How do you think various MSTied movie characters eventually met their demise?
For example, it’s pretty obvious that Remedy from Last of t! he Wild Horses blew himself up after taking a correspondence course on how to make homemade gelignite. The entire cast of Hobgoblins picked up a horrible venereal disease just from being in Hobgoblins, and Ken, of course, would later die in a tragic forklift accident.
I like to think Wanda from “Alien from L.A. lived a long and happy life, then fell into a sinkhole.
Your pick?
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
I thought he died from slathering himself with baby oil and trying to reach for a beer, knocking himself out on the edge of his particle board end table. Then choking on all the beer tabs in his un-vacuumed carpet.
Thorne, the hero from “The Killer Shrews”, went on to become a bumbling, idiotic, small town sheriff. He lived out the rest of his days being repeatedly humiliated by a couple of rednecks and wishing he had just let the shrews eat him.
Big Stupid died when he foolishly tried to take on a gang of thugs by himself, instead of just slipping out the back door and running away.
Danny tried to assuage his grief by going on another hobo adventure. Unfortunately, without Big Stupid’s assistance, he fell under the wheels of the train.
Jan in the Pan had an affair with the head of Gideon Drew and caught a fatal case of trench mouth. Later she returned as a ghost and started hanging out with the disembodied head of Vi.
Hugo came very close to death a couple of times when he gave in to his cravings for ham and wine. But what finally killed him was an infestation of termites.
Paul and Natalie had a litter of pups, ate a lot of voles, and eventually died from complications of mange and distemper. Their deaths were absolutely fascinating.
From ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES:
The guy in the sweater dress died after his sweater dress caught fire while he was cooking breakfast (due to an excess of oil).
Stan Kenton and Susan were finally shot by the Jerry Garcia lookalike, although Susan’s hair ultimately saved her.
The Jerry Garcia lookalike was smooched to death after he was ganged up on (Eye-Creature style) by all those blasted smoochers.
The corrupt desk cops died of lithium overdoses.
The corrupt head cop (or whoever he was) died due to a loss of blood caused by his tiny Sinatra-esque hat.
Director Larry Buchanan was going to kill the guy who screwed up on the movie title (by including the extra definite article) — but he just didn’t care.
Larry Buchanan was slapped to death by Rip Taylor (and it didn’t take much, because he just didn’t care).
Thank you — I’m outta here!
I forgot about the loathsome peeping toms (and who can blame me?!) — it turns out they were dead the whole time!
Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III discovers his father has given him a gozillian dollars. After returning from Sicily he quits his sheriffing job and tries his hand at real estate. This endeavor ends up in one banckrupcy after another. At that point he turns to politics making “Go Ahead On” his campaign slogan. His Yugoslavian born trophy wife learns about Geronimo’s decades of reckless encounters with women and uses the Soviet issue Makarov pistol she smuggled into the country to “annul” their marriage. The End
(The above story is fictional and has no relationship to any orange tinted persons, real or imaginary)
@3
in the words of Joel from Here Comes the Circus, “that was too dark”
Akio and Tom were killed in a traffic accident. the driver was Cornjob.
“You think you can outdraw me? Alright. Go ah-”
BANG!
“………..”
John Forsythe died tragically when his Chrysler Imperial collided with the only vehicle on the planet larger than his car. He drove off a dock in San Diego into the side of the U.S.S. Forrestal.
Oh, yes, there was. But he was horribly mutilated in a way no one had ever seen before.
After his epic adventures Troy McGreggor returned to Kelvin High School in Winnipeg and graduated in the top two thirds of his class. His love of swing choir led him to enroll at Red River College where a counselor advised him to switch his major to a more lucrative career area. Some years later he became the CEO of the largest actuarial firm in the Prairie Provinces and retired as a wealthy life-long bachelor. Without heirs Troy decided to memorialize the one true relationship he ever had and used his wealth to fund the Zap Rowsdower Substance Abuse Clinic which today serves the entire province of Manitoba. His death at 83 was tersely announced in the Winnipeg Sun as follows: “Troy McGreggor dead. Larry Zonka portrait for sale”.
Zap Rowsdower died when his rocket crashed into the sun, which means that we will never know if he found the beer he was looking for.
The cause of Lt. Dick Chasen’s death was — never mind.
Horsey died of suffocation after his tenth successive breast ride.
