Movie: (1967) A suave secret agent is on the case after a Europey evil organization makes off with a death ray and its inventor.
First shown: 1/7/95
Opening: Crow has contact lenses, Tom has sneakers on
Intro: Frank is a talent agent
Host segment 1: Servo builds a death ray for peaceful purposes, but can’t resist using it on Crow
Host segment 2: “This is your life, Mike Nelson”
Host segment 3: Crow’s designs for sunglasses seem a bit woman-ey
End: Cambot gets emotional, Frank has a glamour shot
Stinger: John Cameron Swayze intercepts the watch
(213 votes, average: 4.54 out of 5)
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• I’m not a big fan of the foreign spy movie episodes, but this one clicks with me. Maybe it’s because the movie is just barely watchable, the riffing is fun and most of the host segments work. The result is one I really like.
• You can find this one on Shout’s “Volume XXVI.”
• This movie’s original Italian title was “Il Raggio Infernale.”
• This was the first episode of 1995. It would be difficult year in MSTiedom.
• Crow’s contact lenses and Frank the talent agent are a great start.
• Callback to Crow’s screenwriting career. That’s Mike as Torgo, of course.
• Mike wears his sailor suit/Tom wears his sneakers into theater.
• Crow’s giggle, every time the movie pretends the toys are real, is so infectious!
• Callbacks: Starfighters music, “This nose wheel feels mushy.” (San Francisco International), “We tampered in God’s domain.” (Bride of the Monster), “I’m dyin’ in a rush!” (Kitten with a Whip).
• Segment 1 is strange, but it ends with the arresting image of Crow’s eyes catching fire. A classic moment.
• Non spaghetti ball bumpers: film canister, book, beaker
• Mike is very funny at beginning of segment 2, warily fending off Tom’s attempt to start the sketch. The segment is JUST long enough.
• Segment 3 is fun too. Perfect progression from slightly woman-ey to VERY woman-ey.
• Nice to see Cambot involved in a segment for once! But he’s sooo sensitive.
• Um, has anybody noticed the HUGE body count in this movie? Sheesh!
• Set designer Arrigo Equini, who was a scene designer for “Secret Agent Super Dragon,” is the ONLY person on this movie who worked on another MSTed movie.
• CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Kevin Murphy.
• Fave riff: “Hi. Welcome to Jack Ruby fantasy camp.” Honorable mention: “Look, let’s just put our balls on the table, shall we?”
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Just watched this one last weekend, and while I’m not usually much of a fan of the Italian spy genre either, this one gets five stars.
The word “goofy” so perfectly fits everything about this movie. I guess the director is to thank for the delightfully low-key, “smug” performances of all the male actors. Every scene is played out with a sort of “another day at the office” attitude that just makes the details of the plot seem that much more ridiculous.
With the exception of the flatness of the “This Is Your Life” sketch, the host segments never fail to make me bust a gut.
I have just one thing to say about the movie- BART FARGO!!! A pretty good episode for me. Movie (as I’ve said) is crazy. Host segments are also good for me.
Haven’t seen this one in a long time, but I remember all the instances you guys have already noted. The toys, especially, make this a memorable movie.
“Not sure if I can do this without my theme music, but I’ll try.”
I love the moment when the camera pans down to the speaker and radio equipment. Mike calls it crap, but Tom likes the tube amp, then Bart kicks a hole in it, and Tom yells, “Hey!” The fact that it cuts immediately to a commercial makes it hilarious for me.
“You’re watching the All Chair Channel.” Love Crow’s voice for this riff.
“You’re all gonna be Bart Fargo-less for a while.” I like to use that, inserting my own name, of course.
And the winner of the The I Can’t Believe They Got Away With It Award: “Let’s put our balls on the table.”
This film is like the Sanka or Tab of the secret agent genre; a diluted Matt Helm, a watered down In Like Flint, etc. Pretty dull but the SOL crew makes it watchable, even enjoyable.
I’ve never worn contact lenses, but if there is that much pain and tenderness involved… I’ll take glasses.
