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Weekend Discussion Thread: Truly Loathsome MST3K Movie CharactersI’m once again stealing a topic from Facebook, where a fellow named Luke Yount asked:
I would have to pick the two peeping tom military guys from “Attack of the the Eye Creatures.” I feel like they’d be clammy to the touch. (Ew.) Your pick? Keep sending thread ideas! 101 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Truly Loathsome MST3K Movie Characters”Commenting at Satellite News
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Most of the head liners have already been suggested so I’ll nominate a more obscure loathsome pig, Dr. Ralph Martin of King Dinosaur. I don’t know what was up with him and the blond, Dr. Pierce, but he smacked her a couple of times and in some scenes you can see him pushing and grabbing her quite aggressively in the background. In emergency situations he was Barney Fife on steroids, “GET THE CANTEEN! GET THE CANTEEN!” SMACK! Instead of quietly trying to escape a 200 foot dinosaur he sends a 30-30 at him and scurries into a cave. Finally he detonates a nuclear bomb off for no good reason. Bringing civilization to the new planet Nova is his closing observation. Dickweed!
Why did my post get “marked as spam” and deleted??
I often repeat choices in these discussions when I shouldn’t, but man do I hate Watney Smith from Outlaw of Gor. That guy has “date rape” written all over his face. He sells out the only person who can even tolerate him because of the affections of an evil queen who’s just using him. Absolute scumbag.
I think Roxy’s dad in “Eegah!” gets kind of a bad rap. Yeah, those scenes with Eegah pawing Roxy are pretty disturbing, as is the shaving scene. But the whole point is that this brutish caveman character is going to want to “mate” with this girl, possibly the first female he’s ever seen. Her dad is injured, so he can’t defend her physically. All he can do is suggest ways she can keep him occupied and try to distract him from his desires, until they are either rescued or find a way to escape.
The whole situation is loathsome but I don’t see the dad being to blame.
There are so many vile characters to choose from, but there are also different types of vileness. Some are supposed to be loathsome, like the Master from “Manos”; the drunk, abusive dad from “Girl In Gold Boots”; J.C. the psychotic rapist/murder from “Sidehackers”; the abrasive Gloria Henderson from “The Sinister Urge” who coerces an innocent girl into doing porn; the evil stepmother from “Jack Frost”, etc. These are all characters you’re meant to hate.
continued…
Then there is another class of loathsome…the creeps who are supposedly funny, or worse yet, heroes. In a way, these are kind of worse, because we’re supposed to like them.
In the loathsome comic relief category I think Watney Smith takes the cake. He’s the hero’s friend and obviously meant to be a comic relief. Not only is he gratingly, unrelentingly irritating and non-funny, he’s also a slob, a sexist pig, and a backstabbing douche who doesn’t even hesitate to sellout his best (probably only) friend in exchange for a little nookie and the promise of dictatorship. If the queen hadn’t turned on him so quickly, Watney would most certainly have allowed his friend to be killed. And to make matters worse, the movie somehow glosses over his betrayal. His only comeuppance is the “joke” ending where he gets sent back to Earth.
So Watney Smith gets my vote.
There are a few other “comic” characters who deserve Dishonorable Mention:
The slimy, peeping perves from “The the Eye Creatures”.
The “funny” drunks from “Horror of Party Beach”.
Pretty much everyone in “Hobgoblins”.
The drooling, semi-literate beach thug in “Angel’s Revenge”.
Then there’s the loathsome hero category. Lots to choose from here as well, since unlikeable heroes seem to be a common element in many bad movies.
There’s the deadbeat, domineering Jerry from “Incredibly Strange Creatures…” who ditches his girlfriend to watch a (wannabe) strip show, and has no redeeming characteristics.
There’s Mitchell, a smug, slovenly, boozed up, rogue cop who shoots people in the back for no reason and arrests the hooker he’s sleeping with.
And there’s Deputy Sheriff Geronimo, who takes the smug, slovenly, boozed up, rogue cop trope to the next level, and throws in a hefty dose of total incompetence. He’s constantly bested at every turn, he needlessly creates international tensions, he threatens women with coat hangers, and during one of the occasions when he is rescued by a woman, he promises to protect her, and within a minute or so she gets her throat slashed in his presence.
So Deputy Sheriff Geronimo gets my vote as the most loathsome of the “heroes”.
Only mildly unethical.
Come on, Ray! Let it out, man! Let it out!!!
Looks like I’ll be the one to go for the obvious: Torgo. He may not have enough legit qualities to be a monster, but his ogling through the window and pawing the wife (not to mention whatever he’d been doing with the Master’s wives all along – Yecccch!) are more than enough to include him.
