Movie: (1988) In medieval times, a smirky hero goes on quest for some magical stones and battles an evil sorcerer.
First shown: 2/17/96
Opening: Crow has new hair–and calf and hinder implants
Intro: Pearl is sick, and M&tB’s fast food restaurant just makes things worse for Dr. F
Host segment 1: The bots put on a Ren Fest for Mike
Host segment 2: Mike just can’t get enough of the Ren Fest
Host segment 3: Crow reads a trashy romance novel to a medicated Pearl
End: Mike reads a letter while Servo forges the One Ring; meanwhile Dr. F. goes Hitchcocky
Stinger: “Potatoes are what we eat!”
(187 votes, average: 4.59 out of 5)
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• You can read Kevin’s comments on this episode here.
• References.
• This episode is available on Shout’s “Volume XXXV.”
• After two good-but-not-great installments, the season really picks up steam with this one. I love it! Zany movie, great riffing, funny segments, just lots of fun.
• Kevin has a few thoughts about Pearl’s endless cries of “Clayton!” I loved it. Great work by Mary Jo. Great work by Trace. Hilarious bit, but even funnier by the intrusion of M&tB doing an elaborate fast food bit that drives Dr. F to the brink.
• Note that Crow and Tom’s name tags say “Mary Jo” and “Paul.”
• Crow and Tom wear the goofy hats into the theater, but Mike soon removes them.
• “Aw, this is a sequel to somethin’!” cries Crow in dismay. Indeed it is. It is a sequel to “Deathstalker” (1983) and “Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans” (1987). But wait! There’s more! It is also a prequel to Deathstalker IV: Match of the Titans (1990). Sheesh.
• M&tB take on Ren Fests once again (previously pummeled in episode 303- POD PEOPLE and also given the razz by Frank in an invention exchange in episode 402- THE GIANT GILA MONSTER, with his renaissance festival punching bags). But here they devote two entire segments to it.
• Then-current reference: Douglas Brackman, a character from the TV series “L.A. Law” played by Alan Rachins.
• The bots mention Edgar Bronfman a guy who was looming large in BBI’s life at the time: he was at the heart of a series of big media deals that were causing various companies that were paying BBI to repeatedly change hands, causing them to have a constantly changing series of corporate overlords.
• The line “I dreamed a gold man was reading to me from a dirty book” will live forever in the hearts of MSTies.
• When, toward the end of the movie, they yell “Sampo! Sampo!” I assume they are talking about me. You are invited to think so, too.
• I hadn’t noticed before that this episode has an instance of “I thought you were Dale.”
• Callback: “Mr B…Natural!”
• Being a LOTR buff makes this episode extra fun (and remember that this was still years before the popular movies came out, and LOTR was still the province of uber-nerds). We hear Tolkien proper nouns like Saruman, Gandalf, Radagast, Khazad-dum and Nazgul. There’s even a segment in which Tom tries to forge The One Ring (and apparently succeeds – good for him!). I know that Paul was a LOTR fan (when Erhardt and I visited BBI just before the beginning of season eight the topic somehow came around to Tolkien and he admitted to being a fan and even used the phrase “ash nazg gimbatul,” which caused much derisive snickering among his cohorts).
• The final bit with the glass of milk is a reference to Hitchcock movie “Suspicion.”
• The cast and crew round-up has only one entry this week: Miguel Angel Fuentes is also in “The Pumaman.”
• CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Trace Beaulieu. She was credited as a “prop assistant” in episode 701 (both versions) but then was not in the credits for 702. But in this one, Beth “Beez” McKeever returns as “Prop assistant/Buyer.” Ben Mooers begins a four-episode stint as an intern, apparently replacing Beez.
• Fave riff: “Guess what I’ve been doing!” Honorable mention: “I put the .. beats … in my own … script and I’m sticking … with them!” and “That was the name of the last guy!”
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I’ve gotta agree with everyone who finds Pearl’s incessant yelling of ‘Clayton’ to be extremely annoying and not at all funny. Droppo (#41) may be right, it may be one of the worst segments.
However, the annoyance didn’t make a real lasting impression on me, since to me Pearl of the SciFi era to is essentially a completely different chararacter, who I find fabulous.
