|
 |
Weekend Discussion Thread: The STOOOPIDest MSTed Movie CharacterIn one of our recent Episode guide comments sections, we were discussing how STOOPID Jimmy from “I Accuse My Parents” was, when alert regular “Littleamishboy” suggested:
Indeed it is. I must begin with John Forsythe in “Kitten with a Whip”–the stupid against which all other stupid must be measured. Other than that, have at it. 80 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: The STOOOPIDest MSTed Movie Character”Commenting at Satellite News
We are determined to encourage thoughtful discussion, so please be respectful to others. We also provide an "Ignore" button ( Comments are closed. |
|
Satellite News is a fan site for the Mystery Science Theater 3000 television and Netflix series. It is an independent publication written and compiled by Chris Cornell (msampo@aol.com) and Brian Henry (erhardt4@aol.com). Satellite of Love, LLC does not maintain this web site, nor is it responsible for this site's content.
All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2024 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2024 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
|
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
Jimmy Wilson from ‘I accusse’ hands down. the argument can be made for being a little mental. but stupid is the word. and hey there it is, REALLY BIG!
Laserblast –
The two deputies, Hank Williams, jr. and Gilligan, must rank near the top (bottom?) of the stupid scale. “Are you ready for some football!!!”.
Prince Hamlet. He agrees to a “friendly” fencing match with a man whose father he stabbed (and joked about afterwards) and whose sister he drove to suicide. He won the Darwin award before Darwin was even born.
The four idiots in King Dinosaur may not be THE stupidest, but they’re right up there. Sure, let’s be the first people to land on an alien world, and then spend all our time wandering around, romancing each other and being attacked by animals. And then, when we see huge iguanodons and other creatures, let’s panic, tear up pictures of them, then flee and nuke the island from a safe distance of 400 yards or so. Really, what a top-notch team of explorers.
So many maroons, so little space. Still, speaking from experience, that young fella Jodie was just not very bright. Poor guy. Dumb as a post. My 150+ year old daughter grandma was the best he could do as a young unattached man traveling the country in his Maverick? He gave up his soul – and his aimless travels around America and the Maverick – for dumpy Melissa. I can understand why his lawyer daddy gave him money to go away. He is a pretty good hand with herding the walnuts, though, and the brood of jackals that he and Melissa produced keep the squirrel population down. Even so … dumb as a post.
Got to go with Peaches from Racket Girls. As Crow put it – “Peaches has a fresh natural stupidness that isn’t forced or contrived.”
Everyone involved with Hobgoblins.
Oh, we’re just talking characters?
Well, their characters were incredibly stupid too.
How about Sid Melton in “Radar Secret Service”? His role in the gang was deliver awful jokes. He feels sick and wants bubble gum? He’s walking Hypno-Helio Static-Status with way too much X-4!
And then there’s the cast of Red Zone Cuba who go from trying to free Cuba to avoid jail to….jail (and Coleman dying).
SHOOT! I’m blanking on the movie title – the one where the scientists figure out that sodium will kill the monster, but then don’t get the sodium for what seems like days afterwards. Heck, they didn’t even run down to the local grocery store and buy up all the Morton’s just to keep it at bay while someone else went to pick up the barrels of it. STOOOOOPID!!!
Oh, and I still hear M&tB singing about it whenever I see or hear the word “sodium”. :)
Oh please. There is no competition. It’s Natalie from Wahr-wilf. You can almost literally hear the rusty gears of her mind creak, groan, and try to come to life every time she attempts to form or express a thought.
How about stupid law enforcement officers that are so stupid that you want to throw something at the screen. I’ll start off with Sheriff Alan Hale, Jr. in The Crawling Hand. He has a body, does no investigative work, but has a suspect. And then, instead of taking him in to interrogate, he confines him to the house where the crime was committed. Then, when people who just might know a little something about it come to help, he not only refuses the help, but does so with such a bad attitude that you wonder how anybody would have ever elected him. Since he did not take Paul in when he should have, he also put Marta and Bub in danger. I could go on and on, but he just makes me sick, with his stupidity.
And then there is Eddie in The Beatnicks. Basically his stupidity can be summed up in one word: Mooney. How stupid can a guy get? Hang around with a homicidal maniac with a very short fuse. Somehow, I don’t think much good could come from it.
