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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Has MST3K Taught You?Alert reader Stacy writes:
For me, it’s that meteors roam around space in swarms. What about you? 162 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Has MST3K Taught You?”Commenting at Satellite News
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All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2024 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2024 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
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the show taught me that:
but there was no monster.
that life’s just a show and i really should relax.
“Smoking is good for you!” -Santa
via “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”
the show also taught me:
If you’re going to bury a body in a shallow grave, make sure you use quicklime.
Cheating is bad and Richard Basehart is good.
If you have a central line and NG feeding tube-NO NOT LAUGH!!!!.. the machines dont like it when you cant breathe….
Sinbad is Russian.
No, no, Sinbad is Shazam the genie! Yakov Smirnoff is Russian. It’s a common mistake though, thanks to the Mandela Effect.
I have learned not to take a temp job from an evil scientist and his henchman.
Cave Dwellers (my first episode) taught me that if you need to save money on a low budget movie, make your villains invisible. Also, if you are using two swords to fight the bad guy, don’t let me taunt you into throwing one of them away.
To watch out for snakes! (it had to be said)
Also to never show a good movie in the middle of my bad movie.
From Incredibly Strange Creatures…
Have sex with a fortune-telling gypsy if she demands it.
That some robots are acquainted with the night.
Oh, and also ingredients in an interesting chile stew recipe: corn, chicken, green peppers, onions (sigh) velveeta, rattlesnake…
MST3K taught me where the fish live
I learned that, according to “The Bride of the Monster”, you can stand about 100 yards from a nuclear blast and survive. Very comforting.
Also, eight,five and a quarter inch floppy disks hold the keys to time travel.
I learned too late that man is a feeling creature, and because of it, the greatest in the universe. That men have to find their own way, make their own mistakes. There can’t be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection, they find only death, fire, loss, disillusionment, the end of everything that’s gone forward. Men have always sought an end to toil and misery, but it can’t be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself.
Every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention to the good and beautiful if you just take the time to look at it.
Thanks to Angels Revenge, I learned that women CAN make a difference, apparently all by running around in tight jumpsuits, bikinis, or silk dresses and high heels, and fake punching people.
It taught me how to make southwestern stew using CHICKEN, CORN, GREEN PEPPERS, ONIONS……….
Sorry CK, didn’t see yours
It taught me that Milwaukee is a natural element found in a river.
“The Incredible Melting Man” taught me to never look at the sun through the rings of Saturn. I was also taught to have a few spare packages of crackers around just in case the wife makes soup.
So, so much:
Turkeys can be used as a measurement for volume
Shame fuels the economy
Some movies need a separate writer for every part of speech
Gene Hackman is good in ANYthing
I do not have to accept the way a movie ends
Never turn your back on a mad scientist
Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day
Any time is the right time for waffles
Rutherford B. Hayes invented ringworm
Never let a dark specter into your house – even when it’s shaped like someone you know
A little Horshack goes a long way
Goodbyes are more effective when somebody actually leaves
Ward Cleaver is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
The song “Timothy” is not about cannibalism – it’s about a duck
When the mountains fall into the sea, a lot of people will have to stop loving each other
NASA is staffed by two, maybe three people at most
It was impossible to look good in the 1970s
Hell works best when it’s subtle
You can’t tunnel through space with a pickaxe
Nobody eats Hamdingers
Santa’s gonna be all right
Robots can cry, need to take showers, and say bedtime prayers
And, with the right friends, even the worst things can be tolerable
I learned that you only need three levers to operate a spaceship.
….No one should see the little creature.
….dogs can be sharp.
….Tor Johnson was a navy seal.
….a budget is a fish.
….aliens from Mars are interested in Puerto Rico.
….Frodo likes to get drunk and screw with his neighbors.
….fog often hides giant crawling eyes or praying mantis.
….we all should leave Robert Dembee alone.
….at one point in time, people paid for groceries with old cars and there was nothing you could do about.
….if you have guests to have cookies on hand.
….Some days are dedicated to Uranus.
I learned that no theater is classic Japanese drama and no theater has started in Japan. Shockingly, no theater
has been performed in Japan since the 13th Century and no actors are revered in that country! Well, they can
always revive American musical theater. Hello Sound of Music and Carousel.
That sleeping like a coyote, nose-to-anus, is FUN!
It taught me to never accept soup from a stranger with a fake mustache (especially if I ordered a sandwich).
People are just balloons.
Oh, and be sure to use plenty of lip and tongue action.
I learned that I should inspect my horn, and wash it every day.
If you’re like me, and I know I am, then you learned to tell the joke anyway because the right ones will get it.
To LOOK; especially around sandwiches, lint traps, hot plates… oh, and railroad crossings.
The joke answer is that if MST3K has taught me anything, it’s that even a skinny nerd stumbling around the wilds of Alberta can succeed.
The serious answer, on this April Fool’s Day, is two things: One, nothing’s so bad that you can’t laugh at it. If we can’t laugh at life, we’re doomed. Two, and I mean this with all my OCD heart, I can try to control where the movie begins and ends or I can use the special parts to make some robot friends. Giving up control to have fun is how I’d rather go through the rest of my life.
Oh, and cut your toenails after a bath or shower, when they’re soft and won’t tear.
I learned a few things about nature. For example:
It’s not often you see Johnny Mathis in the Wild.
When a Curly dies in the wild, he provides food for other Curlies.
Catfish have powerful forearms.
Nature is grody.
In fact, do you guys even like nature?
I learned that I am dirt. She’ll never touch me.
I have learned to open my mind to new ideas like considering whether there is beer on the sun. There is and I think it’s Corona.
I learned FORD BEEBE! FORD BEEBE!
From The Undead – You can’t take clothes back through time.
P.S. Any word from Shout! Factory about the next volume? They usually share the episode titles around the time of the most recenct release.
Sodium.
But you can take your wristwatch back in time, for some reason.
Oh how true; and, as I think someone said: when you get lemons, you make lemonade!
Also, I learned (who knew?) that Gamera is filled with turtle meat! :-)
Another thing is to watch out for snakes!
I learned that there is no such thing as a simple “bad” movie. There are degrees of “bad”, including goofy bad, inept bad, offensive bad, hateful bad, ambitiously bad, and marginally bad.
And that you can do just about anything via RADAR!
I learned what sin a man could commit to grow 50 feet tall!
I learned that guys named Blast Hardcheese are REALLY hard to shoot!
I learned that one strap overalls don’t leave much to the imagination…..brrrrrr!!
I learned about the existence of Coleman Francis.
Thanks, Best Brains!
MST3K taught me how to pronounce werewolf(It sounds like “Worwilf”!!!)
At #18: You’re some guy (gal?), Torque the Dorque!
I have learned that it is ok for fathers to urge their daughters not to resist aggressive, fondling advances from Neanderthal type men, if you think your life is in danger.
You can avoid hard time for murder and other criminal behavior by accusing your parents (also, thank God I’m white!).
And that truly, coffee makes the gears of American life turn round…where is it, your coffee?