I love, love, LOVE this episodes. Near flawless wall-to-wall riffing of a enjoyably bad 80’s Sword and Scorcery flick. The host segments are great (yes, including the Mary Jo’s ‘Clayton’ segments) but the Ren Fest skits are by far some of my favorite in the series. So simple, yet so perfect. Trace was really knocking it out of the park in this season and his proformance as the insult-spewing Crow is note perfect (“Well then, get thee to a cash machine, ye toad!”). I also love Mike’s pronunciation of renaissance as “RENAI-ssance”. Kills me every time.
As for the riffing, there isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been said. I did notice something strange last time I watched this. There is a whole string of jokes evolving Troxartis painting murals on vans (ya know…”Trucks artist”) that all seem to be added in post production. To my memory, Trace delivers them all but Crow’s mouth never moves in the theater. I can’t think of another time where they added a whole string of jokes based around one theme in post like that.
HOTCHKA! I can’t wait for next week! :wink:
I’m a fan of the “Days of our Years” music piping in during the dirty book segment in this ep
#45: “I think that sketch is from the pilot but got mislabeled.”
I don’t think so. It has the series version of the door sequence, rather than the pilot version.
Who are we? Bats!
What do you we want? Insects!
When do we want them? Now!
…squeak…squeak…squeak…
There’s also a pre-season eight appearance of “I thought you were Dale!” here.
And somehow the grand quote “You know even for a midget he seems little” has gone unmentioned until now.
“There can be only one or two”
I’m surprised there weren’t more Highlander references in this episode.
My favorite line in the Ren-fest skit has to be Crow’s delivery of “The camel’s dead” followed by Tom’s suggestion that they pet the dead camel. I wonder if they were trying to suggest something there.
great episode!!! love season 7, also seasons 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,8,9,10.
#54 I’m a fan of the “Days of our Years” music piping in during the dirty book segment in this ep
Oh, you know, I was going to mention that, but forgot. Yeah, I liked that they pulled that as something Pearl was watching on a little TV next to her bed.
#44, Thanks for the clarification. Really sounded like he said wasser, but I guess not.
The fast food segment is one of the best. M&TB as well as Mrs & Dr F were all in sync on this one.
Deathstalker was about as smarmy smug ninny as ever seen on the screen. Is he named DS because everyone he meets wants to kill him?
Its probably my imagination, but when he interacted with the bevy of undernourished females (Tater Tart, Spud Mom, Broke Princess I & II, villianess) you can actually see their skin start to crawl.
Truxartist must have been the inspiration for “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert”. not in a good way.
In closing, were the warriors FROM HELL the same dead warriors from the Magic Sword? Also, in order to raise warriers from the dead, are you required to wear a very girly looking turbin as in both films?
I’m someone who actually enjoys Ren fests to some extent, so I always have to skip those host segments. Blah. The rest of the episode, however, is comedy gold.
“Guess what I’ve been doing!!”
“Look — he’s goin’ on a little camping trip!”
“The fog CRUISES in on little cat feet!”
Also, anything with “Love’s Sweet Throbbing Gondola” and how the book itself just appears out of nowhere. Ahaha!
just watched this episode last night on DVD…I liked it
Ah, Clown Burgers. Is there really a chain up that way that offers such an entree? Or is it just an example of their malice towards the fast food industry manifesting itself? Regardless, I love it! Will this be together?
One of my favorite riffs of all time is in this movie: “Don’t change the subject. It alters the meaning of the sentence.” So true, so true. Honorable mention: any of the many Tolkien references and “The chilling sound of cardboard on cardboard!”
one of the best episodes
I adore Season 7, and have a particular fondness for this episode. Low-budget 80s trash always made for classic MST (see Outlaw, Zombie Nightmare, Alien from L.A., Escape 2000, etc.), and this is no exception. And what a great opportunity for the Brains to further purge their seething contempt for Ren fests; this episode is practically devoted to it.
“Is my Aunt Minnie in there?” Great nod to A Night at the Opera.
“Watch our for the editing!” One of my all time favorite riffs.
“Put your dwarf on oscillating!”
“Clint Howard in the Bruce Springsteen story!”
“Fight choreography by Moe Howard.”
“It was a good idea to film the walkthrough.”
“Forget it Jake, it’s Chinatown.”
“AAAND YOU, YOU NUT! GET OVER HERE!”
Fantastic episode.
