Worst Ensemble Cast.
This one goes to Squirm. Everyone in this movie is so hideous to watch. From the creepy sheriff to the beanpole sister, yikes. And not one of them shows any acting skill.
Hmm. LOTS of good choices here, but I am going to go with one many of you may not have seen. It’s the cast in the movie in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES. Everybody in this movie is either hopelessly over the top or completely terrible. All the newspaper characters think they’re in a community theater production of “The Front Page” and poor Bela doesn’t quite know if he’s Dracula, or what.
What movie would you pick?
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I’ll have to agree with SKYDIVERS. Deeply bizarre cast, with the principles utterly colorless and the extras utterly weird (A Scotsman in a kilt? What?).
THE DEAD TALK BACK also scores in the “Why did they select these specific people for their film?” category.
The first one that came to mind was Manos. This one looked like some friends got together and said “hey let’s make a movie!” Another one was “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies.” AS Dr. Forrester would say… “stinky cinematic suppositories.”
“And I love when I occasionally see people trying to defend Batwoman herself as some kind of oasis of sanity and grace in a desert of perversion and filth. Really? We’re looking to a woman in fishnets, stilettos, a fluffy mask, and feather-lined bathing suit for elegance and maturity?”
Hey, it’s a *relative* comparison. As in, *compared* to the rest of those idiots, she seems competent and dignified. It only works in context – being less grotesquely irritating than most everyone else in the film makes her seem like a high point where one can climb out of the swamp of imbecility, if only by just a bit.
So that said, Batwoman and Hobgoblins are pretty much tied for first in my mind. They’re made more sickening by the fact that they were supposed to be lighthearted and irreverent, which is something most of the other contenders don’t have in their disfavor.
But I guess Catalina Caper is up there, too . . . igh.
Manos doesn’t really work because I’m not sure any of those people can be thought of as a cast. Hobgoblins though. That’s the worst cast ever. I don’t care if some of them went on to better things. They still have to answer for this piece of cinematic sludge.
Another vote for Angels’ Revenge. When I first watched it I could feel pain in my bones from the bad acting of the title characters.
This is way too difficult. Almost every MST3K movie would qualify, except for a few where certain characters were the “stars” of the movie.
I think I would choose either “Attack of the Eye Creatures”, “Robot Holocaust”, or “Angels Revenge”.
For the usual suspects who keep mentioning “Hobgoblins” and “Werewolf” all the time – they aren’t even close to the worst.
My first thought: the cast of The Giant Spider Invasion. So many icky, mumbly, sexist characters- not to mention the jewel in the crown, Charles Manson the diamond expert. After the sight of the lactating Viking cracker I definitely think: time for a shower.
And It Lives By Night. The only likable characters were the poor little bats being restrained by their wings and shaken to induce ‘terror.’
How about The Blood Waters of Dr. Z? The cops were a joke, the ‘Doctor’ and his plan epitomized ineptitude.
So many choices!
The more I think of, the more remember. Gotta go make dinner and put on another episode.
Many good choices have already been presented here. I agree with all of them. Therefore I will choose one that has not yet been stated.
Space Mutiny.
Reb Brown plays a beefy hero that shrieks like a woman.
Cissy Cameron is, apparently, some sort of scientist lady and plays younger than she looks, or is she just old-looking?
Cameron Mitchell, in what is certainly the low point of his career as an actor, plays a complacent, Santa Claus version of Adama from Battlestar Galactica.
John Phillip Law, also at a low point, even for a man who made mostly direct to video stuff late in his career, plays a really goofy villain. And yet, he’s also ineffectual as the villain because what was so wrong about not wanting to live in a boiler roo. . . , er, “spaceship” for the rest of one’s life?
I agree with #36 about the definition of “ensemble cast.” The movie M*A*S*H has an ensemble cast. But let’s not split too many hairs. We’re talking about the movie with the worst collection of actors.
I have no beef with any of the votes so far. But like someone else said, I hate to repeat what’s already been said. (But I just did it twice–crap!) So I put forth Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.
