How about a discussion on the old “date, marry, kill” theme. Which MST3K character, in a film or a host segment, would you chose for each one.
For date, Natalie of Wurwilf. I think it would be absolutely fascinating.
Marry, Betty from Teenagers from Outer Space. She could do housework wearing that black bathing suit. Hubba hubba!
Kill, Melissa Strickland from The Touch of Satan. A mercy killing really, to get her out of the clutches of Satan.
Me: Date: Talena from “Outlaw of Gor”
Marry: Kitty from “I Accuse My Parents”
Kill: That guy from “Ring of Terror.” (Was I supposed to pick a woman? I just hate him so much.)
You?
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Date – Kim Cattrall
Marry – Beverly Garland
Kill — Nobody. Not anyone. Well, maybe Ortega from Mixed Up Zombies.
for me:
date-Valeria from Robot Holocaust. she has some access to the ‘pleasure chamber’ and you’d never understand it when she said ‘no.’
marry-the ’21st century calling’ chick. she’s easily impressed, perky and once we get past the brothel issue things would be ok.
kill- ‘Susan’ or whoever the first girl to get it in ‘horror of party beach’ was, there’s the whole attitude thing plus she didn’t Look! Polish! enough for me.
Liz Walker / Yvette Vickers, one great date.
Iole / Sylva Koscina, besides her beauty, and short toga, she is devoted and seems to have a good heart.
Gloria Henderson / Jean Fontaine, her voice, fashion and predatery nature are more than enough reasons for her to get whacked.
Date – Allison Hayes from “The Undead”. RROWW!
Mary – The Romulan from “Is this Love?” But are we really ready for marriage?
Kill – The She Creature.
Yikes! We’re getting dark this week! That being said, I will participate…
Date: Ava from “Agent from HARM” – I bet she’d be a lot of fun on a date or two. Honesty and commitment aren’t her things, however.
Marry: Annakki from “Day Earth Froze” – She seems extremely loyal and isn’t too bad on the eyes, either. And my brother-in-law would be an immortal blacksmith. So, there’s that.
Kill: June from “Leech Woman” – Sure, her story is tragic but she turns into a serial killer and engagement wrecker really fast.
Date Ophelia. I would treat her a lot better than Hamlet did and I wouldn’t stab her father, which is a big plus in a relationship.
Marry the magic tablecloth lady in Sword and the Dragon. We never have to worry about putting food on the table.
Kill Gloria from Sinister Urge. The cops missed an opportunity to shoot her in the end and say “She was reaching for a gun. We had no choice”.
Date: Hercules, the Steve Reeves model. I imagine going out to drive-in movies with Herc, the two of us snuggled together on his horse, drinking wine. Herc would hog the popcorn, but, hey, who cares? It’s Herc! He’d definitely be worth a few dates.
Marry: Zach from Soultaker. He stuck with Natalie through her lost-soul phase, he’s apparently a fine mechanic, and he’s cute in that ’80s way without being obnoxious. I suspect he’d be a decent husband (never mind M&tB’s description of his life after Natalie dumps him…they’re just jealous of his hair!).
Kill: Like Jay, I don’t think I really want to kill anyone. But I DO want to fish-slap Mooney from The Beatniks. I mean, like, desperately, a dead trout right across the kisser, with a firm, “Snap out of it, you little overacting punk! Get a job and grow up!”
Date- Agent Fulton “Secret Agent Super Dragon”. A really cute women even in a brown clown suit with blue polka dots.
Marry- Mila “Cave Dwellers” Hot and just a badass chick. On our honeymoon I’d take her to the ends of the Earth.
Kill- Gloria “The Sinister Urge” Everything Torque the Dorque and Kansas said on comments 3 and 6.
Date: Cane Miro from Gunslinger… he’s attractive in a tough, cowboy way…and he’s mighty handy with the ladies…
Marry: Big Stupid, of course (what can I say, I like the bad boys… plus, he can cook!)
…Or maybe Hercules; he’d be very useful around the house. Ahem.
Kill: Watney Smith from Outlaw… yup.
@ Sampo: Which guy from Ring of Terror? Moffitt, the narrator, or the dickweed who assigned the hazing stunts whom Joel and the Bots desperately wanted to get killed?