Love Frank as a unctuously phony Hollywood wheeler dealer type- ‘good-BYE!’ as the person on the other end of the line starts to be contrary. Mike’s turn as a singing sailor is cute. Pelligrino and Coleman Francis and ‘Torgy’- all brought crashing down by Dr. F. Very funny.
‘Bah bah dah dah dah dah- [get ready]- DING’ from Tom cracks me up.
Cute reference: ‘Buckaroo Banzai goes to the nursing home.’
A peace loving death ray for peaceful purposes. Love Tom’s muted ‘Turn it on! Can the balloon juice and kill something!’ And of course ‘Danger: bifocals!’
Add me to the list of those loving Tom’s Crow immolating Death Ray. One of the best Poopie moments, as Crow continues to scream as the flames rise, and Mike steps back with a touch of trepidation on his face as Crow wriggles and screams. Classic.
The ‘Watermelon Man’ sing along is the best. I love Crow’s baritone ‘watermelon– maaannn[s].’
A double Cointreau?! This was the first time I caught that. Ugh!!
Mike’s reactions during the This is Your Life segment is the perfect combination of geniality, annoyance, and sarcasm.
Lucille is scary, but Fargo in a kimono is terrifying.
Nice nod to Greta Garbo as Tom directs them not to be ‘steengy’ with the whiskey.
Tom’s take to the camera as Crow showcases his Italian sunglass style, ‘Coliseum by Night,’ is beautifully timed and very funny.
Another callback: ‘I’m dyin’ in a rush,’ from Kitten With a Whip.
I wanted to see Frank’s Glamor Shot portrait.
Loved it. Did anyone else notice that the Brain’s Death Ray effect was better than the one in the movie?
A fantastic episode. One of my personal top five, and always gets lots of laughs from friends, whether they are hardcore MSTies or not. And “Ba-ba ba-ba da-da” is right up there with the PumaMan theme for songs that won’t leave your brain.
Crow’s constant giggling throughout the film is infectious, and shows how much fun they all must have had doing this episode. As already mentioned, it’s strange that the Brains had so little to say about this one in the episode guide.
It seems that in these Italian movies (eg, Danger Deathray!, Warrior of the Lost World, Escape 2000), the hero’s success is based on unlimited ammo and total invulnerability to bullets. Bart, Paperchase-Guy and Trash are all completely unfazed by point-blank machine blasts while discharging several thousand successive rounds from a single pistol.
The “sensitive mobster” Al seems entirely too timid and delicate for international espionage. Makes you wonder how/why he his evil overlords hired him; maybe he’s somebody’s cousin.
Oh God, such brilliant puppetry in the opening scene …
Crow’s unblinking red irritated watering eyes make me cringe! He looks SO uncomfortable … and the tone in his voice reminds me of my own when having a brain-obliterating migraine and trying to talk to people.
Love Tom’s line, “I Don’t Need Feet … I’m All Charisma!”
4.5 star episode! Goofy but enjoyable movie and solid riffing … and the HORRIBLE special effects with the helicopter & ship in the bathtub, toy car going off the cliff & whatnot. Classic!
“Our hair is our special bond” & many great riffs already mentioned
Oh and how could I forget … one of my FAVORITE RIFFS EVER:
“Hi. Welcome to Jack Ruby fantasy camp.”
This is another movie where the creators either didn’t realize or didn’t care that water doesn’t miniaturize. If you put a model ship in a bathtub, it’s still going to look like it’s in a bathtub, even if you have a nicer model than these yahoos. A tiny ripple or a tiny splash still looks tiny. Same goes for fire and the many, many toy rockets scattered throughout MSTed movies.
It seems ridiculous to think that nobody ever noticed this problem, so I’m forced to conclude that “they just didn’t care.”
BARTFARGOBARTFARGOBARTFARGOBARTFARGOBARTFARGO!
This is definitely one of my top ten episodes, I love every single thing about it.
Does anyone else think that the “bap ba dap ba dah bah” theme would be the best cellphone ringtone ever?
I agree, that music would make a great ringtone.
