Have we ever had a WDT of “Name your MST3K bar or restaurant”?
I would have a bar called Beer on the Sun, kind of a weird Canadian/Jimmy Buffet hybrid. Then again, “Beer on the Sun” is pretty much my answer for everything.
What would your pick be?
|
 |
Weekend Discussion Thread: Your MST3K-Themed Restaurant or BarAn alert reader suggests:
87 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your MST3K-Themed Restaurant or Bar”Commenting at Satellite News
We are determined to encourage thoughtful discussion, so please be respectful to others. We also provide an "Ignore" button ( Comments are closed. |
|
Satellite News is a fan site for the Mystery Science Theater 3000 television and Netflix series. It is an independent publication written and compiled by Chris Cornell (msampo@aol.com) and Brian Henry (erhardt4@aol.com). Satellite of Love, LLC does not maintain this web site, nor is it responsible for this site's content.
All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2024 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2024 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
|
) to help our users cope with "trolls" and other commenters whom they find annoying. Go to our
I’d have one themed after Santa Claus. Why, every day is Christmas at Santa’s Enchanted Wonderland Pizzeria! Have underage, multi-ethnic stereotypes bring your pizzas to you while animatronic reindeer perform (ie – laugh creepily) at you from onstage. Pitch will occasionally make the rounds to interact and cause trouble with the guests, but order a thick chocolate Santa Shake to help keep him away from your table! And every hour on the hour, Santa and Merlin will pop out and make the rounds. After a day at Santa’s Enchanted Wonderland Pizzeria, Freddie Fazzbear’s won’t seem nearly as creepy….
I’d go with the apparently obvious “EAT”. But I’d expand it into an open-plan, with the kitchen visible between the dining area and the bar (kitchen would be VERY convenient to the bar.)
The evening’s entertainment would be watching the cook go between the kitchen and the bar, with gentlemen’s bets on where he would actually spend more of his time. A few lucky ones would get a chance to drink with the cook, and listen to his sad tale of how his daughter abandoned him to go to LA and eventually marry some pansy guitar-playing ex-draft-dodger.
(I probably wouldn’t make it in the restaurant business.)
WAFFLE HOUSE!!!
Oh, wait. That’s been done.
TORGO’s PIZZA DELIVERY
We will get it there in thirty hours or less or it’s free! Beverage included with large pizza, but may require extra delivery time.
Why, the Monster-A-Go-Go, of course! With dull gray lighting, watered-down cocktails, and a big surprise…
There is no monster.
I’d go to “Eat”, but only for the poetry slam on Wednesdays.
‘Mitchell’s! Munch Motel’
a bar/restaurant/hotel for the heavy drinker/heavy eater/heavy sleeper in all of us!
strategically located near a livestock ranch there’s always plenty o’ meat ready for deep fat fryin’ with 747s full of more flown in daily!
not in to large deep fried 9 course meals? ‘Beat it Kid!!’ ooorr head down to our quaint and dimly lit bar with both fresh and used beers on tap!
had a little too much of both and the ol’ tickers not gonna make it through the night? no worries! we got plenty of fold out couches out back complete with Playboys and baby oil for that ‘special moment.’
Come on down to Johnny Longbow’s and try out his world famous stew. Now with better tasting rattle, err ‘I mean’ chicken and TVs on every table.
Rheton Bar and Grill. Synthesized bread food served up by old dudes in dresses.
‘Mitchell’s!Munch Motel’ should not be confused with the ‘Geronimo’s Gulp n’ Gorge Grotto’ which tragically went out of business back in the ’80’s after a mob of angry Maltese women tore it down.
Based on Mole People, I would open a restaurant called A Taste of Sumeria, specializing in mushroom and goat meat stew. Our low lighting is both romantic and prevents blindness in our eye sensitive staff. If you don’t feel the kitchen staff is doing a good job, tell our special guards who will gladly flog them. Don’t flirt with the waitresses; they have a habit of dying suddenly if they get too affectionate with the customers.
The Gamera Damerung!
With floor entertainment from Crow yelling “Mein Leibershazen Turtle! (spl?)” Tom will save the day with his Deus Ex Machina.
More importantly, this place is very sweet, it is filled with Turtle Meat, YOU will be eating Gamera!
Come on down, parking in the back!
The Longbow Lounge
BOGGY CREEK CAFE
Beans and Balogna sandwiches a specialty!
Little Creatures eat FREE on Tuesday
Romantic evening firelight dining
No Shirt – No Problem, Tim
Satellite of Food….or the trendy new bar Deep 13.
A dive bar on the edge of town called “City Limits.”
You could also have a 50’s themed restaurant closed “Daddy-O” that has a authentic stupid jerk…I mean soda jerk and serves hamburger sammiches and soda pop.
Lobo’s Lounge, Happy Hour Special Yucca Sunrise.
Bela’s Boom Boom Room, Headliner’s Michele and Joanie.