Mike from Manos is a walking, talking mass of stupidity and terrible, terrible ideas.
It takes a dedicated kind of stupid to lock your family and yourself in the house of the technology-fearing psychopath you’re actively trying to avoid.
The away team from “Women of the Prehistoric Planet” are right up there on the list. It takes a special kind of idiocy to use a slippery log to cross a body of water, when the body of water is about as big around as a kiddie pool, with firm ground all around it.
but on the flip side, no phone, cable or internet bills each month. more money for torgo to wax that bikini area.
Droppo from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. What more need be said?
Everyone who was eaten by the monster in.. The Creeping Terror.
Seriously if I saw something that big, frightening, and hungry “Lumbering” in my direction. I would WALK my sorry self right the hell out of there!
Don’t forget the astronauts on 12 to the Moon. Not only did they buy that “invisible face shield”
con, but they had the intelligence and caution of a slow starfish—touching/grabbing everything
they saw. (of course the Apollo astronauts would have envied their cavern sized spacecraft).
Col. Glen Manning. I’m running out to that plane – it’ll just take a sec’. Oh crap, that’s right, the bomb!
Richard from Parts: The Clonus Horror was pretty dim.
I would add the mom to the list as well. She hears a wild animal howling outside in the desert – where you would EXPECT to hear wild animals howling – and insists that her incompetent husband go out and “chase it away”, thereby leading to their little black poodle getting killed. If they’d just stayed in the house, the wild animals probably wouldn’t bother them. Then she ignores Debbie long enough for her to go missing, agrees to not tell her husband when Torgo paws her, and makes the original suggestion to go back to the house they’re running away from in the first place. Poor kid didn’t stand a chance with parents like that.
Nobody’s mentioned ol’ “Sir Bag of Hammers” himself, Pendragon from The Undead? Even the ‘bots got fed up with his stupidity level (“She’s not in the tower, ya knob!!”).
Big Stupid. It’s right there in his (MST3K-given) name.
Phantom and the Chicken men of Krankor!
How many times did POS inform them that they’re “weapons were useless against me!” ?! Yet time after time they tried to no avail. They also did not have enough sense to wear undergarments under body tights. Advanced civilization my a$$.
To quote from an almost identical WDT from 2012, “It is an agony of choices”. There are so many MSTed movies for which one could put on a blindfold and throw a dart. It’s like trying to pick out the wettest water molecule in the ocean. I just can’t decide. Now I will sing the Failure song. “He’s a failure, la-la-la …”.
The police in Monster A-Go-Go, stupidly chasing a monster in a tunnel when everyone knows there was no monster.
I’d offer a nominee, but heck, it’s out of my jurisdiction.
Whoever thought the fountain of blood plan in ‘Gamera Vs Gaos’ was a good idea.
Well, Trumpy COULD do stupid things… ;-)
Haven’t seen every episode, but I’d say that the deputy in The Giant Spider Invasion is a candidate for st00pidest character ever.
Fingers O’Toole. If the criterion of stupidity is refusing to learn from mistakes, then he takes it hands down. Bad things happen to him when he gets near large bodies of water, yet he refuses to use any special caution when he’s there.
Johnny’s parents (of Johnny at the Fair short) were pretty dim.
Come to think of it, just about all the adults were at that fair, eh?
From Joe Lewis on down. A small kid is wandering around alone. Sure, let him go on rides, speedboats
etc. Don’t ask if he’s lost..
No question asked. Go ahead kid.
A feel a Canadian hating song coming on from a small, rotund robot.
The whole cast of Pod People, especially the lobotomized girl whose dad owned the record studio and the boy with the sweaters who took in Trumpy. God, those people were idiots.
The stupidest MST character is certainly in The Girl In Gold Boots. I just can’t decide between Michelle or Critter as to who is the worst.
I’m leaning towards Critter as the stupidest. Despite Michelle’s blank affect, I could argue that she realizes that her arrangement at The Haunted House is somewhat better than her life with her dad at Eat.
Phantom of Krankor, hands down! I never understood his plot, he needs the rocket fuel formula because they don’t have enough fuel, right? So he flies to Earth, then flies back to his planet, then flies back to Earth to kidnap the scientists, flies back to his planet. A lot of flying if they don’t have enough fuel!