Awesome ep. As I watch some of the spy genre films again, I think I am liking them more and more. This was the first time I had seen this particular ep. I moved to an area that didn’t have CC or Scifi around the middle of season 5. I’m getting caught up though thanks to DAP.
Fav. Riffs:
-“If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant Had a baby.”
-“Let’s put our balls on the table. Shall we?”
-“How about a hand of poker?”
“Don’t go up there. You’ll become a toy!”
“Das Toy Boat”
Love it! 5 Stars!
Danger: Dodge Dart!
They do another “We’re going to Iowa City to see the Dead!” in this one also.
Sometimes, the perfect stingers come right from the beginning of the movie (like with “Blood Waters of Dr. Z”).
Here, the stinger comes from the very end of the movie and it is PERFECT.
The episode’s excellent, too, especially with all the riffs on the movie’s soundtrack and the comments at the expense of the special effects (by Billy!).
Of course, I’m a big fan of the “death ray for peaceful purposes” skit – not to mention the fact that it made for some good laughs on the blooper reel.
To #38–I don’t know, I think “Help Me” from Rocket Attack USA is such a perfect non-sequitur. Hey Sampo, that’s a good discussion thread! Which stinger is the most perfect/memorable/best expresses the movie….
#67 S. Mc. says: “Hey Sampo, that’s a good discussion thread! Which stinger is the most perfect/memorable/best expresses the movie….”
Fitting stingers for unMSTed movies wouldn’t be a bad discussion thread idea, either.
Top ten episode for me. Too many great riffs to start repeating them, plus others have noted almost all of them.
I’m a little surprised more people don’t know about the “Watermelon Man” movie. It was something of a landmark movie, and if you don’t know who Godfrey Cambridge is, you’ll enjoy educating yourself.
The womany sunglasses sketch puts me on the floor every time.
The way Tom keeps reiterating, “And they’re….. for men?” kills me.
One of my all time faves….a great episode. The riffing is top notch throughout. Crow’s Steven Seagal flick tagline, Bart Fargo IS…hard..to…watch, kills me everytime.
The reference to a shortlived TV show, This is the best Fortune Hunter ever!, which i actually saw a couple episodes of…not proud of that.
Crow’s line as Al dies in Bart’s arms, He died as he lived, not really having anything to do with this movie.
Seems to me Crow got most of the best lines in this one.
I would argue that Crow gets most of the best lines in just about every episode.
You might be right, but then, since Crow has the same cynical sarcastic bent i do, i might be biased.
@Fastidious Robot #69:
I haven’t seen this ep, but I did find a VHS of ‘Watermelon Man’ last summer, and it indeed rules, largely because the way Cambridge delivers one-liners prevents it from ever getting boring. Is it on DVD yet?
Maybe our public dialogue on race relations has deteriorated in a way, because it occurs to me that if anyone tried to remake it today, it’d probably end up involving a lot of Wayans brothers, and the Jim-Crow silliness of the first half would never give way to more sobering stuff in the second.
This is one of the three episodes I actually recorded to VHS.One of my faves.Fugging new vcr player ate my copy!Shout Factory do you hear me?!Bring this one out!Watermelon Man.
My viewing of this was interrupted about half way through and really haven’t had time to finish. Too bad, because I was really enjoying a bit more than I remembered.
Still, this one doesn’t rate above “solid” for me. I do like the spy movies a lot, but don’t think they really nailed any until Agent from Harm. This one is really fun though. I always get kick out of when the Brains make fun of the characters in these films for not quipping cleverly when someone dies as they do in Bond films.
B+
@ the Bolem
Actually saw a DVD of Watermelon Man for sale at a grocery store not too long ago.
I love the shot of the beefy guy coming down the conning tower ladder on the “not a toy” submarine and Mike says “Thank you, Eastman Widescreen” Always makes me laugh and have used it many times whenever there is a prominent hinder shot in a movie or TV show.
