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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Get a Character in a MSTed Movie for Christmas?An alert emailer who does not give his or her name suggests, following up on the recent thred in which we asked which MST3K character would you invite for Thanksgiving dinner…
Okay, a LITTLE harsh (but only a little). I was thinking something more along the lines of my choice: I would get Kenny some long pants. What would be your pick? Money is no object! 140 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Get a Character in a MSTed Movie for Christmas?”Commenting at Satellite News
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I would get Amy from “Hobgoblins” an engagement ring! ;) She’s SO dreamy!
A Segway for Torgo
A bug-zapper for the old guy from the Hired! shorts
A better costume for Puma Man
Hobgoblins alone — Nick an STD test and Kevin a backbone, Daphanie a KFC Double-Down meal, and Kyle a lot of blue jeans,
Natalie from Werewolf: English For Dummies
Mitchell: A flickering “Schlitz” light with three of the letters burnt out.
The band from Pod People: Arby’s Name Tags
The Del-Aires: A recording contract.
I would give the Pumaman underwear with industrial strength elastic bands so his Flying Powers won’t ruin his Fruit of the Looms so quickly.
Speech Therapy sessions and spellcheck for Cherokee Jack.
Pants for the entire male cast of all the Hercules movies.
For Janet of Bride of the Monster I’d get some non-pointy bras.
I would give Troy from Final Sacriface one of those life size pictures of Larry Csonka to stick on his wall.
Hmm…..
Maybe Rommel from Sidehackers an Ak-47 for that gun shoot out scene at the end. ;D
I would get Vi from Tormented a bungee cord.
I’d get pants for Vorelli’s assistant in “Devil Doll”, for the real estate agent who flirts fruitlessly with Paul in “Werewolf”, and for just about everyone in “Outlaw”.
I think I would get Robert Z’Dar (as The Angel of Death in SoulTaker) “The Best of Paula Cole” cd and some big ass chinderwear for Christmas.
I would get the entire cast of “The Touch Of Satan” a fast-forward button to speed through those lengthy pauses.
I would get Ivan from “Jack Frost” better hair.
I would give…
… Big McLargeHuge from Space Mutiny a one-year supply of supplements at GNC.
… Space Chief a saw sharpener.
… Allison Hayes (The Undead) something from Victoria’s Secret.
I would have given Troy a Larry Csonka poster, but @6 already gave him one. Maybe he needs a Jim Kiick poster too…
I know Troy has been mentioned, but I’d give him some HGH. He’s 25 and he still hasn’t hit puberty yet! And maybe a hooker. Also, dubbing lessons to all the voice actors from the Gamera and Godzilla films.
I would give
–The Amazing Colossal Man a wardrobe of clothes that fit-you know, some formal wear, but also some jeans and t-shirts (Sattelite News tees, of course!!) some boxers, some socks, a giant pair of Keds, etc.. Maybe if he wasn’t wandering around in a diaper he would cheer up. Oh, and I’d have him fitted for a giant toupee. You said no limit on price!!
–Megaweapon his own TV series on the USA Network.
–Jimmy Wilson a decent hat, for crying out loud.
–Arrange for Troy to MEET Larry Csonka!!
–A Sampo for the village of Prokiola!!
–The Italian Police the latest forensic and crime-fighting equipment so they could put the kaibosh on Diabolik before he even got rolling.
–Some long pants for not only Kenny (good one, Sampo!) but ALL the kids from the Japanese movies.
–Some much-needed therapy for Buzz after his encounter with Mr. B.
And give Lupita any doll she wants.
Pretty funny ones thus far;
Wendell Corey’s characters, Scotch.
Adam Chance his own Judo Range.
Commando Cody, asbestis pants.
Dr Leopold, a rolodex.
Yuri, gift certificate to Klumzey Kutz
Wanda, hard punch to the voice box.
Torgo a day at the spa.
Sheriffs Jones & Townsend(Alan Hale) a little buddy.
