At the end of The She-Creature, Mike’s final line is, “Man, if there was ever a movie I wanted to throw into the stump grinder, this is the one!” And there’s no doubt that MSTies feel the same way about various other MSTed movies, that are not simply plain or boring, but generate full, unadulterated malice.
My top picks would definitely be:
The Mad Monster
The Projected Man
The Deadly Bees
Oh, no, none of those. My one choice is: Red. Zone. Cuba. If we rounded up every print and burned them, the world would be just fine, maybe better.
Keep those WDT ideas coming!
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‘castle of fu manchu’ i still can’t sit through this one without falling asleep.
‘being from another planet’ servo’s right, this is one of the worst one’s they’ve done.
‘project moonbase’ i couldn’t find an airlock fast enough to toss miss ‘i’m the queen of everything’ out of.
Starfighters. As bad as Red Zone Cuba, Manos, Creeping Terror, etc. were, at least they didn’t seem like feature length infomercials. Even the poopie suit couldn’t save it.
Castle of Fu Manchu –
Even Tom Servo, while vehemently denying that all the other movies they had previously been subjected to were worse than Being From Another Planet, had to admit that Castle of Fu Manchu was AT LEAST as bad.
I have to disagree on “Castle of Fu Manchu”. It’s awful, but the presence of Christopher Lee makes it worth preserving…and putting on a shelf way in the back of the library where it won’t be noticed.
I’m not sure there are any MSTed movies I’d put in the stump grinder. There are, however, a few I’d seal up in a neutronium container with biohazard warnings on the outside.
“Invasion of the Neptune Men”, and “Incredibly Strange Creatures” (both from Season 8) were by far the worst films ever featured on MST3K (in my opinion, of course). If we ridded the world of these abominations, the world just might be a happier place.
Monster A Go-Go –
How do I loathe thee? Let me count the way…
1. It has spawned a thousand “But there was no (fill in the blank)” responses on the WDT, including an especially cheap one from me. Yes, I am ashamed.
“The Beast of Yucca Flats” gets the stump grinder treatment for me. No slow death on silver nitrate stock for this turd.
Sponsored by F.A.P.S.
I kinda hate Santa Claus, the movie not the dude. Truly a fever dream. I also have a hard time with Catalina Caper (the music doesn’t save it, in fact it kinda nails the coffin shut)and Zombie Nightmare (not sure why I hated the movie so much, just remember purposely not watching it).
I’m torn about this question. Bad as those already mentioned were, they all provided enjoyment when filtered through MST. Can we have just the MST versions preserved and all others destroyed?
I would never, ever put Deadly Bees in a stump grinder, I love it dearly for reasons I cannot understand. However, I would definitely destroy the two Cold War paranoia films, Rocket Attack USA and Invasion USA. There’s more than enough brutish, heavy handed message flogging in today’s media. I don’t need my parents’ ham fisted propaganda films harassing me too.
Hobgoblins. Hobgoblins is the name of the movie you’re thinking of. Hobgoblins. Mother$%*&$%# Hobgoblins. Hobgizitty Goblins. Goblins of the Hob.
Hobgoblins.
For the short I recommend the Undersea Kingdom. Besides “HURRY DIANA!” and the walking water heaters the rest of it is a real snoozer. Thank goodness they only did a few episodes.
For the flick I have to say the Screaming Skull. Micky was the most developed character and he spoke like Snagglepuss and unfortunately did not get enough face time. The rest of the cast were boring and even the skull didn’t even scream.
“The Atomic Brain”. Just an ugly, ugly movie.
Hellcats. What a slimey, vulgar, vomit-enducing waste of film. Come to think of it, even the poor stump grinder would need a shower after this one.
Here’s a movie Ann-Margret would provide the stump grinder for: Kitten With a Whip. It wasn’t her idea to be a crazy teen who nearly ruins John Forsythe, and how they end this would have led her to say no to this. Her agents, though, thought they knew better.
Also, of course, Wild Wild World of Batwoman, unless it was cut to just the girls on the beach.
Oh, I can see there’s going to be a lot of contention on this topic. Deadly Bees was directed by Freddie Francis; those long shots through the house are absolutely classic. Red Zone Cuba has some terrific head shots from Herb Roberts. Rocket Attack USA gives us one of the rare appearances of the delightful Monica Davis.
My stump grinder, operated by an over-caffeinated Peter Stormare, is reserved for the loathsome Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders. This is the first MST I watched with my SO that she refused to finish, giving it the ultimate thumbs-down, “It’s mean-spirited.” HE HURTS THE KITTY, DAMMIT! In the second segment, THEY KILL THE FAMILY DOG!
