Movie: (1985) In a fantasy kingdom, a wizard’s son and a warrior battle an evil wizard.
Opening: Max makes a fascinating discovery
Invention exchange: J&tB have Verbal Smoke Bombs; The Mads have the Sponsor Clock
Segment 1: Reasons Kor got the name “conquerer” and explanations for Kor’s face after killing four guys
Segment 2: Jonah sings “The Magic Inside of You”
Segment 3: J&tB read some viewer mail
Closing: Jonah shows Tom the “Wizards of the Suicide Cave: A Place that Feeds on Fear” play set
Stinger: The bowl explodes
(83 votes, average: 3.82 out of 5)
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• The first time I watched this one, I really didn’t like it. The movie is just soooo cheap. But this time through, I found myself laughing quite a bit. I’m definitely upgrading my opinion. But, ugh, this movie.
• The whole mysterious key plot in Moon 13 starts with this episode. I’m not quite sure it works, but, like with this episode, I’m giving it another chance.
• Chris Hardwick has gotta be happy for namecheck.
• One of the things people gripe about with the relaunch is that it’s sometimes hard to distinguish between Tom’s and Crow’s voices. I usually don’t have that problem, but if you wanted to cite a good example of that, look no further than the numerous Cryptkeeper impressions in this episode, which both Tom and Crow seem able to do quite easily and interchangeably.
• There’s no credit for “The Magic Inside of You,” so I have to assume it’s another Paul and Storm gem.
• Callback: “…tampered in God’s domain.” (Bride of the Monster)
• Jonah mentions Dr. F and Frank and Joel and Mike. I know, I know, it’s just a show, but should he know about any of that? Maybe the bots told him?
• No Rowsdower reference? Seemed pretty obvious to me. Maybe they decided it was too obvious?
• Cast and Crew Roundup: Thom Christopher was also in “Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.” Roger Corman … well, that’s all I need to say.
• Fave riff: “Ralph Maccios assemble!” Honorable mention: “I would face a thousand cyclops brides before I swam through whatever that is.” “Oh they’re showing ‘Little House on the Prairie.’”
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This one is getting some polarized reactions on here. I’m in the middle. I laughed a lot and it has a lot of memorable WTF scenes in it but by the end I was ready to move on. They beat the crabhat jokes into the ground by the end (which I found really funny initially). It has a lot going for it but the laughs die out in the last 15 mins and it left a bit of a bitter aftertaste. The sponsor clock is not interesting or funny.
Favs:
Gulfax – IMO he should be a reoccuring character in the series like Torgo was in the old series. Just the sight of this guy is funny.
Ogre bride scene.
The magic inside you song – underrated and clever
Every minute of the woman/bug seduction sequence… ‘so this is sex? / and that’s where babies come from’
overall it’s on the lower end of the new season but still a pretty good episode.
Trust me, looking at the first post in this thread, *nobody’s* gonna think you’re being too critical of the new MST3K. My personal feeling is that I’d probably agree with you if I ever saw the Rifftrax version, but I’d also say that the last sentence of this paragraph goes a long way to explaining that. I would not doubt that if Mike, Kevin, Bill, and so on had been invited to reboot MST3K and had wanted to do so (which, why would they, given how successful Rifftrax is?), it’d probably be at least somewhat, if not a good deal funnier than the Season 11 we got. But that was never going to happen, and I’m plenty happy with what we DID get, with the knowledge that a) there’s certainly room for improvement and b) the circumstances of how the project was put together would mean that it’d have been *way* less likely that there’d be a need for that. You can consider that an “excuse” for Season 11 if you want, I suppose.
It used to be, I could ignore them happily, and leave them, like the WWE and Howard Stern, to the idolatry-fanboys who would gladly pay them PPV money.
And now I can run across their older titles for free every freakin’ time I’m surfing PlutoTV channels for a bit of late-night MST3K (or public-domain cartoons). Progress.
Oh, and thanks to another channel, I can now see what Asylum knockoffs actually look like beyond their cover.