I love this episode – great riffing, great host segments, perfect movie to mock – and every one of my fav riffs have already been mentioned, so I won’t repeat them. But there’s a quick part of the movie that’s always made me laugh hysterically that I don’t think anyone here has mentioned:
…in the last 15 minutes or so of the movie, DS and Marcuze(sp?) (aka guy who wears the bat helmet) are in a sword fight. At one point, their swords clash, and they’re pressed up against each other. DS puts his head against Marcuze’s chest, then starts shaking his head with what looks like a smile on his face. It’s as though “Relson” knew the absurdity of the scene, as well as the movie itself, and couldn’t contain himself; he was pulling what I like to call a “Larry Buchanan”…in other words, he “just didn’t care!”
But this was definitely a 5-star episode!
Honestly, this entire episode would be worth it for Love’s Sweet Throbbing Gondola alone. The first time I saw that sketch, I nearly asphyxiated. Brilliant delivery. A wonderful combination of boredom and not really comprehending what he was reading aloud. Especially the abrupt ending of the scene being read. “Wait, I think I skipped a bit. … nope!”
But yes, all the other stuff in this episode only makes it all the more of a great episode. Honestly, Blood Beast is the only episode of the short season I’d call “average”, the other five are all homeruns as far as I’m concerned.
This quite possibly is THE best MST3K episode of all and that is saying quite a bit. And season 7 for me outshines all others by far. Its one of the few episodes that I will often pull out the old video tape to watch (please release this ep on DVD already!).
“Is there a sheet metal factory around here?”
Nicias,
Thank you for inserting the phrase “electro-gential torture” into my brain; not only will I be mentally repeating it the entire weekend, but “torture” sounds like it’s being said by the inter-galactic middle manager from “Teenagers From Outer Space”
Help me…..
I failed to mention that my sister-in-law’s family is notorious for devouring potatoes, so I gave her a “Potatoes are what we eat!” T-shirt for Christmas last year. She was very appreciative.
Not really on topic, but it’s worth tracking down the original Deathstalker (not sure if it’s out of print or what these days). Of all the swords and sandals series that emerged in the wake of Conan the Barbarian, the original Deathstalker is by far the nastiest of them. The Deathstalker played by Mr. Relson is practically a saint compared to the portrayal of the character in the first film. Plus, it’s got a boar-headed man and Barbi Benton (who has been the target of MST jokes and is now all but forgotten).
This was for me the best episode of Season Seven. Most of you have already covered my favorite scenes and riffs here, but I have to say that the sword fighting climax was perhaps the most god-awful poor choreographed fight scene I’ve ever seen. On its own without the riffs it was hilarious!
#73 thecorman – My pleasure. It’s tough to take, but I felt compelled to conjure up a suitably vivid description in the name of “Deathstalker Awareness.” Nonetheless, I apologize for inflincting tangential TOHTCHA! on you in the process.
Also, #63 MrRocco – Tater Tart! I absolutely love that!
“…And you who could open beer with your teeth.”
” I ment a potato rabbit.”
“Ah sir there is a sunfish limit.”
Love It! Maybe my favorite for this season.
Troxartis is my favorite villain in an MSTed movie. He’s bold, he’s full of joy and truly happy in his work. He’ll wear a lavender colored turban and doesn’t care who knows it.
My favorite scene with is when Anicius appears out of nowhere. Troxartis is overjoyed to see him. He’s not just seeing the wizard he was looking for, he’s seeing an old friend. If this were that John Saxon-type guy from Cave Dwellers, he probably have barked some orders to his guards and slapped Anicius.
The Doom joke killed me because it was spot on. I haven’t been to a ren-fest in a long time and I was very young so I can’t really say if it was enjoyable or not.
“Now you guys would tell me if I looked stupid, right?”
I love this line and use it myself at appropriate moments.
Was there something in the water during the 80’s that prevented directors from decided on a single era and people in these movies? They all end up looking like a Visigoth-meets-Middle Ages-meets-The Old West-meets-The Disco Age.
It’s still going on to a certain extent. I haven’t seen them myself, but I’m reliably informed that in the Solomon Kane comic books recently published by Dark Horse, the garb worn by the characters looks very Old West even though the time period it takes place during is the Age of Exploration. FTW Solomon Kane is a character who was created by Robert E. Howard of Conan fame and is probably best described as a badarse Puritan.
Killer host segments in this one … Crows ‘new hair’ floors me and Mike as the fast-food joint manager is perfect! Horrible movie and it gets the treatment it so richly deserves!
