What do you think happened to MSTied movie characters as soon as the film was over?
So, in Cave Dwellers, after Ator left, I think Dong (Thong?) and the crazy old man opened up a successful business installing safety railings and personal workout rooms in neighboring medieval castles, and after The Killer Shrews, the surviving shrews somehow made their way to Australia, where nobody even noticed another incredibly toxic voracious predator on the loose.
Following the end of “Beginning of the End,” several grasshopper meat-based restaurants opened in Chicago.
You got one?
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after SCCTM, Girmar “won” the Golden Globe.
#35
You conveniently forgot to mention that Cal, suspicious of the long baby forehead, had a dna test done. Imagine his shock when Brock, who conveniently stayed on Earth, was cited as the father. In the child support hearing in New Hampshire it was revealed that both Brock and Cal were naturalists and belonged to the same NE club. Ruth was particularly dismissive of Cal’s vulgarian small hands— as she suspected, small hands, small…. Fortunately Ruth, Brock, and the baby left Earth to start a new life on Uranus before their (hopefully) alternate Earth could be incinerated By a real estate developer narcissist and his science adviser Cal.
(toss)
Max Keller and John Peter McalliMaster eventually landed in Los Angeles where Max’s boss party van broke down and was sold for parts.
Henry was sold to the upstart biotech company P.A.R.T.S for use in their new hamster cloning venture.
The Master sensing a need for cash quick became a bodyguard for the church of Scientology. He’s like a Theta 69 or something.
Max got the acting bug and enrolled in acting classes. A few years later his big break came when he got the starring role in The White Chateau. Max played the lovable but gruff basketball coach at a prestigious French private academy. The show was cancelled during the first 5 minutes of the episode’s airing.
Sensing like a ninja master that he would never be able to make a living as an actor Max made directing his passion. He excelled! Each new show he directed was fantastic and critically acclaimed by audiences. Max won many awards. Max gets last laugh. Hiba Keebala.
ps. Max’s best pal in Hollywood is Jim from Zombie Nightmare. In a wacky turn of events he too became a director!
After the end of The Mole People, John Agar’s character ended up frozen solid in a block of ice while delivering a long, pompous monologue about the cruel randomness of the world around him.
Melissa and Jody, each imbued with immortality (Thanks, Satan!), join the Mafia. They are soon the top hired killers in the country, taking their victims “Where the fish lives.”
Well, those two dizzy Texas belles roll up to the Valley Lodge, the Incompetent Dad — assimilated by the Master as the new caretaker — steps out to greet them, and… on second thought, screw it; I don’t want to know.
I still say that what happened next to some of the characters in real life is pretty dam’ amazing. For real, now–
Pat Pearcy went directly–like the very next year–from playing the female lead in Squirm to playing opposite Richard Dreyfuss in his Oscar-winning role in Goodbye Girl. Don Scardino, of course, had an annoyingly successful career as an actor and director after Squirm.
Jeff Gillen, Fats in Wild Rebels, went on play the Santa Claus in A Christmas Story who tells Ralphie that he’d put his eye out with a BB gun.
And, my perennial favorite, Peggy Moffitt, the painfully awkward and gangly Flo from Girls’ Town, went on to become an incredibly successful and internationally famous model for Rudi Gernreich.
And just recently I found out that maybe the most spectacular “what happened next” in MST history is Shawn Levy, the insufferable Jim Batten (“You’re gonna beg for it, baby!”) in Zombie Nightmare. It’s worth a trip to imdb to see what he went on to, AND to see that he is absolutely recognizable today as the same guy who offed Jon Mikl Thor with a Porsche 924.
It’s great that some of them have gone on to actually have great careers, and in most cases, deservedly so. But, it wasn’t a Porsche 924, it was a Mercedes. Check the emblem.
Remedy from Last of the Wild Horses disappeared under mysterious circumstances after he set away for a correspondence course on how to make homemade gelignite.
And of course, the entire cast of Hobgoblins caught a debilitating venereal disease, simply from being in Hobgoblins.
There were actually 2 more Ator films, with Thong absent. That would explain a bit…
After the end of Cave Dwellers, Milo went back to her job as a hubcap saleswoman; Ator died in a hang glider accident; and Thong invented a new kind of women’s underwear.
The survivors of “Lost Continent” went on to open a chain of rock climbing facilities.
After finding her dad and rescuing him from the center of the earth, Wanda Saknussem discovered that her mom wasn’t really dead! It turns out that Mom had run off with a sea captain named Nemo who had his own submarine, the Nautilus. So Wanda set out to find her mom, who was said to be 20,000 leagues under the sea. But getting there would not be simple, and her search took her around the world in eighty days.