As another poster pointed out, our “hero” is obnoxious, but hey, let’s not Mike-out on Vidal Petersen himself–He’s pretty darn good in Disney’s “Something Wicked” movie, with an actual director and budget. (IMDb also tells us he played the high Orkan “Elder” on the old Mork & Mindy episodes. Okay, I did not know that either.)
And, like the equally insufferable Paul in Cry Widerness, did anyone else at the beginning get the impression we were supposed to be seeing a sequel to something, we were meant to immediately identify with him at the beginning of the story for no apparent reason, and the “Young Bridezilla” jokes were self-aware sequelizing a running bit from an earlier movie? Yes, the “recap” of the saga at the beginning probably came from a completely different Corman movie, but still.
First of all, the Ignore button here on Satellite News is still not working. I’ll say this every week if I have to. Please either fix it or get rid of it, since every time I come here the promise of being able to ignore sanctimonious jerks is dangled in front of me and snatched away.
OK, Sampo’s Theorem is indeed strong with WotLK! I liked it quite a bit and would probably rank it about my 5th or 6th favorite episode in this season. Loved Crabby the Hat, and Bo Svenson lurching around and chewing the scenery worked for me. My gosh, have you read his bio on IMDb? What hasn’t he done?!? Kind of a muscle-y Renaissance Man… not to be confused with a Renaissance Faire Man. WTH was Gulfax, something that was supposed to kick off a line of children’s toys? If so, fail.
It’ll be interesting to read next week who loved both WotLK and WotLK2, hated both, loved one and not the other. ‘Til then, Yeti out.
Maybe he was a lovable Yeti of NO Danger. :)
This is my favorite episode this season! The movie just kept getting more and more outrageous, and everything from the costumes to the awful acting gave them so much to work with. The bug lady, the gnome, the cyclops, the waterfall– this movie is completely nuts, pretty darn funny on its own, and a perfect choice for MST3k. I was constantly laughing, so hard that my family had to ask if I was okay.
Was the princess actually hypnotized? I’ve seen this one three times and I can’t figure that out. And yes, Simon’s bad, but he is FAR less repulsive than the kid in the second movie.
I thought the Crabby the Crab Hat jokes would get old, but the Crabby the Crab Hat jokes never got old.
I love everything about the host segments too–
-The past-the-point-of-caring way Kinga says “I’m not sure,” when Max questions her about 7-11
-“High score on the Frogger game at the pizza parlor? Technically a conquest!”
-Jonah-as-Kor singing to Servo-as-Simon: “I once was a kid just like you, but like, way cooler than you.”
-The zombie Crow chorus– “The Magic Inside of You” is my second favorite song this season. (Only because it’s hard to beat “Every Country Has a Monster”)
-Servo’s noise of exclamation upon seeing the drawing of his bulbous head
-Crow apologizing to the kid he said he wanted to fight. That lucky kid!
Favorite riff: “I hope your wildest dreams include rose petals, ’cause that’s kinda all we have right now…”
Other favorites:
-All the jokes about Kor’s complete lack of conquering
-All of the many great Muppet references! I love it when they do that. “Petrified Gonzo!”
-“It’s less medieval times and more medieval Tims.”
-(Use it for good, it’s a blessing. Use it for evil…) “…it’s a party.”
-“Prepare to face the wrath of fat Sting.”
-(What did he say?) “He called you ‘Sir Drinksalot’, which I admit is not very clever.”
-“He’s not yelling, he’s throwing up in his costume.”
-(You won’t escape me now, Kor!) “I’ve got your whoopiee cushion!”
-(You’ve got spirit.) “Yes you do.” (I like that.) “How ’bout you?”
-“FLOOR SCISSORS.”
-“The mating call of the doughy bro.”
-“Does ANYONE in this kingdom know how to nod?”
-“On the plus side, this water tastes kind of like pork, so that’s a nice surprise!”
come on please get the ignore button to work!!!!
Is EricJ one of the owners husband or something?
The acronym of this film and World of Warcraft’s Wrath of The Lich King are identical.
Wonder if Felicia caught that with her WoW history.
:D
I don’t understand why they don’t fix it, if they had ad banners all over I would say they keep people from taping his mouth shut because he keeps those same ones coming back by his trolling. I really don’t wanna quit coming around but he’s really getting on my nerves.