I thought the “Bart Fargo is… Hard to Watch” was a riff on the title of the Steve Seagal movie Hard to Kill, which had the tagline, “Steven Seagal is… Hard to Kill”
This is one of those episodes I’d forgotten about, but once I rediscovered it, I’ve watched it on several occasions since. I agree that this was the best of the spy movie genre they riffed; the lead character’s name is Bart Fargo, which lead to some great jokes, the villians were quirky in their own way, and the theme music is catchy (I hate to admit that!) Between the “Watermelon Man” bit and the “Ba-pa-da-da-da-dah” throughout the movie, I found myself humming either of these days later. The host segments were decent, and I really enjoyed the rare inclusion of Cambot, “crying” over the killing of the video cameras in the movie. Mike subsequently trying to cheer Cambot up is also hilarious.
It is Cornjob, i mentioned that #71 :grin:
I was surprised they didn’t get any riffs in about how the ‘secret agent’s’ plan to stop the evil plot seems to be to simply beat up every person he meets.
For example, he randomly swims out to a houseboat, has no idea who these people are, leaps out of the floor and proceeds to beat the crap out of everyone.
He sees the gun in the bar, and then proceeds to throw the barkeeper who did absolutely nothing.
Actually, having “a death ray for peaceful purposes” is pretty much the logic behind nuclear weapons. Sort of. Nobody will mess with you and everybody will do exactly what you say and THAT’LL keep the peace. Sort of.
Any idea what if anything “I should like to be in a barber shop quartet” is from? The voice seems to be too specifically an imitation of, well, SOMEONE for it to simply be a non sequitur. Anyone? Thanks much.
#18: This is one of those movies where the hero seems to win based almost entirely on the fact that the villain is the more incompetent one in the end.
Well, really, that’s how ANY movie works. If the hero doesn’t win because he’s more COMPETENT than the villain, then he’s getting by on pure luck and/or charity (not unlike Agent Fox Mulder from “The X-Files,” who had to have almost every lead literally HANDED to him by Deep Throat or X or whoever and more often than not all but literally BEGGED for more; opinions may vary, of course).
As I mentioned last time around in one of my trademark long and gushy posts, this is one of my absolute favorite episodes. The atmosphere in this one suggests that the Brains really had a lot of fun writing for this movie – there’s a playful goofy air that permeates the whole thing. The movie is equally silly, what with its toy helicopters and odd-faced henchmen and big dumb fistfights and a death ray intended for peaceful purposes, and all of that can’t help but inspire the Brains to do their best work. :D
Trace’s elf-like laughter is so infectious, and boy, has Crow ever got the giggles in the theater this week. “I think Hal David wrote the lyrics!”, “Special effects by…Billy!”, “Bartfargobartfargobartfargobartfargo…I just like doin’ it!”, and so on. I can usually tell how much the Brains liked the movie by how often Trace laughs at it, and they must have had a field day with this one.
This is also one of the rare episodes to make my mother laugh out loud. She usually doesn’t even crack a smile at MST3K, but when Lucille said “Bart, I really think I’m falling in love with you!” and Servo made that little hanging-up-the-phone noise, she couldn’t help herself.
Last time, I mentioned that one of the henchmen looks like Ryan Stiles. This time, I can’t help noticing that the main bad guy looks like William Petersen from “CSI”. “I think you know who just did that, don’t you?”
Sampo sez: “Set designer Arrigo Equini, who was a scene designer for ‘Secret Agent Super Dragon’, is the ONLY person on this movie who worked on another MSTed movie.” Not exactly! Nello Pazzafini, the guy who plays the frog-faced henchman (“Enjoy my teeth!”) was also in Colossus and the Headhunters – he’s the guy who gets socked in the face by Maciste and his bone necklace flies apart and Servo goes “Ooh, his teeth flew out!”
Still can’t get enough of this episode, and I don’t think I ever will. It’s one of those ones that I can put on any time and guarantee an hour and a half of laughs, no matter what mood I’m in. :D
This episode has become a new favorite for me. I have been trying for years to buy a prop from the show. I was finally able [and afford] a section of the “TVF Talent” sign from the host segment. I am going to shadow box it sometime soon. I am one happy Mistie!