Date: Lady Momar from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Marry: Beverly Garland
Kill: Susan Hart. (Not really, but boy, would that would solve a few headaches down the road, huh?)
Date – The eager-to-please slave girl from ‘Outlaw.’ No explanation necessary.
Marry – Carrie-You’re-So-Very, aka ‘the Girl in Lover’s Lane’. Pretty, sweet, and smells like hash browns.
Kill – I’ll join the chorus calling for the head of Gloria ‘Sinister Urge’ Henderson. It’s hard to think of a person, man or woman, more eminently killable for so many reasons.
Date: Marisa Mell from “Secret Agent Super Dragon” and “Diabolik”…Cool European sophistication with beauty and sensuality combined in one beautiful package.
Marry: Kathy Ireland from “Alien From L.A.”. I could deal with that voice, oh yeah, and not just because I think she is beautiful with a dynamite body…her character also demonstrates those qualities you (well, I anyway) look for when considering spending the rest of your life with someone: loyalty, honesty, perseverance, self-confidence (eventually), etc.
Kill: Like others have already noted, I wouldn’t want to actually kill anybody, but in a strictly fictional movie sense, I think, of all the reprehensible characters we confront over the years in MSTied movies, I would choose Leo from “Girl In Gold Boots”- a gangster, drug dealer, misogynistic woman beater who is oilier than a pool full of WD-40!
Date:The Dutch costumed girl in Agent For H.A.R.M. (I think it’s that movie). Cute, easily engaged, and with no apparent interest in a long term relationship.
Marry: If you don’t mind women who wear two kinds of plaid (clearly a fashion nono) Nick’s girlfriend Lisa Henson of
the Shopping News).
KIll: While a guy, have to agree with Watney Smith (arguably the most repulsive character in mst3000, and with no discernable
redeeming characteristics).
#12, Sean:
Lady Momar? I don’t know. She seems like a one-Martian woman. Granted her husband doesn’t seems to be intensely possessive (or effectual).
Date: The incredibly cute mute woman on The Phantom Planet (I’m not sure if its Liara or Zetha, but then it’s just some dates so I’ll just try calling her Mulva).
Marry: Bridget. I know she’s spoken for but, hey, I’m just as big and dumb and midwestern as Mike!
Kill: Mrs. Ted Nelson in The Incredible Melting Man. She seemed awful whiney, and running out of crackers is a capital crime in my book.
Date: Wanda from “Alien from L.A…………..Provided I get ear plugs!
Marry: Livia from “The Undead”. I’ll even allow the imp to live with us!
Kill: Marfuska and her mother from “Jack Frost”. OK, Ivan got to marry his 9 year old Nastya but he’d have to deal with those two in-laws the rest of his life!
Ya know, since we are being overtly sexist with the date vs. marry thing why not go full tilt –
DATE – Any actress wearing one of those fifties bullet bras (I like a challenge).
Marry – Natalie from Werewolf. I would have a built in excuse for not listening to her.
Kill – Monster from Monster A Go Go. It wouldn’t be murder since there was no monster (I hate myself for using that one).
Date: Sheila from Pojcted Man. She’s lovely and charming, though I wouldn’t trust her to assist with any teleportation experiments.
Marry: Helen from Revenge of the Creature. She’s beautiful and intelligent, plus she’s a dog person. I guess she’s also a fish person.
Kill: Amy from Hobgoblins. Sure, Daphne is an obvious choice as well, but Amy is such a “horrible, frigid, non-supportive girlfriend”. She is just unbearably unlikable. Plus her ultimate goal in life is to be a stripper.
Dark but fun WDT!
Date — Ben Murphy from Riding with Death; he’s so mellow and ’70s, man. Although I can see it would be a problem if he turned invisible just to stand me up for our date. Hmmmm.
Marry — James Franciscus in Marooned. Handsome AND an intelligent scientist? Sign me up yesterday, please!
Kill — Although I hate to let my inner murderer out too often, I have to say that if the zombie hadn’t killed creepy sexist sociopath Jim in Zombie Nightmare I probably would have gladly done it for him.
Date: Ophelia from Hamlet. Sure she’s nuts, but she was really cute in this version!