Oh the horrors! Such a rough life you lead. You know, I used to loathe your posts, but now with this incredibly tragic backstory I truly understand the depths of pain you are in. Have you put your harrowing tale to paper yet? I feel a new literary classic, akin to The Diary of Anne Frank, could be introduced to the world. You could call it “EricJ and the No Good Very Bad MST3K Host”. I smell a Pulitzer in your future!
Its name is Reptilicus Metalicus? All this time, I was referring to it as Reptilicus Maximus on a My Little Pony site (let’s just say the Mads in the revival have done some guest work on Friendship is Magic).
1.Yes, the Rifftrax version is funnier.
2. Um .. see #1.
Still enjoying this season, but in their first head-to-head matchup, Jonah and the bots come up short.
I think my biggest problem with this season is structural — I read somewhere that there was a decision made not to riff over dialogue. Big mistake. Messes with the rhythm of the jokes, forces the riffers to spout some lines way too fast, and makes their interaction during the movies choppy and unnatural.
I mean, no one is watching MST for the movies, are they?
There are so many odd moments in this film. What was the idea with the plant in Kor’s face when he’s tied to the tree?
Well gee, I do.
Also, I think you fail to realize that, generally speaking, and with usually only purposeful deviation, MST has avoided riffing over dialogue. This just makes sense – if you’ve got two constantly conflicting audio tracks, you’d have a hard time hearing and understanding either one.
“No Rowsdower reference? Seemed pretty obvious to me”
Well, EXACTLY.
I mean, do we watch these shows looking for the obvious? ;-)
Lame movie soundtrack always loses.
These movies are bad, who cares about the dialog?
You kind of do need to care about the dialog, at least some, otherwise setup for some jokes will be lost. There’s sort of a balance to be struck. Sometimes you talk over a character because you’re finishing their line. Other times you need to let a character talk because it sets up a joke. A visual reference mightbe allowed to go over a line of dialogue that isn’t that critical. And the relative volume of the movie soundtrack and the riffers is a factor as well.
Sorry if that comment about the ignore system sounded like whining, I looked at it just now and it didn’t make me look much better than EricJ.
I haven’t seen the Rifftrax version, but I know it’s funnier, because they are better writers, and strong writing is what made the show great, starting in season 2. Now it’s time to nitpick, sorry.
“Bad things about the reboot”-
1. I don’t like the skeleton crew playing as a band “they are ok as goons like the molemen,
2. the “commercial” parts with Patton talking about the movie,
3. not a fan of the Mads relationship with each other and how they react towards the SOL crew “just not MAD enough”,
4. not crazy about guest stars,
5. the riffing doesn’t feel organic, it’s like they’re reading directly from the script, and it’s almost like they don’t even hear each others riffs most of the time, I blame the writing.
6. Oh yeah did I mention I didn’t like the Mads, specifically Felicia, she just seems out of place
7. The credits are too long, one of the appeals to me of the old show is how they made such a great show with a small crew. I have a hard time sitting through the credits to see the stinger.
“Good things about the reboot”
1. It’s MST3K
There I get a ramchip
Anyone notice the plot from Moon Zero Two is kinda familiar now? :D I thought that was a nice touch.
Yeah, the old show never talked over the movie. That’s why we know what a “Sampo” is.
That being said, I like the reboot. Maybe not quite as much as the old show, but I really enjoy it. And it’s definitely MST3K. (I could do without the celeb cameos though.)
I can see where you’re coming from thinking it may be forcing them to rush dialogue, but MST3K: Original Recipe generally avoided talking over movies. There are definitely times they did, but I recall reading a comment of Mike’s(?) about why they never did Plan 9 on the show, and the significant narration limiting space for riffs was one reason (the other reason was everyone was already doing it themselves). Was that in the ACEG? I need to check.
It’s a balance, and the “Punish the movie!” generation doesn’t appreciate that it can get a little intrusive–
In the S3 Master Ninja movies, the running jokes about Timothy Van Patten’s mushy delivery brought in a running riff for Kevin’s Angry Servo to riff “Bluhbluhbluhbluh!” every time Van Patten opens his marble-mouth.
