Thought the thread about movie titles was a fun discussion. Now, what about the logical extension? If you had the chance to fix the titles of the movies to what actually happened in them, what would the MSTie movie titles be?
For me: “Godzilla Versus the Sea Monster” would have been more appropriate if the title was “Godzilla Plays Pitch-and-Catch With the Sea Monster.”
With a title like “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Give Up Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies”, there’s no way the movie could fit the title. Maybe “The Mixed-Up Zombies Trapped In a Closet While a Bunch of Bad Strip Shows Where No One Stripped When On” might be closer.
Instead of “Robot Monster,” what about “Horny Alien Gorilla”? Probably would have helped the box office.
What’s your suggestion?
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The Bloodwaters of Dr. Z = Attack of the Dumpy Seahorse
Final Justice = Joe Don Baker’s MALTA
Hobgoblins = The Movie That Should Not Be
“Manos,” the Hands of Fate = Out of Focus, Out of Frame
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders = Ernest Borgnine’s Creepshow
Quest of the Delta Knights = Warner vs. Warner
Space Mutiny = Battlestar Industria
Boggy Creek II = Crenshaw’s Little Creature
Danger: Diabolik = Ca$h for Gold
Overdrawn at the Memory Bank = Everybody Comes to Raul’s
Laserblast = Chesthole
The Puma Man = Vadinho and Some Jagoff
Mitchell- Eli Wallach, Joe Don Baker, what the @#$@ are you doing in a film like this!!?
I gotta apologize for my entry at 47. Seems like I had some kind of brain fart earlier this afternoon. Anyway:
Riding with Death–Attagirl, Abbie!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 – The show where the guy talks over the movies
“Beginning of the End” s/b “Bugs on Postcards!”
“Escape 2000” s/b “Progress Borough USA”
and of course
“Attack of the the Eye Creatures” s/b “Attack of the Eye Creatures”
This Island Earth = Battle of the Foreheads
Horror at Party Beach = The Hotdog Monster or How I stopped worrying and learned to love Radiation
“It Conquered the World” should be “The Big Carrot That Wasn’t Good For You.”
“Red Zone Cuba” could be renamed “The Three Stooges go to Hell.”
Wild World of Batwoman? More like Pointless, Plotless Excuse to Show Girls in Revealing Clothing.
Cedar, Sleaze, and SLEEP! (Devil Doll)
Left Bank Turn (Mighty Jack)
Mumbly Guy vs. a Dump Truck (Warrior of the Lost World)
Sexist Pigs in Spaaaaaaace (Rocketship X-M)
As Mike riffs in “Last of The Wild Horses”…this movie should have been called “Lost and Found”
Don’t know if this one’s been mentioned yet, but the obviousness of it just hit me:
The Sinister Urge – That Darn Smut
Worst Family Vacation Ever (Manos)
The Perks of Being a White Male (I Accuse My Parents)
How Bella Got His Groove Back (Bride of the Monster)
Dr. Batch or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Wearing Pantyhose* in the Swamp (Boggy Creek)
*or Disturbingly Tight Jeans
The Atomic Brain = The Ogling and the Pawing
The Undead = STAAAAAAAAAAAAY: The Movie
Pod People = My Little Alien: Trumpy is Magic
Girls Town = Boobs Akimbo (credit the Brains for that one)
Radar Secret Service = The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit and the Dozens of Other Men in Gray Flannel Suits
The Creeping Terror = DIE-Pont StainMaster Carpeting
@64: Alternative for Manos: “National Lampoon’s Satanic Vacation”
Skydivers, Red Zone Cuba and Beast of Yucca Flats = The 3 Days the Earth Stood Still
Project Moonbase = Project Housewife
Manos = The Christmas that Didn’t Totally Suck.
Final Justice- mitchell 2 this time its personal.
laserblast. you could call oh wait i guess it was about laserblasting
“The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies” – “Lamest Strip Show EVER!!”
“Radar Men From The Moon” – “Moon Invaders”
“Jungle Goddess” – “My White Goddess”
“Rocket Attack U.S.A.” – “Communism Wins!”