According to Wiki, in the second segment, “The original film’s dark ending, in which the monkey kills the entire family, is replaced with Merlin arriving just in time.”
Yup. Turn that thing into mulch.
Yes, there are a select handful where – even though the riffing may be great – it’s nearly impossible to separate yourself from the repugnant unpleasantness of the film. A few are so bad I’m unable to even re-watch them despite many funny moments provided by the crew. Top two examples: Hobgoblins and Blood Waters of Dr. Z. These I’d have no trouble chucking into the ol’ stump grinder.
So many films, so little time.
Eegah! This film just bothers me. Wrong on so many levels I only have it in my collection because I’m a
completest.
Squirm. Ugh. horrid film.
Mighty Jack. WTF is going on here.
I too wouldn’t mind tossing in the Coleman Francis Trilogy of Despair. But one I’d like to burn the leavings after going through the stump grinder is Squirm. The first time I watched the episode, I was so repulsed I swore I’d never watch it again. Not quite true, since I’ll be digging out the DVD next time the episode comes up in the discussion rotation. But after that, no more.
The Head that Wouldn’t Die
There is so much vileness in this film that I feel like I need thorough disinfecting after I watch it. Doctor Cortner literally oozes sleazy, tasteless, misogynistic icky-ness–and not in a good way. Not one redeeming quality to this film: nothing, nada, zero, zip.
There are so many in the running for this prize — one might better argue which films should not be eradicated forever from the earth — but this one wins by a head for me. :snicker:
As with any similar topic, there will be a lot of disagreement, and I’m fine with that. But just letting you know — I would personally dive into the stump grinder to save The Deadly Bees. The 1960s British fashions, hairstyles, slang, etc. elevate it for me, plus I think the riffing is great. I could watch it unriffed. Heck, I DID watch it unriffed when it was shown on TV lo these many decades ago.
OK, open up that stump grinder flap as I merrily toss in The Starfighters. I hate this one so much. It’s ugly and boring, and no amount of riffing can save it. If there was room in the grinder I’d throw in The Blood Waters of Dr. Z too.
Blood Waters of Doctor Z has no socially redeeming characteristics and deprressing endings with everyone dying and Doctor Z even getting the fish girl. The worst Mst3000 movie.
I don’t think that I would destroy all copies of any MSTed film, but for the purposes of this question, a few movies spring to mind instantly.
The Atomic Brain is one of those rare MST3K films that leaves you feeling genuinely awful after watching it. Just plain icky.
The Brain That Wouldn’t Die could be a companion piece for The Atomic Brain. In any event, it would be an appropriate companion for The Atomic Brain in the stump grinder.
Despite not completing the hat trick here by featuring the word “Brain” in the title, I’d choose The Touch of Satan for being all-around unpleasant.
Deadly Bees also has an appearance by The Birds. The guy in the white turtleneck sweater is Ron Wood of the Rolling Stones.
The flip side of this question – which MST3K film would you want the Library of Congress to deem “culturally significant” and worthy of preservation in the National Film Registry – might be just as interesting, actually.
High School Big Shot. Possibly the most depressing movie I’ve ever seen. Much worse than the Coleman Francis films, as it has a coherent story.
Attack of The The Eye Creatures.
Some movies are bad or inept (Looking at you, Red Zone Cuba and Manos). Some are purely hateful of their characters and life in general (I see you there, Hobgoblins and Batwoman). Attack of the The Eye Creatures was just a lazy-ass movie from the title to the humor to the monsters. It provided nothing except a way to fill up 2 hours at 1am on some UHF channel in the 60s and 70s.
:DOH: Doh!
Brain, Head, whatever. ;-)
In your defense, the end of the movie did show the title The Head That Wouldn’t Die.
They should just be happy that they didn’t pull an Eye Creatures and call it The The Head That Wouldn’t Die.
in all fairness ‘invasion’ did give us the hitler building.
One other saving grace for Deadly Bees–the appearance by The Birds. The guitarist in the white sweater is Ron Wood of the Rolling Stones, one of the founding members.
Well, personally, I’d choose “Manos” for that. Yes, it’s an awful movie, but it’s culturally significant in that it shows the power of the media and the public. A flop upon release, it was shown on a cow town puppet show and, thanks to fan reactions, became a cultural phenomenon.
My picks would be some of the biker films MST3K covered. ‘Wild Rebels’ and ‘Sidehackers’ were just crapfests filled with utterly vile characters. And ‘The Hellcats’; was that even a movie? Was there a plot? It just seemed to be a bunch of unrelated scenes stapled together. Oh, and the characters were reprehensible too.
This should be next week’s discussion thread.
I agree with that statement. As far as shorts, I would vote for “Catching Trouble”. It just goes from 0 to straight to hell in roughly a tenth-of-a-second.