Yes, thank you, we GET the general satirical idea, and it’s starting to grate, could we actually hear what the goofy onscreen line was, so we can riff that?
That’s the yardstick I’m judging the S11 “Talking over the lines” complaints by, and it’s not as bad here (nothing could be). I just put it down to Jn&tB’s Kickstarter-jitters of making sure they got all those riff-jokes in, and the less organic delivery of the comics not working together as much, and not having as natural a sense for the riff rhythms.
I always loved the homegrown aspect ofthe original show too, and that they would randomly get their actual account to play… an accountant on the show (Space Mutiny), among other neat guests, but MST3K grew so far from the TV industry that it was like a Mom & Pop business. The show being in LA now changes that because Joel is working with people you could say are professional film/tv workers who are used to doing it a different way.
My suspicion on movies generally is the lengthy credits we see these days grew out of contract negotiations with actors and production companies. Is it necessary to know who was the Ferret Wrangler? For most of the public, no, but I’m sure said person asked once years and years ago to have their name in the credits because, lets face it, it is genuinely cool, and it’s just become expected.
Now I want to find out if there really are Ferret Wranglers…
I agree with you about the celeb cameos.
You’re really reaching with this one. All three riffers do Van Patten impersonations (including your beloved Joelsus). Trace’s Crow has the funniest one and the closest to “Bluhbluhbluhbluh!”
Also, stop trying to make Jn&tB happen. It’s not going to happen!
It was ok, though they could have done the Leonard Maltin thing as well and played themselves, like Seinfeld forced to test the Mads evil line of Breakfast cereals, or Mark Hamill confronting Max about obsessive creepy fan mail like dead rats or something. :D
They really blew this one. The rapid fire and poorly timed riffs make this one impossible. Eps 4-9 were really decent, but the season goes downhill again starting with this one.
To anyone who thinking there are too many riffs coming too fast I recommend turning on the subtitles.
Yeah, but that’s not really the point. Comedy is all about… timing. The problem is not that there are too many jokes, but they are poorly timed. They make the joke almost as soon as the dialog is spoken (or visual happens), and sometimes even simultaneous with it. That takes away nearly ALL the humor.
I think the clearest example of this is to watch the presser where the bots took questions from whoever was there. They had to react and ad-lib, and in doing so the timing was spot on and EXTREMELY funny. I think that 10-15 minute video was far funnier than any single episode I’ve seen so far (with two left to go). So these guys CAN be funny, but not when they are obviously just reading very rehearsed lines and trying to “land” them as quickly as they can without regard to how it really should sound.
That’s how I see it, at least, and I also think that’s a good reason why many of these shows improve upon viewing because then, you too, know what’s coming and you don’t need it timed to enjoy what is riffed. But that’s a poor comedian and perhaps (without making this a generational thing) that’s just the way society is nowadays. I well remember the biggest laugh in all of television came when Jack Benny was held up at gunpoint and the thief asked him “Your money or your life!” and he spent five minutes just sitting there, until the thief, gesturing with the gun, made him say “I’m THINKING, I’m thinking!” That joke would go over like a lead balloon nowadays.
The high rate of comments criticizing the high rate of riffing is wearying. I rate the new season of MST3K fandom at a mere 6.5 out of 10.
No better than Laserblast?
I agree with most of your post except this. Timing is still very important in comedy these days; it’s too important of an aspect of comedy for it to fade away. Doesn’t matter if it’s standup, a sitcom, or improve; timing is always going to be important. I don’t think this really is a generational thing, it’s just a ‘different’ thing. Joel and/or his writers decided for whatever reason that this was the way to do it this time around. Maybe they just need to tweak things a bit. Obviously there are a lot of people old and young who like it the way it is, and plenty who don’t, so I don’t know what sort of feedback they’re going to listen to and incorporate into a possible season 2. I really just think they need to relax a bit when riffing. I’ll give ’em a pass for being excited during the first season of what would be my dream gig.
Clearly there are a lot of folks who love this and, yes, you’re right, they are enthusiastic about their jobs (that comes through clearly for all of them, even Patton, whom I tend not to like much elsewhere other than, say, his acting on Justified or Agents of Shield). So perhaps I’m being too harsh but for me it was very surprising when the season got this much worse.