PS Sampo, I saw a typo in the set designer line in your text. Was is spelled wrong
#32. I’m Still Waiting…
Gordon Scott is Bart Fargo. Gordon Merrill Werschkul, whose family nickname was Pete, was born on August 3,1926, in Portland, Oregon. He died as a result of complications from heart surgery on April 30, 2007 in Baltimore, Maryland. Physical Education major Gordon Weschkul left the University of Oregon after one term. He became an infantry drill instructor (rifle, pistol and bayonet; judo and hand-to-hand combat; close order drill), then a military policeman. After his honorable discharge in 1947, he was a fireman, cowboy, and farm machinery salesman. In 1953, as a Las Vegas lifeguard, he was spotted by a pair of Hollywood agents who introduced him and his 19-inch biceps to Sol Lesser, who had already conducted 200 tests in search of a new Tarzan. The producer gave him a seven-year contract and a new last name. His three MGM Tarzans were run-of-the mill, but his two for Sy Weintraub, through Paramount, marked a rebirth of the Tarzan character. The movies were well received. Weintraub was looking for a leaner, more thoughtful Tarzan so Scott moved on to a number of Italian strong-man spectaculars and spaghetti westerns, becoming a sensation in Europe. Danger!! Death Ray was one of his last roles prior to his retirement.
Favorite lines:
If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant had a child.
Now, you might expect to pay up to $3 Million for a death ray like this, but wait…
[Sam] Peckinpah’s Wild Parking Attendants.
[airplane taking off] Oh, it is a dangerous mission, its U.S. Air.
Abe Lincoln is Time Cop.
I want Jefferson Davis dead, I want his children DEAD!
David Cassidy is Abe Lincoln Behind Confederate Lines.
He’s wearing those Italian womany glasses. Who’s that behind those Amy Grants?
It was an interesting choice not to have any suspense in this movie.
This house does have the guns, but no central air.
Danger!! Dry Wall.
Final Thought: I keep confusing this one with Secret Agent, Super Dragon. I give this one 3 out of 5 stars.
Strong opening stuff here. I’ll add to the chorus of those loving the Crow with contacts bit. But it gets even better with the “Earth vs. Soup” and “Peter Graves at the University of Minnesota” resurrections. Always nice to see the classics trotted back out from time to time. It really is too bad Crow is caught in a glut of Graves at MN spec scripts floating around town. Then we get Torgy. This might be the strongest opening of the season.
Michael Cain’s and Andre the Giant’s love child looks a lot like current day wrestler Joseph Parks with some Christopher Reeves thrown in on the side. Basically this guy looks like everybody.
So what project do you suppose Frank was going to discuss with Coleman Francis? The rights for Yucca Flats for the following week?
This episode must be the all time champion for musical riffs.
Missed Riff: With Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln. Seeing that character turning and shooting his gun made me think of the bit from the Police Squad opening credits.
This episode is by no means a top 10 classic. But it is a solid good time. It was a good idea to riff something a little lighter between two Coleman Francis films and this might have been the perfect episode for that purpose. This one served up some great riffs because it was so goofy. It is my favorite of the spy genre.
Favorite Riffs:
Crow during the crowded elevator scene: “Aren’t you glad you used Dial? Don’t you wish Europeans did?”
Crow “Special effects by Billy.”
The corpse is being cleaned up off the street. Tom “We’ll come back for the rest later.”
During a low speed car chase: Mike “I can’t shake him. He’s too good.”
Lucille “First you want to get me high and then you want to take advantage.” Tom as Bart “Bingo.”
Bart “we better hide these corpses.” Crow “You’d think a decent hotel would take care of that.”
Mike “He hit Benny Hill.” Crow “Good”
@ #83: IIRC Alfred Nobel developed dynamite for the purpose of creating a weapon so horrific that no one would dare wage war.
@ #87: As Sampo has noted above, you only have a few more weeks to wait.
“I certainly hope my death ray hasn’t been the cause of all this…”
One of my favorite episodes! It’s just such a goofy movie, and the riffing is fantastic!