At the end of “Twelve to the Moon”, the returning astronauts discovered the entire population of North America had severe freezer burn.
Final Sacrifice…Troy borrows money from night shift nana to fund a swing choir theater at the raised city and fails miserably due to a preponderance of routines about Larry Czonka. Mike Pipper goes to map Israel. Rowsdower establishes the bring beer to the Sun project and becomes a national hero. It only takes a dream…
Not long after the events chronicled in Final Sacrifice, Troy McGregor and Zap Rowsdower met with one of Hollywood’s top executives. Soon, they moved to Alabama, Chicago, and Cleveland before finally settling in Pittsburgh and took up jobs in a brewery. Troy (who by now was known as “Sparky McCoolehan”), has a friend – a girl! In fact, there are a lot of girls. Everyone’s a girl. They’re all roommates. There’s a goofy girl, a serious girl, a cheerleader, a loose girl. Now get out of my office until you give me something I can use! I gotta go meet Gutenberg’s people!
Is it just me, or is The Final Sacrifice an especially popular title for this discussion?
After the end of A Case of Spring Fever, Coily experienced great self-loathing after realizing that he had squandered his considerable cosmic powers for so many years.
The wormy guy from This Island Earth loses his job and moves into Cal and Ruth’s basement.
Village of the Giants –
Genius continues his accelerated education and graduates with a degree in organic chemistry. He is immediately offered several lucrative positions in research with large pharmaceutical firms, the most lucrative being with the team working on what would later be known as VIAGRA.
(If you are still groaning at this after four hours please consult a physician)
You’re right. The MB was the Death Weapon used to take out Jon Mikl Thor. Stephen Levy drove a red 924 home, to throw cold pasta at Mom. I had to watch the sequence on YouTube–he really had the most punchable face in North America till Martin Shkreli showed up.
After Alien from L.A. the city just filled in and bulldozed the hole leading down there.
Many years after “12 to the Moon”, the beefy American captain’s even beefier descendant would have his own space adventure on a ship called the Southern Sun.
Puma Man tried to join the Avengers but was dismissed because “we’ve only got room for one joke hero and everyone here likes Squirrel Girl better.”
After a legal battle of nearly two decades to extract anything of value from his estate, the unacknowledged daughter of the late Clayton Forrester managed to get her hands on the rights to a series of experiments he ran in the 1990s. Rumor has it she plans to revive the experiment and she’s roped a tall, bespectacled travel documentary host into becoming the new test subject. But you didn’t hear it from me.
When Jonathan’s will is read, it turns out that Shep is heir to the gold and Tommy is only the executor. Now worth millions, Shep buys Charlie Cooper’s ranch and personally herds all of the wild horses. When the locals set out for a lynching, Shep escapes to the ghost town of Oracle, where Tommy eventually arrives for a showdown…
Betty and Grandpa start doing extensive background checks on their prospective tenants.
Code Name Diamond Head’s Johnny settled in Hawaii and competed professionally for years on the miniature pool table circuit.
Little Davey could never get the lure of stealing aircraft out of his system and the horrible evil stench and shame of ruining his parents marriage (yes they divorced two months later) haunted his every waking moment. Davey started breaking into homes and then escaping in stolen aircraft. He became a national sensation known as the Barefoot Bandit. Davey was last seen flying a Boeing B-29 Superfortress into the Amazon jungle. He has never been seen again.
Adorable Trish from Angel’s Revenge fell into a deep pit of drug abuse. Sleeping with many a-list actors just for the kicks baby. She eventually cleaned up and wrote a tell all book about her exploits.
Mikey from Teenage Strangler went on to be an administrator for a very popular online blog devoted to the band The Smiths.
At the end of “Zombie Nightmare”, young detective Frank Sorrell had a LOT of paperwork to fill out, as you can well imagine. Eventually he grew up to be a great investigator, but there was one mystery that always puzzled him: How does shooting a zombie in the back kill it, when it’s already dead? And why didn’t Captain Batman just shoot the second zombie before it dragged him down to hell?
Ok, I guess that’s TWO mysteries.
X marks the Spot:
Joe Doakes went on to become a guardian angel. A guardian angel to Norman Krasner that is. (annoyed sigh)
After their success in taking down the Peter Lawford/Jack Palance gang, the ladies of “Angels Revenge” decided to keep battling drug cartels. Unfortunately the next one they came up against was actually competent, and they were all slaughtered.
Samson was brought up on charges of ethnic cleansing and religious intolerance for his crimes against the vampire women.
Blind piano teacher Helen finally got that surgery she was promised, but unfortunately it was still 1946 and there was no way total blindness could be cured by a simple surgery.