Every actor takes to their role like a rabid dog to a leg of mutton. They hold “British” accents for exactly one scene. They fight like complete spazes. And no one manages to have a single emotion except indigestion.
All good choices so far, but Hobgoblins and Manos are definitely at the top of the list.
And pretty much any of the Coleman Francis movies – the same actors, different roles, total suckage all around.
Stickboy #59 – Darnit, ya stole my thunder. But I’ll expand a bit on the actors. Deathstalker is so over the top that I actually really dig him, Trux is the worst villian EVER, Nicas always reminds me of Kim Thayil from Soundgarden, and Elizena is a cardboard cutout with NO character development. The best actor plays Grogas (the Latin dead guy).
RE #64, the THE Creeper thread idea:
Yes, there was a thread near the beginning of the year called “Your Personal Sleeping Pill Episode” or something similar. It stands out in my mind because I realized I’m in the minority as someone who just doesn’t fall asleep if there’s a TV playing anywhere in the house.
There was also a “best” or “chatchiest” song thread, but I’m not sure about “worst”. If not, I’ll vote for that one too.
I’d still like to see “Explain one riff you’d do where the Brains missed a spot” as a future thread.
As for this thread, I have that “Didn’t get cable ’till the SciFi era” disadvantage, so I can’t really think of one that hasn’t been listed. I’m reluctant to pick on community theatre troupes who seem to have cobbled a movie together (Manos, The Dead Talk Back), or ones where a whole town either volunteered or were swindled into appearing (Teenage Strangler, and The Creeping Terror, respectively)…
Oh, wait! Has anyone mentioned ‘Horrors of Spider Island’? That one took the “Hire the largest quantity of eye-candy we can cram onscreen” formula of ‘Batwoman’ and ‘Angels Revenge’, and ratcheted it up a notch by leaving us lost as to which of them was which, and who had or hadn’t died by halfway through. Sure, the three male leads only had one-note characters to pull off (Gallant respects women, Goofus doesn’t, and Hairy must hide from Stan Lee’s lawyers at all costs), but even in this case of a true ensemble cast, with no trace of a main character to be found, a little genuine talent on the part of any single bimbette could’ve made her stand out. Alas, even if they really had re-founded the isle of Lesbos, everyone in THOSI would blur together in my memory like the Coco-Whe–I mean, quicksand.
For worst ensemble cast, they CAN’T be beat.
The Fire Maidens of Outer Space had a nice ensemble cast of five versions of the same non-entity, and an ensemble of a load of hot chicks in short tunics, which I kinda liked.
Anyhoo, there’s no mention of the cast of The Wild World of Batwoman, whose performance was at least as shamefull as that of Angels’s Revenge and Hobgoblins. I’m not a violent man by nature, but I seriously wanted to bitch slap every member of the Bat posse and the bad guys. Especially when they are running around the table.
Oh, sorry, I meant to respond to post #46. I must’ve been thinking of an ad for the ‘Commadore 64′, since someone’s been knockin’ down my door…and giving me selective dyslexia.
And Cornjob, I didn’t go back a reread all the posts either, but Batwoman’s been mentioned a LOT.
No one else mentioned ‘Fire Maidens’ though. Did that have the same ‘Spidey Island’ problem of no one standing out as an actual character, much less a main character?
I’m probably guilty of this too, but I think a fair number of people are conflating unappealing characters with incompetent acting. I know it’s hard to disentangle, but I think we have to distinguish between performances that are hard to watch because of the crappy character concepts and those that suffer more from crappy acting.
I guess it’s a matter of deciding which aspect contributes more to the pain inherent in watching it.
So Giant Spider Invasion? Definitely the characters. Girl in Gold Boots? Definitely the acting.
And we have to keep the “ensemble” part in mind, as well.
It is the remarkable ensemble cast of Batwoman that lends this movie its sense of epic grandeur. Amazingly they are all equally talented, and work together in perfect sync to produce a striking, even arresting result. I urge those of you championing Hobgoblins to watch Batwoman another time, and really watch what’s going on up on that screen. It takes a team of committed individuals to make such a provocative statement. A TEAM.
