The moment that immediately came to mind was the bizarre chicken dance from episode 605- Colossus and the Headhunters. Intended as slinky and salacious, it just comes out clunky and dumb.
What’s your pick?
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Weekend Discussion Thread: The Un-Sexiest Moment in a MSTed MovieThere are a lot of moments in the MSTed movies where they’re really going for something sexy…and they fail miserably.
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All great- and nauseating- entries.
The first thing that came to mind for me is the she-male in the nightie rising from her bed in ‘The Beast of Yucca Flats.’ Added nothing to the plot, was supposed to be titillating and just made me feel ashamed to be female.
Also the many shots of the woman in her bra in ‘The Screaming Skull.’ Her pointy, pained face, the industrial brassiere- as Mike says ‘underwires, overwires,’ stimulated the response of pity.
All good choices although the space mutiny hula hoop dance scene takes the cake.
Although techinally not Mst3k per say, but close enough right?
The first of thing that came to mind was the club scenes in the Film Crew treatment of Hollywood After Dark.
I’m sure they weren’t going for sexy but i’m throwing it out anyway. The guys in the Hercules movies in the really short tunics like Androcles. “Anyone seen my pants?”
The Monster Stomp from the Horror at Party Beach sure gets my gag reflex going!
Shick outta shape was the first thing that popped into my head.
I gotta make a mention for Valeria, too. She may be hot, but I can’t imagine making out with her without the thought of plucking out splinters afterword…
I’m gonna submit that the bullet sucking scene from Gamera VS Barugon is very icky. Especially when the girl looks up with blood streaking from her mouth. Touching? Perhaps. Nauseating? Heck yeah!
“Wow, she really was on top of old Smokey last night!” (I love that even the director of the film thought that was a great line, because he always looked back over his own movie and winced at the composition of that shot.)
Deadly Mantis-Craig Stevens unhinging his mandibal while laying the lip down on Alix (Alex?) Talton.
‘He had a mantis in his pantis’-ctr.
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders, where sex is actually a threat.
“Don’t I get a kiss?”
“You’ll get a lot more than that if you don’t get out there and find that monkey!”
#5 The wrestling scenes in “Racket Girls”. Normally a girl fight is pretty hot, but I’m not convinced those were girls.
#4 The Great Volari kisses the girl in “Devil Doll”. Mike put it best when he said “Oh look, theres no God. Nope. Not a single, solitary God.”
#3 The creepy mom watching her nude daughter bathe in “Soultaker”. I know the mom was Joe Estevez in disguise, but it was still yucky.
#2 The overhead batch shot in “Devil Fish”. Thank you MST3K for the censoring edit.
#1 A tie: the ‘baby oil’ scene in “Mitchell” and the skinny, wet underpants sauna guy from “Zombie Nightmare”. When I saw those scenes for the first time, my living room became a vomitorium.
All the dancing by the “star” dancers in “Girl in Gold Boots.” The background dancers were just fine, folks, but the leading ladies were enough to make me, er, lose my concentration.
Amy’s striptease in Hobgoblins. Clearly meant to be some sort of release of her inhibitions, despite the campy nature of the movie, it really fails.
The Sinister Urge. The photo shoot of the woman who was “discovered” in the park. Like Servo said, she had more clothes on then than she’s ever worn in her life.
I must disagree about Mitchell. For that “baby oil” scene to be considered un-sexy, it would have to have been intended to be sexy in the first place.
I know this is probably a pretty popular choice, but classics are classics for a reason: Baby oil. Just say it to your MSTie friends. The reaction is usually priceless and traumatic. :shock:
I’d like to add the “unbearable whiteness of being” make-out on the beach scene from Skydivers to this list of cinematic sexual inhibitors.
I’m not sure if the hen talking like Mae West in the Chicken of Tomorrow short was supposed to be funny, sexy, or sexy and funny; but all it was was creepy.