The Sky Dive, If you say “I like coffee.” You’ll love our Irish Coffee.
Come on down to Jack Ruby’s! Drink and dine with the cast of ‘What’s My Line.’ Flip any girl in the house! Smoke your brains out! Enjoy Happy Hour specials and striptease dancing in a grainy 60s milieu every Wednesday from noon to 4. Hang with the squares out front or go back stage for a private party with one of our hard-faced, 40-something dancers. Party with two and watch ’em wrestle! Jack Ruby’s – so wildly sleazy you’ll feel trapped in another dimension! (Please drive carefully.)
For a taste of the past come on down (via Time Chasers Airline) to Mrs. Kruschev’s diner
and eatery for that fifties hamburger sammich and coke taste sensation. Dessert? Stop off at
Fingol and Rick’s for yummy flavo-fives. But get there early on all-you-can-eat buffet
Tuesday’s to beat the Chairman to the spread.
Let’s keep it simple. My place would be a minimalist establishment inspired by The Leech Woman.
It would be called BAR.
You could order SANDWICH and have DRINK.
Not much ART in BAR.
COUPLE would be on way to BAR.
Come to BAR in CITY!
I’d have a cute little cafe called “Eating with Death,” although Death would be noticeably absent and never much of a threat. There would be lots of TURKEYS, Cupcakes for dessert, and if you want to talk to the manager, Robert Denby, you’re outta luck ’cause he’s so elusive.
Mine would be called “The Incredibly Strange Place That Stopped Selling Women’s Shoes and Became a Sensibly Priced Restaurant”.
Floor show at 9 pm. We apologize if our food gives you nightmares. Please see Ortega and receive a damp, wrinkled coupon for your next visit.
“Dopple”. The latest and greatest in dining experimentation. Find yourself transferred into the body of a baboon who eats maruba fruit. Or a stallion, who can be led to water. Or a stupid, repulsive…
Ahem… um… anyway…
The best part is, by the time you return to your body, and head home for the night, you haven’t really eaten a thing. Great for those on a weight-loss plan.
Mitchell’s on the Corner. Come on down for another Wednesday night at Mitchell’s. Schlitz on tap served in commemorative Dick Butkus glasses. Baskets of complimentary oranges on every table; potato cakes in the ash trays. Chilled soup and sour cream burritos (served by the half-dozen) are the specialities of the house. Oh, and try the heroin–that’s for dessert!
Come on by Eegah’s Diner! We have burgers made with only the freshest ingredients (give or take a few millennia) and the best homestyle fries around. And don’t leave before you try one of our delicious malts, topped with our own hand-whipped shaving cream. It’s a blast for the whole family!
I’d have a BBQ restaurant with Torgo as the manager, named “Smoke on the Weirdo”.
:-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D
Torgo’s.
He takes care of the place while The Master is away but there’s no reason why he can’t also try to turn a profit by opening a modestly priced bed and breakfast. Come sleep on the filth-encrusted couch, place bets on which wife will win the daily wrestling match, and enjoy tasty stews based on whatever Torgo found rotting by the road recently.
Just off the main exit, close to The Valley Lodge! Remember, you can visit Torgo, but don’t bring your American Express…
Welcome to Abby’s Some Bar! Mosey on up and enjoy a nice ice-cold shaken Tripolidine that’ll make ya start seein’ Ben Murphies! NO KARAOKE! NO STAGE NIGHT! On the grill t’night we’re offerin’ the Elusive Robert Denby Special! Find out why it’s so elusive!
#4 Jay: Just decline the crazy bread, politely.
Come down to Lobster Boy
“Where it’s all you can eat me!” :-P
Satellite of Lunch, duh. Try the charbroiled Stinkburger sammich with French fried potatoes garnish. It stinks! You’ll never guess the secret ingredient in our tangy Gizmonic sauce, because it changes daily. Then in the evening relax with an overpriced mixed drink or three in the Deep 13 lounge. Friday is public domain karokey night!
The Zap Shack
Don’t go to the Creeping Terror Lounge.
The service is extremely slow, the music is monotonous and you have to assist the waiter by crawling directly into it’s mouth.
DOWN TO EARTH
(Featuring the nouveau cuisine of Chef Colin Firth)
Menu –
Hamdingers
Braunsweiger Melt
Bowl of White Rice (with large spoon)
Ram Chip appetizers have been discontinued
The Restaurant of Terror!
Come and slurp down raspberry soda after raspberry soda, served to you by our perky 40 y/o staff. Be sure to stop by on Friday nights where we showcase live dissections right in the dining room, and be sure to stop by the arcade and play some pinbolus. Half-priced wheelbarrows full of hotdogs for the kids!
Welcome to “Time of the Grapes” Wine and Cheese Bar! All of our bar backs are Silverbacks, all of our bartenders are named “Johnny,” and if it’s not what you ordered, they DON’T CARE. And hey- check it out! Little Pepe is all grown up now and we’ve given him a job mopping up your spills. During the daytime we’ll serve anyone, but after 9pm it becomes a General Gaybar.