I honestly thought, after Avalanche, that they had hit their stride and it would be fine… and then it just went completely downhill (disclaimer: my wife and I are still 2 1/2 episodes from the end. Perhaps they make a dramatic recovery). And I also was never very critical of all that came before — while I’ve said in the past that Rifftrax went downhill, for many, many years we enjoyed them greatly (and still spend a penny or two on their shorts). So it’s not as if I went “Well, THIS is not classic MST3K” when the Film Crew, RT, and Cinema Titanic came around. They were all equally great in different ways.
This isn’t great, to me, in any way shape or form. And seeing the robots presser where they ad-libbed (where they WERE great) got my hopes up. Perhaps if I hadn’t seen that I wouldn’t have been as critical. But the good news, for me at least, is I really don’t care at all now if they get another season or not. I’ve seen “The Return” and like every single other attempt to capture lighting in a bottle, it didn’t work. Good try, stiff upper lip and better luck next time.
I’m sad no one has brought up one of the best host segments of the season. “The Magic Inside of You” works on a ton of levels and was beautifully performed. I really felt like it might have been a top-3 segment the whole season. As a riff, this wasn’t my favorite – the movie was too dull and reminded me too much of “The Magic Sword”.
Reading the riffs is not going to give me anymore time to take them in and laugh. As others have stated, it is all about the timing. I’m a laugh-out-louder and I need a second to do this. There are moments when rapid fire riffs are appropriate as in a quick cutting or montage scene. But they do it so much.
Did you forget it is I who rule assh*le?
Haha! I had to rewind 6 times to check my ears.
Isn’t one of the theories that the first run of MST3K episodes was actually shown on TV? (It would explain how Jonah recognized the theme in the pilot). If that’s the case, Jonah could very well know who Joel and Mike are.
For a less convoluted explanation, tapes of the old experiments are laying around the SOL and Jonah binged them in the “few months” between his abduction and the first experiment.
Might be the best episode of season 11.
I’m not the only one who heard that.
~~~
I like sword-and-sorcery more than giant-monster films.
Oh, Corman’s the UNcredited Executive Producer, okay…
“… tampered in God’s domain.”
Last week I watched the 1931 version of DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE” starring Frederic March and was surprised to hear a “tampered in God’s domain” line at the end when Jekyll is dying. Could this be the original use of it?
Did anyone else get a massive “The Final Sacrifice” vibe from this one?
The dweeby kid.
The drunken “hero” who does literally nothing.
The flamboyant, scenery-chewing villain (so good to see Thom Christopher again!)
Not to mention all the wilderness wandering and cheesy sets.
But I have to say that after cheesy sci-fi movies (Space Mutiny, Starcrash, etc.) cheesy sword-n-sorcery movies are my favorite. I can’t get enough of them. The cheesier the better I say!
Love the cicadas during the establishing shot of Moon 13.
Good use of the Double Head Bonk when the Bots wouldn’t stop the Cryptkeeper impressions.
Perhaps I’m just an insensitive lout, but I don’t get why Simon was so upset over Kor not mentioning how he had skipped out on a shotgun wedding with a cyclops. That doesn’t seem to be the sort of thing you’d want to share with every random yokel.
Not a theory. Joel flat out states it in the prologue host segment of Stranded in Space.
Favorite riffs
How can you lose a whole kingdom?
Check the car. Did you guys leave it in the car?
Gidget Goes Satanic.
What part of, “Banned from Dave & Buster’s,” don’t you understand, buddy?
So that story took place inside that boy’s hair?
Your wedding Yeti is here.
I don’t want to sample your organic honey.
Oh wait, something’s happening. I can tell by the music. Oh, maybe not.
King Tylor, like his castle, is lumpy and misshapen.
“Used for good, it’s a blessing. Used for evil…”
It’s a party.
Prepare to face the wrath of fat Sting.
“Kor the Conqueror? Are you sure?”
Because “Conqueror” seems a bit much.
I’m a kid. I shouldn’t be working on a pot farm.
He’s not yelling. He’s throwing up in his costume.
