost a good movie. If some of the questionable science (turning off the bar’s gravity) and campiness (the bar itself) were lost, the story would benefit greatly. Ejecting the Sixties bombast that is the theme song is a tough call, however.
Hamlet shows promise as well. Perhaps if one returned to the source material and cast Mel Gibson…
Actually, I think that the Amazingly Strange Creatures that Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies could be remade as a much better movie. The idea of a carnival with nefarious goings-on has been the subject of a few opuses (think The She Creature and Something Wicked This Way Comes. One would need to lose most of the production numbers, though. These just padded the movie and put the patrons to sleep. The concept of a carnival feeding on the community around it, but also cannibalizing its own could be a scary premise, if done right.
Moon Zero Two, two zero or whatever from season one is awsome, it mostly suffers from being very very dated but I think the main actor isn’t even all that bad.