Spring training has begun, and our pal Timmy suggests:
So i was watching “The Girl in Lovers’ Lane” and the Mads had evil baseball promotion night ideas. I was thinking what would your evil baseball (and will include other sports) promotional night ideas? Mine are: free coffee drink with a shot of ipecac night, free asbestos night and — an oldie but a goodie — 10 cent beer and disco demolition night.
I am old enough to remember bat day (every kid was given an actual regulation wooden bat) at Connie Mack Stadium. My two brothers and I behaved ourselves but I kind of doubt today’s kids would…
What’s your idea?
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Backwards Hat Day –
Every kid gets a free hat with two bills, one facing forward and one facing back. That way they can wear their hats backward and be stylish while still keeping the sun out of their eyes.
(Not very evil, but it may revive the Sherlock Holmes look)
Disco Night. ‘nuf said.
Free copies of The Emoji Movie. I’m sure there are stores that would love to unload them.
Kids Run The (mined) base paths night. Kids get the thrill of running the bases before the game with the added challenge of landmines strategically placed between them. Don’t run out of the base paths, Timmy, the machine gun nests are positioned to mow you down.
Yeah, I’ve given this too much thought…
Shelter animal night. Every kid gets a cat or dog when they enter.
Fentanyl night. Everyone gets a free sample pack of fentanyl patches.
Onion night. Every kid gets a free sack.
Durian/Surströmming double header.
Free carpet sample night courtesy of the Creeping Terror Carpeteria.
Bobbleheads seem to be all the rage, so… Torgo Bobblehead Night. Seeing as how Torgo wobbles and shakes so much already, it’s not much of a stretch
– Foul Ball Night. Every spectator that catches a foul ball gets a free hot dog. Every player who hits a spectator with a foul ball gets a $100 bonus.
– Beer & Consequences Night. Spectators get free beer refills throughout the whole game. Then the police stop them in the parking lot for a Breathalyzer test, followed by a DUI bust.
– Watch Your Step Night. Landmines are buried on the playing field, and spectators try to figure out which players will set them off.
You beat me to this one.
Sampo,
Connie Mack Stadium now that is going back. must have been a Phillies fan.
Vuvuzela Night –
Vuvuzela, the long plastic horn made famous at South African soccer matches. The Florida Marlins actually gave these to the crowd one night creating what one fan described as “the roaring buzz of a swarm of deadly giant bees”. The Marlins lost.
Talking Watney Smith Bobblehead Night. Hey Cabot. Come on Cabot. Cabot!
Johnny Longbow’s Other Stew Day (the stew with rattle snake and Velveeta). If the home team scores just one run fans get a small bowl free.
Free miss spelled Caslteton t-shirt night.
No ball netting behind home plate day.
Idiot Control Night. The song loops the entire game.
fitted hat day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEZvWVlUY3E
Pepper spray night
Electric cattle prod night
Used motor oil night. To promote recycling awareness, every kid 12 and under gets a quart of used motor oil. Kids are told to return it to a responsible hazardous waste recycling center the next day.
Columbia forest products presents “a salute to structural lumber.” Every kid gets a stud-grade four foot long 2×4.
Bernz-o-Matic propane torch/Ronsonol lighter fluid night.
Bruce Edwards Ivins memorial envelope full of white powder night.
Between games of the double header, the “Bataan Memorial Death March Around the Bases” features 100 lucky fans who circle the bases until one drops of exhaustion. The one who falls is beaten bloody with rifle butts.
Free eggcreme night sponsored by the Fly Creek tourism industry.
Wormcremes and pink sheriffs upon request.
Blood Fountain Night. Everyone gets a 12oz cup and unlimited trips to the giant crimson spritzer.
10 Cent Killer Shrew Night. Imagine an entire stadium of people wired on Killer Shrews. It would be bedlam.
Monster A Go Go Night. It turns into a riot when it is discovered there is no monster.
that last one is dark. nice job.
