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Weekend Discussion Thread: A Riff on Your TombstoneAlert reader Cornjob suggests:
Oh, this is going to cost a fortune, but I picked this many years ago: “I’ve undergone a complex personal evolution wherein painful confusion has given way to what I like to think of as some degree of wisdom, culminating in my current Zarasthustrian sense of self. Is that it?” Your pick? 111 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: A Riff on Your Tombstone”Commenting at Satellite News
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either
‘i’m sorry, your ‘what’ hurts?’
or
‘mom. dad! i just won the get the crap kicked out of you contest!’
From Bride Of The Monster, etc. –
“He tampered in God’s domain.”
The one I’d want:
“I don’t feel dead. Actually I feel pretty good.”
The one I would not want:
“He died as he lived – a total load.”
At the risk of exposing my ignorance I have to ask where that quote came from Sampo. We don’t get to see “Zarathustrian” all that often.
An epitaph from “Time Chasers” that would have suited me in my drinking days:
“He died as he lived: Mud stained and splaying!”
… but there was no Torque the Dorque…
“I wonder who they’re planning on shooting?”
“Why don’t they look?”
“He learned too late that man was a feeling creature…”
I’d have to paraphrase a bit, but mine would be “Dark Grandma, one of the good dead ones.” True or not, it’s short and sweet.
Jay, that’s Crow’s speech from the first host segment of Monster-a-Go-Go, when Gypsy just doesn’t get him. Or maybe it’s Tom she doesn’t get.
Here’s one that suits my evil twin:
“Heeeere comes the DEVIL!”
“What I’m about to say may sound strange, but I think we should eat this corpse.”
“To talk to the dead, press one. If you’d like the Ethereum, the Imperium, or the Emerald Beyond, please hold.”
I could have an engraved photo on my tombstone with my face vacant and mouth agape like Tor Johnson. The epitaph would read:
“TIME FOR GO TO DEAD!”
And no one in my family would get what I was saying. Just like in life.
Thanks DarkGrandmaofDeath. Monster a-Go-Go is one of the episodes I have to work up some courage to rewatch so it had been a while.
The Janet in my life suggests – “JAN IS NO LONGER IN THE PAN”. Ha!!
“I think it was really nice of you to give that dead guy another chance.”
The days of our years are threescore years and ten…
I sure tore through mine!
To make all the young whippersnappers pause and wonder what the hell: “The answer, my friend, is blow it out your ass.”
But what I would seriously like, were I to have a tombstone (and I don’t plan to), is: Repeat to yourself, “It’s just a show, I should really just relax.”
Not a riff, but a line from both a movie (“Ring of Terror”) and Dr. F (introducing same during a marathon):
“Feared Not. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Puma? Puma?”
As for an actual riff:
“THE END…or is it?”
Push the Button Frank
i’ve changed my mind, i’m going with
‘he died listening to Rush. 2112’
Here, I’ll save you the trouble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4MugHxp2CI&t=7s
For those with a Terry in their life:
“You’ll never touch me, Terry, I’m dirt!”
Why didn’t he look.
was watching that last night too.
The whole “Good and the Beautiful” speech on my tombstone please.
Or, to the point, like Crow.
BITE ME!
I’ve been eating so poorly lately that I think I’m likely going to pass of a heart attack. I’m getting the Final Justice epitaph.
“MEATBALLS FRIED IN LARRRD!”
I regret nothing.
“DO SOMETHING!!!!!!! GAH!”
“Obviously, your weapons were NOT useless against me.”
“Oh, Poopie!”
Mine would say,
“He died as he died . . . dead.”
OR
“Dear Great Pumpkin, everyone is cray cray.”
Me too! I FEEL YOUR DEEP HURTING!!!