And is there such a thing as a non-dangerous death ray? I suppose ‘Safety!! Death Ray’ wouldn’t sound as good (unless it’s an educational safety short!).
After reading through the comments, I now want to see Watermelon Man.
Isn’t the ribbit guy in this episode also in Cave Dwellers?
This is without a doubt one of the best Season 6-ers. That song, that song! Beware all who have yet to see this one when you get the new DVD set!
I have to admit I’m not a huge fan of this one, but it’s a decent episode. The first theater segment is a real slog, but it gets better.
I don’t know about you guys, but I think a better stinger would’ve been the Abe Lincoln guy throwing himself out the window. “Ole!”
Tricky… i think he is in Collosus and the headhunters…
But the Machiavellian leader, i think, is another ribbit guy…
“Das Toy Boot.”
Now that I think about it, that scene may have given me my biggest laugh in all of MST3k-dom.
I was really looking forward to watching DANGER!! DEATH RAY last night, as it is one (of two) episode that I haven’t seen before. Well….that’s not entirely true. I saw this episode one time about 15 years ago, I think I might have even taped it, but it was a tape that would get lost when I loaned them out to friends. So, not seeing it since 1995, I considered this a first time viewing as I remembered nothing about this one. For example, I thought it was a black and white movie, but my memory has been proven wrong. Now that I’ve seen this one, there is just one left I haven’t seen: #909 GORGO, which I think we’ll get to later this year…
So anyway, what did I think of DANFER!! DEATH RAY?? It’s a pretty good episode, it definitely has its moments, but it kind of ran out of steam about halfway through. The opening segment and the first Host Segment are both really good, I like Frank’s line, “I’ve got Coleman Francis on the line,” and of course, any appearance by Torgo (played by Mike) is always a bonus. Also, I love the table smash the Dr. F does over Frank’s head. Great prop work, guys. Also, Crow’s contact lenses do indeed look painful, but not as painful as being on fire, like in HS#1.
HS#2&3 don’t really do it for me. #2 goes on waaaay tooooo looooooong, and #3 is cute but not exactly funny (although it doesn’t overstay its welcome, so I approve). In the closing segment, we get some interaction with Cambot, who is crying. It’s a funny gag, but a reminder to the rarity of interactions with Cambot.
The movie itself is fairly watchable. Lots of shooting and action, Bart Fargo as our smarmy spy lead, and yeah the music is funky and cool, but it is inappropriately used numerous times during chase scenes and gun fights, etc. As far as MST spy movies go, I prefer OPERATION DOUBLE 007 and SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON, but DANGER!! DEATH RAY is a perfectly good episode, it’s not a classic, but it has its moments. Maybe I’ll like it more on my second viewing….
RIFFS:
Servo: “Danger! Bifocals.”
Mike: “Aw, he had a little too much death ray..”
Mike: “Get this toy outta here!”
Crow: “Special effects by Billy.”
Servo: “Danger! Twist-tie.”
Crow: “Danger! Small talk.”
Servo: “Danger! Beer gut.”
Mike: “This movie is packed with hinders…”
Mike: “That nosewheel is mushy..” —–callback to San Francisco International.
Mike: “Abe Lincoln IS Timecop.”
Crow: “It was an interesting choice not to have any suspense in this movie.”
Mike: “Oh no! One of the 3 Tenors is down!”
Crow: “I think he’s under-applying the death ray.”
Mike: “Danger! Dry-wall.”
–
The very end of the episode, after looking at Frank’s glamour shots, Dr. F pushes the button and says, “You look like a slut, Frank.” :laugh:
–
Bop-ba-dop-ba-da-ba-da-dow!
I give this one 3/5.
In case anyone didn’t catch it, “Help me, Kirk” is a “The Savage Curtain” reference, the episode where Kirk and Spock met an alleged President Lincoln.
The helicopter landing sequence may be the greatest special effects work in any MSTed film. I find myself thinking “Special effects by Billy!” surprisingly often whenever I watch the Cinema Snob, Obscurus Lupa or other reviwers’ reviews of bad films.