I’m going with this from What to Do on a Date:
“Kay’s worked the kill floor. She knows where to deliver the blow.”
So what’s your favorite?
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Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Favorite “Dark” RiffsWe discussed “Johnny at the Fair” this week, featuring plenty of what Joel calls “dark” riffs. You know what he means. So many to pick from.
109 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Favorite “Dark” Riffs”Commenting at Satellite News
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This has already been mentioned before but:
“Heeeeeeeere comes the Devil!”
“It’s Beezlebub the clown!”
(I mean the short itself, not just this riff.)
What movie is this from?
The short “Last Clear Chance”
from Gamera vs Gaos:
Take one down, write piggy on the wall…
Ed Gein and Lord of the Flies jokes always make me smile.
Near the end of Tormented, the observation that the little girl had, “grown up a lot this last week.”
From ‘Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders’:
Servo: “I think we’ll change the dog’s name to Crispy.”
Would the bots’ “Turn it. Turn it!” riff near the end of Mitchell count as a dark riff?
Absolutely.
I believe this is from Body Care and Grooming:
Narrator: “…put down that notebook and take in some of the beauties of nature”
Crow: “Pick up a rifle”
And from Cheating:
“There aren’t enough bell towers in the world for Johnny”, or something like that.
All of “Circus on Ice”, but especially the fawn bit:
“You know, you guys, there’s nothing sadder than a gut-shot fawn.”
“Moooom, I hate this circus on ice!”
“Shut up and watch the deer get slaughtered! It’s fun!”
“Viscera is trailing from her stomach. The meat will not be good.”
“Venison! Venison! Venison!”
“Ohhh, she skates over her own intestines…”
Dang it! I see that others have already mentioned “Circus on Ice”. Darn this comment paging! (I wondered why there were so few comments.)
I don’t remember which it’s from, but there is a plane crash and Joel makes a joke about the Big Bopper.
Runner up, all the head jokes after the astronaut gets decapitated in Hangar 18.
From Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (and one of the greatest riffs, ever): “Killed in Vietnam.”
The remaining monkey brains have been reduced to $1.99
– Operation Double 007
I’m sure it’ll be all the more traumatizing when Joel comes out and claims responsibility for those riffs, and being proud of it. :-P
At the end of The Magic Sword Sherlock Holmes takes out Sir Branton and puts his head on a wall.
“Oh, he’s been framed.”
From “Out of this World” short:
(paraphrase)
Sometimes…
Mike- “I want to put a bullet in my head”
Another, similar riff — I can’t remember which movie it was from, but there was a shot of a Venus de Milo statue, and one of the guys says, “Any farm kid, USA.”
Yep! My favorite is, “Davey, I’m going to need to know where your dental records are kept.”
From “A Case of Spring Fever” —
“If you’re going to bury a body in a shallow grave, be sure to use plenty of quicklime.”
Also —
“He’ll be the first to die!”
“THEY’RE DOING IT CLOWN STYLE!!!”
:shock: :shock: :shock: :clown: :shock: :shock: :shock:
For a second, read that as “Turn it off, turn it OFF!”, and didn’t think running 70’s George C. Scott riffs counted as “dark”.
“So….’guns’, huh?”
( ^ Oh, and the “Quicklime” riff was from X Marks the Spot, if I recall.)
Good point! Along that line Keeping Clean and Neat may be the darkest short ever, it’s all disturbing riffs!
Some examples:
Pyscho sound effects for Don’s shower
But you’ll never be able to scrub away the stain on your soul (!)
He’s becoming Howard Hughes!
And they ramp it up for Mildred:
Don’t go to bed with wet hair. Or a first date.
She’s getting ready for her date with Jerry Seinfeld!
Just amputate that finger.
Just keep brushing and brushing and saying the name of our Lord and Savior (!)
Don’t go tramping yourself up like that!
And now back to the drudgery that is your life.
From the Cheating short “Oh…they found the body huh?”
Maybe not as dark as some of the others but, I always liked, “The all-night coke jags in cheap motels.” from Mr. B. Natural
Referring to “Riding with Death” as “The Matthew Broderick Story” may have been too dark for the show, I thought.
I think that’s from Season 3’s “The Amazing Colossal Man”.
Mighty Jack’s “Come on Dummy”
“You do sing love songs…”
“And you’ll roast in Hell for it.”
