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Weekend Discussion Thread: A Riff on Your TombstoneAlert reader Cornjob suggests:
Oh, this is going to cost a fortune, but I picked this many years ago: “I’ve undergone a complex personal evolution wherein painful confusion has given way to what I like to think of as some degree of wisdom, culminating in my current Zarasthustrian sense of self. Is that it?” Your pick? 111 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: A Riff on Your Tombstone”Commenting at Satellite News
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“I don’t care”
What, nobody’s claimed THE obvious Pod People line yet? Then I claim it by right:
“He died as he lived….With his mouth wide open.”
(And darn proud of it, too.) :)
Although in reality, I’d probably go for some Pink Floyd line, like “Wish you were here”.
“It Stinks!”
“The Master would not approve this tombstone.”
“He finally got Beyond Thunderdome.”
Not a riff, but…
Keep Circulating The Tapes.
Turns out it really was to die for.
Ooh They Have Nachos!
From Escape 2000: “He Died As He Died – DEAD”
WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!
“He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature… and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection… they find only death… fire… loss… disillusionment… the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.”
“Now I’m gonna be the worm-face.” (Squirm)
“If you could see my hands right now, you’d be horrified.” (Beginning of the End)
“The … Lysol … is in … the … ” (Teenage Strangler)
“Now I’m going to get a little bit of lunch.” (Last Clear Chance)
“Angels work about as hard as road crews.” (Once Upon a Honeymoon)
Besides this rich MST3K mine, my favorite potential epitaph has always been the multi-purpose “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Really makes you think, don’t it.”
Forget the tombstone. I’d be like Lt. Lamont and just come back to work the next day.
It’s a cheat, but I’d have steal one of my favorite Crow lines from the movie:
“Oh, would you look at that? ‘Breach hull, all die!’ Even had it underlined.”
Guard. Sick man. Water.
I was hoping for the one they were thinking of for Merv Griffin:
“Go away. He won’t be right back.”
“I regret nothing”
“Dickweeeeeeeed”
“He was a total load/failure”
“I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to do something really stupid!”
“He died like a mangy dog, right on stage…”
Spit… pause…
“Man, I was really proud of him… Excellent death!”
No epitaph for me. I’d just like to be found alive, well, and of normal size, somewhere else.
Of course, if I HAD to have an epitaph, there’s the ever-popular “Killed in Vietnam”. But I think I’d rather go with this line from “Giant Gila Monster”:
“Aw, they killed off the only likable character!”
:)
If someone else writes my epitaph, I hope they won’t use this line from “Day the Earth Froze”:
“Let us be gay, for he is a dickweed!”
“Aaand….his eyes open!”
“Could you back off? You smell like canned tamales.” (THE TOUCH OF SATAN)
“Your weapons are useless against me!” (PRINCE OF SPACE)
“The only end, my friend.” (THE SCREAMING SKULL)
“Why don’t they look?” (RADAR SECRET SERVICE)
“WHEN’S JELLO?” (THE DEADLY MANTIS)
“Oh no, that guy died, he was my favorite.”
Body in a hole. How did it get there?
They were right about one thing: that was an unnatural swelling.
He tampered in God’s domain
“I’m getting squishy…”
“Any unusual experiment can produce unusual results…”
“And…he just ducks off the screen…Bye!”
“Daddy… What’s Vietnam?”
Right under my name:
“Weird… which results in creativity”
Here’s one from “Avalanche”:
“She died as she lived: Completely lit up!”
R.I.P. Giant parakeet
“My loins will never stir again” (from Crow, in Racket Girls)
I doubt this will pass muster with the cemetery, but I’d like: “Nobody got her. She was like the wind, baby.”
Riff: “Should I taunt him? Nah, he’s dead!”
Actual film dialogue: “The wisest and the best, is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful”
or pretty much any “He died as he lived…” riff
“We thought you were dead!”
“And frankly, we were getting used to the idea.”
not really an epitaph, but that always makes me laugh
also:
“The problem with communicating with the departed…”
“…is that they’re dead.”
HERE LIES
CROW
“Crushed by an emotional word and an enigmatic look.”
“Say goodbye to the beer for me!”
“The worms do play pinochle on your snout”
“He has gone to a beautiful place where all the lackeys and toadies and whipping boys are forever safe and free from their oppressors.”
“He wasn’t much in his life as a man or a Pumaman, and now he’s worth absolutely nothing.”
(The same as when he was alive).
‘What sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?’ Amazing Colossal Man. A bit dark perhaps, but very appropriate!
“The brisket is in the—“
All my original ones are already mentioned, so I’ll go with the inscrutable “Hum didda hee hee, hooah hooah”, or however it’s spelled.
“How’d she get away from us? She’s dead!
She just gave me the slip, Joe!”
“Oh, poopie!”
“They Just Didn’t Care”
This is easy:
“I should really just relax.”
and the MST3K silhouette at the bottom, of course.