King Moody (Teenagers from Outer Space) was sent back to his planet where he died of TORCHA!
The woman from Skydivers died of caffeine poisoning.
Nick from Time Chasers invented a working suicide machine after being rejected by Lisa.
Eulabelle was frightened to death by “the voodoo.”
Pumaman was killed by competent criminals.
The coffee guy from Skydivers? He got a job at the Folger’s factory making instant coffee. Fell into a vat of coffee and drowned.
You know, I was going to write a Mitchell-themed post, but, there’s no topping that.
Correction – It’s Larry CSONKA. Rats! Now he will never name his addiction clinic after me.
Professor E. Buehler (Speech: Using Your Voice) was tragically impaled in a bizarre accident involving a wire rack. No one found it pleasing in any way whatsoever. :shock:
Well, Hamlet…um, wait. The king… uh, Hamlet’s mom…hmm, no… Ophelia… nope… Laertes…huh…
Oh! The gravedigger! Yeah, the gravedigger lived a long, happy life and died quietly in his sleep.
Whew!
Mike Pipper died when he stuck the barrel of his gun down a rabbit hole, and the rabbit bent the gun so that it fired into Pipper’s face. His last words were, “Oooh, I hates that rabbit!”
POD PEOPLE
Trumpy starved to death – he had no survival skills in the forest
Tommy tried to bring home what he thought was an abandoned bear cub – and met its mother
Rick invited 3 groupies on the same vacation – when they brought him breakfast in bed, he said “It Stinks!”
After surviving a night filled with man-eating worms, Mick and Geri are ironically pecked to death by a flock of early birds.
Although they had used the soul rings to return to their bodies, Zack and Natalie soon discovered that they still had fatal injuries from the crash. Their bodies gave out and began to rot, but since they had beaten the Soultaker, their souls were unable to move on to the afterlife. For a while they tried to get work in zombie movies, but the stench made them unemployable. They ended up trapped for eternity in piles of decay.
“The Deadly Bees”
Several weeks after her “island vacation” Vicki Robbins was found dead in her dressing room just before she was to appear on “Top of the Pops”. She died from choking on vomit……..Someone else’s vomit!
Lt. John Witkowski died tragically when the zipper on his poopie suit jammed while he was experiencing a severe case of “the runs”.
#78 I love your take on the metaphysical nonsense of Soultaker.
The survivors of the SST-Deathflight all perished within a few years of the crash as a result of a series of increasingly convoluted Rube Goldberg-esque accidents. It was almost as if they shouldn’t have survived, and some unseen force was balancing the scales. Tony Todd made an appearance in there somewhere.
I understand that Derek (Teenagers from Outer Space) died from a severe allergic reaction to shellfish. The end, sadly, was horrible… TORCHA, in fact.
Nuveena didn’t die at all. Rather, the masked future guy turned out to be, in fact, the devil, who drove her in a flaming future car, Elijah-like, straight to … :devil:
Nuveena did not read the fine print.
Why don’t they look?
Ator was killed when his homemade hang glider fell apart. and he crashed, with a full load of coconut grenades.
Cabot died of a heart attack while doing the nasty with Talena, who went on to hook up with the platinum dwarf.
Cal and Ruth both died of a rare form of cancer, linked to the gas in the Metaluna pods.
Unfortunately, you can’t dust vomit for fingerprints.
#55
Hey, Hugo’s fate almost befell Bender Rodriguez when he downsized from a
metal to a wood body (in his mind). I guess reality is what you make of it.
Wooden puppets/robots should always keep in the good graces of their local Orkin man.
Ro-man (leaving aside the whole dream scenario for a moment) was captured and relegated to a zoo as a bizzare previously undiscovered species of gorilla. Alas, conditions there were bad for poor Ro-man; his un-natural habitat shockingly did not even include a bubble machine.
His end was a sad and controversial one, when a child fell into his enclosure and the zoo’s dangerous animal response team was forced to shoot him.
@ #88
I had always assumed that Ro-man went on to start a Lawrence Welk cover band and died on the road in a cheap hotel after overdosing on Geritol.
The blind “help me” guy from Rocket Attack USA survived the nuclear blast, and lived for several more years. He finally met his fate when he was struck by a foul ball while on the job, working as a major league baseball umpire.