Marry: Lora Lee from Gamera vs. Zigra. I mean, once she has her mind freed of course. She’s an astronaut, smart, and kinda hot.
Kill: Paula Parkins, the spoiled brat with socialite parents in The Violent Years. Kill is a but much. Still, If we’ve learned anything in the past decade, spoiled brats with money whose parents didn’t bother just end up with their own reality TV shows.
Okay, here we go.
Date: Nastenka. Sure, she’s a little young, but I would die for a smile from that face
Marry: Beverly Garland. Need someone capable and strong-willed
Kill: Ivan, definitely. Partly to get rid of the competition, partly to prevent him from hurting Nastya (you know he will someday – I’m sure not all of his egotism and narcissism was tamed…). Second option, Jimbo the psycho from Zombie Nightmare. Just because he’s a creep. And besides, the actor grew up to direct crappy movies not even Rifftrax should tackle. I mean, look at his picture on Wiki – doesn’t he STILL look like someone you want to smack across the face?
Date: Bong (Eddie Cochran) from Untamed Youth. He’s a musician, what more do I have to say?
Marry: Kimar from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. A nice guy who cares about the happiness of his family. The antenna might prove to be interesting, too…
Kill: Dr. Bill Cortner from The Brain That Wouldn’t Die. Slowly by sawing his head off with a dull butter knife. (Well, not really, I couldn’t kill anyone, but that misogynistic, selfish, murdering &^$&%# is just about the most unlikable character in any MST movie. Second place is Michael from Manos.)
GF says:
Date: Joel
Marry: Mike
Kill: Frank (he’ll just come back to life anyway)
Date:Hercules
Marry: Thena’s brother from Quest of Delta Knights
Kill: Leech woman’s husband
Me:
Date: Jane from Puma Man
Marry: Michelle from GWGB
Kill: Leech woman
Date/F: Lena from Clonus Village – We’ll ride our bikes very slowly together in America. Today! We’ll keep the eternal flame of crotch fires burning umm well eternally or until my dopey wife (see below) figures it out.
Marry: Marinda the Potato Princess – Potatoes are what we’ll eat. Potatoes are also what we will hurl at each other after about two months of marriage. Potatoes will destroy this marriage. Damn you Potatoes!!!! On the bright side her mom likes to come over and she’s good with the kid…and…and…Potatoes!
Kill: Teen-Age Crime Waver Terry Marsh has been identified as the passenger who fell overboard on the Carnival cruise liner Railing Kill.
Wow, tough one. I will cheat and answer using the persona of the alternate universe evil “Mirror, Mirror” me: :devil:
Date: Mamie Van Doren – just rewatched this week and just wOOw … arOOOOOO-gah!! … hubba hubba!! :hypnotized:
Marry: Allyson Hayes – I’ve always had a sweet spot for her, and she is drop-dead gorgeous. :inlove:
Kill: HA HA HA!!!! AT LAST, UNLEASHED, to kill, KILL, KILL!!!!
… definitely the Paper Chase Guy’s DAMNED MOTORCYCLE from Warrior of the Lost World!!! :evilgrin:
Oh, dear…
The Real (plain and boring) me O:-) would date and marrry one of the girls from one of the 50s shorts, a June Cleaver type – nice, demure, yet still looks good in a housecoat.
But I’d still kill the Paper Chase Guy’s motorcycle from Warrior of the Lost World!!! :evilgrin:
Date: ‘Mr.’ B. Natural (Like a couple of others, I love a good challenge.)
Marry: The monster from Monster-a-Go-Go (so that I can remain a bachelor.)
Kill: The entire cast of ‘Castle of Fu Manchu’ (for nearly killing me with the movie equivalent of at least 73 sleeping pills.)
– Date: Double date with these two nice ladies from Gamera vs. Guiron. (Challenging, ok, but note riffers’ observations on attractiveness.)
– Marry: Creepy Girl from Catalina Caper. (Challenging, ok, but to quote Tom Servo: Creeheepy girl etc.)
– Kill: Too brutal for my taste. But striking Kathy Ireland (“Alien from LA”, squeak, squeak) with eternal muteness would be more than justified.