There’s nothing like being in a gunfight with six hundred pounds of high-test nitro rocket fuel on your back. (The Slime People)
He forgot to say please. (Project Moonbase)
Wow, apparently I’m dead. (Moon Zero Two)
Stupid old snake, you ruined everything! (Ring of Terror)
Is everybody done heaping shame on me? (Lost Continent)
Friends don’t let friends drive pink motorcycles. (The Hellcats)
Try not to get sucked into the Vortex of Hell. (Godzilla vs. Megalon)
Tuesdays are Human Sacrifice Day at The Sizzler. (Cave Dwellers)
We thought it’d be funny to split a helicopter in half. (Gamera vs. Gaos)
He died as he lived. With jelly all over his face. (Earth vs. the Spider)
What am I smelling? Did somebody die in here? Oh, I did! (Indestructible Man)
Goodness gracious, I’m dead!!!!! (The Magic Sword)
I was living a horrible lie. (Bride of the Monster)
At least his vicious beating has a cool accompaniment. (Secret Agent Super Dragon)
Shouldn’t have eaten at Jack-in-the-Box. (The Brain That Wouldn’t Die)
It wasn’t me who was murdered, was it? (Teen-Age Strangler)
One weekend a month, my ass! (Beginning of the End)
He allowed himself to be threatened by Tommy Kirk. (Village of the Giants)
She died as she lived. Failing algebra. (The Violent Years)
Just because you’re having a high speed chase doesn’t mean you can’t have an adequate space cushion. (Danger!! Death Ray)
Vacationed at The Most Dangerous Game Dude Ranch (Beast of Yucca Flats)
A bunch of girls took my drugs and snagged on me. (Angels Revenge)
It’s fun being eternal damned (Samson vs. the Vampire Women)
Saw a huge, bloodsucking alien. But I didn’t think it was important. (Night of the Blood Beast)
Never use a trampoline with unstable TNT in your pocket. (Escape 2000)
If you hear funny noises, it’s not what you think. (Revenge of the Creature)
If you pledge your soul, you’ll get a Satan tote bag. (The Undead)
Ignore the blood here. (The Giant Spider Invasion)
A traitorous Frenchman. Who would have thought? (Agent for H.A.R.M.)
Someone put wasabi in our jocks. (Invasion of the Neptune Men)
And then they snagged on me, and called me Prince Valiant, and said I had a stupid, fakey religion. (The Pumaman)
All I wanted was a good thermos. (Hobgoblins)
By this time. I was gasping for air
Yeah, I will be remembered. I will. I will be remembered. Yes, I will. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to be remembered, J.C.
God! …Corpse is ready.
There was one thing he could do better than anyone else — Stink!
Keep the Black Barts off your mudflaps!
Mine would be from GUNSLINGER, and is in fact my favorite riff of all time:
“It’s always the good who die first … But people are morally ambiguous, which explains the random dying pattern.”
OK, 1. This is ANOTHER monstrous good topic 2. I’m too wiped to look any of these up–consider them close approximations.
–Nobody gets me, baby. I’m the wind.
–I have no sense of proportion. Pardonnez moi, pardonnez moi…
–You people bring matches for Mikey?
–SQUANTO-O-O!!!
[Edit] On second thought, I want a recording of Frank crying, “SQUANTO-O-O!!!” into an unfeeling universe to play every morning at dawn. Inscriptions as above.
Who wants gum? He did. He did.
“Gone to that great clam flowage in the sky.”
NO DANCING, NOT ALLOWED.
what do i want on my tombstone:
pepperoni and cheese:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKspf06XuaQ
If death comes for me at the forklift factory, I’ll use this one inspired by “Fugitive Alien”:
“They reeealy killed me with a forklift!
Now I’m STUCK HERE!”
Sorry, cremated, so any message will not be guaranteed to be returned until 7 to 10 business days.
For the best headstone ever, Jack Lemmon’s says:
Jack Lemmon
In
I have become death. Destroyer of portable radios.
I used to love those, my favorite is the 1030’s style mafia and the guy’s feet in wet cement.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjYCxcFEbe4
Watch for the pun at the end.
Hi-keeba!
“I Don’t Care!”
“I’m really just relaxed.”
It was his move, so he went ahead on
Actually, why not just
DEEP…HURTING
“Oh poo, I’m in the pit of Hell”
“I seem to have died. Is that OK?”