|
 |
Weekend Discussion Thread: Fight CardsAlert reader Perry suggests:
I’d pick Buzz from “Mr. B Natural” vs. John from “Cheating.” I envision an epic slap fight. What’s your pick? And keep those WDT ideas coming! 98 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Fight Cards”Commenting at Satellite News
We are determined to encourage thoughtful discussion, so please be respectful to others. We also provide an "Ignore" button ( Comments are closed. |
|
Satellite News is a fan site for the Mystery Science Theater 3000 television and Netflix series. It is an independent publication written and compiled by Chris Cornell (msampo@aol.com) and Brian Henry (erhardt4@aol.com). Satellite of Love, LLC does not maintain this web site, nor is it responsible for this site's content.
All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2025 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2025 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
|
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
if you’re into running around and high pitched screams then i present this carnage filled handicapped match:
troy (final sacrifice) and mikey
vs.
punch slamjaw (space mutiny)
Great topic. I see Bat Woman versus the Leech Woman. There would be lots of arm’s reach scratching and smack talking.
….or y’know
a Texas get drunk and pass out fight between Rowzdower! and Mitchell!
IN THE RED CORNER! ZAP ROWSDOWER!
AND
IN THE BLUE CORNER! MITCHELL!
This bout is for a keg of beer. Special guest referee Captain Joe then hoists up the keg.
The Dust-Up in the Desert:
Paul “Moon Beast” Carlson
vs
Paul “Werewolf” Niles
The winner to face Johnny “Bat Boy” Beck.
Not to be one of those people, but I’ve started filling out an entire card…
Buzz (Mr. B Natural) vs. Buzz (Girl In Gold Boots)
Critter Jones vs. made-for-TV hippie (SF Int’l)
Mitchell vs. Geronimo
Troy vs. Winky
And in the main event, Godzilla vs. Megal…
Oh.
Right.
Mooney from The Beatniks versus Gloria from The Sinister Urge. The jagged blade that is Gloria’s voice against Mooney’s toddler-having-a-tantrum shriek would be worth the price of a ticket.
For our sluggish, awkward cyber bout: Dr. Krupp’s Robot Vs. Jet Jaguar.
For our playground argument settling bout: Godzilla Vs. Gamera.
Oh, Lordy Jeebus. This is gonna be a good one.
Let’s start out with the Tiny Liz Taylor Look-Alikes match.
Dolores Faith (Lisa Dornheimer in Human Duplicators, Zetha in Phantom Planet) vs. Adele Lamont (Doris Powell in the Brain that Wouldn’t Die).
I’ll be in my bunk.
Amen to THAT. I mean, this just writes itself. The All-Richard-Kiel Death Match–Doctor Kolos, Eegah, and the Solarite. The Brain That Wouldn’t Die Over-the-Hill Stripper Dressing-Room Death Cage Rematch. The Perky Judy Slapdown–Judee Morton (Bonnie Galbraith in Slime People) vs Bonnie Baken (Judy “Squishy” Adams in Young Man’s Fancy).
Somebody get Vince on the phone. THIS COULD BE BIG.
A flailing Battlebots match up between the Robot from ‘Robot Vs The Aztec Mummy’ vs Bela Lugosi’s homely robot from ‘The Phantom Creeps’.
Oh, and the Aztec Mummy vs the Zombie, Tony Washington from ‘Zombie Nightmare’.
Prince of Space vs. the hero of Invasion of the Neptune Men! Confusion ensues.
Thena vs. Madam Maaydeed from Quest of the Delta Knights in the Battle of the Push-Up Bras! Very popular bout.
Dr. Carlo Lombardi & the Dr. Carlo Lombardi Doll
VS
The Great Vorelli & Hugo
Referee Madam Estrella
Livia the witch vs. Melissa Strickland the witch.
With Clara Motensen as the referee.
Mud or jello optional.
Satoris vs. The Master.
Winner gets to rule one acre of land for about a week.
Prince of Space Vs Krankor…….
Nevermind. Weapons are useless against Prince.
We’ll be wanting clean matches, though. So be on the lookout for Umberto Scali attempting to pressure any participants into throwing their bouts.
Gulfax vs. The Blood Beast
Old Man Crenshaw vs. The Creeping Terror. (Not the fastest-moving bout, true.)
Old Man Crenshaw? Oh, noes–you just opened the gateway to sumo matches.
I can’t do this. I have SO much to do today.
Since you brought him up…
Old Man Crenshaw vs. The Darn Smoochers Old Man from ATTACK OF THE the EYE CREATURES.
It would have to be a shotgun duel, of course. The contest would be to see which one could repeatedly brandish their weapon in the most threatening but still comic fashion. Extra points for using the word “dern”.
Lol. Me too……but, Ready for some football guy vs. Dave Walker (Attack of the Giant Leeches).
Ok. Gotta go now.
Weeellll, one more
Dr. Carlo Lombardi vs. The Great Vorelli.
Okay, I’m really done.
(Great WDT idea to whoever thought of it)
Inept Magicians Match:
Merlin
vs.