And if I can venture just a little outside of MST3K, I would also vote for “Legacy of Blood” from Cinematic Titanic. Deplorable characters, creepy overtones, and not a single shred of decency to be found. Actually, a stump grinder would probably be too good for it.
I can pick one movie I would want to throw onto a stump grinder: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-up Zombies. So totally inept. So absolutely trashy. Not one ounce of talent shows on the screen (despite actual cinematographers involved in the film — everybody can have an off-day). And Ortega is no Torgo.
Barring that, the entire Coleman Francis trilogy. Every single fricking one of them…
My pick would be THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS,INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN and ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES…All 3 movies don’t have any entertainment value whatsoever.They tend to drag on and on,even with Mike and Joel and the bots and they help some,but not enough…The Deadly Bees had the gorgeous Suzanna Leigh..Castle of Fu Manchu had the legend and great Christopher Lee,even though he wasn’t enough to save the whole movie…The Creeping Terror had the goofy looking monster and the dance hall scene and the stupid characters to laugh at…What did the Neptune Men have?? Dumb villains? Nothing..Beast of Yucca Flats had too much narration,people talking,but not on screen and what’s the deal with the girl getting choked at the beginning?? Had nothing to do with the plot.It’s just that Coleman liked nudity and decided to put it in a movie just for that reason..ughh…
Future War. Just thinking about that movie makes me mad. Trying to make a cyborg/dinosaur/time travelling film on a budget of $4.12 and zero talent is ridiculous and it shows. Hate it.
There are very few MSTied movies that I would consider totally unredeemable. Castle of Fu Manchu tops the list. It’s just way to drab, boring and pointless. Even the riffing fails to make it bearable. Once in a blue moon, after I’ve rewatched everything else, I put it on thinking that it couldn’t be as bad as I remembered or that a fresh look might make it more enjoyable, and every time it proves its lack of worth.
Kitten With A Whip should be shredded and turned into kitty litter. Stupid from beginning to end.
Mighty Jack — Dull and incomprehensible. Not quite as bad as COFM, but close.
I’m also not a fan of those old serials. Phantom Creeps, Undersea Kingdom, and Commando Cody are all so dreary, overwrought and repetitive. And I have to agree with Annie Wilkes about the lame way the heroes always “escape” from the cliffhangers. “He didn’t get out of the COCKADOODIE CAR!”
The Incredible Melting Man –
Not the movie, which is worthy enough of stump grinding, but the Melting Man himself. Eeyuchh!! A guy who dribbles and slimes away his body everywhere he goes does not make for an appealing character (get it… a-pealing).
You know, the stump grinder might actually benefit from the extra lubrication provided by this job so it’s a win-win!
The third episode of the upcoming season. I won’t name it, out of courtesy to those who don’t want to know, but you will know what I mean when you see it.
Ironically enough, outside of MST’ed movies, Fargo. And ftm, most Coen Bros. movies, beginning with “Hail Caesar”.
The Girl in Gold Boots. Every thing, (and everyone) in this movie seems to be coated in a thick film of oil. I really feel like I have to go shower after watching this dog. A disgusting mess of a film.
Fargo and No Country for Old Men are both great movies. Of course, you strike me as a “Batman and Robin” kind of guy.
I second this, and would throw in Kitten with a Whip and I Accuse My Parents as well.
Ron Wood did not join the Stones until 1975, hardly a founding member…
My votes would be Invasion of the Neptune Men, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, Attack of The The Eye Creatures, and Incredibly Strange Creatures etc. These are all pretty horrible movies. I find it hard to find anything about those movies that is worth watching without the riffing.
Incredible Melting Man – An excessively gross and disgusting thing to be subjected to, all that melting! I only watched that full episode once, when it was new. And “watched” is a relative word! The stump grinder for the actual film, and (not necessarily all copies) the MST3K episode edited in such a way to leave out visuals of the melting while keeping the rest of the movie and all the riffs intact. Any way that could be made to make the riffs during the melting make sense would be wonderful. The scene of the Bad Witch melting from the Wizard of Oz, maybe…
Hamlet uggh the only MST3K movie I just could not watch
Joel: Fu Manchu. I’ve tried so many times with this one. Plus it’s from when the show was slightly lengthier so it’s an even bigger kick in the shin. Mads attemting to riff at the end is cute though.
Mike: Starfighters. This movie is a vortex of nothing. The only thing that wakes me up are the scenes where the overprotective, effeminate dad calls in and no one wants to talk to him. The sketches are way better than the riffing which has to be a fail in my book.
I mostly agree with this, BUT even though they’re muffled I like the songs in Hellcats and the song the band plays in Wild Rebels. Also, women with eye patches are hot.