From Girlstown
I knew a dark riff would come to me…
Time of the Apes – As Godo and the gang say goodbye to Pepe after dropping him/her/it off at Moms house, Pepe waves goodbye in slow motion. Joel and the Bots then fill Pepe full of lead and ask “Should we have shot her that many times?”
Off the top of my head (there’s likely more obscure ones if I really thought on it…)
“These two girls, they make quite a pair
They both come from your worst nightmare
They will haunt your soul forever
And now, when you see pink you’re gonna think, ‘we’re doomed’
They are agents of Satan…”
“Now it’s time for Uncle Jim’s fundamentalist dogma.”
The end credits of “Soul Taker”, where Crow and Servo predict Zack and Natalie’s supposed happy ending takes a dark turn. Mike thinks they’re being too negative and the two accuse him of being overly idealistic.
“So, there’s no middle ground with you? It’s either straining grain alcohol through toast in back alleys or a happy little world of rodents in feety pajamas?”
“Geez, this kid could freak out Jamie Gumb.”
From TRUCK FARMING…
Narrator: “Workers sent over from neighboring countries, help.”
Crow: “They make it sound so nice!”
From the feature film side of things, I would go with these riffs early in ‘Lost Continent’, when the crew (minus Sid Melton) is writing some notes while traveling to the island:
“Uhhh, and ‘suicide’ has a ‘u’ in it, sir.”
“Uhhh, ‘genocide’ has a ‘c’ in it, sir.”
Wow, I’m surprised no one has picked this little gem out yet, from “Cheating”:
Narrator: “And there in front of you sat your pal Mary, with her head just CHOCK full of all the answers YOU needed!”
Crow: Split it open now!
From the Home Economics Story:
Narrator: At the beginning of your junior year, things seem pretty much the same. But this is the year…
Crow: The National Guardsmen were on campus!
“When your car hits a guy, and his body goes fly…
Dat’s a dead guy.” (“Amore”) Servo, Zombie Nightmare
heh! i think one of my faves too is from “time of the apes,” wasn’t godo the “cool good guy” of the movie? when they ask about his parents, and joel screams “NO, THEY’RE DEAD DEAD DEAD!”
waves “hi cj!” from new cj… gotta love that “true … grit!” (still one of my favorite lines in terms of timing; that pause between “true – grit!” i spit-take-laugh without having taken a drink every time i see that… meaning, ewww, a true “spit take…” i used to do that a lot when i was younger.)
Oh! Oh! I just remember a great one, from “Invasion USA”. People are lined up at the airport trying to buy tickets. One woman asks for a ticket to San Francisco because her family is there, and the ticket lady has to tell her that Frisco’s been nuked. Woman leaves sobbing. Next person in line also asks for tickets to SF, and Crow blurts out, “Look, they’re dead, ok!”
And here’s a classic dark line from “The Sword and the Dragon”… Ilya has just been given Chestnut Gray, and leads the young colt out of the frame. Someone, I think it was Crow, says, “Let’s just get you over here where they won’t hear the gunshot.”
From Outlaw of Gor: “Jeff Conaway is a crazed cult leader in The Waco Panty Raid.” … Now, it’s dark because of what happened to Jeff Conaway but one must also consider that this episode aired just a few months after the disastrous raid that left nearly 90 people dead.
For dark and obscure, I’d point to Gamera vs. Gaos and a line calling the kid “Frog Boy.” In March of 1991 (four months before this episode aired), five South Korean children, ages ranging between 9 and 13, disappeared as they went looking for frogs in the woods. They were called “The Frog Boys” and the story received international attention. Unfortunately, their bodies were discovered eleven years later. They had been brutally murdered but their killer has never been found.
“At least Battlestar Galactica will never get cancelled”
That and all the abuse heaped on that stupid kid in San Francisco International.
“The faces of those you’ve wronged will be floating up on your right”.
The Home Economics Story has some that are pretty damn dark NOW:
Narrator: “All she remembers is she was sitting in Study Hall…”
Tom: “With a loaded gun.”
Narrator: “Early October, headed for an 8 o’clock class in Home Ec Hall…”
Joel: “Tragedy struck, a lone gunman! *psshew psshew!”
From TISCWSLABMUZ, “Shots ring out but the people of Bosnia still enjoy their peep show.”
While Jan’s body is burning in a car and Bill covers his nose – “Honey roasted.”
From Ski Thrills: “Blood! Gore! Entrails! The contents of a human spilled!”
From Johnny at the Fair:
“Johnny thinks that Ameilia Earhart seems like a nice lady.”