“I’m just going to look away until the funny part is over…”
Gotta follow the (slim) majority and pick Hobgoblins. It’s the only MST that really makes me want to vomit (because of the acting – Incredible Melting Man has its own reasons).
Deathstalker goes #2 – Relson is terrible, and extremely loathsome. The chief bad guy is way over the top. However, i did recently see him as a judge on a Law & Order rerun. How did he get work?
Horror of Party Beach – “Why am i dubbed?” – Nuff said.
Werewolf & Devilfish – Italians don’t make good Americans unless they are either good actors, or move here. Neither occurred.
And a special mention for Ed Wood and Coleman Francis movie ensembles – they hung in their and made cinematic history – or crap. :grin:
Wow, this is tough. As Chuck (#27) so rightly says, picking the best cast would be far easier.
Even Vornoff’s (#36) more restrictive definition only helps a bit. The cast of “Hobgoblins” puts the “oath” in “loathesome” (because you want to swear at them). The formerly titular seven from heaven in “Angels Revenge” amaze me. I mean, it’s a film made in Los Angeles, and the producers couldn’t find attractive women desperate for paying work who could act better than that?
But I think I have to give the edge to the Coleman Francis Repertory Company, if only because he cast many of his “actors” in two, or even all three, of his films. You know… “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice…”
I have to nominate Red Zone Cuba. All the actors in that are terrible, but Tony “Fine Corinthian Leather” Cardoza alone counts for at least a dozen bad actors worth.
I’d mention Skydivers too, but I love all the crazy bit players. As for Beast of Yucca Flats, I don’t recall other actors, and let’s face it: Tor Johnson is a one man tour de force.
Also, its hard not to agree with everyone who’s mentioned Batwoman. Whenever I show that ep to someone who has never seen it before I always tell them, “Whatever you do, don’t look directly at Heathcliff.”
#62 I like the idea for the “Explain the riff the Brains missed” thread. I had a similar idea, although I don’t think its necessary to come up with a riff. Just tell something about or within an episode that the SOL crew didn’t comment on that you think deserved it and why. I have a whole bunch of material for that topic.
Psh. Without a doubt, “Space Mutiny.”
Sure, you can talk about the bland no-names and never-seen-agains from junk like “Monster A Go-Go” or “Giant Spider Invasion,” but they’re simply forgettable. Each member of the cast of “Space Mutiny” finds a way to suck outrageously in their own unique style, and the damage they do to a person’s psyche can never be healed.
I gotta vote for Red Zone Cuba. I mean, come on, they were still acting poorly even after they were dead!!!
I think of ensemble casts as groups that all move the plot–or whatever lame-ass excuse for a story exists in its place–together at once as a group. So it doesn’t matter how much I like the movies or how much the actors suck–“Hobgoblins,” “Devil Fish,” “Werewolf,” and Coleman Francis’ films all take the cake. Each has a group of actors that belongs together because of their nausea-inducing, filthy van-rocking; European roots and mispronunciations; or the misfortune of being routinely hired with Coleman Francis. Now, which one’s worst? That’s like picking which kind of bioterror attack I’d rather endure. (I say “Hobgoblins.”)
I’m shocked — SHOCKED I say — that no one has yet mentioned Racket Girls. That easily has one of the worst ensembles ever!
EVER!
And I’m not just talking about the acting…
The Bolem, #62
Oh, wait! Has anyone mentioned ‘Horrors of Spider Island’? That one took the “Hire the largest quantity of eye-candy we can cram onscreen” formula of ‘Batwoman’ and ‘Angels Revenge’, and ratcheted it up a notch by leaving us lost as to which of them was which, and who had or hadn’t died by halfway through… but even in this case of a true ensemble cast, with no trace of a main character to be found, a little genuine talent on the part of any single bimbette could’ve made her stand out. Alas, even if they really had re-founded the isle of Lesbos, everyone in THOSI would blur together in my memory like the Coco-Whe–I mean, quicksand
===================================
Hey, this was brilliant casting. Put on a beauty contest and these European babes would destroy the anorexic Angels’ Revenge women.