Jack Frost
Winner gets a new magic cloak, free of Ensure stains, and a cookie.
…not till they deal with the run-in and beatdown from Caedmon and Vanir…
Angry Old Man Grocer from The Brute Man vs. Cranky Old Man Handkerchief-Wearing Porch Sitter from Hired. Sponsored by Geritol.
Yessir, and let’s echo peteplumsdriverslicense’s heartfelt lament: “I can’t do this. I have SO much to do today.”
But, anyway: Jan in the Pan vs. The Thing That Couldn’t Die (haven’t figured out the logistics yet, but this would be the match of the evening); a tag-team match between the Hobgoblins and the turtle aliens from Laserblast; and finally, the Mincing Mushroom Guy from Jack Frost vs. The Bluebird of Happiness from the Magic Voyage of Sinbad in a Russo-Finnish grudge match.
Jan in the Pan Vs. Gideon Drew in a head to head match (please don’t hurt me).
Winner gets to tell those dang kids to get the hell out of their yard.
Mike’s Urkel vs Mike’s Torgo
Bigfoot vs Trumpy
Worm guy from Squirm vs the Incredible Melting Man
40 year old Teenagers from Outer space vs 40 year old teenagers from Teenage Caveman
For a truly slow bout, I’d pit Torgo vs Creeping Terror.
(Announcer) Wait! What’s this? Everyone has been turned into …little dog biscuits! What’s this? The referee in the ring has mutated… it’s Lodac!
This one’s a little bit “outside the box”… the hypnotic droning of the Bluebird of Happiness vs the somnolent kantele strumming from “Day the Earth Froze”. It would be hard to referee this match, or decide a winner, since everyone in earshot would be in a coma.
Merlin from “Santa Claus” vs Merlin from “Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders”.
Winners take on 40 year old college students from Ring of Terror.
Paper Chase Guy and Einstein vs. All the Sidehackers
One more. The Crawling Hand vs. The Crawling Eye. It’s a crawl-off. Gonna be a slow one, folks; you might want to bring some knitting to pass the time.
Deeja (from Robot Holocaust) vs. Natalie (Werewolf) in a diction battle to the death, or when one can no longer form a complete sentence.
The wrestling women from “Racket Girls” vs the catfighting castaways from “Spider Island” vs the brawling brides of “Manos” in an all-out cage match free-for-all!!
The pervy, knife-wielding cowboy from “Thing That Couldn’t Die” vs the pervy, knife-wielding porn addict from “Sinister Urge”.
Russo-Finnish Bra and Panties Match:
Louhi
vs
Baba Yaga
For the prestigious Wicked Witch of the Wild North Championship!
First 1500 in attendance gets a Birdleg Tree bobblehead and a Sampo!
Everyone else gets a barf bag!
Don’t forget the Bolarians! Or else they could be cheerleaders.
For the GLOW Champeenship Women’s Wrasslin’ Belt (hubba hubba) – Silver Morgan vs Livia the Witch
The GLOW undercard because Servo desperately wanted it – Tanya vs Leslie (In Mud)
Time filling superstar against jobber match – Steve Reeves Hercules vs The One they call Tim
For the InterMonsternental Belt – Gorgo vs Godzilla
Finally, your main event – The Brute Man vs The Indestructible Man
I’ll go with Babs from “…spider island” vs. Peaches from “Racket Girls”. A must see on any fight card.
Let’s not forget the midget wrestling bout: Toby from The Corpse Vanishes Vs. Imp from The Undead.
MMA Science Theater 3000 presents —
THE MEN
Torgo vs. Ortega – You know they’ll fight dirty!
PLUS – Every character played by Tor Johnson in a (im)pure wrestling match! Another free-for-all!
THE WOMEN
The ladies from “Angels’ Revenge” vs. the women from “Swamp Diamonds” – Yet another free-for-all!
(the winner takes on Kitten With a Whip – may God save their souls!)
THE MACHINES
Megaweapon vs. that furshlugginer motor scooter Einstein, both from “Warrior of the Lost World”
This match billed as “Mega’s Revenge!”
THE EYES!
The Eye Creatures vs. the Crawling Eye! This match sponsored by 1950s horror comics.
The Young Couple from “Are You Ready For Marriage” vs. Gilbert from “A Case of Spring Fever” –
No match, really. After seven straight hours of Gilbert droning on about how a rubber band is really just another spring the couple decides to go their separate ways and join religious orders that ban sex.
Nicki Minaj vs. Cardi B, oh wait.
Cheesesteak vs. Hercules
Valaria vs. Natalie from Werewolf in a Battle of the Accents
Queen Samara vs. Lara from Outlaw of Gor
Billy from Laserblast vs. Paul from Track of the Moon Beast after they metamorphose
Beverly Garland vs. any alien in the galaxy
As a longtime wrestling watcher, this is a dream topic. In a Wimpy Boy Match: Buzz from “Mr B Natural” vs Troy from “Final Sacrifice.” Winner gets a “Get out of Wedgies Free” card.