“Cave Dwellers” – “Ator Vs. The Cave Dwellers”
“Stranded In Space” – “Stranded On Terra” or “The Perfect Order”
“Earth vs. The Spider” – “Attack Of The Giant Spider”
“The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent ” – “Viking Women Vs. Grimald Warriors”
“Space Travelers” – “Gene Hackman Ruins The Space Program”
“Hercules and the Captive Women” – “Hercules Goes To Atlantis”
“The Beatniks” – “I Killed That Fat Barkeep” or “Shut Up, Iris” or “The Stupid Punks”
“Attack of the the Eye Creatures” – “Attack Attack Of Of The Eye Eye Creatures Creatures”
“The Rebel Set” – “Beatniks Gone Bad” or “How To Spend Your 4 Hour Layover In Chicago”
” ‘Manos’ the Hands of Fate” – ” ‘Manos’ Of Fate”
“Outlaw (of Gor)” – “Cabot!!! Cabot!!! Cabot!!! Cabot!!!!” or “Fugitive Of Gor”
“Teen-Age Crime Wave” – “A Teenage Criminal Thanksgiving”
“Magic Voyage of Sinbad” – “Sadko And The Bird Of Happiness”
“Beginning of the End” – “Just Plain Peter: The U Of M Years”
“Invasion U.S.A.” – “Communism wins! Part 2”
“The Dead Talk Back” – “Oh, It’s True!”
“Colossus and the Headhunters” – “Maciste Vs. The Headhunters”
“Racket Girls” – “Women Wrestling: The Last Clean Sport”
“The Sword and the Dragon” – Ilya Muromets Vs. The Tugars” or “A joke By Ingmar Bergman”
“The Brute Man” – “Creeper, Creeper, CREEPER!!”
“Escape 2000” – “Leave The Bronx”
“Horror of Party Beach” – “Sodium”
“The Screaming Skull” – “Gaslight: With Skulls”
“Hamlet” – “Alas Poor Who?” or “Another Hamlet Adaption? Seriously?! And German? AAGGHH!!” or “How Much More Hamlet Do We Need?”
“Diabolik” – “This has been the official biopic of Larry Fine.”
Alien from L.A. – Jenny to the Center of the Earth. (Just change Kathy Ireland’s name from Wanda to Jenny.)
Miss B Natural.
Soultaker – Grim Reapers
Angels Revenge – Drug Busting Babes vs Jack Palace
The CREEPING TERROR – The CREEPING BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Fiancée of the Monster (Bride of the Monster)
Down, Down, Down (Mole People)
They Just Didn’t Care (Attack of the the Eye Creatures)
They Just Gave Up (Monster A-Go-Go)
They Just Didn’t Bother (Castle Of Fu-Manchu)
They Just Hate You (Manos)
It Lives By Night –Manbearpig
Cheesesteak and the Guy Who Wants to be the Queen’s Advisor (Colossus)
Small Town USA vs. The Spider (Earth vs. The Spider)
Sausage Fest I: Love on the Rocks (Lost Continent)
Sausage Fest II: A Wilde Time in Tokyo (Godzilla vs. Megalon)
Spinal Injuries of the Old West (Junior Rodeo Daredevils)
Buffalo Shots Aplenty (Outlaw or any Herc movie)
Final Sacrifice- Larry Csonka’s Rowsdower Marks the Spot
Soultaker- Robert Z’Dont Watch This Movie
Final Justice: Mitchell Eats Malta
Gamera vs. Barugon: Barugon (Admit it: Gamera is pretty much tacked into this film)
Pod People: Between E.T. and Nukie
It Conquered the World: Attack of the Killer Zucchini
“The Girl In Lovers Lane” – The Girl Who Was Murdered By An Idiot
“Where The Fish Lives”
“Eight-Legged Volkswagen vs Dumb Hicks”
“Canada on Fire!”
“More Like ‘Queen’ of Space” (oh wait, that’s been used)
parts: the clonus horror: Should be The Island v 1.0 :-)
The Thing that Died: Should be “The Incredibly Strange Head Who Stopped Living.”
Time of the Apes: Planet of the Apes with ADD
Space Mutiny: Stump Chunkman and the MILF
Mitchell –> CSI Mobile
#65 – “National Lampoon’s Satanic Vacation” in place of “Manos”
That’s the best one I’ve seen on this thread.