At the end of “The Thing That Couldn’t Die”, the title character had to change his name to “The Thing That Can Die Eventually Under The Right Circumstances”.
Despite escaping from the computer and bankrupting Novicorp, Fingal still couldn’t cope with life in the “boring” real world. He got fired from every job for “scrolling up cinemas” and griping about being bored, and Apollonia dumped him.
After finishing up Final Justice, Sheriff Joe Don Geronimo goes back to south Texas, where he runs into some trouble when a bad guy, instead of putting his gun away to have a gunfight, simply blows him away. That bad guy becomes a hero to millions.
After the events in “Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders”, Madeline gets into trouble with the authorities when she is unable to adequately explain how she suddenly came into custody of a baby, or even produce a birth certificate. Baby Jonathon bounced around from foster home to foster home, becoming more and more sarcastic and condescending.
The evil monkey went on to be reincarnated as another evil toy, Teddy Ruxspin.
Merlin was evicted for failure to pay rent on his shop, since he never sold anything to anyone.
After the gals were rescued from Spider Island, Gladys wrote a book about their ordeal. The film rights were quickly snatched up by a Hollywood studio, but after several years in development hell, the script was retooled as a television sitcom called “Gilligan’s Island”.
Diabolik’s girlfriend Eva is hauled off to jail. With no way to free himself from the gold that has solidified over his heat-proof suit, Diabolik slowly suffocates and dies long before the slow-witted police return to recover the gold.
After the killing of the Devilfish in Floridian coastal waters, Peter and Stella go to the Rocky Mountains for vacation. They engage in rock-climbing, which quickly becomes rather tedious. They go to a ski resort, only to get caught up in an attack by a monster which can only be described as a large crawling eye. After the military destroys the crawling eye, the two Italian, er, I mean American vacationers celebrate by drinking beer. Very watery, American beer.
Obviously, Richard was lobotomized after the end of Clonus.
I drew a few book covers for my idea, NICK MILLER: TIME CHASER
http://hobbescomics.tumblr.com/tagged/time_chasers
Brilliant.
LOL!! Those are great! The Castleton speedo was both hilarious and disturbing.
It’s Nick Miller time!
After the events shown in Phase 4, the ants conquer the world, and it turns out to be a big improvement. The ants are much better at managing world affairs and maintaining infrastructure. All they want in return is sugar and Pixar movies. The nice cryptographer becomes the ambassador between the ants and humans. Kendra graciously accepts the ants apologies for kidnapping her after killing her family. Kendra and the cryptographer become a couple and eventually settle down on a combination horse ranch/ant farm and raise several of their own larva.
The real “Lost ending” of Phase 4 is actually quite interesting:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beLpsWaUDNk
Space Travellers (aka MAROONED): After the jubilation dies down following the safe return of the two surviving Ironman I crewmen, there comes the inevitable massive investigations by NASA’s Flight Safety Review Board re: Pruett’s EVA accident death, and Psych Evaluation Review Board re: Stone’s nervous breakdown… followed by the resignations of the Ironman Program Flight Directors, KSC Director, and NASA Administrator.
After Warrior of the Lost World, Megaweapon was repaired and went on to a highly successful career starring in monster truck rallies.
At the end of “Giant Spider Invasion”, the one really giant spider was dead but there was still a wide-spread infestation of tarantulas and Packers fans. So Orkin was called in to finish the job. The entire county had to be “tented” and fumigated.
At the end of “The Projected Man”, every assumed that Paul used the projector’s laser to destroy himself. And in fact, that was his intent. However, rather than disintegrating him, it projected him through both space and time, and he ended up in the world of “The Magic Sword”. There got a job as one of Lodac’s castle freaks. Eventually he and the “beer goggles” hag fell in love and were married. He was finally happy! But then young George came to rescue Helene, and screwed everything up. Paul went to his grave cursing Lembeck for not staying.
From Batwoman fame, after the fiasco of the Batwoman caper, Dr. Neon took Heathclif to a carnival put him on a ferris wheel ride and took off. To escape his embarassing past, Dr. Neon moved to Minnesota, changed his name to Trace Beaulieu. He found himself back in a lab coat vexed by incompetent assistents.
Meanwhile, Heathcliff found himself as an accepted member of the carnival and was featured in the Medical Curiosities acts. He was spotted by Ryan Murphy and became a cast member of AHS Freak Show.
You Pick The Episode –
The last day of shooting wraps and everyone, knowing this one’s going to be a box office bomb, heads back to the humdrum of regular life, but wait…
Maybe, just maybe, somewhere in the not too distant future, an obscure cable TV show based in, I don’t know… maybe Minnesota (yeah, sure), will revitalize this turd of a movie and make us all famous again. You never know, it could happen!