There’s a little roadhouse on a river near my town, I’d buy it and change it to the “Where the Fish Lives” bar and grill. We’d mainly serve fried fish, but we’d still have peanuts on the table (boy, I hope I said “peanuts”), and for those who don’t want fish, we’d have our own special hot wings, in Mild, Hot, Flaming, and The Touch of Satan heat levels. And we’re a family joint, so feel free to bring grandma down, as long as she leaves her pitchfork at home.
I’d open up “Bar”, so people could come in and have sandwich.
Hi-Keeba!
Oh, as for what I would name my bar….let me think about that.
Maybe I’d just recreate the Moon Bar from Moon Zero 2. Complete with low gravity on the dance floor.
Rock and Roll Martian
A family restaurant on the order of a Red Robin’s where a cymbal monkey determiner’s your fate…err. tells you when your table is ready. Random 80’s posters and things from previous establishments adorn the walls.
Make sure to check out the fish tank.
Mondays: 1/2 off all Merlin’s Hop products off.
Tuesday nights: Kids eat free and children of all ages can enjoy the magic of that great old Wizard, Merlin, and when the “power” goes out can take part in an ice cream eating contest.
Wednesdays: after 7 P.M., come have your fortune read by our friendly psychic.
Thursdays: If your name is Thomas your first appetizer is free.
Friday nights: Come enjoy our Captain and Tennille cover band and the all you can eat seafood buffet with plenty of drawn butter.
Saturday Mornings: Come hear Grampa Borgnine’s latest fairy tale from his children’s book collection while you enjoy our home style breakfast. Funny cartoons and 80’s Japanimation will also be shown.
All online reviews of the restaurant seem to have been written by an angry man trapped in an infants body, but the trolls have taken care of that.
Please no pets allowed, unless they are service animals.
Don’t worry we are up to code in fire safety.
It’s always a wonderful time at R&R Martian. YOUR Birthday parties are WELCOME.
My restaurant would be the Munch and Guzzle, with all your Russo/Finnish/Swedish/Norwegian favorites. Roasted pig and goose giblets would certainly be on the menu, as would a variety of items made with wild mushrooms. For an American twist, our soup of the day would be Yankee bean soup. Our weird appetizers would include whole onions, but our customers would be required to eat them outside. Finally, because I am part Norwegian, we would feature lutefisk.
(It was either that or open a New Mexican restaurant featuring green chile stew, but Johnny Longbow beat me to that.)
For very well cooked food come to Rod’s Crash and Burn. Located conveniently outside Citrusville by The Turd Museum. Around here your lunch goes Blleeeaaahhhh…
The Diamond Head Bar & Grill
Three product specific Servo vending machines in the waiting area… (peanuts, sour balls, & Chiclets)
Personalized autographed photos of Roy Thinnes at every booth. Extremely personalized, as in, “Welcome to table seven.”
Stone fireplace with the obligatory pair of brass Crow andirons.
The MST3K “Mythos Menu” is twelve pages of laminated puns and deliciousness.
:coffee: :plate:
the soul takeout. would be southern soul food made into rings.
I almost forgot; it’s the RAM chips that are served with Gizmonic dipping sauce. And sorry, we’re all out of hamdingers.
If you know a good artisan blacksmith, I just got an idea for an Etsy store.
Sounds kinky! Maybe he’ll do a sexy dance & remove his shell, first. :evilgrin:
There’s gotta be a big poster near the dance floor for Bowl of Ice Cream
Don’t you mean walnuts? :-)
Lost Continent Grill. Unique house drinks: the Circus On Ice, the Catalina Caper, the Atomic Brain. Appetizer: Onion Ring(s) Of Terror, Mighty Jack Cheese Nachos. Chef Specials: A Hamburger And Some Nice French Fried Potatoes, Amazing Colossal Sampler Platter.
Come to Sid’s Malt Closet for some cool and yummy treats & a haircut. Get a perm and you get the “Gila Monster Special” absolutely free: A yummy burger made with real Gila Monster meat (takes like chicken), fries & your choice of either sodie pop or a “Blue Floyd” malt (made with real Barbacide)!
Watch non-stop alcoholism PSAs on our TV as you eat while Old Man Harris & The Sheriff provides the vaudeville show. Our in-house D.J., Steamroller Smith provides the rockin’ tunes with a car horn for you to shake, shake, shake your forbidden parts!
There’s an auto body shop/towing business out back where a saintly, dorky but rather handsome guy named Chase will fix your car. Stay clear of him, however, when if he starts singing-whenever-he-sings about “Sad Mushrooms” & “laughing children”.
Stay clear of the yellow puddles as well, they’re not for drinking.
….and watch out for hulking grumpy rich old jerks in black robes *shivers*.