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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Has MST3K Taught You?Alert reader Stacy writes:
For me, it’s that meteors roam around space in swarms. What about you? 162 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Has MST3K Taught You?”Commenting at Satellite News
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MST3K taught me to value focus on the good and the beautiful. Meaning of course Chicken Piccata and Sofia Vergara.
MST3K taught me that “Aitchkaaaa!” is actually a pretty good thing to cry out when you ned to vocalize something.
Also, as mentioned above, that however dire things are you can still huddle together with friends and make things better for yourself and for them, right then, and that’s worth something.
I learned that tearing a robot’s arm off doesn’t teach him a damn thing.
I learned that love should be secret and shameful and leathery and dirty; that you can go straight from community theater to the silver screen; that oily drifters should not wear sweater dresses; that you will become something if you’re just scratched by some dead part of it; that big spaceships have basements and boiler rooms, and that these boiler rooms have receptionists in cheap hockey masks (I mean, who knew?!?); and that Bill Rebane is a feminist. And oh, so much more . . .
The Mads taught me how to prounounce karaoke, “KAH-Ro-Ke!”
MST3K has taught me how to tell people to shut up.
I learned that watching cheesy movies warps the fabric of reality to conform with the logic of the film in random ways and will also open the door to unexpected visits by the characters of said film.
MST3K taught me that any idiot can make a movie – and many will.
I learned that mucilage tastes just like sweet honey.
Demon Dogs are the spawn of Satan.
I learned that sex, in exchange for any myriad of miscellaneous articles (such as acid to throw in my ex-boy toy’s parachute), can be fun.
In seriousness, I’ve learned a lot of miscellaneous Wisconsin trivia through MST3K, such as about the Dickeyville Grotto, or what a hamdinger is (maybe).
I learned not to give matches to Mikey.
From Jack Frost (I think?) I learned the very confusing lessson that if you speculate about doing good, it’s better than actually doing it.
You will believe a bat can hover.
(I also learned to parody bewildering quotes to parade my love to baffled strangers.)
If I could like that 100 times, I would!
I learned….JEEEEEEEEEEED!
I learned that the whole world is a circus if you look at it the right way…
And that “dickweed” is probably not a swear word.
MST3K has taught me a lot about porn. But I’m trying to figure out what all the fuss is about because apparently porn doesn’t involve much more than loosely fitting bathing suits and kindly, vaguely european-y elves with cameras.
When in doubt, always choose the right path.
That Martin Van Buren was from Kinderhook, NY… which was a question on final Jeopardy last week
In all seriousness, MST3K introduced me to a stable of B-movie actors with some talent, like Bruno Vesota and Allison Hayes. I’m more likely to watch some random movie with recognizable talent.
Cept that one talentless guy from Revenge of the Creature. No future at all in showbiz.
Inspired by #68, I will say (also in all seriousness) that MST3K has taught me that I, an English professor, would much rather watch Attack of the Giant Leeches and other B movies featuring “a stable of B-movie actors with some talent” than many of the great avant-garde movies I should have watched by now. (I’m not proud of the fact that I haven’t seen many of the great movies true film buffs refer to; I’m just saying that over the years MST3K has taught me to be utterly honest about my tastes and preferences. If I haven’t seen a particular film by Antonioni, then I just say I haven’t seen it.)
Okay, so MST3K has taught me to be HONEST. I’m sure the short CHEATING also had a hand in that. So thank you, MST3K, for teaching me to laugh and love again. :)
the show taught me:
Flag on the Moon, how did it get there?
I learned a handkerchief on your head can ward off imaginary fairies.
the show also taught me:
never ask for no springs.
…taught me that everything is better when it’s BOLD!! >>> ca-CHANG! <<< *bigass cowboy hat flies off*
I learned that many of the films I watched on Chiller Theater and Creature Feature as a child, weren’t that good.
I learned that cable TV networks(Comedy Central and Sci-Fi) are run by idiots that don’t realize a good show when they have one.
I learned that seven guys, three of which are dumb-as-hammers bums who just flew in from New Mexico, are not enough of a force to overthrow Castro and liberate Cuba.
Who knew?
I learned a lot about specialty breads. Who knew?
I learned that, if you make out with Linda, man, you’re messing with private stock.
And if you drink Night Train and go to a basketball game, you’ll throw up under the bleachers.
Yeah, and they didn’t even need a refrigerator!
I think it’s a professional courtesy. Kind of like how airline employees get to ride free.
The best life advice MST has to offer is WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!
I learned to always have a set of questions prepared in case you encounter a giant man standing on the planet you’re orbiting.
I learned that Crenshaw thinks he can “draw down” faster than a gar can gut nine minnows, but frankly I am dubious. First of all he did not specify if these were fathead minnows, emerald shiners, or just common minnows and he did not say whether he was referring to the needlenose gar or the more common and larger alligator gar. Now I have seen lots of minnows and they all seem to be, as a rule, elusive. Please forgive me for being blunt, but “Old Man” Crenshaw…. is not.
I guess I should really just relax.
I learned that if you’re late the Weekend Discussion Thread, all the best gags will already be taken. ;)
I learned that man is a feeling creature, and because of it, the greatest in the universe. I learned that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection, they find only death… fire… loss… disillusionment… the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.
I also learned that the wisest and the best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful, and that hand rails spell instant death to anyone who stands too near them.
I’ve also learned what a “fluffernutter” is, and am eternally grateful for that knowledge.
I’ve learned that the upper Midwest has produced some funny, funny people.
People don’t mean to be obnoxious, it’s just that they’re all screwed up inside.
I learned
Bop adop dadada
dadah-da dop adah dah
PING!
And it has served me well.
I also learned that if an icky, elf-like man teleports into your booth at a restaurant it’s best not to note or mention it.
I learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature… and because of it, the greatest in the universe. I learned too late for myself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection… they find only death… fire… loss… disillusionment… the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.
I learned that space is warped and time is bendable.
And more importantly, I learned to repeat to myself “It’s just a show, I should really just relax.”
I’ve learned that time is not an immutable forward progression, but a factor in a space-time model of relativistic causality and determinism.
And I’ve learned that you can exist in one observable region of space, and then zip! You simply realign your point of origin. It’s easy, a trained chimp could do it!
Either that, or the town is just a bunch of false fronts.
i learned that you can just take a sharp left in space.
Don’t forget the saturated church market…
I learned that Tom Servo is passionate about the lack of steam in a vacuum, but yet he’s OK with caves on the moon.
How does that work? (Cave on the moon — How’d it get there?)
A wounded animal that large isn’t good!