How about Claudius in hamlet? He kills his brother and marries his sister-in-law. He then tries to kill his nephew, Hamlet (which does die in the end). Also, could it have hurt to paint and add a few plants?
Plus, “Ah’m plannin’ an abduction!!”
Oh, man, good catch! I was just thinking the same thing. The “lactating” scene, where he’s making passes at his stepdaughter is one of the vilest scenes in a particularly vile movie. “Ol’ MacDonald had a cyst”, indeed . . .
Watney should have died a painful death.
The cast of Hobgoblins as well.
He’s a cool guy to chill with, though.
Someone threw out the Master, someone threw out Torgo (whom I personally discount for the fact that he ultimately tried to do the right thing), so let’s just toss good old Mike McFertilizerSalesman into the pot too.
The way he increasingly reacts with Margaret’s pleas to leave like a personal inconvenience, his fleeting-yet-barely-there-to-begin-with remorse for the dog’s death, just bestowing the heavy luggage upon Torgo and his clearly malformed legs…we’re meant to empathize with his plight, but let’s face it, 89% of the things that happen are his fault.
Has anybody mentioned mythical hero/frat boy/ren fest enthusiast/giant douchebag Deathstalker yet? Pretty loathsome I’d say.
by the way, is Luke Yount any relation to Hampton?
-The guy in the jeep in Werewolf who lets his girlfriend with the pre-muddied dress get killed.
-Mitchell
-Watney Smith- betrays his friend for a booty call
-JC in Sidehackers
-Leech woman husband
-Guy in Brain that wouldn’t die who ogles women’s bodies
-The Master
-Guy in Jungle Goddess who keeps shooting everyone
I think it’s because you posted several notes in a row. The system blocks that at some point. Sorry. I think you got everything in though, right?
I originally put it all in one post, and it went through ok. Then I decided to edit it by adding a couple line spaces, to make it easier to read. Suddenly it got rejected, and I couldn’t even repost it in the original form. But it worked out ok, I just broke it up into three separate posts.
Would a roaring drunk Peter Lawford in “Angel’s Revenge” also qualify as loathsome?
It’s clear the caveman who wanted “Teenage Caveman” killed because he questioned the law is pretty loathsome, especially when he killed the caveman from the burning plain.
How about the Gumby family in Robot Rumpus? For the love of all that is holy they hung their victim’s head over the garage door.
I nominate the whole creepy family from Giant Spider Invasion.
Lactating Dad has been mentioned, but what about Boozy Mom? She will sleep with Dutch for some booze, and hit on her daughter’s boyfriend. Yecch! And Cousin Jimmy! Pervs out over his cousin :( What is it with that family???
did anyone mention j.c. from sidehackers yet? just watched that one again earlier… always thought he qualifies as a grade-a pyscho-sleaze!
Quite a few have actually. Remember that Control+F is your friend.
Eric from Screaming Skull. While other characters listed here have actual character development which goes some way toward explaining their motivations, Eric is just depicted as someone who marries and kills for money. No back-story, no explanation; just pure sociopathic avarice. That is truly loathsome.
oh meh! in that case, i do have a backup… the dancing in catalina caper. yes, -all- the dancing! if it could be put into a personification… out-loathsomes and out-dorks all the other dancing, in all the other movies (yes, including the dorky lead guy in “wild rebels”!)
alright, so i made up a character! i’m weird… which results in creativity. ;0
A Palette Cleanser –
Lassie (aka Shep), Bavarro (the congenial host), the pretty little bird (that Jack Frost accidentally freezes), and the thousands of innocent Japanese citizens (running for their lives from some horrible form of of kaiju induced death).
Yes, there actually are some non loathsome characters. Unfortunately, most of them come to harm from those that are. Is there a pattern here?
#73
Not to mention they drove the bots to undergo years of powerful Adlerian therapy.
I mean, it’s Watney. Clearly.
How about Boyd, the slim-jim smoking ranch had in “The Thing that Couldn’t Die”?
In a real-life example, A.J. Nelson (no relation to Mike), the writer/director/producer of The Creeping Terror. According to “The Creep Behind the Camera,” the documentary advertised in the Shout! Factory reissue of MST3K Vol.1, he was a con artist who duped a bunch of gullible people into making a “movie” at no small expense to themselves and ran away with the profits. Plus he was physically and mentally abusive to the woman he was involved with. Quite the despicable human being.
And though this movie was never on MST3K, I also submit Mr. Linden, the greasy-haired lecherous loser on Carnival of Souls. The only reason Mary Henry goes anywhere near him is because she’s being stalked by Mr. Paleface.