And I’m sorry if you’re getting sick of hearing about how much this movie repulses me, but nothing has made me want to renounce my heterosexuality more than looking at the Humanoid Woman.
The rampant sexual appetite of…the Creeping Terror.
The obvious choices are Mitchell, the brain suckers from Angel’s Revenge and the sexy senior citizen dance from Space Mutiny.
So, here are some honorable mentions.
The auditions in Horrors of Spider Island.
The peepers in Attack of the The Eye Creatures. Although, I do think this was suppose to also be humorous in a twisted sort of way.
Not much else I can add to what has already been posted.
The un-sexiest moment in the series is easily the phone sex scene in Hobgoblins. The movie had a ton of them, but this one seemed the creepiest — at least you didn’t see anything in the van and the Fantazia scene was upsetting but nothing happened. The phone sex thing was disgusting.
On the other hand, none of it amounts to The Film Crew’s “Rue McClanahan Stripping” scene in Hollywood after Dark.
The professor’s unsettling short shorts in Boggy Creek II.
The elderly Romulan-looking classmate from that short about getting married too early. If she and her “boyfriend” were the example of a “healthy” relationship, I think I would have preferred to become a monk.
Here’s another vote for the scene at the Jack Ruby owned Denny’s from The Brain That Wouldn’t Die. Man, I wish one of those puking smilies was available so I could use it for this post.
I’m shocked that we’ve gotten this far, with Boggy Creek mentioned three times, and no one’s mentioned it. It’s almost as it were being purposely avoided.
Yeah, you know what I mean. OLD MAN CRENSHAW.
He may not have been intended to be sexy, but the topic doesn’t say it had to be. Old Man Crenshaw, I submit, is unsex.
@ John H.:
You weren’t turned on by Crenshaw’s immodesty? Tee-hee.
Attack of the The Eye Creatures: The guy in the sweater dress.
Also, not MST3K….but how about the guy in the camper in ‘Troll 2’ that has his dream date on TV come to life? *urp*
Not that I’ll ever check it out, but do you think Crenshaw ever made a photo shoot for Playgirl? :shock:
But I have to disagree with some comments above about the girls of Spider Island. In their auditions, and later on the island (and swimming :mrgreen: ) I think they’re probably the sexiest scenes in any Mysty movie.
“The Manos Women’s Guild Reenacts the Battle of Pearl Harbor.” :lol: :lol:
Thank you Jerry (#28) That made my weekend.
I would nominate Hobgoblins’ slut Daphne flashing her cameltoe and waving her crotch along with her boyfriend. Far more revolting than the “sex fantasy” of pink shorts boy.
Babs from Horrors of Spider Island. Yeech. I don’t think she was chosen, she just threatened the casting director. “Babs played fullback for the Lions”.
Two more for Eegah: Arch Hall Jr. cavorts in a tiny bathing suit and Roxy shaves her dad for no apparent reason. Icky stuff, Bob Dornan rounding first in The Starfighters just might top it all.
2 words: Hellcats’ orges.
I think some people are missing the topic here:
“There are a lot of moments in the MSTed movies where they’re really going for something sexy…and they fail miserably.”
Sorry folks, everyone who doesn’t love Babs from “Spider Island” is just WRONG.
Hot hot hot. She can throw me around any time.
But I certainly agree about the hoola-hoop dance in “Space Mutiny.” She’s not really an unattractive woman, is she? She just looks older than she’s playing. But the hoop dance is going too far.
the two that quickly came to my mind are.
“Wild Rebels”
When Rod and Linda are kissing in the shotgun shack, Linda has that cigarette in the big holder like Burgess Meredith had as the Penguin in the old Batman series, nothing more disgusting than kissing an ashtray breath, plus she hangs around with three scumbags I don’t even want to think about what they’ve been doing together, Yuck
“The Attack of the the Eye Creatures”
The guys peeping on the kids making out with the satellite or radar or whatever it was supposed to be. :???:
Susie and Frankie’s make out scene on the lakeshore in Skydivers. My fave line: “My pa gave me too much”….”He gave me Michael Landon’s face”.