Jet Jaguar became slower and slower with each update of his operating system. His memory was full and there wasn’t room to add more RAM, and his CPU was hopelessly outdated. Eventually there were no more OS updates available for his model. This left him vulnerable to malware, and was absorbed into a botnet. He spent his final years mindlessly pumping out spam as part of a DDOS attack.
Cleolanta died of embarrassment after discovering she’d been going around for weeks with a toenail clipping stuck to her forehead.
Bavaro became a hero to his people for saving them from the crash of the moons, but later died in a traffic accident. A truck loaded with Moon Pies crashed into him.
Sister Anne was tragically killed by several gangbangers after she annoyed them to their breaking point talking about “monsters in the ‘hood”
Professor Noel was sued by the families of Tommy and Paul because of his employment of the abusive Yuri, was fired from the university, and died when he was bum rushed by deranged amateur archaeologists, who were driven mad by hist constant ramblings about Yamaguchie.
Johnny Longbow died from eating too much stew, coroners aren’t sure what killed him but they have it narrowed down to Chicken, corn, chile, green peppers onions.
The She Creature got caught in a crab pot and became the Catch of the Day at a local seafood restaurant.
Gamera lived to a ripe old age, as turtles often do. When he was elderly, he became weak and unsteady. His family suggested it was time to give up flying, but he was afraid of losing his independence.
Then one day his rockets sputtered out in mid-flight, and he fell out of the sky, crushing most of Osaka. Gamera was killed, along with thousands on the ground, but as with all of his previous destructive incidents, it was OK because he was a friend to children.
Oh, the humanity!
Oh, the Japanity!
Michelle died at the age of 46 after being smothered to death by her own unusually massive lips. It was on the day of the 14th anniversary of her divorce from Finley “Critter” Jones.
Carrie [a.k.a. “the much more attractive woman in ‘Werewolf'”] froze to death, sitting at the very same desk upstairs where Paul had originally found her. “If only he had been wearing pants,” friends lamented.
After running into the desert, Torgo was found by a kindly band of beatnik travelers, who discarded the remaining stump of his burnt hand and nursed him back to health. He fashioned himself a new hand out of cedar and walked the rest of the way to Minnesota, where he assumed a civilian identity under the name of Fred Floethsberger. He became a successful and respected shoelace salesman in the outer St. Paul area, where he lived for the next 50 years before passing away peacefully in his sleep. Citizens who knew him remembered him fondly, though many asked, “the hell was with the hooves?”
Dropo died of oxygen deprivation. It appears he forgot how to breathe.
Here’s an epic saga of how Lemminkainen met his fate:
With the witch defeated and the sun returned to its place in the sky, life went on again in the land of Kalevala. Ilmarinen remained troubled by their brush with permanent winter, and set about creating a backup sun in case the original sun was ever stolen again. He intended to keep it in storage until it was needed.
But Lemminkainen, in an impetuous attempt to prove himself the hero, prematurely triggered the device, sending a second sun into the sky. The land was stricken by constant daylight and a disastrous heat wave that threatened to destroy them all. Lemminkainen implored Ilmarinen to create a new night, or at least a decent air conditioner, but it was to no avail.
Once again Vainamoinen, the village elder, announces that he has a plan to save them. He forces the villagers to act out episodes of Prairie Home Companion, lulling the artificial sun into a deep sleep. As it slips into a coma, the sun drops out of the sky. Though he had been warned to stand clear, Lemminkainen tries to catch it, resulting in a fatal sunburn.
Lemminkainen’s remains are buried outside the village in a place of shame, marked by a sign that bears a single word: Failure. Annakki has their marriage annulled and goes back to her maiden name.
Epilogue: The four winds escaped their imprisonment in the witch’s lair and live on to this day. The mist was not so fortunate — it got caught in a dehumidifier and evaporated.
Tom Stewart killed me.
Oh wait.. Vi. He killed Vi. Who then killed him. They really shoulda called that movie “Full circle”.
Gare
Johnny didn’t care about high cholesterol. Totally preventable death really but noooooooo Johnny doesn’t care.
Rod Tillman died in fiery car wreck. He crashed his car into the Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea Bar. Blues was played.
John Mapes from The Rebel Set? Still waiting on the autopsy report for the cause of death but one thing is for sure – he went in the hole. Everything goes in the hole.