Date – Creepy Girl… if for no other reason than to find out where here vaguely European accent is from.
Marry – Beverly Garland (I’m noticing a trend here, and rightfully so)
Kill – While I’m opposed to taking human life, I would pay good money to see a chain-match between Watney from Outlaw and Eddie Deezen.
Ha love this!
Date: Critter from The Girl in Gold Boots. Dumb as a stump but cute and he could mop my kitchen floor.
Marry: Gregory Peck’s NASA guy character from Marooned. Because, Gregory Peck.
Kill: That a-hole Ross Allen from the “Catching Trouble” short that tortrues all those poor animals.
Date: The Horror of Party Beach – his ability to hold a lot of hot dogs in his mouth is oddly attractive to me…
Marry: Michael Sopkiw (Peter) from “Devil Fish” – his experience with getting rid of bizarre sea creatures would be helpful in breaking it off when I decide to “get serious” with someone – plus to be frank he was kinda hot.
Kill: The Creature From the Black Lagoon, whom I expect is “The Horror of Party Beach’s” mom or dad – not really sure which – but I’m sure he/she’d be showin’ up at all hours of the day and night all upset that I broke “Horror’s” heart, trying to force me into a
shotgunspeargun wedding…Date: Creepy Girl
Marry: Linda from Women of the Prehistoric Planet
Kill: Kitten With a whip. Ann Margaret is gorgeous but that character is nothing but trouble.
Date: Sonia Torgeson as Alice in Teenagers From Outer Space. She is very…spirited. A fun time?
Marry: June Kenney as any of her bland but dignified characters. She may know Judo and she may get hung up in a giant spider web from time to time.
Kill: I guess I’ll go with Gloria from The Sinister Urge as well. At least check the body after you kill someone, you big dummy!
I may have to get in touch with my inner gay man and do a version for the male of the species. Seems a bit more fun to me.
Kill: Watney.
Kill: Watney.
Kill: Watney.
That’s about all I got.
Date: Jimmy’s Mom from ‘I Accuse My Parents’. Problems aside, she really knows how to party and probably knows all the best bars in town.
Marry: One of the Viking women from ‘Viking Women and the Sea Serpent’. They know how to build ships, navigate the ocean and sword fight. What more could a man want?
Kill: Gloria the smut queen seems to be getting the most votes, but I want to kill Linda, the vile biker chick from ‘Wild Rebels’. She is just so reprehensible.
Me:
DATE: That babysitter played by Beez – because, as your average Looney Tunes character would say, “‘rowr, ‘rowwwwrr!”
MARRY: Probably also Beverly Garland. Which raises a question: which Bev? There are 3, a perfect number for this game. Probably not the Gunslinger one – her husband died, and she killed the guy she got romantic with. And the Swamp Diamonds one is way too dangerous. So, the third one, excepting her ultimate fate by that silly alien, and I’m not putting her in the KILL category!
KILL: Added to the can’t really kill anyone list, but to go with Michael O’Donoghue style sarcasm: Mr. B Natural (named like a man, but played by a woman) – because she’s too annoying to live, plus she’s imaginary.
One of my female characters from my comic:
DATE: Petey the Plane! (keeping in mind my character’s 10)
MARRY: Megaweapon! Strong, dependable, will be protective. What a guy!
KILL: Agreed with Ro-man: Paper Chase Guy’s motorcycle, easily!
Date: Mamie Van Doren. Probably high Maintenance, but a nice rack.
Marry:The girl from cheating (when she comes of age) because she let the guy cheat off of her. What a Gal!
Kill: The Master because he has all those wives and won’t share one with Torgo.
Date: Those fun gals from Spider Island! Runner up: Ava from “Agent For HARM”.
Marry: Probably Carrie. I’m a sucker for the sweet innocent type. Runner ups: Wanda or Annakki.
Kill: Gotta go with Gloria Henderson on this, she’s despicable. Runner ups: Killer Grandma and Nastinka’s stepmother.
D – Queen Cleolanta, Crash of the Moons
M – Ruth Adams, This Island Earth
K – Lotte Krayendorf (The “War Pigs nun”), Operation Double 007
An Aside –
I am watching the Star Trek original series marathon on BBC America. Thanks to the influence of this WDT every time Mr. Spock says “Fascinating” I flash to Natalie in Werewolf!! Illogical. Flawlessly illogical.