I’d give Mikey his own bike, but that’s pretty obvious. I’ll come up with something better late, I promise.
• Hire a maid service to clean-up Mitchell’s filthy apartment. With regular weekly maintenance visits, for a year. And since her hooker money dried up, Linda Evans could use a pound of some kind bud, and maybe a discreet one-hitter, so she can keep up her habit without drawing Joe Don’s attention.
• Col. Glen Manning gets some Incredible Hulk Underoos.
• A relaxing spa weekend getaway for Beverly Garland and Allison Hayes.
• And Christmas morning, Kyle (the dweeb from Hobgoblins) will find a pre-paid cellphone and a Fleshlight stuffed in his stocking.
I’ll chip in on the pants for Vorelli’s assistant in Devil Doll, and buy a side of beef for Mitchell.
FJ@ 17 Enjoyed your comments. Might I suggest a Decontamination Unit from the CDC instead of the maid service?
Merry Christmas to us all!
I’d get Kyle from Hobgoblins a Phone Card.
I’d get Lea some new Buns of Steel videos.
I’d get Bob Dornan a corn detasseler.
I’d get Baydool indoor plumbing.
And for me, I’d like my very own Rock and Roll Martian.
Billy from Laserblast would get “Shirt Buttoning for Dummies”
J.D./Rat Fink would get the hearing aid of his choice
The cast of Eegah would get earplugs for when Arch Hall Jr. tries to “sing”
Rowsdower would get a trailer home
And, of course, Santa Claus himself would get some new tobacco for his pipe “Smoking is good for you!”
@steelhawk..or get Tom some ear plugs so he doesn’t have to hear Vi whine how Tom Stewart killed her…
For the kids at Horror Beach a sodium factory – so they don’t have to go eight hours into NY to get some.
Along the same lines, for the city of Los Angeles, a salt mine, in case there is an uprising of slime people (and no, not Hollywood agents.)
To Moon, a stable, calming therapy session. Or, possibly, a gun that works.
To the band in Pod People, an autotuner. I know it’s a horrible musical trend, but anything to get the band remotely close to a tune would help.
To the Warrior of the Lost World, A Prius, or a Scion, or any mode of transportation except an annoying bike.
For Johnny from “Time of the Apes,” a sense of empathy, so that he really would care.
For Captain Joe on “Fugitive Alien,” a minibar. Barring that, a forklift.
The villagers in Outlaw (of Gor,) – long pants.
First thing that comes to mind would be to get Tim from Boggy Creek II a shirt, and an instruction manual to show him how to wear it.
I’d get Johnny Longbow some chicken, corn, green peppers, chili, (sigh) onions…a lot of things.
Underpants for Krankor and his henchchickens.
I’d get Mr. B Natural a sex change operation. He’s way too girly to have a penis.
For Dr. Ted Nelson – Gourmet holiday cracker sampler
For Dick Contino & Mel Tormet – A gift certificate to get their alignments fixed
For Bart Fargo – A new watch
Dr. Lockheart: some pants a couple of sizes bigger, plus a permanent shirt for Tim
Human Robot: knees
Santa Claus: some child labour law guild lines
Hugo the Devil Doll: a lunch meat tray
Mr. Krasker: better ghost communicating equipment and dvds of Monk and Murder She Wrote
Mr. Krasker: The complete Warner Bros. Recordings of the Grateful Dead. At least they can sing back ;)
El Santo the Vegas showcase where wrestle all he wants.
The girl from “kitten with wip” an wip because she didn’t have one.
creeping terror a segaway because anything is faster than way that thing moves.
and cast of Soultaker glow sticks so they can take souls.
Joanie Nichols in Girl in God Boots: 1)a pretty mind.
Since she lost hers and seems broken up over it.
2) lessons in how to sit like a proper junkie.
Oh yeah, and Yak Boy gets some water softener.
How about some periphial vision for the crew trying to cross the acid pond in Women of the prehistoric planet? Then they would see they only have to walk 5ft around it!
