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Weekend Discussion Thread: MSTed Movie Character Dating ProfilesAlert regular Fart Bargo suggests
How about: “Single green gil man seeks sexy ichthyologist who knows her way around an electric prod.” Your turn. 96 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: MSTed Movie Character Dating Profiles”Commenting at Satellite News
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All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2024 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2024 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
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lonely world conqueror seeks mate so that he can love like the hu-man. live like the hu-man. be like the hu-man.
hope you don’t mind shedding, tick baths and the occasional call from my boss. #rowdyroman
Boggy Creek II –
Outdoorsy female into hunting and fishing in the bottoms looking for soul mate who enjoys tending to fires. Must be okay with my little creature. Broccoli rubber band a definite plus.
The Final Sacrifice
Noodle-armed loner male seeks older man with no ambition. Must have truck with ignition problems and history of cult activities. Murdering of fathers is preferred.
Incredible Man looking for Amazing Woman to melt his heart, fingers, and face. Must be slow-moving and willing to share her mind. Easily accessible brain preferred.
For “Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders”
Aggressive journalist seeks passive woman to help demolish small businesses with scathing articles. Barren womb a plus. Must be willing to engage in baby/diaper play.
for Girl in Gold Boots
uncoordinated, drug-addicted go-go dancer looking for oily, abusive, drug-dealing boyfriend.
Creepy scientist seeks lovely young woman. How your face looks doesn’t matter, we won’t keep it anyway.
–The Brain that wouldn’t Die
Law student seeks virginal, vacuous, creepy woman who will show him where the fish lives. Brunette preferred, not required.
Torgo.
Huge kneed goat man seeks beautiful women for possible matrimony. Must look good in a see through robe and granny panties. I would like to have a wife, but the Master says I can’t. He has SIX wives, but won’t let me have ONE! Well I’m through with the Master! Through! He wants you, but he can’t have you! HE WANTS YOU, BUT HE CAN’T HAVE YOU!
Watcher over the Place while the Master is Away seeks attention starved women rejected from Ashley Madison. Must have shoulder length hair and be into guys who over do it on Leg Day. No dogs. Must like beans and lingerie wrestling.
Chain-smoking, frustrated, angry woman seeks no one. That’s right, NO ONE! I hate men. I’m perfectly fine here with my dog Tess. Now get out of here and take those damn bees with you.
Oops, too harsh? OK….
Yee haw! Happy-go-lucky trucker, wannabe race car driver, seeks a cute little darlin’ who will wear Farrah Fawcett hair and let herself be named after various pastries. Must love my guitar playing and questionable singing, and not mind my bromance with Ben Murphy. ‘Cause he’s Ben Murphy.
Great white hunter and animal catcher looking for woman who likes hiking through Florida swamps and catching snakes. May be called upon to distract angry mother bears while I steal her cubs.
Attention-starved young boy seeks turtle. Object: companionship. Size and destructive capabilities not a factor. Must have good heart and high tolerance for emotionally-disturbed children. Providing own rocks for house a plus. Email: kenny@tokyo.gov or call (555)555-TIBY after 3PM.
Pilot and weight lifter looking for woman who will spot him and tolerate his occasional random screaming. Love of golf carts and foil shirts a must. #SlabBulkhead
SW cave-dwelling giant of indeterminate age seeks nasally SWF for fondling, sniffing and giving shaves. Me like drawing, sulfur-water and long walks in dessert. Brunette with voyeuristic father preferred. Leave picture or rock etching of self at mouth of Deep Canyon (watch out for snakes). #schtimlow
SWF seeks SWM who can make me feel squishy. Must have infinite knowledge of making kitchen appliances more efficient and an interest in growing mushrooms.
Ex-hooker potential Nun looking for alien tool for friendship and more. Must have intimate knowledge of boxes and have clown white on fist.
Schlitz-swilling obese cop seeks prostitute for sex. Baby oil a must. #MITCHELL
Crawling eye seeking eye creature for retina relationship. Must be good looking. Pupil in the schlock arts a must. Should make me so delirious with romance that it becomes impossible to distinguish between night and day. Am looking for love, but will be okay even if you JUST DIDN’T CARE. Be the the love of my life! No crawling hands.
Love pickup trucks, beer, back-bacon, and a good mullet? You do, eh? Then you might be the soul-mate I’m looking for to join me in my life quest for beer on the sun. Turn ons – beer. Turn offs – satanic cults. Liking of beer a must. Did I mention beer? #therowser
Young oppressed woman looking for someone to date other than family members. Hobbies include flower arranging and looking nice for men. Willing to following directives including role-playing.
Night club singer seeks shoe salesman. Gullibility a plus. Contact kreed@paradise.com.
SWF seeks green-skinned, laser-wielding soul mate. Must enjoy picnics off county road B and share a hatred of random signs that say “Star Wars”. Van with giant feet on side preferred.
Widowed WF seeks SWM. Object: companionship, possibly marriage. Must love children, get along well with other NASA wives. Must have no history of space madness. Bring own retro rockets. Extra supplies of oxygen a plus. Reply to ceciliapruett@jsc.gov.