Date – Tandra, the vampire priestess from Samson vs the Vampire Women. I’d probably only get the one date before she killed me but it’d be worth it.
Marry – Zetha from Phantom Planet
If I have to kill someone, I’m making it a two-fer of Watney and Queen Lara.
Since I’m a hetero male, I guess I have to limit my choices to women, so here goes:
Date: Valeria from “Robot Holocaust.” Very beautiful, but I don’t know if I could stand that speaking voice for too long.
Marry: Definitely Mary Beth Hughes from “Last of the Wild Horses.” I’m surprised there haven’t been more votes for Mary Beth Hughes: she’s an MST3K goddess, and her character in “Wild Horses” is an good, old-fashioned, low-maintenance, down-to-earth, outdoorsey type. Plus, I prefer brunettes. :)
Kill: I wouldn’t kill anyone, but if I _had_ to choose, I’d pick one of the vampiresses in “Samson vs. the Vampire Women”, since they’re dead already. A second choice would be Suzy from “The Skydivers”, since she’s a homicidal maniac, and picking her off would save someone else’s life … even if it’s Tony Cardoza’s.
Date: The blonde from Village of the Giants (at normal size) who asks “what made the ducks grow like that?” and is subsequently rejected by Tommy Kirk.
Marry: The Girl From Lover’s Lane. Go to hell, Jack Elam!
Kill: Ann Margaret from Kitten with a Whip. She bugs me, man. She really bugs me!
I would date Eva Kant
I would marry Queen Samara
and I would kill Ray Dennis Steckler…oh…we’re discussing characters…in that case, the Pumaman
Date – Nick from Time Chasers. I like the idea of going back in the past, as long as I can bring my DVD recorder and get Super Bowl 1.
Marry – (not a lot of good choices here) Kevin from Hobgoblins. He seems like a nice guy.
Kill – (too many choices here!) Either of John Agar’s characters. The pomposity of either needs to be gone.
I’d date Hestia the Fire Maiden. Nice fun pretty girl, and she wouldn’t fill up the closet with her shoes.
I’d marry Kendra Eldridge from Phase 4. Sweet, demure, self sacrificing, but steely young lady, and as Servo put it, “a total babe”. Her shoes wouldn’t fill up the closet either.
I’d kill The Thing that Wouldn’t Die. Because it needed to. And for not quitting while he was a head.
Date: Kathy Ireland, as I’ve always had a crush on her (those green eyes are incredible!). The voice would get a little old, but that’s OK. (Close second, Allison Hayes from The Undead – do I have to explain?)
Marry: Tough subject, as I have been married for 30 years to my dream girl (who also has incredible green eyes – I see a trend), but probably I’d go with Captain Pantyhose ancient creature scientist from Devil Fish – very attractive and very intelligent scientist (also like my dream girl – another trend!)
Kill: I’m with the shame and stone squad for Gloria from Sinister Urge. If we could get Watney and Dr. Bill Cortner at the same time, so much the better!
Date – Fortune Teller with the Mole from TISCWSLABMUZ. I’m not getting turned into a mixed-up zombie. I’ll even watch a Barbra Streisand film festival if she tells me to.
Marry – Leah from Space Mutiny. God-Santa will be my father-in-law. I get to be entertained by Punch Rockgroin angrily picking up my step-kids and get into a yelling match with Leah in that high-pitch squeal of his. I’ll stand on the porch, playfully clapping like Mr. Burns/The Emperor, saying, “Goood, goooood!” Then she and I will go inside and hula hoop nekkid.
Kill – Cherokee Jack. No one lies to my boy, Cook.
Wow, how did I forget about her?! Plus she can sing too.
I’m surprised there aren’t more votes for offing Dr. Misogyny from “Leech Woman”. One of the slimiest scumbags in MSTory.
Date: Tanya from Boggy Creek. We could go camping in the swamp and she likes to go bra-less.
Marry: Adal from The Mole People. She’s subservient and wouldn’t question anything I would do.
Kill: Linda from Wild Rebels. You know, for kicks!