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Weekend Discussion Thread: The Perfect Riff at the Perfect TimeTodd suggests:
I’ve noted this one before but it still stands, from “Catalina Caper”: “It’s Gloria Estefan and the Catalina Deus Ex Sound Machina.” Amazing. What’s your pick? 143 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: The Perfect Riff at the Perfect Time”Commenting at Satellite News
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My favorite couldn’t-be-better riff is in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, when the Martians are kidnapping Santa in the workshop: Crow says, “Old man, take a look at my elf, he’s a lot like you!” Gets me every time.
Narrator: There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics…
Servo: “Oops”.
To paraphrase the dialogue in “Phantom Planet”, the navigator goes through his readings, and Chapman asks him if he’s sure. The navigator asks him why, and Mike says “we’re underwater”. Subtle and perfect.
Girl in Lover’s Lane: “camera 3 get off the tracks, camera 3…..aaaahhh!!” which is also perfectly followed up by a commercial break.
In Amazing Colossal Man, when the soldiers are being briefed on searching for the missing giant. One of them asks what they should do if they see the giant and the riffers yell “Run!” Even my father (who was never much of an MST3K fan) got a laugh out of that.
Angel’s Revenge –
“Where’s April?” “In Paris.” Both literate and hilarious. That’s pure MST3K!
It was in a KTMA episode, can’t remember which one. There was a long kiss between two characters, and finally Crow said something to the effect of “Stop massaging her tonsils with your tongue and get on with it!” Cracked me up.
I have two favorite right time riffs;
In THE TOUCH OF SATAN, Luthor brags that his ciders secret ingrediant is peanuts. Crow cracks “I sure hope he said peanuts!”
In SPACE MUTINY, Dr Jansen is dancing and twerks her booty at Ryder Tom cracks “She’s presenting like a Mandril!”
In one of the shorts to The Unearthly:
One of the want to be posture pals faces sideways.
Joel: “My name’s Sally. I’m a snackaholic.”
(all three in unison) ” Hi, Sally.”
The Touch of Satan: [Camera shows sign reading Ellen’s cafe] Crow: Whoa, what was Anne Heche doing in there?
I’ve got 2:
In The Final Sacrifice, when Troy & Zap meet the old prospecter-y guy, Troy says ‘You knew my father?’, followed by Tom’s ‘Knew him? He was delicious!’.
In Track of the Moon Beast, when the Moon Beast is dying & begins glowing red, Tom sings ‘And the monsters red glare…’
So good they used it in a promo. I saw that promo and that’s one of the reasons I started watching MST3K. :-)
One that always gets me is from Rocketship X-M:
Lisa: “You’re immune?”
Crow (I think): No, I’m Lloyd, that’s the moon.
This is the one I think of as well, just about as close to perfect as you can get!
Another one from Posture Pals. When the narrator comments on how the boy currently being silhouetted needs helps, Joel says, “He’s a loser, and the kids let him know it.” The Cafepress shop really should feature that quote done in the style of those, “I’m with Stupid,” T-shirts.
Not just one, but the string of Santa riffs on Space Mutiny when Captain Santa meets the Valerian high priestess: “Ho ho ho, someone did leave a cookie out for me.” “Wanna see me shake like a bowl full of jelly?” “I am a right jolly old elf!” and “Let me just check you twice here.”
The Final Scrifice
“You knew my father?”
“Knew him?!? He was delicious!”
Perfectly timed riff at one of the most weirdest moments in the movie.
I’ve posted this one before, in the “Favorite One- or Two-Word Riff” WDT, but it gets me every time. All I have to do is THINK of it and I start laughing. (I really need to stop doing that. My kids will put me in a home.) It’s in Danger!! Death Ray, when Bart Fargo sidesteps and the Abe Lincoln-lookalike spy goes headfirst out the window, and one of the ‘bots says, “Olé!” The timing is so perfect.
In The Final Sacrifice, there’s one riff made perfect by Mike’s puzzled delivery:
Troy (at his father’s grave): “I miss you, dad. I want to know what happened to you.”
Mike: “…I died.”