I think the Women in Gamera vs Guirion must be related to Phantom of Krankor. Their planet is freezing, and they only have one ship that works, so they send the ship to Earth? Then it comes back with the kids, and THEN they decide to fly back to Earth? Why didn’t they just fly to Earth?
With an evil toy monkey threatening to kill his family the dad from Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders took his sweet, stupid time getting it out of the house. Twice, carefully placing the monkey just so on the edge of the coffee table so he could feather dust or vacuum-knock it into a well placed sack. Just put the monkey in the bag you dolt! In the words of Tom Servo, “You stupid bastard! I could stab you in the eyes right now!”
How about the girls from “The Violent Years”. They believe Count Juggula that by destroying the schoolroom they will get a big payoff. Then, to make matters worse they shoot a cop. As Crow so eloquently puts it, “they have to ask themselves if this is really worth it”. I know they’re criminals, but they sure are stoopid criminals.
Buzz (the icky elf) from Girl in Gold Boots. He aligns himself with some real bottom feeders at the Haunted House, starts dealing drugs in a school zone, then tops it off by killing a guy while he’s in jail!
Ok, good stuff: a lot of really stOOpid characters here. But, of course, there SO MANY criteria for defining what stupid IS.
If we were to limit our assessment to insipid things a character said, I think it would be hard to top Melissa in “The Touch of Satan” with that infamously vapid line, “This is where the fish lives”. Huh? :idk:
TWO CHARACTERS off the top of my head:
1. The “Happy Pig” sidekick guy who says CABOT a lot, in Outlaw of Gore. :pig2:
2. The guy born without a brain stem that looks like Phil Collins (who peeks at the captured grandma-daughter) in Space Mutiny. :skywalker:
I’ll go with Merlin from Santa Claus. Especially if you’ve seen the extended cut done by Rifftrax, he’s not the bright wizard every other medium makes him to be.
The only one I can think of offhand is Buzz, who tries to become more popular in middle school by learning to play the trumpet.
Okay you are camping and sitting around the fire with Dan Fogelberg when something that looks like a cross between a bear and a pig (walking on two feet mind you) appears out of the orangish glowing fog. Yeah it’s ugly – but it may be harmless! What do you do? Why you start to banter with the Snuffaluffagus lookalike. With a high powered rifle in hand you of course try instead to trap it with a net. Alf then kills you and Fogelberg heads for Z hills. Talk about a serious need for idiot control now.
What about Corn job. It’s tough though. Oh what about that wormy traitor dude In outlaw. And there’s always arch hall jr in eegah
Oh wait no. The redneck couple living in squalor who think diamonds from cracked open space coconuts, dead bodies ripped apart and dead cattle, and lazer Floyd occuring in their yard are all coincidences I think may be the winners. Or even the entire cast of horrors of spider island
That was Horror of Party Beach. The smartest people in that movie were the bikers who apparently got out of town before the monsters showed up.
Mike,the dad in MANOS,because no matter how many times his wife tells him that she doesn’t want to stay at Torgo’s,he doesn’t listen.Then,he doesn’t make any effort to leave,way before the car won’t start and seems perfectly alright spending the night at a place he knows nothing about and doesn’t seem as creeped out at Torgo as his wife does.
Most of the people in THE CREEPING TERROR for NOT RUNNING when the monster was slowly coming towards them..the people at the dance,the housewife hanging out clothes,the people having a picnic,the girls in bathing suits,the fat guy and so on..
True,but if her moronic husband listened to her in the first place,then she wouldn’t have been just as stupid as him..
Especially Nick,since he’s suppose to be this tough guy,but doesn’t help Kevin kill the hobgoblins.He just sits there at Club Scum..guess if Club Scum had any rakes for him to use,he would have helped..
The Maltese Superintendent and Lt. Tiramisu in Final Justice – they let Thomas Jefferson Geronimo out of jail numerous times because he promises not to make any trouble, which he promptly reneges on and gets tossed in the clink again. Plus while he’s out there, he beats people up, kills someone, or causes someone to be killed. Sheesh!
Dr. Ted Nelson. Worried about crackers and investigates the melting man by going in the woods and calls for him.