2nd one that is disturbing is in Beast of Yucca Flats where the Sherrifs are climbing around on the rocks, one of them is pressed a little too close against the rocks, ugh!!
touch of satan when theyre at the end when melissa turns into the old woman.
iscwslabmuz, the dancing girls.
bogey creek whenever tim is shirtless
The Dog’s Meat… Have you seen it?
Just 2 that no one has mentioned:
1: The Writhing Corpse Sisters in “The Undead”, rolling around on their graves, flashing their cobweb-ridden,thousand year old black-panty-clad crotches.
2: Speaking of crotches (and this might be one that no one else has ever noticed)– in “Attack of the Giant Leeches” there is a scene where the bohunkular Game Warden is preparing to go after the leeches underwater, and, as he is sitting in the rowboat, part of him (gasp!) bulges out of his shorts. Really. I was watching with about 5 other people at the time, and one of them said “Did you see that??!!” We re-wound and, sure enough, there it was. I mention this only since I presume any time he was on-screen was supposed to be a “sexy moment”.
I’m glad someone mentioned the exotic dancers in Final Justice, even though that one’s failings miss the point of the topic since they weren’t trying for “sexy” or anything else really. I keep thinking of it precisely because it was likely the most phoned-in “sexy” moment I’ve seen in MST. They just tossed in strippers for no real reason, not even the obvious ones. And triangles aside, what was with the rectangles in that scene? It looked like an attempt to blur something out, but I’m not sure what, since they weren’t revealing much. Lotta’ nonsensical censorship in that one…
For me, the most vomit-inducing moment in Hobgoblins is the very last moment: after you’ve repressed each passing stretch of revulsion and stupidity, the skinny guy asks if he can use the old guy’s phone, making you pause and go over the the entire movie to recall what he means, then remember the scene about his “hobby”, which previously forced you to use some of your imagination to make sense of it (which is why I’m tempted to agree with Kenotic@68), and once you’ve got all that back in your brain within 2 seconds of the last line, your reactivated imagination is free to ponder what happens next…
…and realize that it tragically doesn’t involve the death of every last character, and that most of them will reproduce.
For you see, the mind is the only truly essential sex organ, and as Hobgoblins demonstrates, that means intense psychologial torture can essentially give someone temporary psychic castration for about 12 hours after each viewing. Since I’ve suffered from machine-envy most of my life it wouldn’t be so bad, except the movie’s after-effects also render me unable to recall a single cool Transformer I wanted to grow up to be when I was a child, only legions of Go-Bots swarming inside my brain. Damn you, Hobgoblins.
i can’t beleive no one mentioned this. The scene in Outlaw with the queen seducing the really annoying guy whatley smith.
2nd one that is disturbing is in Beast of Yucca Flats where the Sherrifs are climbing around on the rocks, one of them is pressed a little too close against the rocks, ugh!!
———————————————————————————————-
That reminds me of another scene from “Beast of Yucca Flats” where the lost dad is being shot at by the deputy and the father briefly ends up splayed face down atop the um…hinder-shaped hillock.
“They’re gonna have to dig him out of the crack of Butt Mountain.”
“This feels kinda good…weird but good.”
The final scene in “Warrior of the Lost World” when Persis Khambatta has a painfully long make-out scene with the “Paper Chase” guy. Yuck!
I’m not sure if it was meant to be sexy (as it wasn’t), but Doc Lockhart’s tiny jean shorts in Boggy Creek 2 gives me chills.
Dr. Batch! This Fall on ABC!
the lethal dosage of back fat from Laserblast genrally puts me off my lunch, dinner and several meals after that. sadly the economy sized deputy striding up to ‘Thunder Bucket’ does more for me than the aforementioned alledged expression of love between the confused bipeds
It sort of gets overlooked due to the hula hoop dance, but the scene in Space Mutiny where Leah escapes from Kalgon by (urp) seducing the doughy (urp,eh) gaurd with the shoe fetish by (ugh) stroking his sunken chest, and then (ick) sucking his lower lip!!! :oops: AND then she puts on his jumpsuit. Okay, let’s move. Move move move!!!!!