SWF recovering from bad relationship seeks SWM. Object: friendly, no-strings companionship. Must have open mind re: prostitution, marijuana and criminal records. Must be charming, intelligent, and enjoy the music of Yanni. No cops, no guns, no baby oil. Will not charge for time spent. Medical records available upon request. Call (555) WLTR-DNY, ask for Greta.
Boozy, overweight L. A. police lieutenant seeks high class hooker with
low self esteem. Knowledge of how to wash dishes a plus. If you can tolerate
being frequently arrested on petty drug charges…go ahead on.
Attractive older woman seeks one night stand with handsome man, any man really. Must be chock full of spinal fluid, and enjoy African jewelry. I am very playful in bed, and you well definitely feel “drained” once the night is over. :-)
Sexually uncertain music teacher seeks young loser kid who thinks playing a trumpet will make him popular. Lack of any musical skill a plus.
WWF Seeks SWF with killer body. Potential soul mate. Intelligence not required. Must be willing subject for various experiments. Must also be able to soothe the whims of an old lady. Expecting a permanent relationship.
SWF witch seeks scrwany SWM for companionship on walnut farm. Must like taking long walks to where the fish lives, long awkward conversational pauses, and occasional attacks from meat-hook welding Grandmother/sister. Must also be willing to give his soul to Satan to keep me attractive. But please refrain from yelling “Zah!” in public. Send interested inquiries to Melissa Strickland.
Love a beautiful face? Then I’m the girl for you–because that’s all I’ve got.
If we hit it off, maybe we can go back to your pan.
Short, hairy male seeks young companion to make magic with. Love of animals a plus. Must be ok with occasional visits from surly sibling. #StupidThings
(one more, from my wife and fellow MSTie)
Military man seeks really large woman for a weekend walking around Vegas. Must be able to deal with sudden mood swings and large diapers. #Amazing
Tall, college man with “rugged” looks and shot-off sizzler seeks pretty, blind woman for long term relationship and to operate doors for him. Leave pic and contact info underneath dock.
SWM, master of many skills, including healing and hand-made hang gliding, seeks SWF. Must enjoy freshly caught fish (caught by my faithful aide, Thong), blowing doors off of cells, and fighting cave dwellers. Foes of evil John Saxon-like guys a plus.
SWF, from LA, seeks adventurous guy. Must like spelunking, looking for missing relatives, and hanging out at the beach. Some people think I’m big boned, but most people think I look like a swimsuit model. No Aussie accents.
Professorial type with a long-bow seeks California Lady to swap stew recipes and creation stories (Lizard and Coyote found each other, why not us?) I love anthropology, archery, and rushing the Halloween season. I also love chicken, corn, green peppers, onions . . . No fatties or moon beasts please.
Good Things Come In Small Packages! Petite older male seeks boytoy for games of hide-and-seek and foot worship. I’ll make a bear of you!
Single Green Male, distinguished, Sonny Bono type, seeks Single Green Female. Object: Companionship (and maybe more?). Must hate children and holidays. No freaks.
Large unattractive man likes to fish and eat seeking slow moving woman to go on long walks with… to look for my grandson Bobby.
Award-winning essayist seeks teetotalling older female who is happy in her work. Must enjoy tall tales, birthdays, ducks, and hamburger sandwiches with french-fried potatoes. Shoe fetish OK.
SWF physicist seeks SWM physicist who links to skinny dip, work for really high brow clients, and destroy interrociters. Not a fan of lobotomies, boyfriends who pass gas, or being attacked by gross monsters. Send inquiries (asap) to Metaluna.
The ladies call me Big McLargeHuge
30YO SWM power lifter ISO early 50s SWF. Must like protein shakes and being told to MOVE MOVE MOVE; hula hoop dancing and butt-showing skills are big pluses, doctorate and knowledge of ancient dental history optional. Other interests: mask punching, rail kills, floor waxer races, and alternate-day bulk-up routines. P.S. I’m a screamer.
SWM seeks SWF. Object: brief companionship during breaks in quest. JV cheerleader look preferred. Must be tolerant of martial arts training, older ninja mentors, incoherent speech. Liking of hamsters, persecution by gangsters a plus. Reply to mxkllr@mstrnja.net.
SWF seeks SWM with pecs like melons and knees of fringe. Must be willing to put up with windbag inventor-father. Knowledge of soloflex a plus. Must be into committment (no journeys to the ends of the universe to fight evil). Must own hang glider. #StopShakingMeDad
SW Canadian cult leader seeks sacrif…..er female companion for walks in the woods. Must fit wife-beater like tee- shirt. Seek me at #Canadiangarthvader@gmail.com.
“If you like Pina Coladas…”–Oh, wait, they’ve already analyzed that one.
Awkward SWM high school horn player seeks his “natural” match: a SW-androgynous magical pixie with a Peter Pan fetish.
SWM seeks SWF for trips through time in my light aircraft that may result in the destruction of all humanity . (Not to worry, our past selves from another tangent will fix it.) Must be all right with large chins, ten-speed bicycles, and me having summers off. Contact: nickmiller@castleton.edu
Large eight armed mollusk seeking pushy, assertive female reporter for explosive late night rendezvous at the lake. Must be good swimmer.
Torgo
“May be a little late for our first date.”
Goofy ninja’s apprentice with slight speech impediment seeks pretty much any willing woman. Must be OK with my elderly gentleman friend, van and gerbil.