Right after I saw that on the MST3K set I rented the movie from Amazon.com. It was a very interesting way to make a documentary, part talking heads and part biopic. After The Creeping Terror, and I think the movie said it was highly reliable rumor, but that A.J. Nelson owed money to the mob and had to film a child porn to pay off the debt. Scary stuff.
Yuri from Werewolf assaults the dig workers and Paul, drunkenly hits on Natalie, and causes the deaths of the security guard and Tommy all because of his desire for fame .
Gary from The Horrors of Spider Island ogles young ladies and seems to make his decision bas d on the looks of the prospective dancer rather rather than the person’s ability to dance. He also behaves like a complete jerk to the ladies.
Jeter and the motorcycle gang in Wild Rebels commit wanton acts of violence for “the kicks”, and are at the best drunken louts.
You could include pretty much everyone except Vance and Jenny from Giant Spider Invasion. Ironically enough, they’re the only two people in the cast who shower.
PACKERS! WOO!
The sleaze ball sheriff in Squirm. Gross.
I think J.C. gets my vote for most loathsome what with the trifecta of rape, torture, and murder, along with domestic violence, mistreating his employees, littering, all around rudeness, and wearing clothes that make Ray Charles’ eye’s hurt.
Farmer McStinky might get my vote for most repulsive though. Incestuous, incompetent, selfish, stupid, heartlessly indifferent to his obviously suffering wife and the family of the dead motorcyclist on his property, and willing to poison the local populace with tainted meat to save a buck. Not to mention so unhygienic that the giant spider was forced to eat him with it’s butt. EEEWWWWWWWWW!!!
From Rifftrax the jerk in the filthy torn shirt in Galaxy Invader who yells at his family and threatens them at gunpoint over breakfast. I don’t want to know what dinner would be like after he’s been drinking all day.
How ’bout the narrator in the short “Body Care & Grooming” (w/”The Painted Hills”)? Not only is he smug and smarmy, as all the narrators are in those “school film” shorts, but in the opening scene he smugly puts down a perfectly nice young woman just because she doesn’t look like everyone else and try to get the attention of the drooling frat boy on the bench nearby . . . Maybe not Satan, Watney Smith or a creepy, lactating farmer, but as Joel points out in the first Eegah host segment, hell is more dangerous when it works in subtle, insidious ways.
I think the “Spirit of Music”, Mr. B, needs to stop stalking young boys especially hiding in their rooms and school lockers. Mr. B is not the spirit of music but a Walking Amber Alert. He/She is on the level of the Kester Clan. EEEEWWWWWW!
Wait… Creeping Terror made a profit?
Meanwhile, several have mentioned the husband from The Leech Woman, and rightly so, but let’s not forget the lawyer, who *immediately* drops his longtime fiancee the instant he catches sight of some cute strange. If the director was trying to give us a character we’d *want* to see have his pineal juices forcibly removed, mission accomplished.
Kenny, Eichi, Akio, Tom… basically every little kid who worships a giant flying turtle.
Kalgon, Krankor, and the guy who “killed that fat barkeep!”
The “Mom” from Soultaker
ha, wow, there’s no shortage of ’em eh?!
How’s about Betty Alexander, from High School Big Shot.
Every time I think I’ve read the last word on this–I think, “yeah, that’s a good list, no other serious contenders”–somebody else adds a name or two (or three) and I realize that MST3K is simply LADEN with loathsome characters. So many to choose from!
“We comb our hair into waves down here, boy”
I think the best ones have been covered. I will offer a few others:
– Angelo from Catalina Caper (Lyle Waggoner) just being mean to the Creepy Girl makes you loathsome.
– Banjo from Wild Rebels
– Bruce from Daddy-O “Can’t help you fella, gym policy”
There are few characters in MST3K movies I wanted dead more than JC, and the movie didn’t even oblige. I’d like to see that guy minced, from the feet up, over a period of several hours. And then there’s Griffin, Cook and Landis, and everyone else in a Coleman Francis film, and Coleman Francis. And everyone in Hobgoblins, along with anyone involved in its making, or even just reflected in the screen. I actually cheered at the line about the Girl in Gold Boots’ dad having his head shoved in the fryer. The Icky Elf is actually an improvement. The cast of The Giant Spider Invasion caused algae to grow on the inside of my screen. The prick in Merlin’s Shop of Magical Wonders deserved everything he got and more. Sinbad’s pretty icky.
Recalls the bit from Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas, when Hunter and his attorney have infiltrated the anti-weed cop convention, and Dr Gonzo remarks about the types in attendance, “I saw these guys in Easy Rider…I didn’t know they actually existed.”