(Judges signify choices by crossing/uncrossing legs).
Of course, if you’re talking acting talent it’s pretty much a toss-up.
Has Monster-a-Go Go gotten it’s fair share on this thread yet? It does seem as though there were a pant-load of actors in that movie, but they were all so dull (the monster was so dull that he wasn’t even there, apparently) that I have a hard time recalling any of them, except for the guy with the glasses and goatee with his lines taped to the floor, and the incredibly bad acting from the kid with the buzz cut(I need more rocket parts…). Remembering that this film was filmed in two separate chunks by two directors with different actors, I guess one could argue that there are two ensemble casts here…
Lots of good choices for worst ensemble cast have been mentioned so far and accordingly, very hard to choose just one.
So, I’d like to suggest Nick from “Time Chasers”. While Crow instantly refused to accept him as leading man, he is no more convincing in later scenes when he becomes his own ensemble and he attempts to explain this goofy movie to himself.
As I read this weeks topic, I can’t help but wish for a caged Deathmatch between the cast’s of Angles Revenge and Wild, WIld World of Batwoman.
Hobgoblins has a horrifically bad cast, if you could commit a hate crime against acting, Hobgoblins committed it.
Mind you, picking a single movie in the entire MST3K library and try to pick the one with *the* worst cast over them all… wow, that’s a tough one.
Especially when you have to consider some of the movies featured on MST3K were dubbed in English, and that adds an extra dimension to the system. Because we’re looking at a movie who’s actors might have sounded great in their native tongue, and had their lines butchered by a poor translation and an inept voice actor.
On an aside, any wonder if Torgo and Ortega are related? I think if they got in a fight, Torgo would win. Mostly because he’s got a stick and could totally drop Ortega like a sack of potatoes (Mind, you if they had a running contest Torgo might be SOL)
Hi there. Long-time reader, first-time poster. I can’t contribute much more than what’s already been said, but I’ll throw my support behind some other people’s choices: Manos, Hobgoblins, Teenage Strangler, The Starfighters. Squirm sticks out in my mind as well. I grew up in the South and take everyone’s performance in that movie as a personal insult.
And thanks for maintaining these boards. Makes my weekend every time. :grin:
My first choice has to be Robot Holocaust. NO ONE in the entire ensemble has even the slightest spark of energy, and not one single line of dialogue comes anywhere close to sounding even remotely life-like. ALL of the actors are so detached from one another, and interact as though they’re simply waiting for their turn to woodenly regurgitate the next stilted line. The on-screen performances make the “subtle nuances” of the voice-over narrator seem like Sir John Gielgud by comparison.
While I’d have to rank Hobgoblins second on the list as one of the worst “overall” casts, at least you can detect each of the cast members putting forth “some” kind of effort..(albeit misdirected…and, granted, the results are positively revolting…) With Robot Holocaust, you can feel positively NOTHING coming off the screen except for a tidal wave of detached indifference. It’s as though the director started every scene by yelling: “Remember…none of you losers are getting paid for this!……and…ACTION!”
Oh yeah….and THIRD on my list would have to be Teenage Strangler. SOOooooo many “misplaced” emotions in this one…and not just by Mikey, but by absolutely EVERYONE involved! Of course, I suppose that a lot of the blame for that should be placed in the lap of the director….but most everyone’s performances are so substandard, they’re even too horrible for community theater…
#80 Mo,
I SO totally agree with you on that one! It’s not the millions of worms that make me “squirm”, but the horrible slap in the face this movie gives REAL southerners. Servo is right…”NO ONE is THAT Southern!”
Nick-O #79:
If Torgo gets to use his stick, then I say Ortega should get to keep his acid. Then we’d have a helluva fight.
H to the O to the B to the G to the O to the B to the L to the I to the N to the S: HOBGOBLINS!!!
BigZilla #68 “Deathstalker goes #2 – Relson is terrible, and extremely loathsome. The chief bad guy is way over the top. However, i did recently see him as a judge on a Law & Order rerun. How did he get work?”