I’ll let people guess these…
“The Creature Gets Captured, Escapes Briefly and Gets Shot”
“Steve Gets Preggers With Cocktail Shrimp”
“Huts With Chicken Legs, Mushroom-Headed Guys, and Crazy Killer Santas: Russia Sure Has Some Crazy-Ass Folklore”
“The Softcore Porno Of Guy With a Slapdash Makeup Job Island”
“The Fur-Covered VW Minibus Invasion”
This may have been mentioned, but Space Travelers should have been called Stranded in Space, and Marooned (Space Travelers original title) would work quite well for Stranded in Space.
And the Rebel Set should have been called The Beatniks, while The Beatniks should have been called The Rebel Set.
@ #82: Actually Sampo brought that up himself in last week’s discussion.
The Giant Sheriff Invasion!
Toblerone Vs Peanuthead: The disinfestation –Escape 2K
The Creeping Carpet
Dress to the Right Stuff –Prince of Space
The Unbearable Grayness of Being — just about any B&W 50’s flick they did
Kickboxer: The Forced Perspective War –Future War
It Almost Conquered a County –It Conquered the World
Refueling: The Movie –Starfighters
The Fat Blue Line–Mitchell
Space Mutiny, Or How I learned to stop Worrying and Scream Like a Little Girl
“Robot Monster” should be called “TV-Headed Gorilla Makes Threats and Bubbles”
Plan 9 was supposedly originally going to be called “Grave Robbers From Outer Space,” which would have made more sense, considering that’s how Criswell refers to the movie. And, of course, it would have been more commercial.
As for MSTed films:
Robot Monster — Fat Guy in Gorilla Suit Goes Nutzoid (Move over, Troma!)
Lost Continent — Rock Climbing!
Space Mutiny — NOT Battlestar Galactica, I Promise / or Santa and the Space Battles (That Cost a Nickle to Produce)
Mitchell — The Chubby Blue Line (I know somebody must have used this already, but it’s too easy to let go)
Viking Women vs the Sea Serpent — Some Unfit Women Do Not Face a Sea Serpent
Incredibly Strange Creatures … — Stupid Guys Do Nothing Throughout Movie (Now THAT’s a Troma movie!)
This Island Earth — Boring Humans Meet the Mute-Ant
Project Moonbase — Never Mind the Plot, Show Us the Girl
The Final Sacrifice — The Failures of Rowsdower!
And for our old buddy, Bela Lugosi:
Bride of the Monster — Super Rice of People!
Forgot one:
It Conquered the World — Attack of a Vlasic Pickle (just try to sing it like that Tomatoes song…)
Dogs In Costumes – Killer Shrews.
Track of the Moon Beast:
The Film that features the Band that played California Lady
or
What’s in Johnny Longbow’s Stew
Here’s one: The Starfighters should have been called “The Love Lives of Men in their Poopie Suits”…
“The Creeping Terror” should have been called “Hungry Hungry Carpeting.”
The Day the Earth Froze – Lemminkäinen or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sampo.
Phase IV should be The Ants and I
Horrors of Spider Island should be Honeys on Horndog Island
Mighty Jack should be What the Hell is Mighty Jack?
Indestructible Man should be Highly Resilient Man
Operation Double 007 should be Not Really OK Connery
Alien from LA should be Squeaky Goes Down Under
The Beatniks: Shut Up, Iris!
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Feelthy Peegs
Manos, The Hands Of Fate: Pull My Finger
Fire Maidens Of Outer Space: Fire Maidens Of Padding
The Dead Talk Back: Can You Turn Your Radio Down?
Terror From The Year 5000: Nice Rack, Shame About Her Face
The Brain That Wouldn’t Die: Head (oh, wait, the Monkees already used that one)
Attack Of The Giant Leeches: Leech On A Hot Tin Roof
The Killer Shrews: The Killer Martinis
The Thing That Couldn’t Die: Maysure For Maysure
It Conquered The World: My Friend Pickle
The Unearthly: The Un-Acting (Crow said it best)
“My Friend Pickle” – I love that.
“Monster A Go-Go” = No Monster No Go-Go
“Time of the Apes” = I don’t care!
“Gamera vs. Guiron” = NO MORE TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS, YOU HEAR!
“Attack of the Giant Leeches” = “Attack of the Glad Trash Bags”
“Werewolf”= “Is you There Paul?”
“Girlstown” = “Double D Detective”
“Gamera” = “Kenny’s World”
“The Screaming Skull” = “Searching for Mickey”
“Pod People” = “Spanish ET Rip-off”