Alert reader “Murdock Hauser” asks:
Which side character from a riffed MST3K movie would you like to see have their own movie? For me, I’d like to see Mila from “Cave Dwellers”. The movie could be called “Mila’s Quest”, where she has to collect and destroy the skeletal remains of an evil sorceress that has cursed the land. What say you?
It’s funny, I thought of the same movie, only I would pick “Gomez,” aka Thong. I think he’s got a lot goin’ on in his personal life.
What’s your pick?
And keep those WDT ideas coming!
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The Hermit Mike Pipper from Final Sacrifice –
There’s got to be a back story there. Why is he out in the woods by himself? Was it a lost love that sent him into the wilderness? Harking back to last week’s discussion thread just how big is his “agricultural” operation?
I thought that Captain Joe from Fugitive Alien probably has a very LUSH background that would be interest to all. J&tB already had an intervention with him. So since the intervention failed I would move Captain Joe To Sunnyvale Trailer Park. He would easily fit in.
Cherokee Jack. There are so many story possibilities, like, um, flying small planes and.. um… buying old trucks… and…
Could you come back to me?
i think a touching documentary on Torgo’s food delivery career would be a natural. how does he keep the pizza warm for so long? what were the ‘sanitation issues?’
also, a meaningless and annoying Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey film could be made for the ‘i’m comm-mming! guy. basically he goes on some quest to save the other giant ewoks and basically runs around screaming ‘i’m….’ well you get the gist.
I want to see a movie about Einstein from Warriors of the Lost World. It would be an intensely annoying movie, with an intensely annoying character, but the dialogue would be easy to follow. Maybe Einstein could be a weary cop getting ready to retire when he’s tasked with protecting a witness who’s troubled but has a good heart. The witness would ride him around town, evading bad guys, and they could banter back and forth (“Fix your life! Fix your life! Fix your life!” “Get off my back, Einstein!” “Get off mine! Get off mine! Get off mine!”). Oh, the potential.
Deputy Pete and Deputy Jesse fight crime in rural California. And manage to squeeze in a little football.
Liz Murphy from Moon Zero Two.
Ost (aka the Hunter) from Outlaw.
Surely you meant Megaweapon. :P
Well, there’s the story of how Matthew (a.k.a. Pink Boy) got fired from GenCorp and tried to make his way in the business world with that on his resume. It’s sort of like “How to Succeed in Business…”, but he ends up working for another evil company.
Or they could do a whole series of crime dramas told from the perspective of all-knowing, all-seeing Officer Kline. We don’t actually see anything happen in the foreground; there’s just Kline waiting around for orders.
What happened to Horatio after Hamlet died? Actually, after everybody in the royal palace died? Does he become King of Denmark by default? Does he go around giving great soliloquies to rally the Danes? Does he have to fend off multiple women who want to marry him, and their creepy relatives who wanted to kill him and take the throne? Or does he just chuck it all and wander the north woods of Finland/Russia with Ivanushka?
A movie about the struggles of “Jack Frost” layabout Marfushka as she attempts to break away from her meddling mother in search of a fiancé might be goofier than the original!
More scared suitors!
More geese action!
More Munchausen!
I would love to see a movie about the angry, hateful old store owner from ‘The Brute Man’. Just scene after scene of him being pissed off and rude to everyone. Like if ‘Black Books’ were a movie.
After she ran out of the trailer at the end of Riding With Death, what happened to Cupcake?
Since the movie gave us no closure I present “The Cupcake Chronicles”
What talentless cracker will Cupcake match wits with next?
Cupcake went on to a successful career as the hostess (get it?) of a women’s interest show in Atlanta where she became a local celebrity. Cupcake’s biggest exposure came with the publication of her Bacon and Grits cupcake recipe in Southern Living magazine. They are still a staple for the bakers of Greenbow, Alabama.
Do shows count? Inspired by MST3K’s own, “Vladimir and Estragon, the sit-com,” I’m going to go with THE DEL AIRES, a monster-themed show (that I can imagine having come sooner than either The Monkees or Scooby-Doo, thus having altered the course of history as we know it). Every week, the guys in the band would solve a mystery involving the side-characters featured in HORROR OF PARTY BEACH. Thus, there could be an episode revolving around the kid who sells newspapers, an episode featuring the meat-eating cops, and of course there would be the Eulabelle episode. (In this episode, Eulabelle would NOT be the butt of anybody’s jokes, but would save the day, again, in glorious fashion.)
If you need a movie, then there can be the pilot (which attempts to present itself as an actual movie): THE DEL AIRES LOOK POLISH! They would of course provide the theme song.
Toblerone from Escape 2000. Nobody, and I mean nobody, has more fun conducting an underground revolution than Toblerone! He’s the perfect wisecracking star of a futuristic action-adventure movie.
Mikey from “Teenage Strangler” is working at a bicycle shop dealing with customers.
(Crying) “I don’t have that bike you ordered! I forgot to place the order! I did that! Mama!!”