SCCTM- Voldar:”Crush them! Destroy them!” Torg:”You were adopted.”
It’s hilarious whenever they can get a great triple-riff going, but the best-timed one that I can remember?
I’ll pick a moment from The Day the Earth Froze. Just as the old man is drinking from that antlered drinking vessel:
Crow: “What am I? I’m a moose! Heh heh heh…”
Joel: “Grandpa, that’s Aunt Tessie’s urn!”
Servo: *spitting noise*
Perfect timing, all of them.
And of course in Time Chasers when the intrepid reporter for the
Shopping News shows up with contrasting skirt and blouse plaids:
“I’m a naked robot and even I know that wearing two kinds of plaid
is a fashion nono.”
From THE DEADLY MANTIS:
Col. Joe Parkman: “Ladies and Gentlemen…”
Crow: “Lick Me.”
It’s an example of razor-sharp timing that’s easy to take for granted, but very, very difficult to achieve.
If we’re talking single riffs, I’ll go for this moment from Manos: The Hands of Fate:
Joel: “……………………………. DO SOMETHING! God…”
There’s perfect timing here, even though it’s not an immediate response to an event or a delivered line of dialogue like Servo’s classic “oops” riff (as pointed out by Jeff Cox).
They let just the right amount of nothingness take place in the movie before Joel turns the scene into a comedic marvel. It shows you that the timing of the riffs is just as important as the actual content of the riffs.
From Mitchell: “Word on the street is you’re a jerk.”
I don’t know what it is, but this line always kills me. I think it has something to do with the point in the movie, more than rapid comedic timing. Whatever it is, it works.
From Parts: The Clonus Horror:
Rick: You knew about the tape, didn’t you?
Jeff: Yeah. You saw the tape?
Rick: Yeah, and it’s scary.
Crow: Adam Sandler’s in it.
And, of course, every time someone says “America,” it’s almost always followed by “TODAY!”
In Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, when Fingal says,” Here’s looking at you kid”.
Here’s looking at u-taunt
Here’ looking at u-biqutous
Here’s looking at u-lysses.
Perfectly timed
Project Moonbase:
General: Now that we have a space station…
Guys: …or frisbee…
General: …it is at last possible to send a ship…
Guys: …or batteries…
General: …all the way around the moon…
Guys: …or playground ball.
General: On this trip, Dr. Werner [will photograph]…
Guys: …or double…
General: …The ship will then return to the space station.
Guys: …or frisbee.
[Polly Prattles begins to prattle]
Guys: …or Large Barge!
Still one of my favorite MSTed moments. Perfect timing all the way.
From ISCWSLABMUZ, this middle-aged blonde singer appears scatting from behind, and then when she finally turns around Crow shouts,
“Ladies and gentlemen, the Glenn Close Experience!”
Such an awkward movie moment with such a perfect riff.
Reminded me of a similar Commando Cody riff:
Graber: Where’s Cody?
Servo (as Joan): In Wyoming.
Love it…
Jack Frost-
“Nastenka, darling. Will you marry me?”
Servo: “Um,I’m NINE!”
Two words: “I’m back!”
Perfect timing because up until that point it was kind of plodding, and afterwards a complete riot.
From Teenagers from Outer Space:
Early in the film, Derek describes how there used to be happiness and love in their society. Joel’s riff “oh bite me, there was not!” is perfectly timed with the space commander’s look of scorn, I love it.
Also, from Operation Double 007, Neil looks at a piece of paper handed to him by another agent. Right when he looks up, Joel remarks, “I can’t read…” Something about the matter-of-fact delivery and the perfect timing cracks me up every time.
As always, I turn to Wurwilf for mine.
Noel: “At the risk of sounding insane–”
Crow: “–I’ve replaced my toes with grapes.” Also…
Yuri: “Yeah, I’m gonna take a walk!”
Crow: “Down to Kirk Douglas’ house!”
Reporter: “Excuse me, Santa?”
“Get the hell outta my shop!”
Rocketship X-M was full of timing moments:
“Rocketship X-M, come in:”
“…HEELLLLP!!”