I would give coffee to anybody from any Coleman Francis movie.
I would give the Martians a better alternate Santa then Dropo. There’s a warrent with his name on it somewhere.
Change of subject but I played the Martian who kidnapped Santa Claus for the 4th grade Christmas play in 1973. I kid you not.
I’ve always thought that underneath all he’s going through, Torgo is an aspiring chef. So maybe a nice spice rack and a set of really good, durable cookware.
Merry Christmas fellow Msties!!!!
@ Neptune Man:
Why was there a Maritan in your Christmas play?
@#3 The Del-Aires: A recording contract. Amen Brother!
@35 Is it U-Tube’d yet?
New climbing boots for Caesar Romero, Beaver’s Dad and Monkey boy from Lost Continent. they wore them out with the one climb.
Lessee…
Mister Krassner from THE DEAD TALK BACK: A computer and Internet hook-up. I have the feeling Internet porn would improve his quality of life immeasurably.
Arch Hall Junior from EEGAH: Guitar playing lessons. Then dancing lessons. I’m not sure hop-shrug-hop-pivot is really a dance.
Debbie from MANOS: A puppy.
Doctor Vornoff from BRIDE OF THE MONSTER: A decent lab. Look, when you’re trying to mutate captive hunters into giant slaves with a photo-enlarger and a collinder, it’s a wonder you can get ANYTHING accomplished.
The Martians from SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS SAME: A decent makeup artist who’ll actually finish painting their faces instead of just smearing a handful of green on them and moving on.
Batwoman from WILD WORLD OF SAME: A decent headquarters. It’s quite impossible to be taken seriously as a super-heroine working out of a tract house in the suburbs.
Kid from MERLIN’S SHOP OF MYSTICAL WONDERS: A cheap, crappy, used toy.
#29 Good gift, wrong recipient. I would give the Grateful Dead CDs to Brad DeVille from SoulTaker. Then he could work out whether there is a stairway to heaven, or not.
To Luther and Molly Strickland from the Touch of Satan, anything but pot holders or plant holders.
To Frank Johnson from Beginning of the End, working vocal chords.
For Vera, Billie and Josie from Swamp Diamonds, ruby studded pistols.
Hugo the Devil Doll – A more contemporary cage/carrying case (plus I’d serve him ham for dinner)
The Hamster from Master Ninja i & II – An elaborate network of tubes inside Van Patten’s van so he can practice his Ninja lessons that the Master has been teaching him.
The old lady in The Touch of Satan – A box of chocolate covered cherries. Old ladies love those!
Lobo from Bride of the Monster – An angora hat.
Kid from San Francisco International – Microsoft Flight simulator
Nick from “Time Chasers” some ‘chinderwear’.
Pedro from SANTA CLAUS: Shoes. I don’t think he’s wearing any and his poor feet must be FREEZING…
Just to name two possibilities:
A well-paying job for Lupits’a father, allowing him to support his family (and giving Santa a break).
A smug-ectomy for any character played by John Agar.
The ant besieged trio in Phase 4 would get the biggest can of raid ever. Then I’d hire the sevices of Michael Flatly in some huge clown shoes to mop up the rest. I’d get Kendra a new horse when she’s ready for one.
I’ll go in for some pants for the Gor dwellers and Hercules, and through in some more to get Gary from Spider Island a shirt.
I’d get Winky his own apartment so he can move out of the basement.
And a Blow-up Clarissa too.
^ I’d get Mike and the Bots a nicer, 3-bedroom, non-basement apartment on earth. Seems a shame to have them underground after spending years in outer space!
A better apartment, perhaps a mid-west condo by a lake or river, would cost quite a bit, so
Given the proliferation of cable programs, get Mike and the bots a show where they could critique and make sardonic comments on various movies. Since it would be on cable tv I doubt they’d get good quality films, so they could also do various skits during breaks in the movies. Let’s see, for conflict you’d also need some evil protagonists to trade banter with them….
What do you think, sirs?