5 stars all the way!
btw, i’m still freaking out that the live Rifftrax will be happening 4 blocks from my house! Holy S##T! Hope they do an autograph session after the show!
Sitting Duck #84:
Solomon Kane wore nothing of the sort in the new comic book series. It doesn’t look “old west” to me. It’s perfectly obvious that he’s wearing his traditional clothing, as described by Robert E. Howard.
What a great birthday present for me: reviewing one of my favorite episodes, Deathstalker! Absolutely can’t stop laughing all the way through this one. Most good riffs are above but everyone failed to mention one:
Mike: (as Troxartis) Whoa, thought I was Neil Diamond there for a minute.
Stil loving Season 7.
Dear God Not The Chickens!
Apparently my sources aren’t as reliable as I thought. My bad.
A wonderful episode. So many great riffs, and yet the movie alone might be good enough for me. Troxartis’s line reads, the fight choreography, the look on Deathstalker’s face when one of the potato-eating women is examining his junk, Deathstalker’s amazing forced smug laugh.
I rewatched this a couple of days ago, my new favorite moment is when Deathstalker is informed there were actually three stones, not just two. In a particularly awful line and line read, Relson responds with the forced smug laugh and then “Nissius! Oh Nissius, that crafty old trickster! Yes!”
Top quality cheese.
For anyone who thinks Mary Jo was not an asset this season I remind you ” A Gold Man was reading to me from a dirty book.” Thanks Sampo for reminding me of that line I laughed for 15 minutes the first time I heard that. And it still brings a chuckle when I remember it.
This is one of those episodes I found pretty dull the first time around, but found upon rewatching that it’s one of my favorites of the entire series (other examples being The Creeping Terror and Track of the Moon Beast). The riffing is brilliant and spot-on every step of the way. It’s a Top 5-er for me. I must watch it at least once every other month.
One moment I can’t believe nobody mentioned yet is Troxartis’s death, where he is stabbed, falls off the parapet, and explodes. EXPLODES. For absolutely no reason. Mike and Servo react with appropriate exclamations of incredulity, while Crow riffs, “Whoa, I guess he eats jelly gasoline on toast every morning.”
Other favorite riffs:
“Dah ha, KILL, dah ha!”
“He’s out there…somewhere…”
“Please don’t sing, sir.”
“Part man, part pig.”
“You once told me it isn’t easy being a princess. Well, it’s not easy being a hero, either.”
“Oh, never before has an entire town thrown up at the same moment!”
“The third stone!”
“…is something we should explain at some point!”
“Fight choreography by Moe Howard.”
“Goodbye, Shelly! Hope your perm works out!”
[after Nicias is taken away and Troxartis is just standing around looking smug] “Well, what can you add to that?”
“Stop them!”
“Stop who from what?!”
“Oh Popeye! I got an arrow Popeye!”
[Deathstalker explains in hushed tones his plan to Potato Girl; she leaves] “Okay, I’ve gotta supposed to find a pirate and put him by a wall.”
“More snotmeat, anyone?”
I’d better stop myself before I list every riff in the episode…
Crow as the Potato Daughter says something like “Do they have Ninabees and Horrastores out there?” Does anyone know what the heck he says/means?
This Deathstalker franchise was recently mentioned in an unlikely place. I was listening to the Comic Geek Speak spin-off podcast Comics With and Without Pulp. The subject was Conan the Barbarian and the Deathstalker franchise was mentioned as a cheap imitation.
Yes Pearl’s repeated cries of Claydin get old quick. Even Kevin seems to say as much in the ACEG entry.
Doesn’t the fast food segment remind you of episode 201’s introduction of TV’s Frank. And remember when fast food value meals were $2.99? But I must say Mike’s fast food manager is remarkably similar to his Urkel.
We have a Time of the Apes callback “I don’t care.”
So the question is did the Ren-fest sketch need to go into two host segments. I think it did. Now I’m not saying it didn’t go on too long. It did. But that was the point. I think they wanted to belabor the point in order illustrate a little does go an extremely long way.
I guess this is one of those your mileage may vary genres. I can’t think of a single middle ages wanna be episode that I really enjoyed. It is proof positive that if the source material is nails on a chalkboard to you even riffing is extremely challenged to make it any better for you.
Favorite Riffs:
Our hero makes the first of many cringe worthy quips. Tom “Is it too early to hate this guy?”