The actor who played Troxartis is named Thom Christopher. He’s had a long career as villain Carlo Hesser on ABC soap opera “One Life to Live.”
OWWWW! This topic makes my brain hurt!
watching the whole cast of Attack Of The The Eye Creatures was irritating!!
Tough call, since virtually all the MST movies can fit in this category.
But my personal picks are: Incredible Melting Man. Not just the cast, but the entire crew including Rick Baker seemed to be in a stage of sheer incompetence here.
Giant Spider Invasion. Also my pick for the funniest of the entire series. Again, when your actors are required to flop uncontrollably down the hill, you’re dealing with bad decisionmaking. “VAAAANNNNNZZZ!!”
Mitchell. Say what you want about Joe Don Baker, but he was with a decent cast for the time, John Saxon, Martin Balsam, Linda Evans and the movie just plain sucked. I say decent grudgingly, because I thought Saxon wasn’t bad in Enter The Dragon. But everything about this movie seemed… poorly thought out. I mean, who the hell would think of Joe Don Baker as male sex symbol? Those creatures from Descent?
With honorable mention going to Space Mutiny, Deathstalker, Outlaw, Angels Revenge & Devil Fish.
RH
Pick just one? Thats a toughy…
In Manos, everyone but Harold Warren didn’t even seem to give a ****.
In Batwoman, no one seemed to give a ****.
I would have to say “Monster A Go Go”. Just bland, so what acting all around.
It’s probably too easy to pick on the shorts, but because I’m not feeling too well and can’t think about any movies with bad casts that haven’t been mentioned, I’ll just say “Why Study Industrial Arts”. One of Tom’s riffs sums it up: “We’ll need actors, people who can read, lines and–“
3 wordas for you ‘arch..hall..junior’ give me eegah!!! not even gratuitous horned toad sex coul ease the pain of that cast.
I can’t narrow down to a single episode, so many of the casts were worthy of one giant bitch-slap, but five that spring to mind would be:
– “Ring of Terror”: a cast so old-looking (and old-acting) it makes “The Golden Girls” look like “The Gilmore Girls”.
– “Being From Another Planet”: if Ben Murphy is your star, then the rest of your cast is doomed.
– “Manos”: ‘Nuff said.
– “Eegah!”: The overall acting is so poor that this should be shown in Drama classes as examples of how NOT to act!
– “Angels’ Revenge”: I’d rather attend a funeral than watch this movie unriffed; the acting is so grating on so many levels.
My wife gives a solid vote for “Legend of Boggy Creek II.” From Charles Pierce’s self-gratifying direction to the fact that none of the students could act the overall feel of this movie was ‘student project.’ When bigfoot out-acts you you’re in deep doo-doo. Although, to be fair, it could be argued that ‘Crenshaw’ wasn’t really acting – and that fact alone makes the angels weep…..
Oof dah. A dead heat between “Angels’ Revenge” and Wahrwulf. Angel’s Revenge just recruited babes who were willing to run around braless for 90 minutes (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Werewolf, is just pathetic: gotta like the “archaeologist”‘s hair color changes throughout the flick…
I have to vote for Teenage Strangler. There just wasn’t one halfway decent performance among any of the leads. Although that mom did have a bitchin’ collection of dirt-track trophies.
#79, #84 – I’m in for ten bucks on Ortega. While I see Torgo as a hungry (starving) young fighter, Ortega fights dirty. Illegal use of a hairy-moled gypsy fortune-teller! :evil:
In both of Joe Don’s movies he’s obviously the star, well, in the technical sense of the word. They’re not truly ensemble casts, at any rate.
I too go with Hobgoblins…simply awful. But don’t forget about “Hamlet”. Those folks took a classic and timeless play and turned it into……that!
#95 Patch – There were braless women in Angels’ Revenge?!? Boy did I miss something!
I kind of like the Torgo vs Ortega bout. How about Deathstalker vs Ator? Trumpy vs the Incredible Melting Man?