I’ve got to break this one down by season:
1. Women of the Prehistoric Planet – Lt. “Hi-Keeba!” Bradley making out with one of the female crew members.
2. Catalina Caper – Shirtless Tommy “Little Mousekateer Shorts” Kirk.
3. Pod People – Tracy “I Wish I Wasn’t a Virgin” Nolastname getting horny over Joe the rabbit.
4. Being from Another Planet – The “morning after” scene featuring Susie and Ben “Invisible Mellow Man” Murphy.
5. Eegah – Shirtless Arch “Evil Specter/Cabbage Patch Elvis/Bat from Ferngully” Hall Jr.
6. Angel’s Revenge – Michelle “We Have Additional Sex for You” Wilson shining her love.
7. Night of the Blood Beast – Shirtless John “Steve” Corcoran getting increasingly pregnant.
8. Space Mutiny – Lea “Grendel’s Mother” Jansen seducing the stupid guard.
9. Devilfish – Peter “Yuck, he’s trying to be sexy!” Nolastname trying to be sexy.
10. Boggy Creek II – Shirtless Chuck “Okay Dad!” Pierce.
Suggestion for next weekend’s thread: The most epic failures of philosophical/moral speeches found in MST’d movies.
“He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature…”
i’m torn in regards to this topic and how it pertains to SoulTaker. yes, the mother watching her daughter semi undress did kill the mood. but then we have the scene where our young, innocent Tonya Harding is on the verge of sealing her fate by locking lips with joe estevez which while not really sexy is also quite unsettling. but i find myself focusing on what would be best for tommy or nick or whatever his name was. is he better off running around hospitals as a ghost for all eternity or end up behind Zelda’s diner straining alcohol through burnt toast?
#93 Smoothie – I’m not so sure about that topic, it seems like such a downer. Wouldn’t it be better to turn our thoughts to the good, and the beautiful… :mrgreen:
Anyone volunteer to make a nice YouTube montage of all the unsexiness listed here? I call not it.
Gotta go with Paper Chase Guy and Persis Khambatta in Warrior of the Lost World.
Like,
Far too long,
Man.
The first thing that popped into my head was the bedroom scene in “Mitchell”. But I’m not sure if it was supposed to be sexy. I think it was supposed to show us what a stud Mitchell was and that even someone like Linda Evans needs the chubby blue line. But sexy, with that song playing behind it? I don’t think so.
Then I thought of “Hobgoblins” and the pink shorts guy’s dream. But I agree that this is supposed to be funny. Maybe she’s supposed to sexy, but she’s scary… again, I think for comedy. Of course it fails, but I think that comedy was the goal.
So that leaves us with the sexy senior citizen from “Space Mutiny” doing her dance, and then seducing the guard. Both show her attempting to be sexy and really just frightening us.
I also think that the strippers in “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die” are not sexy but just pain wrong and when they devolve into a battle, it’s supposed to be hot, hot, hot… but is just not.
However beating all of them are all the stripping scenes from “Hollywood After Dark”. It’s not MST3K, but the Film Crew really had thier hands full with the un-sexiest group of “dancers” I’ve seen. Wow, and add the fact that the scenes go on FOREVER, just makes it horrifying.
I’ve noticed no one’s mentioned the scene from “Monster A Go-Go” where the big hulky truck driver puts gas in the rather easy young lady’s car. Gives me the willies every time. “Driver…”
Generally any movie with skinny dudes and no shirts alone or in combination with very small shorts. Wet undies on any male character, and you do not need to turn around and show us.
Also no mention of Mr. B? Sexy man with boobs or hellbeast?