Wizard “fah” Mike sings “a note to follow sol”
Mike sings the “Safety Dance” over the closing credit music.
based on the entry for this one in the special season 7 addition to the ACEG i have determined 2 things. Kevin doesn’t think much of this movie and Kevin is not overly fond of the renfest. feel free to read the entry and see if i’m stretching things a little proportion.
BTW it’s a crazy movie i agree but it’s no ‘Outlaw.’
“Oh, Clayton! Clayton! Clayton! You’re killing me Clayton!.”
A favorite episode, 5 stars. Between the hammy overacting of Thom Thristopher, the smugness of John Allen Relson, numerous other strange characters and the corniness of the plot, all combine to form another perfect film for MST3K to riff.
Also, Kevin was a big LOTR fan in the 70s before getting into punk music according to his book.
“Guess what I’ve been doing!!”
Another Naughty riff: Crow: Well, it looks like I’m boxing the clown again tonight!
Troxartis: This has. Nothingtodowith. Being RICH.
Servo [as Troxartis]: I put the. Beatsinmyown. Script and I’m. Sticking WITH them.
After Marinda was wounded:
Servo: Quick! Jam a potato in the wound!
Crow [as Marinda]: You were my first… tuber.
Crow: Wrapped in foil, she was buried in coals on the beach.
Servo [as Deathstalker]:Make sure you crimp the foil good… poke her with a fork so she doesn’t explode.
Mike [as Deathstalker]: Well… I have to say… she was all-righta.
RE #92, #93: I’m not sure how you got that Kevin was down on this episode. In the ACEG, he states that: “I didn’t remember how exquisite this movie was.” And then: “It’s the perfect MST film, one that fails on every conceivable level, fails so miserably it transcends failure and becomes a thing of sheer delight.”
I loved the potato jokes as they were putting Tater Tart on the funeral pyre.
Shot in Mexico by Corman’s Concorde-New Horizon company, this 1988 third installment of the Deathstalker series features John Allen Nelson in the eponymous role. Starring no one, but there is some glorious overacting (especially from Thom Christopher), some atrociously choreographed sword fights, enough daft scenes to sink a battleship and some exceptionally stupid dialogue….all the things in fact that any self-respecting B-Movie should boast, however, it all feels strangely flat here. Was that Miguel Angel Fuentes from the Pumaman I saw briefly as a guard?
Favorite lines:
Oh, I have a feeling we’re making a run for the border in this movie.
Well, let’s see how long these accents last.
Will the people from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, please clear the set.
“But I’m the only one who has this.” A doorknob from Grandma’s house. Elizabeth Taylor threw this at me.
I’m wearing a horsehide teddy.
Mary Lou Retton could act better than her.
“Why does it have to be so hot?” Well, it’s Mexico which is near the equator.
The director’s vision: Confusion racked with Ambiguity.
[Thom Christopher] Hard to look menacing when you’re dressed like Maude?
[Nelson/Deathstalker] A young Bill Clinton…He’s got all the charm of your David Soul.
Hey, somebody tp’d [toilet papered] your ghost.
“That’s not the way love is supposed to happen.” It should be secret and shameful and leathery and dirty.
Dee Snider has less hair than this woman.
I’m delousing the wizard.
This is one of the most ambitiously bad movies we have ever done.
Jeffrey Tambor is St. Joan.
This movie made it possible for two more actors to put stage fighting on their resumes.
Forget it Jake, its Chinatown.
[wizard in fur robe] Hey, Gandalf, it’s like 98 out here.
Final Thought: This movie reminded me just how much I hate Ren Fairs. I give this one 2.5 out of 5 stars.
Creeping Death 96> I know I’m not saying Kevin was down on the episode. (I am saying he is down on ren-fests.) I’m saying he is down on the production value of the movie which he in turn he felt makes a great episode because he obviously did enjoy writing it. It is me personally who is down on the episode. But again I’m not knocking the riffing either. I just so dislike the genre the riffing doesn’t help.
This is the BEST episode of season 7! Nearly every joke cracks me up. “Honey, did you use this it’s all screwed up!” “And you, you nut! Get over here!” “A Power Rangers coin, everyone!” “I put the .. beats … in my own … script and I’m sticking … with them!” And the Michael McDonald jokes Tom Servo makes are a delight as I’m a big fan! Yeah, you!