That’s the last time we buy our graven image off of Craigslist.
Human souls are like Tinker toys. You just put them away when you’re done playing with them.
“I’ll need a queen at my side.”
You know, to stop the rumors and all.
“You pretend to be men…”
In your lavender robes.
“That’s not very nice.”
And I should know. I’m a jerk.
It’s a Gladiator/Little House on the Prairie mash-up.
“Nothing in this world is certain. If you survive, we will join you.”
And if you don’t, I promise to come to your funeral wearing a new white fur coat.
Kor, stop singing. You’re angering them, and they’re going to devour our immortal souls.
How I Met Your Mother got real weird.
This is where the runoff goes from Wonka’s chocolate factory.
She got off easy. If this were Game of Thrones, they would have cut off her head right away, right on camera. And then cut off the heads of forty or fifty other people.
“I have tested your manhood.”
I feel so violated.
The outfit says “elf”, but the mustache says “Chicago police”.
Wizards are the nerds of the fantasy world. Clearly, they all need glasses, but glasses haven’t been invented yet.
This was a decent riff, but then they had to go and ruin it by saying “They should call that show ‘Game of Cutting Off Heads’!”
Okay, we get it. Stop ramming jokes into the ground.
How should we react to this? Help us out!
It’s not often a riff sums up my impression of an episode discussion. I thought last week’s discussion was polarizing, but I wasn’t prepared for this. And all over a goofy sword & sorcery movie. One with Thom Christopher no less! The only things I felt they missed was the resemblance of the King who gets betrayed to Neil Hamilton (Commissioner Gordon in Batman ’66) and Kor (in my mind) to a blond Neil Flynn (the Janitor from ‘Scrubs’).
Fave riffs
Why is six afraid of Svenson?
The night they invented tinder!
“My magic doesn’t work outside the castle.”
Or inside the castle.
Is there even a word in the English language for how wrong this guy is for that part?
Wow, so this is what the girls locker room looks like!
Before I kill you I want to show you how to properly fillet a grouper!
This was the one that broke you? Perhaps you were in a bad mood that day, sir, because this one goes down easy! Much more hideous films await in the past of both MST3K and Rifftrax. Wait a minute, you’re pulling our leg! Good Andy Kaufman routine, there! I almost fell for it!
Easily one of my favorites of the new season. So there’s another vote in that column. Gulfax is gold. Thom Christopher is always a delight. And if you think this kid’s twerpy, wait ’til you see the sequel.
Now you can understand my feelings towards most of the Sci-Fi era. Why ram one joke into the ground when you could write a new joke? I’m looking at you Big McLargeHuge and endless Prince riffs in agent From H.A.R.M.
So many missed opportunities for fresh riffs. And yet, people love it. I don’t hate it, I’m just disappointed they took a lazy method of writing.
I like to think that MST3K is legendary among Gizmonics workers
Happened to go back to “Deathstalker” on my pile of unwatched Shout disks, and there’s a good twenty-minute interview with Thom Christopher, about Troxartas and Buck Rogers’ “Hawk”–Only a brief fleeting mention of King Krabby, as one more offshore Corman fantasy production he had to do in South America as opposed to Mexico.
Christopher seems like a pretty good sport about the whole thing; he doesn’t entertain any delusional fantasies about the movies (chuckling “It’s not a very good movie, is it?” about D&tWFH), but enjoying the work a struggling actor has to do, especially if it’s swinging swords around all day and getting to ham it up as the bad guy.
Which really focuses attention on the difference between the Mike-era “Deathstalker” and the Joel/Jonah-era Corman fantasies, in that the Mike-era would want to punish EVERY SINGLE GUILTY PARTY in the credits for inflicting such unforgivable crimes on two hours of their lives, while the two more movie-watching regimes just go with the general low-budget goofiness.
Guys, you don’t have to get so angry about it; they know what they’re doing, and they’re not doing it to you deliberately….
(A quick viewing of Deathstalker also brought up the point of how Corman recycled James Horner’s “Battle Beyond the Stars” theme for freakin’ everything, and no, Horner didn’t sit at his piano trying to think of that epic Titanic sound for Wizards 1…)