You’re Fired Night –
Everyone gets fired one day before they are due for retirement. Now how is that for evil!
10 cent beer night:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFtR38Mlscc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1zN-oLCKo4
Plagues of Egypt night. Every spectator gets a free copy of the Septuagint. At the end of the listed inning the next plague from the book of Exodus is unleashed.
1st. Water into blood! Order water, get a bloody mary for the same price!
2nd. Frogs! One section of the grandstands is selected for the release of 10,000 frogs!
3rd. Fleas!
4th. Flies!
5th. Diseased livestock are released to roam through the stadium!
6th. Boils! A cloud of mustard gas is released on the crowd!
7th inning stretch. A hail of fire is created when the regular fireworks show is aimed at the grandstands.
7th. Locusts!
8th. Darkness! Turn out the lights in the park, including the emergency exit signs, for 30 minutes. Roving bands of muggers make sure that any cell phone turned on won’t be on for long.
9th. Death of the firstborn. For any family group who stays until the last pitch is thrown has their oldest kid (12 and under) exterminated.
– Bark & Scoop in the Park. Spectators may bring their dogs to the game, while the first 150 spectators without a dog have to follow the pooches around and clean up their refuse.
– “Superdome” Memorial Game. The players are introduced, then it’s all over and people never find out who won the game.
– Ed Wood Night. The first 1,000 spectators get an angora sweater and are entered into a special drawing; the winner gets to tamper in God’s domain.
– “Gamera vs. Guiron” Night. The first 1,000 kids get free doughnuts and milk, but any who actually take them gets their head shaved.
Space Mutiny Night. The first 100 to arrive at the park can drive around the field in modified floor cleaners. The last 100 to arrive are thrown over the railings.
Coleman Francis Night: First 1000 customers get a free penny and a broken cigarette!
Ziox Family Cult night.
The first twenty thousand fans receive a choice of a grappling hook or kerosene torch.
grey water night.
How about a “(Not Professor) Bobo” night? First 5000 get a bag of oranges and an inch thick cigar?
Mystical Wonder Night – Every kid who can sit through one of grandpa Borgnine’s cheery bedtime stories without wetting himself in fear gets a free cursed toy with the power to wreak untold havoc on the world from the window display of Merlin’s Magic Emporium.
Actual promo nights my local AAA team has had:
Mini-KISS night – an all little person KISS cover band
Wedding – A couple got married in left field before a game and had the reception at the ballpark’s restaurant
Funeral giveaway – Just what it sounds like
Stadium miniature night
“Salt Potato” Jersey giveaway night
Get a tattoo of the logo, get free admission
“Labor night” – any woman is went into labor at that game got free admission for life and so did her kid
Those are just a few…tough for me to beat those for sheer excellentness.
Edit to add: “dig for diamonds night” – a local pawn shop is donating diamonds for people to dig up on the field…
And to any fan who can explain how the flag got on the moon, FREE PARKING.
I lived in Cleveland and remember 10 cent beer night in 1974. You have to remember that in the 70’s the Indians were basically a farm team of the N.Y Yankees, every time they developed a good hitter or pitcher they would trade them to the Yankees for a pair of sweat socks and a used jock strap. Then we would watch those players lead the Yankees to 10 straight World series. The only way to get people to the ballpark was to sell them cheap alcohol to forget the most inept management a professional team ever had, at least until the front office of the present day Cleveland Browns.
To the first five hundred fans who say, “He’s no fun, he fell right over!” at the gate, a Ralph Spoilsport license plate frame…
[I just got one last week, so they’ve still got them in stock at the Firesign Theater website!]
Also…
We Don’t Care Night – All children under the age of 6 will be given extremely short shorts and a Coke, then allowed to run unsupervised around the stadium and any nearby top secret military or scientific installations for the duration of the game.
Free chocolate bars for the kids! What’s the catch? Those “chocolate bars” are actually Ex-Lax.