Mikey ends up strangled with a bicycle chain at the end of the movie.
This HAS TO HAPPEN.
“The Adventures of Vida and Flo.” The wacky adventures of Vida and Flo as they graduate from Girls Town and go out into the world. Vida’s strange journey takes her from being a martial-arts menace charged with keeping order in a young women’s prison to marrying a strikingly handsome (but gay) monster from outer space. Flo puts the most awkward adolescence in all recorded history behind, to become an internationally-famous model and shows the world just what she was hiding in that frumpy uniform, in Rudi Gernreich’s iconic topless bathing suit.
Naaah. Too weird. Nobody’d buy the premise.
A “Time of the Apes” prequel where we find out why Johnny doesn’t care.
How about a prequel to Boggy Creek called “Crenshaw: The Legend Begins?” How did he gloriously bury his truck in the backwoods? Where did his missing overall strap go? Much like an inept Obi Wan Kenobi, what inspired Young Man Crenshaw to eschew society and tend fires as a hermit on the path to becoming the cantankerous Old Man Crenshaw we know today who gruffly asks us to partake of chew and suggestively hunker down in strange rooms?
Box. Office. Gold.*
*In Arkansas.
“The Fingers O’Toole Mysteries.” Pratfalling detective Fingers O’Toole (from Catalina Caper) slueths out larceny in exotic locales. And shows that he’s as masterful with the ladies as he is with ferreting out insurance fraud. I’m thinking more a TV show spin-off than a movie; Fingers is good for at least three seasons.
Possible episode titles:
“Aloha A.C.L.”
“Singapore Sling”
“Bruised in Beijing”
“Hong Kong Headache”
“Catalonian Contusions”
What exactly happened to Frank Douglas between standing the whole way and being found alive, well, and of normal size?
“Madame Estrella,” in which we learn the tortured back story of the titular character. In the beginning she’s a young psychic with a gift, who provides valuable life guidance to her clients. But a relationship with an abusive drunk (how could a psychic not see that coming?) causes her to lose her shop and she ends up a tennant at a cheap carnival. Could also be a great TV series, sort of like “Better Call Saul”, where you know where it’s ultimately going, the drama comes from seeing the star’s trip to the bottom.
And while we’re on that, how about “Freshman Madison” showcasing the the adventures of a not-so-assertive young man away from home for the first time. In the the opening scene Madison gets his lunch money taken away by sixth graders from the elementary school down the street from the college.
There’s a new Mary Jo and Bridget VOD available at Rifftrax.
“Devil Girl From Mars.”
Also, there’s a RiffTrax Summer Shorts sale. Get 20% off shorts: no coupon code required.
Enjoy.
there was no monster movie staring the monster (that there was no)
Oh, man, what a great topic . . .
Jay: I think you’re selling Mike Pipper short here–he’s an archeologist, remember, so the Indiana Jones rip-off possibilities are endless. Or you could have him teaching at a Canadian university, spinning his homespun hermit wisdom to a variety of lovably wacky undergrads. Or he moves to Calgary and opens his own private investigative service “Pipperrrr Partnerrrrs”.
The Great Crowdini: How about a “Marfushka Tyler Mooreskaya” comedy? Marfushka moves to the big city to “make it on her own”, and joyfully throws her babushka in the air on Red Square at the end of the opening credits.
Scott Armstrong & Jay: Hey, forget Cupcake! What about Abby, who watches the “action” in pt. 2 of Riding With Death from the void and tells Ben Murphy to “give it the old college try”? I see an action anthology series with her as the hostess, watching each episode from the void and offering helpful comments to the heroes.
So what you are saying is you see no reason why there wouldn’t be no monster?
a dark journey into evil and desperation….
a one time heart throb and entertainer who ran afoul of the law leaves prison older and wiser.
reunited with the love of his life, he begins to rebuild the shambles of his once promising singing career.
years later while celebrating a successful show in Vegas with his wife, the lights cut to black and a chilling voice breaks the night…
“I’M GONNA MOON YOU…!’
‘Blood Moon, Crazy Moon’
*scream*
How can we forget Cupcake when the word “Hostess” keeps popping up. Are you implying that she is a “Ho-Ho”?
Sorry. Sorry.
I second Gomez/Thong from “Cave Dwellers”.
Also, a spin-off featuring Vidinho from “The Pumaman”.
I can imagine a movie with the “Buzz Off Kid” from Mitchell where he wanders the neighborhood on his Schwinn, searching for his real father and generally annoying anyone or anything that crosses his path.
I like the idea of Casey Adam’s movies having a shared universe, so I say we follow Dick Chasen from The Indestructible Man. His marriage to the stripper doesn’t work out, he meets a con-woman and decides to fleece the idle rich in Catalina and raise Marty Milner’s son. Kind of a poor man’s Magnum P.I. (a REALLY poor man’s Magnum P.I.) Title: Dick Chasen, Private Dick
Vadinho maybe?
Give Johnny Long Bone another chance to be condescending to white people.
“Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Deadman.”
From Space Mutiny, the continuing adventures of Lieutenant Lamont, as she takes on Mexican wrestlers while being dead.
Aaaaaaaah hates archaeologists!
The one fellow who showed up momentarily in “The Skydivers” to take some photos for personal viewing and then leave.
My questions are endless, and I need answers.
I like the whole subtopic of, “The Further Adventures of…”
“The Further Adventures of Bruce Green.” The story of a dedicated gym rat who, for almost twenty years, watches his life wander from one uncredited movie role to another. Finally, he ends up in the Mojave Desert, answering a call for a plumber by a lonely single mom in a manufactured home in the middle of the night. He crawls into the basement, and, while she tries to take a bath, they both end their miserable existences overrun by common rattlesnakes high on nerve gas.
Actually, that’s even more depressing than any given reel of any Coleman Francis movie. Forget I said anything.
[Tipp McClure, going from “Daddy-O” to “Rattlers”]
What about the paper boy in Rocket Attack USA, seen again in the stinger? “Extra! Paper! America invaded! Read all about it!” My GOD the stories that lie untold in those eight words….
Those creepy guys (and their equally lecherous superior) at the TV monitor from “Attack of the the Eye Creatures”?
It’ll be a short subject, an instructional film. All three of them are court martialed, and their fate is in the title: “Shot at Sunrise: It’s All in the Execution”.
sitcoms:
WHO’S THE DUMMY? – “Hugo, you just earned yourself some ham!” [freezeframe, laughtrack on, roll credits]
MOON ROCK? OH WOW! – “Oh hi, Mom. How’d it go with the latest guy I met? Believe me, you DON’T want to know!” [freezeframe, laughtrack on, roll credits]
variety (?) show:
THE CHASE WINSTEAD HOUR
“reality” show:
SURVIVOR: YUCCA FLATS
That’s great idea! Marfushka needs to escape her controlling mother first, though. Then she can turn the world on with her , uh … rosy clown smile?”
“Snow is all around, no need to move it.
Dowrys all I want, may need to take it.
I’ll mug that Jack Frost after all!”
What about the Dune Buggy Adventures of Tom (Arch Hall, Jr.) from Eegah!? His face would be his weapon against the bad guys and every week he would sing his song “Vickie” to a different woman not named Vickie.
Edit: Oopsie, not a minor character…
(the atomic brain aka monstrosity)
She’s a cat-girl! She’s a dead-girl! Together, they…uh…yeah, well…
Let’s be honest, even with its two slimy voyeur comic-reliefs, weren’t the Army people–led by Phil Silvers and his hip, worldly, wisecracking aide–a LOT more interesting onscreen than the supposed “heroes” of Attack of the the Eye Creatures?
Or even the monsters, ftm?
And then…there is Megaweapon. Five whole minutes in “Warriors of the Lost World”, and blown up.
Put a Mel Gibson-wannabe IN Megaweapon, and now you’ve got yourself a cheesy 80’s action movie. Put the Australian “Oy!” battery-commercial guy in as a sidekick, and you’ve got yourself an NBC series.
I’d like to pitch a wonderful little sitcom called “Lembach Is Staying” about a proper English gentleman who works as a butler for a middle-class couple and their three precious children in suburban Chicago. Hijinks ensue as English manners meet American attitudes. Yes, “Lembach is Staying” on NBC this fall!
The character is supposed to be a teenager. Even with that “youthful” face, he can be considered a minor character! :p
Inspired, I wondered how a Lupita centered movie would go.
Lupita grows up to be a lawyer and battles with Pitch to the defense of an overly enthusiastic storyteller. With special appearances by Santa and his know-it-all Pleasure Mouth!
The movie title: “Santa Claus 2, Evil vs The Narrator, The Battle Continues”.
Forgot about Lupita. A movie with her and the little Santa’s helper, Pedro, who seemed to know more about the business than Santa, would be fun.
Not wanting to nitpick too hard, but I watched Rocket Attack this morning, and the stinger is the old blind guy walking down the sidewalk in the middle of the rocket attack, and when bumped into says, “Help Me” with as little emotion as can humanly be mustered. Is the paper boy in another movie?
But on that topic, what about the guy in RAUSA who says he could have built the missile defense system for the price of the cheese subsidy? I want to see those guys in action! The exciting lives of defense industry engineers rarely makes it to the big screen. I know it’s a thrill a minute at my office, what with the finite element model revisions, circuit data sheet updates, drawing signoffs, earned value management status meetings, and Power Point presentations that never stop!
Yes: Invasion USA. Don’t worry, I get them confused all the time, too.
INVASION USA. Jeez, I even watched the stinger on YouTube before I posted that, to make sure I remembered the newsboy’s line right. Old age sucks dead moose, on toast.
I forgot about the Chucky doll with built in sign language action! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Fun Fact: Pedro won his ukulele from Tiny Tim in a high pitch, high stakes game of Name that Tune!