“Rocketship X-M, repeat your message:”
“We said, ‘…HEELLLLP!!”
(writes down)
“H…E…L…P spells HEELLLLLLLP!!!“
Reporter: “Excuse me, Santa?”
“Get the hell outta my shop!”
Rocketship X-M was full of timing moments:
“Rocketship X-M, come in:”
“…HEELLLLP!!”
“Rocketship X-M, repeat your message:”
“We said, ‘…HEELLLLP!!”
(writes down)
“H…E…L…P spells HEELLLLLLLP!!!”
Just like:
(lingering shot of Valley Lodge sign)
Servo: “Okay……………So what ABOUT the Valley Lodge??”
In Danger Death Ray, when they are playing a game at the party (maybe Baccarat) that Bart Fargo has crashed one guy says “Banco, 10,000”. Then the bad guy (Charlton Chew) gives a dirty look at the camera and Crow (I think) says in a stern voice, “Better be a damn good bonk”. Perfect!!!!!
I’m going low brow with Night of the Blood Beast. “Dick Courier. When Dick absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.”
“I’m Batman” from Time Chasers.
That’s one of my favorites as well, the riff and the cut to commercial was absolutely perfect.
I’m also really liked a riff from Soultaker: when a bus drives by and then Martin Sheen is suddenly standing there looking ominous, Servo busts out with “Bus Taker!” right as we see Sheen and as the bus leaves the frame. Totally perfect timing.
My two favorite perfectly timed bits both come from Santa Claus:
1) Santa reads a letter from a little boy asking for a baby brother, and right as Santa starts his jolly laugh, Kevin chimes in with an overly-enthusiastic “Ho Ho Ho, can do!”
2) The creepy wind-up reindeer sequence. The bots’ slow transition between nervous laughter to abject terror is one of the single greatest moments in the entire series’ run.
Also, I think an honorary mention should go to every time a crappy movie quick cuts to a shot of a sunset, clouds, or thunder and lightning, and Kevin or Trace jump in with their angry deity voice: “ROGER, THIS IS GOD! PICK UP THE PACE!!!“
From Time Chasers:
Nick: Lisa, I only own–
Servo: One jar of mustard!
I’m very fond of non-sequitur riffs, no idea why.
From ‘The Beatniks’.
Eddy: (singing) “Love wears a mask…”
Tom: (singing) “A tight, leather mask.”
I think one of the best timed lines occurs all the way back in Season One with “The Crawling Hand”..
*lovely lady plays along the beach. landing in the sand, her face looms giant in front of our riffers*
“Hi, I’m Tom Servo”
..just as her expression turns to horror and she screams…
and the other I will offer up is from Prince of Space –
*ship blows up”
“Oh the inanity!” “Oh the Japanity!”
From “Parts: The Clonus Horror”, the starting gun fires and George and Richard start doing push-ups:
“Uh, Guys, this is supposed to be the 50-yard dash?”
“A little something for the ladies…”
“Its missionary position practice!”
Love that one.
This one is impossible to answer. The reason this series was popular was because every episode had a number of perfect riffs at the perfect time. That’s the reason MST3K fans love this show.
THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE
When the evil scientist concludes his discussion, “There are… ways…” The bots do a diabolical laugh as he starts up the stairs, then when he suddenly turns to look back, “Ways.”
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
“HAHAHAHAHA – !”
“… sorry.”
Monster a Go-Go
* long tense silence during which man takes cup of coffee to his lips *
“… It’s about Frank, isn’t it?!”
* massive group spit take *
The Girl in Lover’s Lane is my favorite episode because almost all of the riffs stem from lines in the movie as opposed from purely observational riffs. The camera 3 joke is a hoot but my favorites are when Big and Carrie are hugging by the pool that makes rings when you throw rocks in it.
Big: mmmmm, you smell like hash browns.
Carrie: I always wanted to be nuzzled by a hobo.
Or when Carrie’s dad is drunk and Big is disgusted.
Dad: Come on drifter, drift!
So many… *drifts away chuckling*
I too like this riff
But I believe they are referring to a guy named U Thant
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_Thant