Considering the salaries players pull in nowadays, a hundred bucks seems kind of paltry.
That one might be a bit too dark.
Seriously?
Yup!
Not the article I was looking for, but…
https://www.milb.com/syracuse-chiefs/news/syracuse-chiefs-to-host-pregnancy-night-on-saturday/c-146698540
There was an update to it, and they added the free tickets, but this is the bare bones.
Oh yeah – the first article about it. There was one in between the announcement and the game that I can’t find…
http://www.syracuse.com/chiefs/index.ssf/2015/03/syracuse_chiefs_give_birth_to_pregnancy_night_as_promotion_on_labor_day_weekend.html
And that’s all the edits! Anything else is a new post!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E6ljLSOkbY
Not necessarily evil, just random thoughts –
Blowup Doll Night … or if that’s too “adult”, Beach Ball Night. Either way, FREE to the first 5000 fans!
Well, Blowup Doll Night didn’t turn out so well. But we’re still giving back to the community! Join us for Maltese-American Night, when all fans with documented Maltese heritage are admitted FREE!
And be sure to arrive early next week when the Blue Jays come to town, so you can watch Tom Servo’s documentary on Canada FREE on the centerfield Jumbotron!
Cave Dwellers Night: On the Jumbotron we watch Ator build a hang glider from scratch in less than five minutes from an elevation beyond the left field wall, then he sails on over and lands at home plate with the game ball. Meanwhile, at a special concession stand in center field, watch Thong catch fish with his bare hands for the nearby grills. Free geometric nuclei to the first 10,000 fans! Loin cloths in team colors! Caps with mullets and Cher wigs hanging down the back!
Meet the players night- the catch is it’s old players nobody remembers, and they’re sitting naked in one of those tubs baseball players use for sore muscles.
Might be a little grating by the last inning–Perhaps Alpenhorn Night might be better on the ears.
Leave the Bronx Night.
– Free Nuke Night. The first 500 kids under 12 get their own surplus Russian nuclear weapon, complete with a team backpack and a certificate of authenticity signed by Vladimir Putin.
– 501st Night. Special appearance by members of the real 501st Stormtrooper Legion. Between innings, they’ll arrest and work over anyone they figure is a traitor to the Empire.
– Opening Day Bargains. Three-for-the-price-of-one hot dogs. Free unlimited refills on all drinks. Popcorn and peanuts for half-price. Unfortunately, opening day is on January 20th and it’s an outdoor venue, in the Northeast.*
– Bait-and-Switch Character Night. Pre-game announcements promise personal appearances by actors from “a well-known sci-fi movie”. At the game, it turns out they’re actually featuring the extras from “Space Mutiny”.
* This is sort-of based on the time I went to opening day for the Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons. It was in April…and it was around 40 degrees and it snowed. I made it through four innings, then went to my Mom & Dad’s place to watch the rest of it on TV. As a guy said to me in line at the gate, “Welcome to the Poconos!”
That’s actually pretty awesome. I would love to have a Torgo bobblehead!
Star Wars Night — Any kid who comes to the game dressed as Han Solo gets encased in carbonite.
Hugo Night — The first 1000 kids receive a free homicidal Devil Doll. Ham sold separately.
Dry Ice Popsicle Night!
For the Arizona Diamondbacks — Rattlesnake Night! The first 1000 fans will be handed a free, live rattlesnake! This one’s especially popular with certain fringe religious sects.
Thanks. I try to come up with promotions that will leave the participants and spectators with lasting memories. My critics sometimes call those, “life-long emotional scars” but I prefer to keep a positive outlook.
Fu Manchu Night — Any fans who show up with a Fu Manchu mustache will be shown a dismal, incomprehensible film.
Schlitz Malt Liquor – The Bull! …proudly sponsors the carton of eggs and silly string giveaway twofer Tuesday night next Tuesday at Hooligan Park.